Thursday, October 3, 2013

Snarky Twilight: I'm a freak? / Also the problem with imprinting on an egg.

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings, here and here.]

[This would be from Chapter 9: Theory, bold parts are directly from the book.]

Bella: My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?
Edward: I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak.
Bella: Thank you so much for appropriating my insecurities and doing it in the most condescending way possible.
Edward: It's what I'm here for.
Bella: You're holding something back.
Edward: Like what?
Bella: I don't know. You're the one holding it back. *pause* But you know more about not being able to read minds than you're telling me.
Edward: You can't just stick to the narrative, can you?
Bella: What do you know?
Edward: Why should I-
Bella: WHAT?
Edward: Ok. Fine. Your dad has the same thing going on, just not as strong as you. I can only hear his thoughts a little.
Bella: So it's probably a hereditary thing which isn't that strange but you were going to let me go on thinking that I was the only one on earth who had it thus giving the impression that I was a freakish freaky freak and driving my self esteem through the floor?
Edward: I want you isolated.
Edward: There are only two ways this relationship will end. Either I'll murder you, which I'm well practiced at, or I'll force you to leave everyone and everything you love. In the first case it's better if people aren't wondering what happened to you. In the second it's better if you don't have any strong relationships. In either case if I can convince you that you are an oddity unlike any other human being and in so doing make you cut yourself off from the rest of humanity things work out better for me.
Edward: So, yes, I would love for you to think you're a freak. If we can also mix in some depression, some self loathing, and a general distaste for the rest of humanity then everything will be perfect for me.
Edward: I mean it'll suck for you. But that's the plan: Make your life so generally horrible that I'm the only source of joy in it. Then you'll need me like a drug. It'll be nothing like a loving relationship, but the chemical dependency that will force you to stay with me suits my purposes just fine. After all, there's nothing about you as a person I like, I just keep you around for the smell.


[This isn't from any part in particular.  Consider it Snarky Twilight Apocrypha]

Jacob: Bella, you absitively posolutely can't become a vampire yet.
Bella: Why not?
Jacob: Female vampires can't have children and one of your eggs is my soulmate.
*After Bella has a baby*
Jacob: Wrong egg, keep trying.


  1. Oh, but it's all so Wromantic!

  2. Thanks for reposting those here. I wasn't on Ana's blog for ages. Partly because the only two things I can talk about right now without getting distressed are my doll collection (nobody cares) and my current fandom that helped me to get through pretty bleak time in my life, but it's not very appropriate for safe spaces. My main ship there is even less so*. I need to find some other things I can talk about, and then I might return.

    *Horrible And Unhealthy, as previously mentioned. Yeah, pretty much like in your snippet. Except for "there's nothing about you as a person I like", which... isn't really the case - not that it makes horribleness any less horrible, of course.


    1. Dolls sound cool.

      And I hear you on the fandom thing. Would love to talk to you about it somewhere, although if it's not one I know I'll probably just nod vaguely...

    2. Barbies and those similar to them, mostly.


  3. To anonymous - maybe? Not sure where, though.

    It's, um, a horror fandom, and my main ship is hero/villain - so, not everyone's cup of tea at all.