Sunday, February 12, 2012

Snarky Twilight - Lauren, Bella, and the Truck

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[Apparently this would take place sometime during New Moon, it was inspired by an excerpt from The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide.  The excerpt reads:
Sometime during the summer following her junior year, Lauren was approached by an alleged modeling agent in a mall in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. He told her she was a natural model, and Lauren agreed with him. The agent told her that if she cut her long hair into a shorter, edgier look and had some high-quality headshots taken, her future would be assured. Lauren followed his instructions -- spending three hundred dollars on a haircut and fifteen grand on pictures taken by the agent’s partner -- and never heard from the agent again.]

Lauren is sitting on the side of the road, dejected. Her previously long hair now short. Bella pulls up in her truck and gets out.
Lauren: (her voice is soft, weary) Hey Bella, I'm not really up for a standoff right now.
Bella: That's ok. I'm not looking for one.
*Bella sits next to Lauren*
Lauren: I've had a bad... week? Month? I don't even know. Everything seemed to be going so well and then it just...
*Lauren hangs her head*
Bella: I know.
*Lauren looks up quickly*
Lauren: You know? How could you know?
*Bella holds up a book*
Bella: It's in the guide.
Lauren: Can I see that?
*Bella hands it over*
Lauren: This is more than half my description. It's like it's the only important thing that ever happened in my life is getting ripped off. What the hell was the point of all this?
Lauren: Please tell me it's relevant to the plot.
Bella: It doesn't seem to be.
Lauren: Fuckernutter.
*Lauren goes back to hanging her head*
Bella: Lauren?
Lauren: Yes?
Bella: I know we're supposed to hate each other, but if there's anything I can do...
Lauren: That's very sweet, but I don't think there is.
Bella: Well is there anything you've been wanting to do?
Lauren: (even sadder) That's the worst part.
Bella: Sorry.
Lauren: No, you don't have to- it's not your fault. You couldn't have known.
Lauren: It's just... I've always wanted to go to Italy, and I saved up enough to get there, but then this guy comes along and he really had me convinced I could be a model. I... I checked. I looked at his website, I scoped out his office, I didn't do as much as I should but he really looked legit and one of the things he said was that he could get me working in Italy. Venice, Florence, Milan, everything I'd ever wanted. So *sniffle* when I needed some money up front I took it out of my savings for the Italy trip because I was going to go there as a model anyway. And-
*Lauren looks at the ground in silence*
*Bella tries to reassure her with a hand on the shoulder*
Lauren: and now I don't have enough to go. I've been looking forward to it for a year.
Bella: Then the solution is obvious.
Lauren: No, it isn't.
Bella: We'll get you to Italy.
Lauren: How?
Bella: In my truck.
*Lauren just looks at Bella*
Bella: I'm serious.
Lauren: You do realize there's an ocean in the way, right?
Bella: You think in such two dimensional ways.
*more of Lauren just looking Bella*
Bella: What? The surface of a sphere is a two dimensional surface. It's not Euclidean but it's... never mind. Let me show you.
*Bella stands up and offers Lauren a hand*
*Lauren doesn't respond*
Bella: I promise I won't bite.
*Lauren accepts and they go to the truck*
*Bella opens the panel in the driver's side floor*
*Lauren looks down the shaft, then under the truck, then back down the shaft*
Lauren: How is this possible?
Bella: Oh that's just the start. Down the ladder, down the hall, hang a right, another hall, and we can start this truck on its way to Italy.
*Bella starts climbing into the truck*
Bella: Where did you want to go first?
*Bella disappears into the truck*
Bella: You coming?
Lauren: (to herself) What the hell. (to Bella) I'm coming.
*Lauren disappears into the truck*


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