I think I only said it in an email, but it seems worth mentioning.
I fully expect everything to end in disaster.
Been here before, but never been here when I couldn't blame it wholly on depression. Perhaps not at all. Everything I have laid out in front of me is pretty hopeless. Being without hope here and now may be completely rational.
Still, even without anything resembling hope, I'm still here. And I'll still be here until everything ends in disaster, and after that I'll be in the ruins afterward. Don't know what else to do. Surviving is sort of what I do, as I've mentioned before.
But it does sort of put a damper on everything when every path I see leads to failure and despair.