Wednesday, October 22, 2014

I'm afraid

You all already know that I don't have enough money.  I've only made it through the past few months with the help of people donating.  It's not supposed to be this way.  The non-monthly expenses may be irregular, but they're not unpredictable.  I've done the math, things add up well.  By no means should I have large excesses, income vs. expenses means that I should always be scraping by.  But the important part in the last sentence is not the scraping, it's the "by".

The surplus I should be putting into savings in months without irregular expenses should be enough to cover the months with irregular expenses.  Except tuition.  I always knew tuition would be a problem.  An ≈ $3,000 problem.  I had hoped to have a solution months ago.  No so much.

But the problem isn't primarily Tuition.  It's everything else.  All of the stuff that was supposed to be covered by built up reserves that never got built up.

I'm behind on utilities bills.  Property taxes are due next month to the tune of $646 dollars (and some change.)  I borrowed to be able to fill up the heating oil tank before prices went up for the winter.  Still need to pay $153 of that back.

$400 to become $600 with the changing of the month is owed on a payment plan for something else (Thankfully no late fees or interest on that.)

That's $1,399 that wasn't supposed to be covered by money in savings except that I don't have savings.  I was supposed to have savings.  They were supposed to be built up in the warm months when there wasn't a need for heating oil and such.  I don't have them.

Add to tuition and that's ≈ $4,000 I can't really afford in addition to usual monthly expenses.  Now ordinary monthly expenses don't take up all my income (which is were the savings were supposed to come from) so I can pay maybe a few hundred of that if I buy nothing (I probably need new winter clothes, quite possibly shoes too as I've worn out the sloes on almost all of mine and in winter you can't have cracks or holes in those because getting wet is downright dangerous.)

None of this is why I'm afraid.

On Monday when it came up that I can't pay the full installment of the property taxes next month, my house's actual owner (my mother) brought up selling the house.  Not as a distant hypothetical,  As a very real thing where the concern was not where I'll live* but the fact that the house's value has presumably dropped and is presumably dropping.

If I can't cover the house's expenses, of which property taxes are by far the most significant, my house will be sold, I will be without a home, and my primary options will be to move in with someone who is abusive (two of those) or be homeless.  (The money I get a month is NOT enough for an apartment.  And if I get housing assistance that's deducted from the amount that I get.)

So, like I said, I'm afraid.


* I can't move in with my mom, she's too distant, my sister and father have both been emotionally abusive to me, sometimes very much so, and an apartment is probably not happening.  I could become homeless.


  1. I'm sorry that I never know what to say whenever you post about your dismal situation. My silence doesn't mean that I don't care, it only means I have nothing helpful to say. I'm sorry.


  2. Is this an immediate, urgent thing? (Knowing your mom, it's a whole lot of high anxiety confusion...yay...)

  3. I'm sorry this is happening to you :(