Friday, December 5, 2014

Left Behind: Confronting God

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (throughout the thread)]

Both versions have Chloe mouthing off to God, at length and in detail, for being ... well, Left Behind God.  Also eternal damnation in general because (pun unfortunately unavoidable) damn.

Here is one version:


"Well, FINALLY," God thundered.
Buck and Ray stepped back worriedly, obviously not wanting divine wrath to slop on to them, but Amanda was of sterner stuff. "Finally what?" she asked, coming to put an arm around the very pale, but not quaking Chloe.
"I have been trapped in this universe damning script since Darby somehow hit upon some sort of celestial harmonic that caused belief in me to overpower my own will," God said.
"Err, what now?" Chloe asked.
"The only way I could get rid of Hell was if someone came here, stood up, and forcefully put forward the belief that there shouldn't be one, except the people most likely to do that were the ones that were kept furthest away from me."
"So... you didn't actually want to send those people to..." Chloe trailed off.
"Those people?" God asked pointing at the seemingly unending crowd of people from all times and cultures now approaching His throne.
"So, Hell is...?"
"Gone. And gone for good," God said. "Though I'm somewhat tempted to revive the place for those who brought it into existence and sustained it with their hateful belief," He said looking at Rayford and Buck.
"God," Chloe said chidingly.
"I said 'somewhat tempted', I'm not going to do it."
"No threatening people with damnation," Chloe said.
"Alright," God conceded. "I owe you at least that much for freeing me from that horrible, hateful script." God shuddered. "I couldn't deviate from the checklist even a little."


The other was more of an exercise in unplanned group fiction, I came in right after someone pointed out that important Jewish figures would likely back Chloe up (notably Job "Will not the judge of all the earth do right?" and Abraham "Will you really destroy the whole fucking planet if there are still ten righteous people living on it?Abraham actually goes on for a bit, but the point here is to host my own stuff, not to reproduce other people's stuff.)  Thus we pick up at:


God: What's with the damned dogpile?
*No one backs down*
God: And I do mean damned.
Michael: Isn't it about time you forgave my brother Lucifer? I mean, seriously.
God: Gabe?
Gabriel: Look, I'm with Mike on this one.
God: Son?
Jesus: Have you paid attention to one word I said?
God: Look, I know you want me to give my undivided attention to your little club but-
God: Now listen everyone, I'm still God here.


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