Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Buck Meets Hercules

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (page 2).]

[This was in response to it being pointed out that Buck and Chaim have seen miracles, recognized them as absolutely positively the work of God, and still only vaguely believe.]

“Cameron! Give me a smile on this historic day!”

Buck was about to try, but in that moment the ground beneath his feet began to shift. he stepped back and earth shot upward. He found himself on the ground, dirt and small rocks falling on him. Chaim was standing, staring slack jawed at -- what the hell was that thing?

Buck shouted, "Chaim get down!" but it was too late, the writhing mass of giant serpents had seen his friend, and all Buck had done was notify them of his presence as well. One knocked Chaim onto his back, while another latched onto Buck's leg. Not hard enough to damage, but more than enough to make escape impossible. Soon Buck was dangling upside down, staring into the foul smelling mouth of a serpent moments away from devouring him and Chaim, still on his back, was looking up into the eyes of a serpent ready to strike.

Buck was sure that he wouldn't live to see the rest of the tribulation when suddenly Hercules charged into the mass of serpents. With one stroke of his sword the serpent threatening Buck was decapitated, Hercules spun and sliced and so too was the one threatening Chaim. Another spin, another slice, and Buck fell to the ground, the serpent holding him falling to Hercules' sword.

Buck crawled backward, watching the spectacle. From the bloody stumps of the serpents' necks new heads arose in a hideous display. Two heads in place of each one sliced off. Hercules cried out, "Iolaus, I need that torch!" while he faced the 12 heads trying to slow the beast without decapitating it again.

Soon Iolaus arrived with a torch to close the hydra's wounds before new heads could emerge and after a short battled the beast had been slain. The heroes' jobs finished, they went on their way.

In the aftermath Jimmy Borland, religious editor for Global Weekly, approached Buck and Chaim, "So, Hercules is real," he began. He never got a chance to finish.

"Well I wouldn't go that far," said Chaim.

"All I can say is that some kind of demigod did something here today," Buck added. "Sort of."

[The original version of this erroneously mentioned a "writing mass of giant serpents" which I still think is an awesome typo.]


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