Friday, October 7, 2011

Edith and Ben - Would you believe?

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

This was a failed attempt to adapt Maxwell Smart's "Would you believe?" routine* to Twilight. I believe that the reason it doesn't really work is because Max is trying to convince someone of something impressive and forced to back off in the direction of mundane reality whereas for Twilight the idea would be to try to convince someone of something unimpressive and backing off would mean saying increasing outlandish things.

Plus the only claim so far is where Edward was standing. Anyway, this was the attempt:


I stood in the parking lot and worked out where I had been standing and where she had been standing. I ran as fast as I could from the first to the second. I timed it. I did it again. And again. The results stayed pretty much the same.

"What are you doing?" Edith asked.

I flinched, startled. I'd thought I'd been alone. For a moment I wasn't able to think and all I managed to say was, "What?"

"Why are you running back and forth in the school parking lot on a Saturday?"

I considered lying, of course, it seemed a natural response. But I never liked lying and I was trying to do less of it. So I told the truth, "I'm trying to understand what happened when you saved me from the van."


"And it's impossible. There's no way you could have gotten to me in time. What happened couldn't have happened. It makes no sense." I think my frustration came through more than somewhat.

"There are any number of perfectly rational explanations," She said.

"Such as?" I asked.

"Such as..." she took a moment to visibly think it over. "I was standing right next to you," she said. "Would you believe it? Right next to you."

"I don't believe it."

"Would you believe one car over?"


"How 'bout three cars and a running start?"

And that's when I laughed.


*Max: "I happen to know that at this very moment seven coast guard cutters are converging on this boat. Would you believe it? Seven."

Mr. Big: "I find that pretty hard to believe."

Max: "Would you believe six?"

Mr Big: "I don't think so. "

Max: "How about two cops in a rowboat?"


One last thing. At Ana Mardoll's Ramblings hapax responded to the original post with this piece of awesome. Go there. Read it. You will not be disappointed.


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