Saturday, December 29, 2012

An update on School

So this semester was different for me.  Previously it had been all about depression.  When my coping mechanisms for depression worked I passed, when they didn't the result was abject failure.  The material didn't really matter, it was just whether my methods for coping with depression were up for the level of depression I was facing at the time.

There was also a level importance to the way the class was graded.  If the grading is based entirely on in class tests then I'm likely to do well unless it's closed book translation (I don't think it matters how long I study, I'm always going to need a dictionary at my side to translate properly.)  If the grading is based in large part on homework, or essays or other stuff done out of class then it depended entirely on how well I was coping with the depression.

This semester, early in the semester, we found a medication that got my depression under control only for the ADHD that the depression had been mostly* masking to suddenly come into full force and let me tell you that shit is impossible to deal with.  I'm sure that for someone who has practice it's not so bad, but I have basically no experience with it and the result has been zero control over what I can focus on.

I can focus like you wouldn't believe, but what it's on tends to be fairly random.  And without the ability to bring focus to schoolwork the schoolwork doesn't get done.

Anyway, I've talked about all of this before.  Here's the update.

I just remembered that I could check my grades online and that they should probably be in by now.  Of four classes I've got one outright failure, one which isn't in yet and I'll get a qualified incomplete (I have two weeks to find a way to focus and do a semester's worth of work) and two that are listed as incomplete which, in theory, gives me a lot more time.

So that's where I stand.  I think it's only my second failing grade so far since leaving high school, but if I don't  find a way to focus soon it'll be joined by three more.


*There had been signs before, going back as long as second grade, but under the weight of depression ADHD wasn't able to put out any definitive signs and what tended to happen is that a sign would come someone would say, "Looks like he might have ADD/ADHD (which one depended on the era, mostly)," and then after paying more attention say, "Not enough to make a diagnosis, guess he doesn't have it."

1 comment:

  1. Good luck. Could have been worse, could have been better, and so on.

    I have heard people with ADHD talk about what might loosely be called "right thinking", though they have all sorts of names for it because it seems to be a thing that people have to invent for themselves. Basically, developing mantra-ish ways of channelling their thoughts so that the hyperfocus can be pointed at stuff that it's useful to hyperfocus on. By now this may have reached the medical mainstream; I hope so.