Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Everything Hurts and Nothing is Beautiful

Yesterday I spilled a lot of water on my computer.  A. Lot.

How much of a lot?  You could have like fifty alots swimming in that water.

Ok, actually it was about the same volume as those metal milkshake making cups (which are awesome drinking vessels and I wish I knew where mine was) and I quickly flipped the damn thing so gravity would pull the water out rather than making it seep through, but water + computer is not good.

I thought that was as bad as things would get.  Without primary computer it's like a part of me is missing.  Without primary computer my productivity drops even if I'm doing the best ever and I'm not, I'm in a fucking dry spell.  Without primary computer there is less joy in the world.

Then my sister came over.

Let me tell you about Kevin, Jensen's biological father.

After Jensen was conceived, Kevin denied any part in the pregnancy.  The fact that he was the only one my sister had been having sex with didn't matter.  He didn't make a divine intervention argument per se, more a suggestion that my sister is so slutty that she could get pregnant by a guy other than her boyfriend without actually needing to have sex with the guy because sluttiness is magic.

So already we have the fact that he's an asshole who thinks accusations of promiscuity are all the argument one needs.

My sister, Jen: But: BIOLOGY
Kevin: Yeah, but you're a slut.

Granted he didn't use precisely those words, but . . . yeah.

By the time my sister was about ready to give birth, Kevin sort of grudgingly accepted that he might possibly have had something to do with the pregnancy given that he was the only one whose sperm could possibly have fertilized the egg, but he was still hostile to the idea of admitting for really real that he was the father and thus refused to be included in any of the paperwork because . . . Fuck you, that's why.

There were a lot of people there.  Several of them had known Jen for less than 9 months.  All of them cared deeply about what was going on and we anxiously occupied the waiting room hoping that maybe we'd be allowed back in to do something, anything, to help Jen with what was a very difficult birth and expectantly waiting to see the new human that would be produced.

Kevin wasn't there.  Always disinterested, it reached the point that he left the building entire and wandered off for a smoke.  (Can't remember if it was a cigarette or weed.)

A search party had to be sent out to find him because Jen wanted him there for the birth and it was finally, after several false starts, happening.

My sister, who has a strange idea of what it means to "do right by" her son, tried to keep Kevin in Jensen's life so that Jensen would have a dad.  Kevin is not a dad.  I don't even like using the term biological father because of the "father" in it.  He's at best an accidental sperm donor but that makes him sound like a person less hostile to the entire idea of his biological child's existence than he is.

Kevin, however, didn't have a choice.  Kevin might have been vehemently against the idea of having a son, but Kevin's mother was very into the idea of having a grandson and so Kevin was forced to go through certain motions.

It NEVER worked out well.

Jensen defied all of my expectations for a baby because I'd always heard they wake you up at all hours, cry for no reason, and are generally impossible to figure out or get to shut up.  Jensen was quiet unless he needed something at the moment and the only two things he ever needed were nourishment and diaper changes.

You had to try at most two things to get him happy and quiet again.

But then he'd spend a weekend with Kevin.  Kevin's solution to, "He's crying so he must be really hungry or really uncomfortable because of a dirty diaper," was to shove a pacifier in Jensen's mouth so Jensen would shut up without Kevin having to deal with feeding or changing Jensen.

So Jensen would go to Kevin downright stoic and return fucking crying his eyes out constantly until he realized that my sister would, in fact, notice and help him.

Jensen got older.

Jensen got potty trained.

Jensen went to stay with Kevin.

Jensen came back believing it was morally wrong to use a potty and instead he had to pull on pullups diapers and poop in them.

Jensen got potty trained.

Same sequence of events.

Eventually we figured out exactly what Kevin was doing.  Kevin doesn't like having to deal with a kid who needs to be taken to the bathroom, so it was easier on Kevin to stick Jensen in diapers and flat out refuse to let the kid use a bathroom.

The only things people have been able to say in support of the idea that Kevin might have some affection toward Jensen are that he likes taking him on walks through the downtown area with Jensen in a shirt that reads "Cute like Daddy" which Kevin only does to pick up women.

At worst Kevin treats Jensen like a neglected dog, at medium like a fashion accessory, and at best like a semi-trained monkey.

My sister has never reported any of this to anyone with authority because she "doesn't like calling the cops on people."

Meaning DCF doesn't know any of that.  So why not send Jensen off to stay with the father?

And Kevin has finally admitted he's the father.  I think he thinks it will mean he doesn't have to pay the two years of unpaid child support that he owes my sister.  I don't know if that's true.  It shouldn't be (it's not like him taking Jensen now would somehow make finances easier in the past) but I don't know.

What I do know is that since he's always refused to flat out admit he's the father and implied that my sister's magic slut powers (fucking god I'm sick of that word, but it is his reasoning) made it so someone else's sperm was responsible, he's going to need to take a paternity test.  He'll pass with flying colors, of course.

After that he wants full custody.

But . . . he's homeless.  (And drunk.)  There's nothing wrong with people who are homeless by choice, but DCF isn't so understanding.  Meaning he'd have to move in with one of his parents.

His mom, who is the only one in his family with any experience actually caring for a child well?  No.  Her house would never pass inspection.  His dad who has laid eyes on Jensen all of three times and never spent a night with the kid.

But which parent Kevin claims he'll move in with matters less than this: both parents currently live in New York.  For those of you unfamiliar with geography, New York is not Maine-Adjacent.

This could literally be a, "We'll never see Jensen again," thing if stuff goes wrong.

Also, unlike what movies tend to depict, this tends to be how kidnappings start.  That's your random fact of the day.  The parents disagree over custody, one takes the kid and splits.  If the one who splits doesn't have custody, it's kidnapping already, but if they do then the script goes like this:

Parent without kid: I do deserve custody.
Lots of hoops
State of Parent without kid: I guess you do.  That doesn't mean the other one doesn't, you'll have joint custody.
Parent with kid: Fuck you.
State of Parent with kid: On behalf of our citizens we would request that you kindly go somewhere private and engage in intercourse with yourself.
Drawn out battle in Federal courts
Feds: For fuck's sake, let the other parent at least see the kid.
Parent with kid: Thank you for the time to plan, you'll never find me.
*Poof, they're gone*

Doesn't have you eating popcorn the way Liam Neeson saying, "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you," does, but real world kidnappings of US citizens tend to be less dramatic and more personal.  The parent who loses the child knows exactly who took the child: the other parent.

So, yeah.  Even if we assume it's for the minimum possible time, Jensen being in Kevin's care is DO NOT WANT, but this could be forever if Jen can't regain custody this month.

If she's considered unfit then he gets Jensen because he'll have proven he's the father, and DCF in both states has already signed off on the, "Well he could never support a kid, but he'll be living with his dad," plan.

And then Jensen is out of state meaning the only way to get even partial custody back means first getting it in this state and then negotiation between states, and if everything goes perfectly, transportation plans and . . . it's fucked up.

* * *

Everything hurts, and nothing is beautiful.

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