Thursday, December 1, 2011

Left Behind with Edward and Bella

[Originally posted at Slacktivist.]

In Left Behind there is a conversation where a character nonchalantly explains to another that a third is in a coma. When the person being told shouts out, "A coma!" the one doing the explaining says, "Like I say, we’re a little worried about him." It is also worth noting that one of the characters has been warned of the onrushing third world war, right down to which cities would be good to avoid, he has told no one.

As I was reading the dialog I came to the conclusion that it really feels like just about everyone is Edward Cullen. There is, unfortunately, a notable lack of Bella. For all her myriad faults, Bella does occasionally call out Edward for being ... well, Edward. I felt like Left Behind could use some more Bella in it.


“A coma!”

Edward chuckled, “Like I say, we’re a little worried about him.”

I focused my attention on my lemonade and said, "A little worried? You mean like how you'd be if your makeup started to run on a day that was turning out to be mostly cloudy instead of completely overcast, or more like you feel if someone asked my dad to to investigate the decline in the deer population and his response was, 'Maybe later,' instead of flat out, 'No'? Or is this more like an, 'I wonder if someone will notice that we're skipping school 1% more often than normal since this abnormally clear weather set in?' level of worry?"

I glanced up to see Edward's obvious amusement. I couldn't look for long because whenever I did I lost the ability to form polysyllabic sentences. I looked back at my lemonade and continued, "He's in a coma for fuck's sake. He might die. If even if he lives he might never wake up. Even if he wakes up he might never be the same. This is a big, potentially life altering problem the likes of which you and yours will never have to personally face again, and all you can muster is a little worry?"

Edward said, "I don't see why it matters. Alice said that most everyone in Chicago was going to die soon anyway."


The astute reader will notice that I've combined both Buck and the woman he was talking to into a single Edward Cullen. Which is kind of my point. In Left Behind, everyone is Edward Cullen.


This is not the first time I've felt like a character by Jenkins was saying lines that sounded like Edward. I previously did it at Ruby's 'Twas the Night Before deconstruction, but there I simply changed the names and left everything else the same.


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