Tuesday, February 21, 2017

HHII: "I couldn't tell you this when I was evil..." -or- Massive Anticlimax

Ok, trying to get a decent post about what happened with my ankle (which I indicated I'd give four days ago) will have to wait another day because I still haven't gotten a picture of the porch.  Why a picture of the porch?  You ask.  You said you broke it inside.  Yup.

After the pain lessened to the point I could move I crawled to the matress to wait for the pain to lessen more.  It didn't.  I crawled upstairs to the phone and called my dad to give me a ride to somewhere medical, didn't much care where.

He suggested maybe we should call an ambulance, I said not to.  His car wasn't quite within spitting distance, but definitely within a distance of two solid spits.  I thought I could make it.  It wasn't the ice.  I didn't slip.  I failed to keep my left foot from touching anything.  It was only the lightest graze but the pain was so great it overpowered everything else including but not limited to my sense of balance and control over my body.  I fell backward and broke the porch.  My dad said something like, "This is what I mean about an ambulance" or "I rest my case" or some such.

Thus I need a picture of the porch.  Until then, have random Kim Possible:


I was trying to get this on fanfiction dot net, but they like more meat on their dialog.  I seriously can't ever post Snarky Twilight there without breaking the rules because it's in script form.

So here's the context, in season 4 (the one after the show ended and a fan movement got it revived) there was an episode that was made to kind of throw a bone to the Kigo shippers in the audience.  Within the constraints they had (Kim/Ron is the OTP even if the chemistry isn't there, Disney doesn't acknowledge the existence of non-straight people, so on, so forth.)

So they had Shego zapped good and end up hanging out with Kim where they're instant best friends and . . . so forth.  Shortly before the episode ended they invoked the rule that Schrodinger's secret is more cool than any given state the waveform can collapse into and had this:
Kim: It was good to be on the same side.
Shego: Yeah.  Kimmie, I couldn’t tell you this while I was evil, but—
*Shego is zapped back to evil (which is her normal)*
A lot of people have made way too much of this line, though the comic that invoked Sailor Moon censorship and had it be "I want to be cousins," was admittedly hilarious.

Here's my stab at it, taking place well after the show is over.

It may be useful to know that the Wego twins have the power of multiplying themselves.  Or not.  You probably could figure that out from context.

As Kim looked contentedly up at the ceiling a thought took root in her mind: finally, at long last, she could get an answer.

"Hey," she said.

The response was somewhere between a groan and an "Mmmmph?"

"Hey," she said again, this time accompanying it with a gentle shoulder shake.

"Let me sleep, Princess," Shego said.

"I have a question," Kim said.

"I have a desire to sleep."

"There's something I've been wondering for ages."

"I don't care; give me sleep."

Kim propped herself up on an elbow so she could look directly at Shego.

"Come on, I've seriously wanted to know for years," Kim said.

Shego made a show of rolling so she was facing away from Kim.

"Just one question."

"Let. Me. Sleep."

"It'll only take a moment to answer."

"I liked you more when we were on opposite sides," Shego said. "Let's go back in time, prevent Dr. D from rapping, thus stopping the Lorwardians from ever coming here, and making it so you aren't keeping me from sleeping now."

Kim laughed.

"That kind of effort doesn't sound very much like you," Kim said while trying not to crack up again.

"Leave me alone."


"I could kill you."

"If you haven't killed your brothers yet-"

"We don't talk about Theego," Shego said, though she failed at pretending to be serious, "that doesn't mean it didn't happen."

"I think I'm safe," Kim said.

"Go away."

"I've been wondering about this for years," Kim said, "and now I'm finally in a position to-"



This was the longest silence there had been so far, just before Kim took action to make sure Shego hadn't managed to go back to sleep without her permission, Shego spoke:


"That, I will do," Kim said.

Shego finally acknowledged that Kim existed and was sitting across the table from her half way though her second cup. Two thirds of the way through the second cup she asked, "So what's more important than letting me sleep?"

"Remember the whole Reverse-Polarizer sitch?" Kim asked.

"As a rule I try not to remember times I was mind-controlled," Shego said.

"Right before Ron zapped you back-"

"As I recall," Shego said, "you and the buffoon thought me being freed was a bad thing-"

"That is manifestly unfair," Kim said, "we were caught up in the moment and-"

"Would have zapped me back into a mind-controlled state had I not been saved by the timely intervention of a streetlight-hoverpod collision," Shego said.

"I don't deny that," Kim said, "but we came to our senses and turned Electronique back to her real self less than 12 hours later and we would have done the same for you."

"Sure you would've."

Kim wasn't sure if Shego really believed Kim would have left her under the influence of the Reverse-Polarizer or was doing it to get a rise out of her.  If it was the first it was a horrible accusation, if it was the second it had worked.  She tried to think of how best to explain, then decided to just plow forward and hope she said the right thing.

"People were swapping from good to evil and back again so much that it just sort of lost . . ." Kim fumbled and couldn't find the words.

"Lost what?"

"It didn't seem like a big deal anymore," Kim said. "It just took Ron and I a little while to go from fifteen people swa-"

"You don't get to count every Wego instance," Shego said.

"That many people swapping from good to evil in less than two seconds made it seem jejune," Kim said.

"Have you been using a word a day calendar?"

"Don't smirk," Kim said. "You're right that switching Electronique and not wanting to make you you again was wrong; you deserve an explanation."

"I deserve more coffee," Shego said.

While Kim was getting Shego another cup, she said, "It just took us a while to go from the mindset we had during the fight to the reality that rewiring someone is horrific to the point that our language lacks appropriate words to describe it."

"It's got them," Shego said; "you just don't use them because you worry about setting a bad example."

Kim handed Shego her coffee.

"I can think of no profanity that conveys the wrongness of mind-control," Kim said as she sat down.

Shego took a sip of her coffee.

"So what is so important that you'll go through all this trouble just to ask?"

"When you were zapped you were midway through a sentence," Kim said.

"That was a while ago," Shego said. "And my brain was being rewired."

"You said that there was something you couldn't tell me when you were evil, but . . . something," Kim said. "That's when you were cut off. Right before you reached the actual point."

Shego thought for a moment, then she burst into laughter.

"Um . . ." Kim offered.

Shego just kept laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"You've been wondering about that for years?" Shego asked.

"Well, yeah," Kim said. "It's not often that your arch foe gets cut off just before making a dramatic confession."

"Not very dramatic," Shego said. "You're going to be let down."

"I've been wondering forever."

"It's not forever, Kimmie," Shego said; "but it might be better for you if it becomes forever. Less disappointment."

"I have to know," Kim said.

"Well, on the topic of forever," Shego said, "I was going to say, 'I've always . . .'"

Shego looked Kim over.

"Ok," Shego said, "you're looking at me like you're a small child and I'm the present that's going to make this the best Christmas ever."  She paused a moment and mulled over the sound of her own words. "It sounds kind of flattering when I put it that way, but the truth is it's actually rather disturbing."

Kim hadn't realized she'd been leaning forward, or how she'd been looking at Shego, but now that she noticed she tried to sit back in her chair and have a more neutral expression.  At least she succeeded on the first count.

She offered, "It's been bugging me since I was a senior in high school," by way of explanation.

"You really shouldn't have let one little sentence get to you like that," Shego said. "Even if it were something truly profound, it would be bound to fall short of your expectations after so much build up."

"You're switching into child development mode," Kim said.

"Am I?" Shego asked.

"You know you are."

"I guess it means I've had enough coffee."

"Then tell me already."

"I'm telling you," Shego said, "it won't live up to the hype. Just make up something interesting and believe that."

"I already did," Kim said.

For once Shego was the one at a disadvantage, if her, "Wha?" was anything to go by.

"Very articulate," Kim said.

"You're the one who said not to smirk."

This time Kim succeeded in returning her expression more neutral, but still quipped, "Couldn't help myself."

"What did you make up?"

Kim looked away. She blushed slightly.

"Well, it was after we met again when I was in college," Kim said, "I was thinking maybe-"

"Whoa!" Shego said. "Stop right there. No-no-no, no, no. No."

"Well shatter my hopes and dreams, why don't you?" Kim said playfully.

"I said, 'always', Princess," Shego said. "I said that I'd always, and our 'always' started when you were fifteen. You were just some kid."

"So it really is something you've been keeping from me since we first met," Kim said.

"Again with the blowing out of proportion, I still can't believe you've been waiting all this time on that one sentence," Shego said.

"So get it over with, already."

"Ok," Shego said. "Talk about an anti-climax. I was going to say that I've always liked you. Actual 'liked', not a euphemism for something more."

"You always liked me?" Kim asked.

"Ever since you 'for lunch'ed Dr. D while he had you over his shark enclosure," Shego said.

"Oh God," Kim said. "I'd forgotten about that. 'My pets are famished,'" she said doing a Drakken impression, "'perhaps you two could . . .'"

"I even liked Stoppable a bit when he got in on the action," Shego said.

"You're right," Kim said. "Massive anticlimax."

"Told you."

"Don't start."

⁂ ⁂

The members of Team Go, the team formed by Shego and her brothers after they were origin-storied into having super powers all have names of the form [English pronoun ending in "e"]go.  With "He", "She", "Me", and "We" already taken they'd really have very few options for additional names "Theego" is the only one I can think of.

The scene referenced, which is indeed the first time Kim and Shego meet, goes like this:
[Kim and Ron are on a small platform in the middle of a shark pool, Drakken and Shego are standing off to the side of the pool, Drakken has the thingy that can drop them in the tank in his hands]

Drakken: Enough chitchat! My pets are famished.  Perhaps you two could stay...
Kim: For lunch?
Drakken: I wasn't going to say that.
Ron: Oh dude, you were so 'for lunch'.
Drakken: Argh, yes! Then, stay for lunch!
*Drakken pushes the button that dumps them into a shark tank*

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