Saturday, January 11, 2014

Snarky Twilight: It's so white in here why?

[Adapted from a comment originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.  You'll note the text style change when the original comment starts.]
[The actual description from Twilight is, "The walls, the high-beamed ceiling, the wooden floors, and the thick carpets were all varying shades of white."  I feel Douglas Adams could do better.]

[upon opening the door]
Bella: It's white. Everything in it is just totally white...
[time to look around inside]
Alice: Like it?
Bella: It's the wild color scheme that freaks me. *poking around the entertainment system* Every time you try to operate on of these weird white controls that are labelled in white on a white background, a little white light lights up white to let you know you've done it.
*The walls of the luxurious house were also white, the ceiling was white, the seats --which were of opulently expensive make-- were white, the control panel was white, the appliances were white, the little screws that held them together were white, the wood floor had been painted white, the deep shag carpet was white, and when she had lifted up a corner of it she had discovered that the foam underlay also was white.*
Bella: Why is it so white in here?
Alice: It's easier that way.
Bella: Easier? In the middle of a forest??
Alice: Yes, because... I could look into the future to find out but I'll just ask. How are you with bodily function talk?
Bella: I think I do ok.
Alice: Ok. You've noticed how we don't eat.
Bella: Yes.
Alice: Well we don't defecate or urinate either, we just sort of excrete.
Bella: Excrete what?
Alice: Still looking into that, but the thing is that it bleeds the colors from whatever it has prolonged exposure to. If everything weren't white there'd be white spots all over.
Bella: And school isn't affected because?
Alice: Don't delve into anything in this book to deeply. *beat* Well, do, if you want to, but get a degree in molecular biology first and realize that the Author didn't have one.
Bella: You have a theory. Don't you?
Alice: I think human touch, oils and sweat and whatnot, neutralizes the effect. So it's only here, where there are generally no humans, that it's a problem.



  1. When I saw the post title, my first thought was that "here" meant "the narrative"...

    Here's an alternative explanation: the sparkles are radiated ultraviolet. That'll bleach out most dyes with prolonged exposure.