Friday, November 1, 2013

Twilight: Bella getting married to who she wants while Charlie negotiates the dowry

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

We've reached full-on patriarchy: Edward was clearly worried that Bella would marry Mike simply because her dad told her to. And supplied some sheep as a dowry.
Charlie: I know it's hard to admit this to yourself, he is your only child, but Mike isn't worth more than three sheep.
Mike's dad: I am not accepting a dowry of less than five sheep. Five sheep, a goat and two pigs (full grown; no piglets), or a full fledged milk cow and a chicken. Nothing less.
Charlie: Look, I might be able to go up to four sheep but the fourth one is going to have to be a lamb. There is no way I'm going to pay out a cow for such a poor husband as Mike.
Mike's dad: Poor? He's the best in the town!
Charlie: But everyone else has a reasonable idea of what their kid is worth. I could get Eric to take her for one sheep. Tyler for a lamb and a kid.
Mike's dad: Maybe I can go down to four sheep but they had better all be full grown.
Charlie: That's pushing it.
Mike's dad: One ram and three ewes, all in their primes.
Meanwhile back at the reservation:
Bella: Leah, my dad is out negotiating and you know how long that takes. This is the best chance we'll ever get to run away together.
Leah: Are you sure Bell? We'll have to go right through his jurisdiction.
Bella: I'm telling you: we can do it.
Leah: And then what Bell? I mean, I want to be with you but-
Bella: Will you marry me?
Leah: (Complete Shock) What?!
Bella: I'm not 18 yet but if we took a nice languorous road trip to Massachusetts by the time we got there we could get married.
Leah: British Colombia is closer.
Bella: The age requirement there is 19.
Bella: Was that a yes?
*Leah hugs Bella*
Leah: Yes.
Bella: (sheepishly*) I didn't get you a ring.
Leah: We can deal with that later. Let's go.
*they hop in the truck and drive toward their happy future together*
*I've been debating whether or not to point out that I spent enough time figuring out where marriage was legal when that I completely forgot this was inspired by sheep when I wrote the word "sheepishly". Obviously I landed on the side of pointing it out



  1. Hee!

    (No more to say, but wanted to say that.)