Anyway, the plan for January to be a month of beginnings isn't going so well, I'd say.
[Very late in the story, but not the end because there's still the whole matter of a nostos and completing the term at college.]
Angela and Jesse returned to their room, giggling perhaps a bit too loud and once the door was shut the kissing started. Then stopped.
Jesse pushed Angela away and said, "No." And there was silence. Finally, "I'm not... I can't... I don't want to be some project for you to fix or something you're only with because you pity."
In spite of her best efforts, anger crept into Angela's voice, "Is that what you think our relationship has been?" And then the anger took over, "Do you really think so little of me? Because I'm not enamored with the idea of a pity fuck either."
"I didn't... I'm sorry... I just, I need to know that it's not because you found me broken."
Angela sighed and walked in a small circle, "If I hadn't found you..." she couldn't make herself say broken and so silence broke her sentence and threatened to take over, she took the sentence back by saying, "like that," and after a beat continued, "you wouldn't be here. But I'd like to think -I tell myself and honestly believe- that if we'd been on this journey together because you were the band's new cowbell player-"
"More cowbell," Jesse said dully, but with a hint of amusement.
"I'd like to think that we'd be here if that were why you've been with us. I even think we might have been here earlier, because I had to be sure for myself that it wasn't about pity, or something like that, and I wouldn't have needed to if we'd met differently.
"We've been traveling together, we've been talking together, we've been sharing a room, even sharing a bed lately, even if you're always fully clothed and you do always fight for the blankets-
"I have to fight for them, if I don't you take them all."
"The point is, I think we know each other pretty well, and what I want to do now I want to do because I like you, and I think you like me, and that has nothing to do with the accident of how we met."
Jesse came in close, put her arms over Angela's shoulders, interlaced them behind her head, looked her in the eyes, and asked, "You mean that?" Angela nodded, "You really mean that?"
Angela said, "Yes."
Jesse kissed Angela.
Some time later they were on the bed, both had shed their pants and Angela her shirt. Jesse lay on her back and Angela was on top of her, kissing her. Both were moving towards doing more than kissing when Jesse said, "You should know..." and then didn't finish the thought.
"I should know what?"
"This is really awkward, don't rush me."
"Wait too long and we'll lose the moment."
"I... uh..." then she said quickly, "I've never," beat, "been with a girl before."
Angela asked with mock injury, "Girl?"
"I've never been with a woman before either."
And the moment was ruined. "That's not funny," Jesse said, in a voice devoid of emotion.
Angela was confused, "What? I haven't." After a pause she added, "You've forced me to rethink my entire sexual identity."
"You know what I mean," Jesse said, a hint of anger tinging her voice.
"You look like a woman to me."
Now anger and sadness wrestled for control of Jesse's tone, "That's only because of tricks of... of clothing. My breasts are glorified beanbags for fuck's sake."
And now it was an argument, Angela argued back. "Designed by a woman, not a man, to keep herself looking the way she wanted to after a mastectomy. There's nothing not-female about them."
"Once my clothes are off I'm not a woman, I'm just a guy with an odd haircut."
"If that's how you feel about it leave your damn bra on," Angela said. Then after a pause, she made a grunt of dissatisfaction and annoyance and then pushed herself off and rolled so she was laying, looking at the ceiling, to Jesse's right.
There was silence.
"Moment officially lost." Angela said. More silence. "You are a woman, no matter what your body says. You know it because you can feel it, I know it because you told me."
"Whatever," anger had lost the fight to sadness in Jesse's voice.
More silence, until it seemed like all had been said. It was at this point that Angela asked, "Could we start again?" and after a moment added, "Please?"
Jesse hummed the tune to Could we start again please?*.
Angela sang, "I've been very hopeful, so far."
Jesse sang, "Now, for the first time, I think we're going wrong."
Angela, "Hurry up and tell me, this is just a dream."
Jesse, "Or could we start again please?"
"I honestly wasn't thinking about that when I said it," Angela said. Then, after a pause, "So, could we start again?"
Jesse let out a sigh. Then, "Sure."
Angela straddled Jesse and hovered over her, their faces inches apart. "Complete do over?" she asked.
Jesse said, "Total Mulligan."
Angela said, "None of that stuff from before happened and we're starting from scratch?"
Jesse said, "Your hair," which was brushing against Jesse's face, "tickles."
Angela took a deep inhale, then let it out, then said, "I want to kiss you." Pause. "Do you want me to kiss you?"
Jesse said, "Yes."
And so they kissed.
Later on Angela said, "I want to have sex with you. Do you want to have sex with me?"
Jesse said, "Yes."
And so they did.
A Doctor Who version exists.
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