Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Story Where Jesus Has Two Mommies - Summary

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (page 2).]
After discussion of how LB Nicolae is the result of combining the genetics of two gay men it was stated:

Sorry, but that kind of reproductive monkey-business is off limits for our Lord and Savior. It's unnatural and spits in the very face of God and his holy plan. Anyway, back to Jesus, the real Messiah, who as we all know was born from the seed of a woman.

So, if I understand correctly, what you're saying is that far from being the child of two gay men, the real Messiah will be the child of lesbians?


I actually think that I outlined that story in high school. I recall there being some bizarre twisted logic about the virgin conception going into the idea, but mostly I think it was that there are some really awesome Annunciation paintings out there, and in quite a few of them the angel looks female, and they really looked like such a lovely couple and ...

I think the idea I came up with was that the angel was supposed to stop by and say, "Your firstborn child is going to be really special," but then Mary and the angel really hit it off, and so the firstborn child got started somewhat earlier than planned, and in the end God was pissed off and sent Jesus to hell, but Jesus led a revolution and overthrew Satan and as a result Hell became rather moderate and not very Hellish, and by the time the story takes place there's a new Savior being produced on earth but it's going about as well for God as the last savior, so God is really pissed off, angels come to earth, the new Savior figures that he could use advice from the last one, so he has someone turn him over to the angels (for more than 30 pieces of silver because inflation and whatnot) and gets himself sent to Hell so he can talk to Jesus. Judas was there too.

Anyway, while this is happening the disciple who handed new-savior over is trying to rescue the other disciples because, having learned from Christianity, Heaven doesn't plan to let any of them go.

As I recall the plan was to have parts of the story told from each disciple's perspective, possibly a historian or two as well, and have the entire work be like a set of gospels (contradictions and all) with the final version being new-savior's version of events. Whether new-Judas came across as a hero or complete scum would depend on where the gospel in question ended.

It was high school. I think that that is my excuse for everything I've written here. I hope it excuses it because I don't have anything else to say in my defense.

I'm not a Christian, and yet I still somehow feel, upon writing the above, that I must be going to Hell.


Oh, and something about walking on water being a bad idea on a windy day (because if the water is hard enough to stand on the waves will knock you around in the most painful ways.)


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