Friday, December 18, 2015

That wondrous moment of realizing you didn't fuck up nearly so much as you thought you did. (Also, it's fucking Advent.)

I walked into the kitchen, noticed that the stove was on, wondered why, and then thought that I must have charred the garlic bread to a crisp by leaving it in the oven for two damned hours.

Then I saw the garlic bread, which I had forgotten to actually put in the oven, and thus everything seems to be fine.

My life is, perhaps, not that exciting.


And, in other news, even though it's fucking Advent, I'm told people have started saying, "I'm going to be un-PC and wish you 'Merry Christmas.'"

Just remember that whenever someone says that they're proving that they have no idea what the fuck Christmas is, and the largely arbitrary and almost certainly incorrect date of December 25th means nothing to them.  They apparently think that Jesus was born the day after thanksgiving, have some strange, very non-literal, interpretation of "the twelve days of Christmas", and hate everyone who thinks the season might be a time for coming together (solstice and then the days get longer proving that darkness will not engulf the world --unless you're on the other side of the equator in which case solstice and then the days get shorter proving that the world will not bake to death-- what's not to like?)

How do we know that these people are filled with hate?  "I'm going to be un-PC and . . ." which, roughly translated, means, "I'm going to openly be an asshole and . . ."

It takes a certain amount of animosity to recognize what you're doing is assholic, announce to the world that you know it's assholic, and then do it anyway.  To repeatedly say, "I'm going to be an asshole," to lots of people is just . . . well there's no mistaking it for ignorance or stupidity.  They're making sure that you're well aware that they're being an asshole to you knowingly and willfully.

And people like that are the kind of people won't share my joy that the garlic bread didn't burn.  (I know it didn't because I just took it out.)

So, remember, when someone wishes you a Merry Christmas they're probably wishing you well, and thus there's no reason to point out that it is, in fact, fucking Advent.  However if they preface it with "I'm going to be un-PC and . . ." or any other form of "I know I'm being an asshole, but . . ." that means that they don't like you very much and, while it's unlikely any good would come of it, you'd be well within the bounds of propriety to point out that it's fucking Advent, Jesus' birthday (observed, not actual) hasn't come yet.

Also they probably don't rejoice about non-burnt bread with those who rejoice about non-burnt bread.  Jerks.

1 comment:

  1. While "weaponised Christmas greeting" is a nifty phrase, it turns out to be unsurprisingly non-fun in the real world. What next, weaponised big-eyed orphans?

    Round here I've mostly been saying "have a good Christmas, New Year, and so on" to people whom I don't expect to see again before it's all over. I wouldn't say "Merry Christmas" without qualification any more than I'd say "Happy Birthday" before the day.