Yesterday was "apparently having a horrible headache is not actually conducive to writing about a character with a horrible headache" day.
Today I'm sad. I ... shouldn't be. I'm not at home today. No fleas, clean clothes due to access to a washing machine, human contact... this should be a positive time.
I'm tired and I'm sad. I feel like I've never accomplished anything and I never will.
Three payments on my various debts didn't connect properly. I didn't know that was going wrong, and so the payments are already late.
I view the future with trepidation at best.
Mostly I just want the entire world to go away.
I feel like I'm going to cry. Tears don't come.
I want to go to sleep even though it's early afternoon.
It does not help when it comes to putting things into perspective. I've had worse money problems. When my boiler had to be replaced it was fucking winter. I had to come up with 6,000 dollars in a matter of days while living off of quickly decaying ambient heat from before things went to shit. Between when I found out I needed that much money (and basically let myself be submerged in utter hopelessness) and when I woke up the next morning I got the money.
$2,000ish right now, with no fixed "Pay up or freeze" deadline should seem minor in comparison. It doesn't.
It feels like "Things fall apart the centre; cannot hold."
And the thing about having all the sad, for no good reason no less, is that it doesn't help with getting writing done. Which I very much want to do. But it's not coming. Just sad.
I got some money today from a TA gig I did, so I was able to throw something in the tip jar - wish I could do more. -_-ReplyDelete
I'm sorry things are this way.ReplyDelete
"apparently having a horrible headache is not actually conducive to writing about a character with a horrible headache"ReplyDelete
Funny - I would have expected it would give you tremendous insight...
Headache followed by a couple of days of feeling ill and extreme fatigue? Sounds like you have some kind of bug. Don't worry about your writing.