Wednesday, December 20, 2017

I've given myself a concussion again

To speed recovery from concussions, you avoid screens, so I'm just going to copy and paste from a comment at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings:

Last night I hit a low hanging pipe* because I'm the only one in the house tall enough for the pipe to be a hazard so there's no need for anyone else to acknowledge it exists, much less warn people about it.

Point of impact was my forehead. It was, hands down, the hardest I have ever been hit** in the front of my head. Not only did my head get banged but my fucking shoulders felt it when inertia was suddenly carrying them in a different direction than the rest of my body. At least, I think that's why my shoulders felt it.

Given the shoulders thing, it should come as no surprise that my spine also raised objection. I felt the individual vertebrae (which are normally indistinguishable for me) go, "What the fucking FUCK!?"

And, for all of that, I seemed to come away unscathed.

I didn't mention it to anyone at the time because, after consideration, I didn't see the point given how stressed out everyone else had been and the fact that, it being over, there didn't seem to be anything that could be done.

Lonespark is right that I should have known better.

So here is where things stand: It's the next morning and it feels worse than it did at the time. Moreover, it's a different kind of bad. Signs point to possible concussion. Also, who knows what's up with my neck and upper back portion of my spine.

[Massive edit]

Concussion confirmed, sort of, in spite of the difficulty of getting a diagnosis where my insurance doesn't exist.  Long version of the part of the previous  sentence that comes after the comma:

MaineCare basically doesn't exist outside of Maine.  Exceptions are technically possible, but I haven't met one yet.  As a result the urgent care people, who were largely unhelpful and merely confirmed that what's going on with my head isn't worse than a concussion, had to be paid out of pocket.  Not my pocket because that things empty.  Lonespark provided the money which was, if I remember correctly, $169.

I wish I could pay that back, but I can't.  In fact, things were worse than I realized because in my struggle to pay off the non-usual expenses I neglected about $130 dollars of usual ones.  That's taken care of now, but it means that when previous calculations would have me well on my way to paying the property insurance (which I've lost track of: I think it was ten dollars less than usual so that would be $278, but I'm not sure) I actually have only about ten dollars to put towards it right now.

[/massive edit]


On the broken fucking record front, for anyone who wants to help probably all you can do is send me money. It'll take a major part of the stress off and also mean that I won't be looking at a screen (screen time slows recovery) as much since one of the main drivers of screen time at the moment is the panicked frenzy of trying to figure out how to make it through December.

In theory, if I make it through December the months long train wreck will be over. In practice . . . no clue.

Paypal can be used to send me money via my email address cpw [at] maine [dot] rr [dot] com. This method is preferred. There's also a donate button in the upper right corner of Stealing Commas. Patreon won't help me in the least right now*** since it won't pay out until month end, but unlike paypal it doesn't utterly fail when it comes to monthly payments. It's here.


* A big sturdy metal one that would make for an overpowered melee weapon if you cut it into a length short enough to wield, definitely could stop the strongest sword, the sharpest sword, and whatever sword had the perfect placement between "strongest" and "sharpest".

** Well, technically the front of my head was doing the hitting while the pipe did what TV Tropes calls a "No Sell".

*** But in the long run makes this bullshit less likely.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Regularly Scheduled Finance Post

First off, updates from the things on the emergency post:

I was able to make the minimum order on heating oil.  The oil I had ran out before it was delivered and I wasn't there to bleed the line to get the furnace restarted, but my sister was on hand and got it started before the temperature dropped to "Pipes freeze; Everyone dies" levels.

So that's one disaster averted.

The other thing is the property insurance.  I've managed to get wiggle room of the property insurance.  So that's not averted but postponed.


Second, where things stand now:

It is my rough estimate (rounding so no cents, certain things involved were ballpark figures) that I need $464 by year's end and about a hundred of them before the the 23rd of this month.

Come January I'm in fresh start territory.  Sort of.  Not like I've been saving up for the coming non-monthlies, but the first of those isn't until February so there's some time.

Basically, if I make it through December this months long financial train wreck will be over.  My computer has been repaired, though it'll be over a week before I'm in the same place as it, meaning that I don't need to buy a new warranty like I would if they'd deemed it irreparable.  The warranty, though, expires soon so the next time something goes wrong with the computer I might be forced to buy a new computer at full price.  So . . . that's a thing.

Not planning on breaking my ankle in three places again, so the other major cause of all this will, let us hope, not recur.

There are still structural problems, but they take some time to build up to the point of catastrophic and hopefully they can be dealt with before then.


Short version: all of the previous crap has left me around $464 short this month, but if I can get through this month I should be over the last after effects of all the previous crap.

Paypal button is in upper right-hand corner, though if you have a paypal account and are paying from your paypal balance or your linked bank account it's actually better for me (I get 100% of your donation, no fees) if you send the money using my email: cpw [at] maine [dot] rr [dot] com.

If you want to make recurring monthly donations, Paypal has always failed to do them right, but I have a Patreon account set up to do that.  (Plus, they decided not [yet] to go through with the horrible fee structure change.)

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Emergency early finance post OR Oh my fucking God, I need heating oil now!

The good news: I am not, at this present second, out of heating oil.  The bad news: I'm close enough to out of heating oil that I could be by the end of the day and my sister thought I was out yesterday because the gauge is that close to empty.

This is, of course, a horrible time to buy heating oil, but one might recall that for the past several months I've been in an utter panic about one protracted financial disaster that wasn't heating oil related.

In fact, in the document where I keep track of my finances, heating oil has been listed under "Sword of Damocles" for some months now.  Before this particular cycle of financial panic, there had never been a "Sword of Damocles" category.

If I want to fill the tank it'll be around $469.80 depending on the fluctuations between now and when it's filled and also how much (really how little) is left in the tank.  It's a two hundred gallon tank, so if I wanted to get a hundred gallons and hope for the best when it runs low again it'd be half that.  150 gallons is my usual order, which would be three quarters that.

In addition to heating oil, the insurance (which you may recall I lost track of when it was due) has finally come up.  Sort of.  I totally forgot to take into account the fact that when I'm paying something by giving cash to someone else it means that the two of us need to be in the same place at the same time.  As such I kind of need it circa ten days early.  So before the tenth.  So right fucking now.  That's usually $288 but it's lower for some reason, (maybe the property depreciated?) so it's $27[?] with the [?] there because this computer has a habit of crashing when I would really rather it not.

As, for example, right after I finished typing the last sentence.  Because apparently it has a sense of drama.

Oh, and this is also a horrible time to buy a bus ticket, so I could really use $20 to $30 dollars there.  In a real hurry.

So, that's anywhere from around $540 to around $777.  Yay.

I said, I'm pretty sure, that oil and property insurance were the last things before I was officially through the protracted financial catastrophe and out on the other side, but I never really ran the numbers on them, and thus never quite had an adequate sense of continued panic.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Computer Update

When I sent out my computer it was with four concerns two of which definitely required replacement parts (cheap easy to replace ones), one of which probably did, and one of which was entirely unknown.

That was 15 days ago.  They said it would probably take two weeks and, in fairness, it usually does.

Them giving updates leads to some questions (like: how the fuck did it take you three whole days just to get it out of the box it was shipped in?  You people picked the box and packed it yourself; why not do it in such a way you can unpack it without calling in the jaws of life!?) and awareness that the way the log information is odd (when they discover something which causes them to do something, they log doing the thing some fifteen to twenty minutes before logging the discovery that prompted the doing) as well as some frustration.

They knew, abso-fuckingly-lutely sure, that two parts needed to be replaced before they even received the damned thing.  Why, then, wait a week to put in the order for parts?  Better still, why does deciding to get parts which they have on hand stop all work on the machine and knock it back to the wrong end of the queue?

"Good news, we already had the parts that we needed to keep on working and it only took half an hour for them to get from storage to where they can be used to complete your repair.  It's all set up and ready to be fixed now, don't you worry.

"By the way, everyone working on fixing your machine has been indefinitely reassigned and it'll take us two days to find someone new to work on it.  Have fun!"

Since when is the appropriate response to, "We'll have to wait half an hour," "Let's take two days off!"?

In fairness, again, of the 15 days my computer has been gone, they've actually been nominally trying to fix it for . . . almost four hours.  by their own accounting.  I have no proof that they were actually working for all of the time they say they were working, but I'm trusting, so they get the benefit of the doubt.

Also to lend fairness, they did eventually notice a part that they didn't have in stock, and for the past 4 days they've been waiting for it.  That's time when they, at least theoretically, couldn't work on the computer.  There was also the time it took to actually reach the service center.  So of the 15 days my computer has been gone, the service center has only been "working" on it for six days.

That works out to a whole 40 minutes of work put in per day.

Truly I feel that they are working hard to fix my machine.

~ ~ ~

This computer needs to be tethered.  I think that it's lost the ability to interact with the battery, but it could be that the internals are ok and the battery is just so fucking dead that it registers as not even being a battery.  Part of me wants to try replacing the battery even though I don't really have money to spend on such a thing, but:
a) That might not accomplish anything if it really is the computer, not the battery, that's the problem, and:
b) This computer is slow as all fuck.

If I have several tabs open in chrome then the computer turns into a slide projector.  It's really, really frustrating.

I can't do much of anything interesting, which you would think might spur on my lagging creativity, but the tethered thing keeps me basically tied to the chair.  I can go as far as the floor in front of the chair, but unless I'm willing to leave the computer entirely that's the limit.

It's often the case that I'm not willing to leave the computer entirely or I am willing, but the creative thing in question demands I be able to use a computer.  (A lot of my ideas require me to be able to do a quick internet search from time to time, for example.)

As a result I've been literally sedentary.  ("Sedent" means "Sitting".)

I have a better (ish) computer that I can use, but it has its own problems that lead to its own unpredictable no-time-to-save crashes.  At the moment that's a bigger frustration than being tethered and having everything be slow as fuck.

Anyway, my energy drains away as much as my creativity already has and everything seems to just become a mass of hopelessness.

Though, on the bright side, someone used my Amazon wishlist to get me an awesome blue lego dragon, which I have put together.  When the Lego Elves line started releasing dragons I allowed myself the indulgence of getting the orange one, so all I need to do is dig that up and the two can play.

So that's where things stand.

Figured an update was in order.

Signing out.

Monday, November 27, 2017

A new Amazon wishlist

So it is becoming increasingly apparent that at some point in the near future I will require those things that hang under hanging plants to stop the water from drenching whatever the plant is hanging over, on account of the one that I end up facing every day being on the verge of tearing itself apart and spilling planty water everywhere.

These things are apparently known as "Hanging Basket Drip Pan"s.

And I remembered that I had an Amazon wishlist or six.

I'd actually been thinking about making use of this fact to see if anyone felt like getting me books related to surreal numbers.  So I cleaned up some things, ignored the festering mess in others, and made it so that anyone who wants to can get me the hanging basket drip pans I need.

I present a new, simple, wishlist.  On it you will find:

Things to contain plant water, Lego Elves, surreal numbers, Sappho, PS4 games moved from the (now-deleted) list I made when I was on my back --with my broken foot elevated-- and using a controller was the only thing that separated me from death via boredom, one Wii U game and . . . that covers it.

Lots of Lego Elves.  It's said that people should have goals.  I don't know who says it, but I've heard it said that it is said.  I have many, but here's one I don't think I've put on Stealing Commas yet: I want to have so many Legos that I can follow the directions and make massive original creations of the basement filling scale seen in The Lego Movie.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Computer failure

I'm currently backing up primary computer because it has lost the will to wireless.  It assures me that there is nothing wrong with its ability to wireless.  It says the wireless is merely turned off and that explains all problems.  As for why the wireless capability can't turn on and attempting to do it will get a couple seconds of, "I'm totally turning on now," followed by inexplicably turned off again . . . the computer directs me to the internet.  Which it doesn't get.

So wonder and merriment there.  I was going to have to take it in anyway.  Seemingly cosmetic damage to the case has proven to be more insidious by making it so the cord won't stay in unless everything is just so, leading to running out of battery when I thought I was running off of the cord.

It's been running hot, which is never good for a computer.

When they fixed it last time they forgot that the operating system was on a solid state drive.  They forgot that the drive existed entirely, which led to a period when I thought (and they thought) they stole it.  Though they called it disposing of a non-covered part even though the fact that the computer had and OS SSD was in the computer's fucking name that showed up on all documentation and . . .

Might be getting a bit carried away there.  I was actually using this computer at the time.  When I booted it up I found a conversation in which I was talking about how I was taking to the Kingdom Hearts series, which I got into playing because it's really hard to be laying on your back with your thrice broken foot elevated while computer gaming, but that set up is fucking ideal for a console and controller.  Thus, for the first time in my life, I had a console and controller, thus, for the first time in my life, I could play Kingdom Hearts.

There's a reason I haven't used this computer since then.  It's someone else's castoff, it has more or less zero power, and as far as it is concerned it has no battery.  Even the most momentary interruption in the corded power supply and it dies.  Plus, the "zero power" thing means it's slow as fuck.

Anyway, primary computer is not functioning as primary computer.  I'm backing it up.  Then I shall take it away and either:
a) Have it sent away to be maybe-fixed, or
b) Be given the money I paid for it in store credit which, somehow, never seems to be enough to pay for a replacement, and also requires me to buy a new warranty.

Until I have a primary computer, posting will likely be spotty.

~ ~ ~

Normally today would be finances day.  Key points:

  • I will make it through the month
  • It is therefore the case that heating oil and property insurance (each can be expected to be between two and three hundred dollars) are the major financial hits left to cope with.
  • More detail forthcoming when I don't spend all day looking for some kind of computer-type-device that has an associated cord.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

The trolley car problem

[Spoken by a professor to a class]

So we'll start out by considering an old standard.

There's a train.  There are people on the train.  Say a hundred, maybe a bit more, maybe a bit less.  Could be a hundred plus the square root of pi, could be ten.  The point is, train: people on it.

This train is about to go over a bridge on one of two tracks.  Track A.  The clouds part or light glints off the water in just the right way or . . . whatever, and you suddenly notice absolute and undeniable proof that Track A is borked.  Really borked.  Inescapably borked.  It is so borking borked that it might as well be Richard Nixon's first Supreme Court nominee of 1987.

If the train goes on Track A there will --not might, will-- be a catastrophic bridge failure killing any people on the train.  And remember there are people on the train.  About a hundred, or maybe it was ten, or eight point five.

Fortunately there's Track B which is supported by an entirely different truss.

And you, as contrived happenstance would have it, are at the ideal position to switch the train to Track B thus saving everyone one the train from completely certain death.

Unfortunately there are people standing on Track B.  The whole reason that the train is taking Track A is because Track B is closed for scheduled maintenance.  The very sort of maintenance that could have prevented this whole mess if it had been done to Track A.

At the moment Track B is fully functional, and structural tests have passed, so it can totally be used to safely transport the train.  However, since everyone knows that the train is taking Track A, the workers have been ignoring the telltale signs (notably sounds and vibrations) of an oncoming train.  The first thing they did when arriving was check that the rail was switched so the train would go on Track A and they did another check when they first noticed the train.

If you switch the track they will not be prepared and some of them will die.  How many?  However many are on the track.  One is good if there's ten people on the train, so by comparison ten is good if there are a hundred, but one works just as well.  Ten is not good if there are eight point five people on the train.  There are most definitely fewer people on Track B than there are on the train.

Notice, please, that all ideas about responsibility and accountability and such are shoved to the side.  The bridge inspector is not in this hypothetical, neither is whoever put you at the right place to switch the track without consultation.  Are you here because of coincidence, providence, because it's your job to decide who lives and who dies in such unlikely scenarios?  Don't know.  Don't care.

The point is that you have a choice to make.  You didn't notice until it was too late to get anyone's attention, and even if you did the workers won't have time to get out of the way and the train definitely won't have time to stop.  Switch the track or don't switch the track.  That is the whole of your universe because other options, numerous though they would intuitively seem to be, do not exist.

The question, therefore, is this:

In the next ten minutes, how many problems can you spot in this bullshit scenario?  How many holes can you poke in the set up?  How many ways can you take down the entire concept of bringing this up in a scathing screed?

Get into small groups, no more than five, talk amoungst yourselves, and see what develops.  Feel free to be creative, some variations on this hypothetical involve shooting people with a train so it's not like liberties haven't been taken before.

This is your very first assignment, welcome to Ethical Philosophy 101, do not confuse it with The Philosophy of Ethics 101 which is down the hall and to the left.  Get to work.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Early Finance Post (Money Begging)

Most of the ticking time bomb stuff has been dealt with.  There's about a hundred (a bit more) left that needs to be in by the end of December.  If you remember how bad things started, it's nothing short of a miracle that that's all that remains.

Other stuff, however, still exists.  And I'm not totally sure why having my "I" key break is messing up my ability to type several non-I letters.

Regardless, I'm thirty dollars short on taxes.  As in: not $29 and not $31 and traditionally we've been rounding taxes to an even dollar amount.  Sometimes in my favor, sometimes not.  In the bank I have . . . actually, let me check.  Well, that failed.  A couple payments don't go through until tomorrow.  I think that what remains should be about 60¢.  (I thought the line for cents was supposed to be vertical.)

The good news is that the bills that have yet to be paid are ones that don't come due until after the twentieth, so I've got a fortnight before things go bad.  I pay the taxes by proxy, and the proxy will be forgiving if the final thirty is late.  I try not to make use of that fact, though.

Also the oil is burning.  I've got about a quarter of a tank.  No idea when I'll have to buy more heat.

I'll have a fuller accounting on the regular day, but the taxes are due the day after that and between now and the 15th I'll be in a position to possibly go see a movie with Lonespark.  If, you know, money exists.  Which it doesn't.

So, basically, I'm just typing here so I can beg you for money to pay for movie tickets, maybe get the last thirty of taxes, and then I'll be back again to beg some more with more specific numbers in a week and a day.

Because that's the sort of person I am.

Or something like that.


The "H" key has been gone for so long that apparently I've forgotten how long it takes to adapt to the lack of a key.  Fucking "I" key falling off.

And I know the keyboard isn't trying to say hello to me in its own fucked up way, because you can't say, "Hi, Chris," without and "H" and an "I".

Friday, November 3, 2017

Stumbling Toward Redemption -- Chapter 1 (Equestria Girls)

[Originally posted at Fimfiction.]
[Picks up right after the climax of Equestria Girls, but you should be able to jump in with no prior knowledge.]

Quite a bit had been written about the Elements of Harmony, and the fact that most of what there was to read had been in the restricted sections of the library hadn't prevented Sunset Shimmer from reading everything she could.  By the time she finished theoretical works on what would happen in situations ranging from esoteric to exceedingly unlikely –like, say, if one were bring an Element of Harmony into an alternate world-- Sunset thought she'd known all there was to know.

Only now did she realize that there was one thing that had been very seriously lacking.

With Discord in stone and Luna banished to the moon there had never been a firsthand account of what it was like to be the target of the Elements.  Likewise there had been a distinct lack of speculation from third parties on what it would be like to to be caught up in a Harmony powered rainbow vortex with enough force to leave a giant crater in the ground.

Certainly nothing on what it was like to go from a demon to a powerless human as the magic of friendship tore through your body and turned it into something else.  Then again, the speculation on what would happen if one used an Element outside of its natural plane of existence hadn't been as accurate as she would have liked either.

She never planned on turning into a cackling monster who wouldn't hesitate to kill Twilight Sparkle, in spite of how infuriating the girl had become.

Regardless, it would have been nice if someone had bothered to even try to figure out what happened to the victims of the Elements' magic.  Maybe then she wouldn't have been quite so unprepared for what happened.

She hadn't just been turned back into a human.  She hadn't just been left steaming (or was it smoking?) in a giant crater.  No, those were the small changes.  The Elements had stripped her – left her bare, like an exposed nerve.  All of her illusions and rationalizations had been torn away and she was helpless under the crushing weight of everything she'd ever done.

She remembered every person, human or pony, she'd hurt and every time she'd hurt them.  She remembered every bit of perverse joy she'd taken in the suffering of others.  It had made her cry out about how sorry she was for everything.

At that point she was willing to do anything to change her life because it hurt.  Who she was hurt.  What she'd done hurt.  The kind of person she'd become hurt.  Everything she'd done since getting into this world and quite a few things from before then.  All of it hurt.

Of course, before Sunset could make it from Twilight to the girls who were supposed to teach her about friendship, Vice Principal Luna took Sunset away.  No one even noticed, their attention focused on the talking dog.

It had been surprising that Luna hadn't taken her to be punished right away.  Instead she brought Sunset to the school nurse, who had been one of the staff members supervising the dance.  Luna left to deal with Snips and Snails.  The nurse took Sunset to get her wounds disinfected.

She hadn't even known she had wounds, other things hurt too much for her to notice some scrapes.  Though when she looked in the mirror she was disturbed at how close the scrape running from her left forehead to the right side of her nose had come to touching her eye.

When that was over Luna kept Sunset, Snips, and Snails away from the other students in a sort of anti-dance detention.

And that was when it really started to sink in for Sunset exactly what it was like being redeemed by an Element of Harmony.

The moment had passed, sappy speeches about friendship were over, and now she had nothing.  All of her plans were for nothing and, beyond that, she was disgusted with herself for having made them in the first place.

The things she'd devoted her entire life to were . . . not things she wanted.  She hated herself for wanting them because every horrible thing she'd done had been done in pursuit of those things. She was Sunset Shimmer, the unicorn who didn't deserve to be an alicorn but demanded it nonetheless, the girl who didn't deserve power and couldn't be trusted with it anyway, the one who spent her life tearing others down because the only thing she wanted was to be on top.  And now she was where she belonged: at the bottom.

All that was left was pain.  The guilt over everything she'd done.  Hating herself for having done it.  In despair because she knew with all her heart and soul that she would never, ever make up for what she'd done.

* * *

When Luna returned she announced that the dance was over and the students had dispersed.  She looked over Sunset, Snips, and Snails and decided to split them up again.  She sent Sunset to wait at the school's entrance and took Snips and Snails with her.

Not all of the students had dispersed.  Five of them, five very specific ones, were saying goodbye to the resident alicorn princess.

Twilight looked right at Sunset, then asked the five, “You'll look out for her won't you?”


Also it made the hurt even deeper.  Sunset knew she didn't deserve it.  The person she'd tried to kill, even if she hadn't quite been herself at the the time, wanted to help her when she'd done nothing in her life that was worthy of that kind of help.

Sunset half hid herself behind part of the wall that was still standing, as if that would somehow make everything less bad.

Rarity said, “Of course we will,” then turned away somewhat, crossed her arms, and added, “although I do expect some sort of apology for last spring's debacle.”

Sunset hid even more of herself behind the wall.  She didn't even know why she bothered.  Rarity met her gaze with a glare just the same.  Sunset dropped her her head and wished she could just make herself stop feeling.

Sunset heard footsteps behind her, and turned as Twilight said, “I have a feeling she'll be handing out a lot of apologies.”

Luna was smiling, until she saw that Sunset was looking at her.  The smile quickly turned to a frown.  She handed Sunset a trowel.  Snips and Snails arrived with a wheelbarrow full of bricks and a bucket of mortar.

They were red bricks even though the wall had been more of a pink that looked almost purple in the moonlight.

Who even built a wall like this?  It was four bricks thick, which was a pretty standard thickness, but you didn't actually make the wall entirely out of bricks.  You made a wall out of cinder-blocks and then put one layer of bricks on either side, which, because cinder-blocks were designed to be brick compatible, meant a thickness equivalent to four bricks.

No one in their right mind would build the wall to a modern building by making it four literal bricks thick, yet here it was.

And when in Tartarus had Sunset learned so much about human masonry?

She sighed.  She'd been here so long.  Impossible to say exactly when she picked up that tidbit, but it didn't matter.  She wasn't an Equestrian anymore.  Somewhere along the way she'd become human, and somehow that included random information about building construction.

She could drop the trowel and make a break for the portal, which would be extremely ill advised since Twilight Sparkle had made it clear she was supposed to stay here, but if she got there she'd never fit in.  In a way she'd been lucky that she came to this world as a child.  She was more adaptable then.  By pony standards she was an adult now.  She probably couldn't completely shift gears and assimilate into a different culture again.

She had no home now, and somehow this revelation was tied to bricks and cinder blocks.

She'd already stared on her task.  Get some mortar, plop it down, smooth it out, drop a brick, smaller amount of mortar beside the brick, place the next brick, repeat until you ran out of horizontal mortar from the original plop.  Repeat.

It was simple.  Straightforward.  She was able to do it without thinking.  She embraced that.  She didn't like her thoughts.  She concentrated on the thoughtless process of laying the bricks.  She tried to will the entire rest of the world –two worlds really– into non-existence.  There was no pain in the motion of laying bricks.  No guilt.  No shame.  Nothing but the same thing, over and over again.

Sunset barely noticed when the portal closed, stripping the five of their pony parts and dumping Rainbow Dash on her butt.  She did take a bit more note when Pinkie Pie charged the portal and bounced off.

All that did was make her wonder if whoever brought the portal statue here was also responsible for the strange cinder-block-less wall.

Then she was back to focusing her entire being on the mindless repetition of laying bricks.  Plop, smooth, place.  Plop, smooth, place.

* * *

“Go home.”

Sunset heard the words, but she didn't really process them.  She plopped a mortar on the top row of bricks, smoothed it out, and laid a new brick down.

“I said: go home.”

Sunset looked at the source of the voice.  Vice Principal Luna.  She didn't respond.  She didn't care.  It was more peaceful doing this.  Things were easier if she didn't have to think or feel anything.

“Snips and Snails already ran away,” Luna said.  “I'm somewhat surprised you didn't leave with them.”

One of the things Sunset hadn't been able to tune out while bricklaying was the part where Snips and Snails made very clear that their relationship with her was over.

She hadn't felt anything at all.  Compared to how everything else felt, well, that was basically good, right?

Besides, what else would she have felt?  There was no surprise there.  They worked for her because she had power, without the power she had nothing to offer and they had no reason to associate with her.

It wasn't like they'd been friends or anything.

The more important issue had nothing to do with Snips and Snails.  It had to do with the fact that Luna was there and probably expected a response.

“I'm somewhat surprised you had bricks and mortar just lying around,” Sunset said.

“There was going to be a student project to rebuild one of the out buildings,” Luna said.  “It fell through.  The supplies have been wasting space for ages.  Go home, Sunset, you've done enough for now.”

Sunset had never heard of the project, the 'ages' during which the supplies had been wasting space must have lasted years.

Sunset looked at the pitiful progress she'd made and the giant hole in the wall.

“Wall's not even close to done,” She said. said.

“Of course it isn't,” Luna said.  “We'll talk more about that on Monday, but for now it's time for you to go home.”

Sunset sighed.  “Whatever you say.”  Sunset set down her trowel and walked away from the school.

She didn't make it very far.

* * *

“I don't want a ride home, Rainbow Dash,” Sunset said.  Again.  This was getting tiresome.

“Walking isn't safe!”

“Right,” Sunset said.  “I'm sure I'll run into a manticore and die.”

“Look, the Vice Principal obviously thought that keeping you under supervision until most students went home would protect you, but I've seen kids lurking around waiting for you to be alone.”

She so very much did not care.  The only thing she cared about right now was how aggravating it was to have Rainbow Dash going on about things she didn't care about.

“You've seen them lurking?” Sunset asked.  “Where are they now?”

“Just because the ones I spotted seem to have gone doesn't mean that they really have gone or that there aren't groups I didn't spot.  You're not safe.”

“I.  Don't.  Care.”

“How can you say that?”

“Look,” Sunset said, trying to see a way out of this, “if I'm so unsafe then being with me means you're not safe, so you should just go and leave me alone.

“It's just this once,” Rainbow  said.  “By Monday people will probably have calmed down.”

“Sure they will,” Sunset said, no attempt to hide how little she believed that.

“I'm not saying things will be good on Monday, but I don't think we'll have to worry about serious injury or death.”

“Because people are totally going to try to kill me tonight,” Sunset said.  God, this was annoying.

“They don't have to be trying to do something for them to actually do it,” Rainbow said.  “Most people don't realize how fragile bodies can be.”

“They can also be more resilient than people expect,” Sunset countered, but there was no force behind it.

“It works both ways, sure,” Rainbow conceded, “but– no.  That's not the point.  The point is that tonight I'm driving you home.”

“What if I run away?” Sunset asked.

“I'll catch you, and you know it.”

“So when you said you'd look out for me, you meant you'd run me down and tackle me in the street.”

“Maybe I'm concerned over nothing, maybe everyone really has gone home, but I'm not taking that chance,” Rainbow said.  “So tonight I'm willing to take extreme measures.”

“What if I refuse to tell you my address, or make you drive around in circles until you're out of gas?”

“What if I call in a favor and point out that you owe me for how you split up Applejack and I?”

“If you'd been better friends then it would have taken more than one–” it just slipped out on force of habit alone.  “Sorry!”

“You're forgiven if you agree to let me give you a ride.”

It was a better deal than she deserved, but there were still problems with it.  As she tried to figure out how to deal with them her stomach growled and she realized just how hungry she was.  That could possibly have the solution.

“I'll agree if you buy me something to eat,” Sunset said.  “I never had dinner.”

“You didn't eat!?”

Was that seriously all it took to shock Rainbow Dash?

“I was busy.  I had world domination to plan, I had to figure out how to plausibly break a magic portal without using magic, I had underlings to boss around, my schedule was full.”

“How would a sledgehammer have broken the portal anyway?  Wouldn't it just go right through?”

“You want to know, you provide food.”

“Twenty bucks, no more.”

“Is that before or after taxes?”

* * *

“Imagine that the portal didn't have a solid border around it,” Sunset said.

“Why?” Rainbow asked.

Sunset sighed.  It was that or groaning.  “Unless you want me to walk you through basic magic theory all the way up to inter-dimensional portals, which would be like teaching someone who didn't know math everything through calculus over complex numbers and differential equations in six dimensions, just imagine the portal didn't have a solid border.”


“Now that you've got that, you imagine someone walking in the general direction of the portal.  If they hit the portal, they go to Equestria with no more resistance than going through empty air.  If thy miss the portal, they stay in this world and are actually going through empty air.  Same resistance,” Sunset said.  Maybe if she kept on explaining obvious things she'd fall asleep.  That might be a nice change of pace.  “So, pop quiz, what happens if part of someone hits the portal and part doesn't?”

“Instant amputation?” Rainbow asked.

“Top of the class,” Sunset said.  “And that wouldn't just apply to people but to space-time itself, probability clouds, magnetic fields, atomic nuclei, and so forth.  All sorts of weird things would happen if such a thing existed.  As it turns out, nature really doesn't like that sort of frictionless cleft in reality and attendant impossibilities.  It doesn't allow such clefts to exist.”

“And we're going to get to the point . ? .”

“Open air portals naturally form borders of their own, often invisible, that prevent things from crossing directly at the portal edge.  That's good for them, but when dealing with a stationary portal attached to a solid object it's inefficient, somewhat annoying, and a total waste of energy.”

For the first time since getting in the car, Sunset actually noticed where they were.  That was followed by figuring out what they were near and interrupting her explanation to say, “Turn left here.”

Rainbow did and waited for Sunset to continue.

“It's much easier, in terms of necessary energy, to have a physical border around such a portal to stop things from crossing the edge.  That's almost certainly why the surface with the portal was recessed into the statue pedestal.”  Sunset closed her eyes.  Maybe it was because she hadn't eaten, maybe it was the time of day, maybe it was because she'd been hit with powerful magic or because she'd been laying bricks, but she was getting tired in a hurry.

She might not need boring stuff to put her to sleep.  Would it be rude if she just passed out?

The decision to stay awake was accompanied by an involuntary jolt.  Her eyes had opened on their own too.  Where was she?  Right:

“The downside is that since the border is a simple physical thing it can be broken in a way that a naturally occurring portal border cannot.  Sledgehammer to the edge of the pedestal and I break off enough marble to expose the edge of the portal to air rather than solid.  Nature abhors a frictionless cleft in reality, and thus the portal instantly collapses.”

“That's it?” Rainbow asked.

Sunset shrugged.  “Sledgehammers aren't complicated.”

* * *

They got caught at a red light on a stretch of road that felt like the middle of nowhere.  It wasn't in reality, just a trick of topography combined with a slightly underdeveloped part of town.  Still, it felt like they were alone in the world.  No other cars were on the road as far as the eye could see, empty lots and woods surrounded them.

Actually, if it were possible to make a right turn at the intersection, if there were a road through the small wooded area, they'd be moments away from a place that Sunset often ate.  Not the one she was directing Rainbow to, but a perfectly fine place to make her stomach stop grumbling at her.

Rainbow could outrun her, but if she had a head start and she were going through trees where Rainbow's straightaway speed never came into play . . .

Sunset quietly unbuckled her seat belt.  Rainbow didn't notice.  Sunset carefully took it off.  Rainbow was still obvious.

In a burst of action and motion Sunset got out of the car and ran for the woods.

* * *

By the time Rainbow was out of the car she couldn't even see Sunset.  Rainbow swore.  She'd be able to catch up to Sunset eventually, but it would mean leaving her car in the middle of the road.

And that was when the light turned green.

Rainbow looked in all three directions, saw no signs of anything at all, and concluded that if she left the car in the road someone would immediately pull up behind it and be a jerk about it.

She got back into the car and tried to think of where Sunset might be going.  In spite of present appearance, this wasn't the boondocks and those woods would have to be very small and surrounded on all sides by roads and businesses.

A moment later she had her answer.  Sunset was hungry, there was a pizza place right in that direction.  Rainbow would have to go the long way, but she'd be doing it in a car rather than on foot.

* * *

Maybe she'd been wrong.  The place was closed and Sunset wasn't in sight.  Still, Rainbow got out of her car and prepared to take a look around.

It turned out that she didn't even need her eyes.  She heard a voice coming from behind the building.  As she approached words became clear”

“Pepperoni.”  Long pause. “Pepperoni”  Slightly shorter pause.  “Meat lovers,” said with utter disgust.  At the end of this pause, “Pepperoni.”

Just as Rainbow rounded the back corner of the building Sunset announced, “Finally!  Cheese.”

It took Rainbow a bit to really process the fact that she was watching Sunset Shimmer dig through a dumpster.

Sunset hadn't noticed Rainbow yet.  With a bit of struggle she got herself sitting on the dumpster and opened a pizza box.

“Running off like that was not cool,” Rainbow said.

Sunset gave a start, but then calmed down when she actually looked at Rainbow.  She shrugged and ate a slice of pizza.

“You're really eating that?” Rainbow asked.

They say there are no stupid questions.  That simply isn't true.  Rainbow knew it was a stupid question.  It was an extremely stupid question given that Rainbow could see Sunset was eating it.  Rainbow had asked anyway.

“I thought you'd be happy,” Sunset said.  “If there really are any dangerous lurking students, they certainly didn't follow me after I got in your car, so any obligation to keep me safe has stopped.” Sunset paused for a moment. “And I just saved you twenty dollars.”

“Did you really think it would make me happy to have you jump out of the car and run away?” Rainbow asked while doing her best to convey how little she believed the answer could possibly be yes.

“Of course not, I just . . .” Sunset's head bobbed for a moment and her upper body followed.  She said, “Whoa,” as she resumed sitting straight.

“I totally underestimated how much the run took out of me,” Sunset said.  Something wasn't right about her voice.  “Not just the run of course,” she said, speeding up and slurring a bit, “The run, the magic, the crown tossing, all of it.  It just . . . it . . .” her head bobbed again, “it adds up is what I'm saying and what I'm saying is that it adds up.”

“Sunset,” Rainbow said, “you're scaring me.”

“Oh don't worry, I'm not about to turn into a demon,” Sunset said.

“That's not what's scaring me.”

Sunset didn't seem to notice Rainbow had said anything, “This isn't turning into a demon, no, not at all.  It's just that using that level of magic, using it . . . using that level of magic without an external power source, like say when the Element of Magic stops working for you but you don't give up, using that level of . . . of stuff.  It does things.  It . . . it burns calories faster than any non-magical activity possibly could, given the laws of physics –hey, we should market magic as a weight loss solution– and that in turn leaves you with fa– fati– fati– tiredness that wouldn't normally be–”

Rainbow cursed herself for how long it took her to react.  She should have steadied Sunset the moment she seemed to lose balance.  She should have done something when Sunset collapsed onto the dumpster.  She should have pushed Sunset back on to the dumpster when Sunset started to roll off, she should have caught Sunset when Sunset practically fell into her arms.

She shouldn't have stood unmoving through all of that and had to practically fall over herself to catch and slow Sunset before she hit the ground.

But that's what she did.  She didn't, entirely stop the fall.  She just slowed it down enough to prevent damage.  That and she kept Sunset's head from hitting pavement.

A moment later she tried to shake Sunset awake, but the other girl was in what seemed to be a very deep sleep.

Rainbow said, “Well, shit,” to the empty night.

* *
* * *
* *

The plan is to keep to the continuity of the Equestria Girls movies.  With seven seasons, a film of its own, and more to come, keeping up with all the details of Friendship is Magic as well would be more than I want to cope with.  Thankfully Friendship is Magic is safely sequestered on the other side of the magic portal.

For those who don't feel like watching the movies, good news: You don't have to.

Everything you need to know will be covered in story.  You've already got the main points above.  Sunset wasn't a very nice person.  She was zapped with rainbow magic.  She no longer wants to be the person she was.

Later chapters will go into more detail, where necessary, about the ways in which she wasn't a nice person, but we've pretty much got everything we need to go forward.

I said somewhere that I had something like half a dozen Sunset Shimmer stories in my head.  This makes two.

Monday, October 30, 2017

Grokking the Divine

[Originally posted at]
[I'll have notes at the end about where this came from, why the title and chapter title heading don't make sense as going with this story, and why this story, which could easily be in any original setting you like if I hadn't taken the trouble of replacing normal words with things such as "everypony", is explicitly in the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic universe.]

He will wipe every tear from their eyes // Death will be no more

When I say that I've wondered about it for as long as I can remember, you have to realize this isn't exaggeration.  I saw it when I was very young.  I kept seeing it.  That, I suppose, deserves some explanation.  What was somepony that young doing in the castle ?  Well, ok, I'll tell you.

In a way, I started working in the castle before I was old enough to be allowed to work.  Equestria has laws against foal labor after all.  They're well meaning.

It's said that in the dark days before they were passed foals were forced to work in unsafe conditions and were seen as disposable and their only hope was that Celestia or Luna –this was a long time ago, you understand, and no one had heard of nightmare moon yet– would happen upon whatever Tartarus in Equestria they were laboring in and declare Jubilee.

Having a law definitely seems much easier than all that.

But there aren't laws against tagging along after your mother in your free time.  There are rules at most places of employment, but the castle is kind of a special case.  If you put up enough of a fuss, then a princess might notice.

Squeaky wheels and all that.

When I told Celestia about how I didn't have any friends, and all the other foals my age made fun of me by calling me a colt instead of a filly, she made a deal with me.  I could stay by my mother's side as she preformed her duties, if I would agree to try to make friends.  I almost burst out crying when I heard her condition, but she assured me that she wouldn't force me to befriend the ones who were so mean to me.

And that's how I got my start.  I followed my mother everywhere, and she taught me how to do her job.  I got my cutie mark when she was sick but her stubborn pride wouldn't let her just tell her boss she couldn't make it.  I hid her clock and covered the windows in blankets, so that she'd get the sleep she needed, and then did the work myself.

I got my cutie mark.  I also got in trouble.  There are, after all, laws against foal labor.  No, I didn't get in trouble with those laws.  I got in trouble for trying to trick everypony into thinking my mother did her job while I did it for her.  I got in trouble for turning off my mother's alarm clock.  And, you know, everything else.

But it worked out in the end and from then on my mother actually took sick days off.

So I've working in the castle forever.  Celestia agreeing to let me follow my mom as she did her work is my earliest clear memory.

I've grown up, I did make friends, I've even met famous ponies.  Sunset Shimmer once ranted at me about how I hadn't dusted properly.  Twilight Sparkle ignored me.  I prepared rooms for fake Princess Cadance, who was a jerk, and real Princess Cadance, who was not.

What I hadn't done, until recently, was find out what's behind the door in the east corridor, second floor.  It's got four locks on it.  No one talks about it, in public at least.  No one looks at it, though some make a point of looking away.  Some of the older staff even walk in a sort of semicircle around it rather than straight passed it.

The door is always closed.  When I'd asked in the past I got non-answers.  When I asked in a roundabout way I'd get shot down just as fast.

No one ever goes in, they say.  No one ever comes out.  They say.

I've always known that's absurd.

If that were the case then no one would know what was behind the door.  If no one knew what was behind the door, then ponies would investigate.  If ponies investigated they'd go in.  If they didn't come out then other ponies would go in after them.  Eventually somepony would come out.

I always knew it was false.

What I didn't know was what was true.  There was always a tension when you tried to find out.  Some ponies knew, and they seemed afraid, most ponies didn't, and they seemed afraid that knowing would somehow be dangerous.

I tried so long and so hard to find out that finally –finally– some ponies decided to take it upon themselves to tell me.  So I wouldn't do something stupid like try to break in.

As if I could.  There are four locks on the door.

* * *

So the day came when I finally learned the truth.  A mare lives there.  She gets her food through a dumbwaiter, thus it doesn't need to be delivered through the halls.  She cleans her own room.  Laundry is handled much like the food.  Ponies do go in and out of the door on occasion, but they always make sure no other ponies are looking.

Behind the door, you see, is death incarnate.  Ish.  Sort of.  Death more or less in pony-form.

Ok, not really, but that's how they say it.

Behind the door is a mare who has been there for a very, very long time.  Some of the oldest ponies I knew were inducting me into this “Secret of the door in the East Corridor” club, and they say she was there and full grown when they first came here as young workers.

None of them knew exactly how she got there.  None of them knew exactly why she was put there.  None of them knew exactly who she was.

What they did know was that her talent was death.

Not any normal sort of killing.  She's no warrior.  She doesn't use a weapon or a poison.  She uses a word, or a thought, or maybe just a breath.

They're not really sure.  If she wants you dead, you're definitely dead, that much is clear.  From across the room.  Maybe even through a window.  After all, what power would glass have to stop such a force?

They're a bit more hazy on whether she actually needs to want you dead.  Something happens and you're dead.  Gone.  You've been delivered to the next world before you even realized something was up.

The room is death.  The occupant is its instrument.

I should stop asking about it.

That was the gist of being told.

* * *

So, of course, I don't stop asking about it.  Not only do I not stop, I expand my scope.  I research in the archives, I put my ear up to the door when no one's looking.  I try to find out anything I can.

In the archives I find that there have indeed been multiple deaths in the room.  I find that those who examined the bodies found no cause.  I find that there's no record of the room's occupant.

I find no record of any crime that would lead to such perpetual imprisonment.

With no direct records I look for what I think are indirect signs.  Indications that the mare is in the room.  I look in things like maintenance reports, inventories, and such.  If I'm right, she's been there impossibly long.

I'm not satisfied.

I enlist some friends to help, but we don't turn up much more.

Finally I decide to bring the matter up with Celestia.

She beats me to it.

Before I can start work that day, she greets me in the hall.  After the usual formalities and the shock of Princess Celestia seeking me out has passed, she says, “You've taken an interest in the locked room.”

As if there's only one locked room in Canterlot.  Of course I know which one.  Everypony who works at the castle knows which one.  It's the locked room.  Before I officially became an employee, when I was just following my mother around because I was afraid of bullies whenever I left her side, I knew that that out of all the locked rooms, that was the lost room.

“Is it true a mare lives inside?” I ask.

“It is,” Celestia said.

“That's not fair!”

It slipped out.  I hadn't meant for it to happen.  I apologize profusely.

Celestia brushes off my apologies and asks, “What isn't fair?”

“She shouldn't be forced to live in isolation.”

“She's not a prisoner,” Celestia assures me.

Then comes something I didn't expect.  Not in the least.  Not ever.

“I'd like for you to meet her,” Celestia says.

I don't know how long the silence lasts.

“You can, of course, refuse.”

I say things like no, and of course not, and so forth.

Why would I refuse?

* * *

Before going into the room I'm prepared.  I'm told many things.

She really can kill me with just a thought.

She doesn't control her thoughts any more than anypony else.  Sometimes a thought just pops in there.  If I startle her, she could kill me by mistake.

She will, under no circumstances, kill me on purpose.

It is therefore up to me to make sure that I stay alive.

I should not bring up certain topics as, without her being warned beforehand, them being broached beforehand might startle her.

I ask how she could be warned if the process is potentially lethal.

I'm told that a formal warning is less likely to startle her than just having it come up out of the blue.  I'm also told that they don't risk it.  If there is a need to talk about one of the topics, they write it down and leave the room while she reads the list of problem topics.  Once she's mentally prepared herself, she knocks on the door and whoever is to speak to her enters.

I'm tested to make sure I know the topics to not talk about.

I should not do certain things, for they might startle her.  I am again tested on memorizing the list.

On and on it goes.

* * *

When the day comes guards escort me to the room at a time when no one is scheduled to be in the east corridor.  Apparently if somepony else were there when the door was opened the possibility of startling would be dangerously high.  At exactly the scheduled time, a guard knocks on the door.


Oh so softly.

The guards are both afraid.

A knock comes from the other side.

Slowly and carefully, so that no unintended noises are made, the four locks are unlocked.

I go inside.  Alone.

I haven't even gotten my bearings when I hear the locks being re-locked.

There's a pony at a table, a tea set on the table.

“I'm Swift Passage,” she says.

The pony, not the tea set or the table.

I say my name and sit when offered.

“I'm told you've taken an interest in me,” she says.

I nod.

I ask, “Is it true you spend your whole life in here.”

She smiles.  “Celestia said you thought I was a prisoner.”

“Your door is locked from the outside,” I say.

“What do you know about me?” she asks.

“Almost nothing,” I admit.  “They say a great many things.  They say you're death.”

“I'm not death,” she says, “but I do bring it.”

She sighs.

“In another life,” she says, “I think I would have helped the dying.  Given them quick and painless passage to whatever comes next.”

She looks away.  She looks sad.

“Unfortunately I can't control it,” she says.  “I'm sure they told you not to startle me.”

I nod.

“If I'm surprised I . . .  I've killed many ponies.”

I don't know her, I don't know anything about her, but I know that she sounds as sad as she looks.  I reach my hoof across the table.

Then I remember the list.  I stop with my hoof halfway across the table.  I stay like that.  She eventually looks at me, looks at my outstretched hoof, thinks a moment, and gives a small nod.

I take her hoof, try to be reassuring, and say, “It sounds like that's not your fault.”

She gives a smile, but it's sad.  “Thank you, but it doesn't make the guilt any less.”

She sighs again.

“Somehow I get a portion of the lives I take,” she says.  “I should be long dead by now.  Every day I live is a reminder of my failures.”

Our hooves are still touching, I attempt a reassuring squeeze, but I have to be careful –they wouldn't have let me in if I hadn't proven that I'd be careful– and I have no experience with that kind of thing anyway.  “No matter where it comes from, life isn't a bad thing.”

They're my mother's words.  She said them to a friend of mine whose parents should never have been together in the first place.

She gives a smile that almost becomes a laugh, “Do you spout platitudes often?”

“Only when they seem appropriate,” I say.

“Why did you choose to meet me?” she asks.

I tell her that no one should have to be alone.  Especially an innocent pony, but really no one no matter what.  Every pony should have companionship unless they really and truly do not want it.

I tell her about how it broke my heart when I learned there was a mare behind the locked door, a pony who was always alone.  Never able to mix and mingle with others.  Isolated.

I sound incredibly sappy and shallow because I've never learned to sound solemn and deep.

After that we talk a little while about nothing in particular.

Then I hear a soft knock at the door.

It's time for me to leave.

I try to offer to stay longer, but she explains how difficult rescheduling when the door will open is.

I get up, and go to leave.  Before I do she says one last thing:

“I'd like it if you came to see me again.”

I didn't need to think to say, “Of course I will.”

I knock softly on the door and hear the locks being unlocked.

* * *

I talk to Celestia afterward.

She explains that the last time Swift Passage gained a new pony to talk to was when Luna returned from banishment.  She says that it's hard to find ponies who are willing to risk death just to talk to somepony they've never heard of, and only some of those who are willing actually make for good fits with Swift Passage.

She says that she and Luna are both quite busy much of the time and so can't see Swift Passage as often as either would like.  She says Swift Passage is understandably lonely, since she spends so much time alone.

She asks me to keep seeing Swift Passage, if I'm willing, because she wants Swift Passage to be happy.  Or as near to happy as possible.

I tell her I've already agreed.

* * *

I spent years wondering what was behind that door, and now I know.  It's somepony who sacrificed her freedom in hopes that it would make everypony else safer.  She could have tried to find a patch of nowhere where she wouldn't be disturbed, but then she'd risk somepony coming across her by accident, startling her, and dying.

It's somepony who lives in fear.  Fear that she might hurt another without even trying.

It's somepony who doesn't deserve to be alone.

I don't know if it's possible for her to be happy, given the conditions of her chosen fate, but she seems nice enough, and if talking to her is all I can do to help her, then it's exactly what I will do.

As often as she wants.

Whenever she wants.

* *
* * *
* *

Ok, I said I'd have notes.  At Fimfiction (the other-than-here place where I'm posting my MLP fic) there is a story called Knowledge of the Holy that . . . well it's bad.  Most of the content of the story isn't a problem, it's just the cornerstone of the premise that fucks everything up.

The bulk of the text tells a fairly straightforward story and does a passably decent job of it.  The problem is that that story isn't the point.  The story as a whole is only even tangentially related to that story within the story.  That's just a way to communicate the key point.  The key point is that someone with power over death needs to be locked up because they're terrifying.

I may disagree with that.  In case you didn't notice.

Someone, not the author, described it thus:
Imagine you were told there was locked room in the building you work in. No one ever goes in and no one ever comes out. They tell you a woman lives in there. She's been in there as long as anyone can remember. Why is she there? For how long? Who is she? One thing they know is she can kill people just by willing it. Doesn't need a weapon. Doesn't need to even touch you. She just has to want it, or maybe not even that, and bip, you're dead, like she flipped off your light switch. Now someone tells you you have to go in there and talk to her.
I used that as a writing prompt, and produced the above.

~ ~ ~

The author of Knowledge of the Holy eventually described the idea in a comment because the story was extremely opaque about certain important details and in three pages of speculation no one remotely hit on what the author had been trying to communicate with respect to those details.  (Mostly because the author's interpretation isn't supported by the text.  At all.  As I said, it's bad.)

This was after I'd written the story, and mostly addressed unrelated details, so it largely doesn't matter, but it does put some things into a very clear perspective.

The key points for this context were: "She's there because she's dangerous, even if she's not evil," and "She's in custody because she's litterally[sic] a one mare harbinger of death and that's frankly terrifying."  And some other stuff about how someone with a lethal power must be locked up even if they're in full control and no more likely to kill than anyone else.

That's the disconnect, of course.  Someone can kill me in ways that I'm not used to people being able to kill me?  Honestly doesn't bother me.  Not terrifying.  Would be terrifying if they were trying to kill me, sure, but it would be terrifying if anyone were trying to kill me.

And so rather than being terrified by the imprisoned character, I'm left wanting to hug her.  Provided she wants a hug and hugging her won't get me killed.  The point is, I'm not left wanting to lock up the character, but instead comfort the character for being unjustly locked up.

The thing I used as a prompt had the possibility of her invoking her insta-death power by accident, and that at least provides a reason that a person might be sequestered.  So I ran with that.  The character in my story is isolated by choice because she's afraid of hurting others.  And that's fucking sad.  So the appropriate response is to try to make things better for her.

~ ~ ~

My title is obviously a reference to Knowledge of the Holy's title.  At Fimfiction every chapter, even the sole chapter in a one piece work, gets a title.  The default title would be "Chapter 1".

The author of Knowledge of the Holy chose to use a quote from Revelation:

And I saw a star that had fallen, and a key was given to that star, the key to the shaft of the abyss

That's the opening of the locust plague.  And that's interesting.  The character in Knowledge of the Holy describes her power as the power to kill plants as, with one exception, that's all she's ever used it for, and she's kind of in denial over the fact that it can be used on anything else.

The locust plague is a plague of things that, by nature, kill plants.  But they don't.  In Revelation they leave plants untouched.  Instead they torment the nonbelievers.  (Not kill, torment in a way that makes them wish for undelivered death.)

So, character kills plants by nature, locusts kill plants by nature, the story hinges on the character killing something not-a-plant (technically her ability to do so), Revelation locusts hurt things of the description: not-a-plant.

Seems like there could be something interesting in the interplay between the quote and the story.  Turns out there isn't.  The author doesn't actually understand the verse.  I'm not talking about deeper meaning.  I'm talking about plain text surface skimming.

This is the Revelation plague that causes neither death nor destruction there aren't a lot of those.  Revelation is the Michael Bay production in the bible so there's always explosions and body count.  The author of Knowledge of the Holy somehow miss the explicitly non-lethal non-destroy-y part about the plague and thinks that the locusts head out of Hell "to destroy and kill".

So I included a Revelation quote for parallel, but I looked for one that at least had some significance.  The narrator, Celestia, and off-screen-Luna are all trying to give comfort, which goes with the tear wiping.  The entire situation is to make magic induced death no more.

Honestly, that might be it.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

A New Path Forward: Giving Gifts (Equestria Girls)

[It's recommended that you read the first chapter first.]
[As a general reminder, this is based off of Equestria Girls, which is part of the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic multiverse.  In particular, both of the characters here, though they are in human form in the human world, are ponies by birth.]
[While this story is a sequel to another work, Anon-a-Miss by Dainn, it should stand on its own.]

Sunset was very much not sure how this would go. Part of her knew that there was no reason to be nervous. A big part. The largest part even. That didn't stop the small part with a dissenting opinion from making her uneasy.

She came bearing gifts at least. That might help. It hadn't actually been something she'd been planning on until Celestia and Luna surprised her with Christmas presents.

The phone had been expected, they'd said that they'd get her one, but Celestia got her a new jacket and Luna got her a couple of books. It had been entirely unnecessary and not in any way attributable any kind of obligation.

It had felt good.

So she'd decided to get Twilight a gift or two.

Really this should go great. And Twilight was the one who stuck by her regardless.

Still, every reason she had to think Twilight was her friend applied equally to the humans who most definitely were not her friends.

It was one thing to support her when the only source of news was Sunset's own account and the only problem was that Sunset was a victim. It was another thing to do it face to face when Sunset had asked Twilight to give evil people with designs of world domination their powers back.

Sunset tried to drive the thoughts from her head.

Twilight had been there for her.

It would have been easy for Twilight to cast Sunset aside. All she had was Sunset's word, and historically that had very little value. If anything Twilight had more reason to doubt than anyone else since she'd never had a chance to look Sunset in the eyes or see the effect the whole thing was having on her.

She'd stayed true. She agreed to make the amulets for the sirens in spite of her doubts. She was delivering them today, and once Sunset handed them off this whole mess would be over.

Everything would be fine.

Doubts rose up, and Sunset beat them back, twice more before Twilight burst through the portal.

This time Twilight had stayed standing after coming through the portal, even if the way she was standing didn't look altogether comfortable. Still, it was improvement. That reminded Sunset for Twilight's suggestion that they have more frequent in-person contact, which was definitely something to put in the “Don't Panic” column. That idea was probably because Sunset was low on friends at the moment, and it made the concept of acclimating to trips through the portal seem much less far fetched than it once had.

Twilight was wearing a backpack. Sunset was familiar with the portal interpreting saddlebags that way. It was good if you didn't know how far you'd travel, but it was annoying if you were planning to get things out of it. Sunset was wearing a messenger bag today, for ease of access.

“Good to see you,” Sunset said.

“You too,” Twilight said. “What's on your face?”

That . . . seemed like a profoundly stupid question.

“Sunglasses,” Sunset said. “I'm kind of sensitive to light right now.”

“I meant under the sunglasses.”

And that made no sense. Truly this conversation was off to a great start.

“Nothing,” Sunset said. There simply wasn't anything for Twilight to see, unless she was talking about–

“Sunset,” Twilight said, definitely suspicious, “take off the sunglasses.”

Sunset closed her eyes so that the light wouldn't hurt, and took off her sunglasses.

Cue freakout in three, two, one . . .

“You said you were just scratched up!”

“And I have concussion,” Sunset said. “Please try not to be loud.”

Sunset put the sunglasses back on and opened her eyes. Twilight sputtered:

“You– your face– Part of your face is green.”

Sunset sighed, said, “Apparently when blood isn't exposed to air it–” and then she decided not to bother. “Human biology is just weird, alright?”

“But you look–”

“They call bruises 'black and blues' but apparently they come in all colors in this world,” Sunset said. “Couple that with the fact that blood-flow to the head is powerful, really to the point of excess, and you get what you see.”

* * *

“You're sure you're alright?” Twilight asked for the eleventy-first time.

“I'm getting enough of this from Luna–” Twilight's 'Wait, what!?' look indicated that clarification was needed. “Human Luna. She's making me stay with her until I fully recover. Concussions take forever to recover from.”

“You could come to Equestria to be healed with magic,” Twilight said.

“Maybe,” Sunset said, “or maybe the same property of the portal that strips us of magic when we come here would convert the concussion to a magical ailment if I took it there.”

“I hadn't thought of that,” Twilight admitted.

“It probably wouldn't happen,” Sunset said, “but I really don't want to risk making it worse than it already is. Even if the risk is minimal.”

Sunset decided that she really should invite Twilight to a game of poker once her brain stopped hating her. The girl was so very easy to read. Sunset watched as it took Twilight a moment to realize the 'Sunset's injuries' part of the conversation was over and a moment longer to find remember what she'd been planning on doing before she got the idea to pester Sunset about those the injuries.

“Right,” Twilight said. She took off her backpack, rifled through it a bit, and finally produced three crystal amulets. They were shaped like the sirens' original ones, but the fact they were clear instead of red left them looking very different.

Sunset took the amulets and stowed them in her own bag. She'd ask about the color later, if it even proved necessary –Twilight would doubtless tell her whether she was asked or not– because at the moment she was more interested in a question she'd been holding off on asking ever since Twilight had announced she'd make the amulets.

Before she got to that, she needed to say:

“Thank you for making them.”

“I didn't do it for you,” Twilight said, setting down the backpack. “I didn't even do it for them; not really.”

That gave Sunset the perfect opportunity to ask the question she was actually interested in. “So what finally convinced you to make them?”

Sunset had wanted to ask since Twilight announced that she'd make them. Well, more since she laid in bed trying, and failing, to sleep the night after. The problem was that she had been worried that Twilight might change her mind if given reason to think the matter through again. Only now, with the amulets in Sunset's possession, was it definitely safe to ask.

“You were right and I was wrong,” Twilight said.

Maybe it was because of the concussion, maybe it wasn't, but regardless of the ultimate reason, those words stopped Sunset's brain.

When she managed to reboot, the best she could manage was, “Come again?”

“You wrote that I gave you a chance you didn't deserve,” Twilight said. “I thought about what things would be like if people only got what they deserved.

“It's not how we operate. My friends in Equestria and I give out second chances all the time. Sometimes third, fourth, and fifth chances. We do it with no evidence it will work out in the end. But what if we did have some sort of complex algorithms to run that would truly determine if someone were worthy of another chance before offering it?”

Sunset's brain was back at its current normal –which was hazy, weary, and pained– and that was enough for her to be processing Twilight again.

Right now what she was getting was that Twilight was on a roll and and she'd have to wait for the opportune moment if she wanted stop the ramble rather than cause it to explode into a flurry of tangents that would grow to consume all of the remaining daylight hours.

“I started to imagine an Equestria where ponies, and others, only ever got what they deserved,” Twilight continued. “I started thinking about all the ways the world would be different, my life would be different, and I would be different.

“I never deserved my friends,” she said, “I spent my life ignoring and avoiding other ponies and when I met my Ponyville friends I was a jerk to every one of them. I thought they were aggravating distractions. I also thought they were all crazy. If I got what I deserved I'd still be alone except for Spike, maybe worse than that since Spike, at least, deserved better than me.

“Princess Luna, if someone had somehow managed to defeat her in a world where my friends and I didn't unlock the Elements of Harmony, probably would have been banished back to the moon if she'd gotten what she deserved. You'd be a pariah or in jail. Discord would be stone. Even–”

“Ok, I get it,” Sunset said, hoping she hadn't missed her window. “All of history and civilization as we know it rests upon giving individuals chances without deservingness being a necessary prerequisite.”

Twilight nodded.

“In the end I was forced to conclude that deservingness had nothing to do anything,” Twilight said in a more sedate pace, “because if everyone only gets what they deserve, the world would be a dark and dreary place where ponies like you and me would never find happiness

“I think it's more about the kind of ponies we want to be,” she said, “and the kind of world we want to live in. I don't want to be the pony who dooms people to death by starvation simply because I don't like them, I don't want to live in a world where you were left crying in that crater instead of given an opportunity for redemption.

“That's a wonderful speech about universal moral truths, Twilight,” Sunset said. “But you don't live in this world anyway.”

Twilight gave a joyful smile, then said, “So you really are feeling better.”

“Truly all psychological assessments should be based on how one responds to friendship speeches.”

“Playful sarcasm suits you,” Twilight said, “but that wasn't a friendship speech. Giving someone a second chance doesn't automatically mean becoming friends with them.”

“Believe me,” Sunset said, “I know.” She was actually worried about what would happen with her former friends. She wasn't going to let some grudge rule her life from now on, she was probably going to forgive them given sufficient time. But would they think that meant she wanted to be friends with them again?

That would be Hell.

She expended way too much energy imagining a thousand different scenarios, none of them good.

When Sunset realized she'd retreated into her own thoughts leaving Twilight in silence, she thought she'd need to apologize, but instead Twilight didn't even seem to have noticed. Instead Twilight looked to be busy with thoughts of her own.

A few moments later, Twilight looked away and spoke:

“Also, the reason I didn't want to help the Sirens was petty to begin with. They hurt me, so I didn't want to help them.”

Twilight had said it like she was confessing to some heinous crime instead of acknowledging that her initial reaction to an unexpected situation was less than perfect.

“Twilight,” Sunset said, doing her best to be encouraging, “around here they call that being human. Adapt for species as necessary, but the core idea remains solid.

“You had a bad thought. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a bad pony. Celestia does it too, you know.”


“Really,” Sunset said. “What matters is that you recognized your mistake and fixed it.”

For a while things were quiet. Less awkward than the last silence.

“Ok, so,” Twilight said, her energy and speed increasing with each new word, “I didn't make the amulets for you, but there are things that I did get for you, I know it's a little late for Hearth Warming and all but I was busy working on the amulets and–”

Sunset was afraid that if she didn't make Twilight stop, the girl might explode.

“I got you gifts too,” she said.

That successfully stopped Twilight mid-run-on.

“First we have this,” Sunset said, handing Twilight a book from her bag.

Twilight accepted it and flipped through it. It was an illustrated guide to the human body. Nothing terribly in depth, but a huge amount of information as far as laypeople went.

“I thought you might be interested in learning more about a sapient species entirely alien to Equestria. The fact that you have friends equipped with such bodies is just a bonus,” Sunset said. “After you've digested that, you'll probably know more about human biology than I've learned in years of living here.”

“This looks really interesting,” Twilight said. “Not something I would have expected.”

“I got the idea after Luna thought it would be hilarious to give me a book on horse biology,” Sunset said. Luna's other book, which was full of amazing photographs of astronomical objects, was much more thoughtful.

Twilight had looked up from the book and asked, “Horse?” in mild surprise.

Sunset pointed to the statue behind Twilight.

“They really do look like that,” she said as Twilight turned to look.

“You're kidding.”

“Nope. They look more or less like that and they're huge,” Sunset said. “I met one and it was this tall,” Sunset held her hand five feet off the ground, “at the withers.”

“At the withers?” Twilight repeated in what might be shock. Sunset nodded, Twilight continued: “That's unbe– wait, you met one‽”

“They're just animals,” Sunset said, “and animals in this world aren't nearly as smart as the ones in Equestria, but it doesn't make it any less incredible to meet them.

“Humans keep them for their power and speed. They can be used to pull things, as pack animals, and as personal transportation. The one I met was for the last. Riding horses like that one are sort of a medium size, the largest horse was a draft horse that was more than seven feet tall at the withers.”

“You're sure that was at the withers and not, say, the forehead?”

“This world is populated with giants, Twilight.”

“Given your enthusiasm,” Twilight said, “I think Luna picked the right book for you.”

“If you say so,” Sunset said. It wasn't wrong, but given that it was given as a joke, Sunset didn't really want to admit that the horse book was actually pretty interesting. Still, it suggested more directions for conversation.

“Horses make things confusing,” she said, “especially since horses below a certain height are known as 'ponies'. I tell someone I was a pony in Equestria and there's all of this baggage that's assumed to apply to me unless I'm specifically able to predict the person will think it and head it off.”

“I can see how that would be frustrating.”

“And saying unicorn just confuses things further.”

“Why?” Twilight asked.

“I don't think this world ever had unicorns, but it does have stories of them,” Sunset said, “and the stories are clear about several things. For example: they've got cloven hooves.”


“As near as I can tell they're supposed to be more closely related to deer than ponies, deer as tall as horses no less.”

“But . . .”

“Also, the correct plural of 'Pegasus' is 'Pegasuses',”

“That's absurd.”

“It's a function of the history of the word in this world," Sunset said. "It's originally a proper name, and there was only one of him, so it didn't have a plural. It came to describe all winged horses by synecdoche, at which point it was given a plural, but by that time it had hopped languages twice.”

“You're making that up.”

“Now I know what to get you for next Hearth Warming,” Sunset said: “a dictionary.”

“Hey!” Twilight said. About two seconds later she said, “Actually, that sounds fascinating.”

Sunset gave a smile and said, “For now I have something completely different to occupy your mind.” She pulled the second gift from her bag. She was told that a human of a given age would recognize it as a 'Game Boy', though it wasn't actually one. “This might fizzle when you take it to Equestria, but even if it does I expect you to have months of fun reverse engineering it.”

Twilight accepted the gift and asked, “What is it?”

“The exterior is from a hand held computer gaming system that's about eighteen years old, but it's been gutted and replaced with more modern technology. Celestia commissioned one as a Christmas – Christmas is basically Hearth Warming with a different mythology. Anyway, Celestia commissioned one as a Christmas gift for Luna. Something about nostalgia without the algia.

“The moment I saw it I knew that, regardless of whether the actual games interested you, you'd love the challenge of figuring out how it worked and seeing if you could reproduce the technology in Equestria. Maybe even discover a way to make the technology work in tandem with magic.

“So I paid for the construction of a second one.”

Twilight looked over it eagerly for moment and then asked, “How do I turn it on?” somewhat sheepishly.

Sunset found the right button a few moments later.

Twilight punched various buttons for a while before turning the machine off and rummaging through her bag for her gifts.

“So, after you told me about your difficulties with ancient Equestrian history,” Twilight said, “I had a general idea of what I wanted to get you.”

Sunset had explained the story of Hearth Warming to Celestia and Luna, but not before going off on a lengthy tangent of how much she didn't know. Were the Sirens before or after the Windigos? When exactly had Celestia and Luna taken control of the Sun and Moon, how did the timing of Sombra relate to Luna's conversion to Nightmare Moon? Where did the apprenticeship of Clover the Clever fit into the storied career of Starswirl the Bearded? When was Tirek?

How many intervals of 'a thousand years' were literal as compared to shorthand for 'a really, really, really long time'?

Why did it seem that ponies learned history only by having ancient evils pop up and try to take over?

So, naturally, she'd written to Twilight about it afterward.

She'd even commented that it was odd that Equestria's history was so poorly understood given that the nation had been run by an immortal who was there at the time and could easily be asked, and now was run by two of them.

Sunset also noted that she'd never cared to asked herself, but that didn't make it seem any less odd that no onehad ever done so.

Twilight's gift was a book, presumably a history book. Sunset took and read the title aloud:

“The Pony's History of Equestria,” was to be be expected, but for “New Revised Edition” she added special emphasis.

“After the most recent ancient threat that everyone had conveniently forgotten about in spite of it being critically important to understanding the early years of Equestria,” Twilight said, “the original Revised Edition was made obsolete. By this time next year they'll doubtless need to make a New New Revised Edition.”

“Probably,” Sunset said.

“I ended up getting you this more or less by accident,” Twilight said while she handed over a flimsy box and a small beat up book. “Definitely read the book first.”

Sunset put the history book in her bag and looked at the smaller beat up book Twilight was now offering her. It took about a second and a half to realize something:

“This written in the zebra script.”

“Yes it is,” Twilight said. “I was telling a friend of mine about how I was thinking of getting you something to get you up to date on the recently remembered long forgotten history of Equestria, I think I mentioned Sombra and the Tree of Harmony, and she insisted that what I needed to give you was this deck of divination cards.

“One of your friends is a zebra?”

“Her name is Zecora.”

“Ponyville isn't exactly known as an international port–”

“Of course not; it's landlocked.”

“–and it doesn't sit on any major trade routes I know of,” Sunset said. “So . . . shaman?”

Twilight nodded, “She lives in the Everfree Forest.”

Sunset digested that a moment and then acknowledged it by saying: “That kind of magic is worth going a long way from home to research.”

Sunset looked back to the book and skimmed for a bit. The tree of harmony was there, a lot about three pony tribes just before they united, King Sombra . . . it made sense why someone would recommend this as a way to learn history. The descriptions were short, just giving context for the pictures on the cards and the meanings of those cards, but there was definitely history preserved here that hadn't shown up in any of the books Princess Celestia had forced her to read.

“This looks interesting,” Sunset said. “Thank you, Twilight. And thank your friend for me.”

“I'll pass that along,” Twilight said, “Though I do recommend taking it with a grain of salt. Some of the information defies belief and even Zecora has no idea where the cards or the guide originated.”

“It's not a zebra thing?”

“Obviously this version was made by one or more zebras, the writing in the guide and on the cards is as close to proof of that as we're likely to come, but I don't think the deck originated with zebras. There's all of one zebra in the deck, and the description of that card reads to me like it was written by an outsider. I think at some point a zebra adopted the cards and the stories from an outside source and then wrote their own guide in their own script,” Twilight said. “In other news, I'm out of gifts.”

Sunset nodded. Then she said:

“So, about the amulets . . .”

* *
* * *
* *

So, notes:

This was way harder than it had any right to be.  In part because my original plan was to start with the chapter after this one, in part because when I actually thought about what was going on I got it into my head that I had to show Sunset's Christmas with Celestia and Luna and it just wasn't working.  In part because . . . everything.

Then this and the next chapter were going to be crammed together into one chapter.

Then there's the fact that the only plot relevant thing in this chapter is the amulets and I worry that the gifts will be assumed to be part of Chekhov's armory when, in this story, Chekhov hasn't even been given a water balloon.

~ ~ ~

As indicated, Friendship is Magic is horrible with "Ancient evil everyone forgot about until we decided to use it in this episode.  I'm not entirely sure what they have against brand new evils, but even their most recent major attempt at that devolved into ancient evil when the new evil changed the past allowing for several of the previous ancient evils to take over the present in turn.

It's also less than good with regards to time.  Sometimes a thousand years means exactly a thousand years, sometimes it cannot possibly mean that in spite of the strong indication that it's supposed to.

In some ways the series can be seen as learning history by having history repeatedly try to take over forcing the cast to learn things everyone else forgot about.

As the entire series takes place after Sunset Shimmer left Equestria, her knowledge of her homeworld's history is pretty much dependent upon her pen=pal relationship with Twilight.

~ ~ ~

The cards are the Everfree Tarot.  The unique thing about the project is that it's an attempt at an in-universe tarot.  As far as I know, every other attempt to make an MLP themed tarot deck has done it by grabbing characters and situations from the show which obviously wouldn't be included in any deck the characters had access to.

All of the cards can be found at the creator's DeviantArt , unfortunately most of the descriptions are in Korean and those that are not appear to have been translated badly.  Also, for some reason the author gave boobs to certain creatures that . . . wtf?  Most of the things represented don't have this problem, thankfully, but still . . . WTF?

~ ~ ~

The modified Game Boy is a Game Boy Zero (a Game Boy case gutted and used to hold a Raspberry Pi zero set up to emulate old game systems.)

The size of the ponies in MLP is surprisingly consistent regardless of what metric you use to determine it (as compared to the length of a "moon" which is irresolvably inconsistent.) The average adult pony (not an alicorn) is a bit smaller than a Saint Bernard in terms of body.  Do not, however, forget about the relative hugeness of their heads when compared to the rest of their bodies.

~ ~ ~

The etymology of "Pegasus" is ultimately unknown.  There are theories ranging from "pre-Greek language we don't know" to "It's totally this root over here; why can't everyone else see how obvious this is?"

The plural is easier and Sunset has the pedantic details right.  Starts in Greek, moves to Latin, moves to English, is given an English plural when the meaning changes to something that allows a plural.

What it leaves out is that at some point people realized that second declension masculine Latin nouns have a standard plural form, which gives us "pegasi", though pedants and spell checkers will tell us that's wrong.