Thursday, February 9, 2012

Snarky Twilight - Post Nurse Parking lot, Part 2

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

This is going to require a bit of explanation.  You see after reading the context many times, it finally hit me:
We were near the parking lot now. I veered left, toward my truck. Something caught my jacket, yanking me back. 
Bella, there's a time sucking bug on your back trying to destroy your life by altering an seemingly minor event. You have to fight it. Not only will your life be horrible if let it win, so too will the world be undone. The universe itself is at risk. The stars will go out. You have have to fight it. TURN LEFT!
And then I sort of ran with that crossover.

This picks up from where the previous one left off.


Edward returns to his car, and watches Bella drive away.
Bella: I've had some time to think it over and-
Edward: What the Hell?!
Bella: Do you overreact to everything? I've had some time to-
Edward: How the hell did you get here?
Bella: By plane. A four hour flight to Seattle, an hour to Port Angles, then an hour drive to Forks. We established all of this in the first chapter and this is a really weird time to be rehashing the logistics of it all. Now as I was-
Edward: No. How did you get in the passenger seat of my car?
Bella: Through the door. Is that what you're so worked up about?
Edward: But you just drove away.
Bella: Did I? I suppose I did. Anyway, I've had some time to think things over and-
Edward: You can't drive away and be in my car-
Bella: Evidence points to the contrary, and if you interrupt me again you'll make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Edward: Fine. What did you want to say?
Bella: What I wanted to say is that I've had a long time to think about what you said about the plot, and needing to progress it, and so forth. I took some time off, I did some soul searching, I met someone, someone who showed me that non-human men are capable of treating me with dignity and respect, I traveled, I deposed some dictators, saved some worlds.
- - - I've seen things you couldn't possibly imagine, though some of them were disappointing. Went to both shoulders of Orion, no attack ships on fire. Was very much let down. Still there was wonder there that I wish you could have seen. I wish you could have seen the vastness of space or the inside of a nebula, I wish you could see freedom emerge on a distant world or a march of lungfish pushing themselves up onto the land. I wish you could have sampled the sound of a black hole with me.
- - - I wish you could have because if you did then you'd finally understand how small you truly are. Sad little king of a sad little hill. I wish you could, if only for an instant, grasp the scope of the universe we find ourselves in because if you did then you'd understand how misplaced your arrogance is.
- - - And what I've come to realize is that I don't have to be here. There are any number of stories I could walk onto, there are any number of places I could go, and number of things I could do. I have options.
- - - But you don't.
- - - You're not welcome there. No one has a need of an insignificant bully who thinks he's the most important person in the world. No one is thinking, "What this story could use is some more Edward Cullen." You're nothing, and the truly sad thing is that it doesn't have to be that way.
- - - You could be the most important person in the world, just as anyone could be, and the only thing holding you back is the fact that you're convinced you already are. You're not. If you'd recognize that then you could change for the better, but as you are you're trapped in prison of self aggrandizing mediocrity. You've twisted yourself into a ball of meaningless arrogance and spite. You're nothing more than a petulant child who is so convinced he's already grown up that he never bothered to learn what growing up actually means.
- - - I pity you.
- - - Jessica is going to be a biochemist when she grows up. Eric wants to be a computer programmer specializing in games that can be used to teach children advanced mathematics in a way that's actually fun. Mike plans to run a local business. Angela is going to be a novelist. They're all going to be something, they're going to do something, they're going to matter. When will you start to matter? When are you going to make something of yourself?
- - - What do you want to be when you grow up Edward? You've had more time to ponder the question than most people have to live a life. Do you have any goals? No. And what have you done in that time? Nothing. Apart from saving me from the van, something the narrative forced you to do, can you name a single moment in your life when you actually mattered?
Bella: So what I've decided is this. This story is my home and I'm not going to leave it right now because of someone like you. But if you want me to take you seriously, you had better convince me you're someone worth taking seriously. If you want me to listen to you then you're going to start saying some things that are worth hearing. If you want me to go along with the plot you had better show me that the plot is worthwhile.
- - - I care about the story enough that I'd rather not leave you in charge, but don't think that I can't leave. If I decide that I don't like it here, I have plenty of places I can go. Wheres and whens that are just waiting for exploring. 
- - - I pity you, and that means I'm willing to try to help you improve, but don't confuse pity with licence. If you ever try to drag me around again I will test how vampires react to suns by dropping you into one.
- - - And, finally, I don't care what Claude says, Clair de Lune was better when it was Promenade Sentimentale. It's a damn shame he never released the original.
*Bella gets out of the car*
Bella (speaking through the window): If you want to be a main character try to be more interesting the inanimate objects in the story.
*Bella walks to her truck, which is not parked where it was earlier, and drives away.*
Edward finds his voice again: What. The. Fuck?


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  1. I barely know the setting, but this was still splendid.

  2. "You could be the most important person in the world, just as anyone could be, and the only thing holding you back is the fact that you're convinced you already are. "

    Love. Love love love love love! I could totally see the Doctor actually saying this line. Or Martha or Donna.