Thursday, October 6, 2011

Post Van Scene - Physics Version

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

The greatest of all possible pain killers must not merely exist in the imagination because

Are you seriously going to do this?

It's your fault. It must not exist merely in the imagination because real things are greater than imaginary things. Furthermore it must not exist elsewhere because a pain killer that you cannot use is less great than one that you can. So the greatest of all painkillers must physically exist here.

The bottle appeared before me and dropped into my hand.

Edward said, "I feel dirty for just being in the same story as that trick."

I took two pills and instantly started feeling better. It was, after all, the greatest pain killer of all. Soon the EMTs arrived and we put Tyler into the van. Then Edward had to tell everyone that my head had been damaged. The bastard.

What? You yourself said that it couldn't possibly be good that it made a cracking sound when it hit the pavement. This is information medical professionals should know.

Not for telling them, for cracking my head off the pavement in the first place.


I was put on a stretcher, Edward weaseled his way out through a combination of nepotism and intrigue. That, and narrative necessity. If they'd hooked him up to any kind of diagnostic equipment this whole story would have gone very different very fast. If they'd so much as touched him they'd have noticed that his weirdness went well beyond the color of his skin.

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