Friday, January 25, 2013

Random Bits of Twilight (circa yesterday)

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings here, and here, and here, and here, and here.  (All in the same thread.)]

For context, Edward has just used his super sexy powers on the hostess at a restaurant.  These powers have previously been established to be so strong that Bella cannot speak words with more than one syllable or hold a thought in her head when he uses them on her.  Also, recall, that Edward can read the minds of everyone other than Bella, thus knows exactly the effect his super sexy powers have on people such as the hostess.  Most of the lines in what follows are canonical Twilight.

Bella: You really shouldn’t do that to people. It’s hardly fair.
Edward: Do what?”
Bella: *rolls eyes* Use your vampiric powers of glamour and beauty to force them into hypersexualized states of wanting to go along with whatever you say. She's probably masturbating in a broom closet right now just so that she can deal with the next people without the pent up need for release you've created in her.
*Edward looks confused*
Bella: Oh, come on. You have to know the effect you have on people.
Edward: I dazzle people?
Bella: You know damn well you do you mind reading jackass.
(The above is probably apocryphal as I wasn't going to focus on the dazzling in that scene.)
But it is clearly Snarky-Bella, apocryphal or not.


Randal M:
Have we noted before that there's nothing in Vampire folklore about sparkling? There's all kinds of creatures out there that suck blood, and many of them move about by day, but none of them are noted for their sparkling beauty. 
On the other hand, we get these words: “Don’t be afraid,” he murmured,“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered again as he stepped closer,. "Don't be afraid" (technically, "Be not afraid"; same thing) is what Angels say when they manifest to a human.
So... wait... are we... are we positing that Edward is actually an angel? A... a bloodsucking angel?? 
I... that... 
No. Just no. My brain is more ok with sparkling vampires, I think. 
And me:

Did you ever notice how in the Bible, whenever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?
- Thomas Daggett, The Prophecy
Have you noticed that when angels appear to human beings they always start with, "Be not afraid"? Doesn't that mean that if they didn't say that people would be afraid? Doesn't that imply that they're very scary?
-Mikaela Martin, a student I went to high school with. Quote is approximate at best. It's been a while.
In the proper context, I think we can have Edward as an angel. Take all the bad bits, throw out the good, and angel fits him fine. Though I think the book would be better if he were a wheel within a wheel, made from fire, but that's just me. Anyone remember hydra Edward?
Then more me:

On the other hand...
On the other hand, we get these words: “Don’t be afraid,” he murmured,“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered again as he stepped closer,
Isn't that what slashers say when they approach with a large knife hidden behind their backs?

Still more me:

Edward: Be not afraid.
Bella: Believe me, I'd love to obey that but I seem to remember seeing a painting in a museum where Lucifer's wings were the exact same shade of red as yours.
Edward: Um... yeah. About that... see... there's a reason that I live with my adopted family instead of my biological one.
Bella: And there's also the fact that the angels who spent their time showing off their naked chests and abs to mortal women were not exactly in the good graces of god.
Edward: (Slightly angry) The book of Enoch was a long time ago. (More angry) Alright? *pause* (apologetic) Sorry. Sorry. Look, I'm just trying to say that I'm not... um... any more dangerous than anyone else. So, you know, if you weren't afraid of me pre-wings, this whole true form thing shouldn't be any more scary.
Bella: And if I was afraid of you pre-wings?
Edward: Be not more afraid? Maybe.


Changing tracks, Matt Redmond:
I think this might be onto something: 
(ETA: This was suppose to be a reply to Kristycat's comment about angel vampires, but Disqus went all screwy.)
To which I responded:

So Edward is a precious special butterfly?
I'm not sure I buy this. It seems an insult to all butterflies.

And that was yesterday.

[Twilight Index]

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps that's what happens when you try to run a human-sized body on a butterfly-sized brain?