Wednesday, July 17, 2013

My Birthday

My birthday is August 3rd, you're all invited except almost none of you live near here and I don't know when, if ever, the celebration will be held.  Last year no one showed up.  Two people tried but one passed out from sleep deprivation (trying to maintain a night job and a daytime social life is difficult) and the other got irrevocably lost and had no way to contact me.

I didn't find these things out until later so on the day itself there was just a lot of distressed waiting around and no payoff.  It was all the Sad.

If previous times were any indication then jumping off a bridge may be involved.  (The correct answer to, "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" is, "Why the hell did I have to wait till last?")

But more likely at most one person reading this even has a possibility of coming.

So it was suggested to me that because I have constant money problems I ask for crowd funding of my life for my birthday... even though I didn't get you anything.  (Sorry.)  And also some of you have already given me much more than I would have ever expected.  (Thank you.)  Honestly I didn't really expect anyone to use the donate button at all.

This, on the one hand, makes sense.  If I were to say, "I have vague memories of Hostile Intent and Sleeping Dogs and might like to see them again," one of two things would happen.  Either no one would get me them (more likely) or I'd get multiple copies of the same one (less likely) either of which is sub-optimal.

Hostile Intent is sort of the anti-Sneakers.  For starters it's about a way to make computer systems impregnable instead of a way to break into any computer system, then it's an action movie (with a high body count), then it's crap where Sneakers will live on forever as an example of awesome.

Sleeping Dogs is a bad movie they showed on the Sci-Fi Channel back in the day.  Far enough back that they wrote it "Sci-Fi" instead of pretending that "SyFy" would be pronounced "Sci-Fi" when it clearly says "SeeFee".  If memory serves it's the one where the master thief doesn't know a damn thing about picking locks because everything is electronic and tries to give himself a peptalk by saying that the hand cuff lock was just "a tiny little mainframe."  Like Hostile Intent it is not in any way a good movie, but I grew up on it.

The point here is not that there are bad movies I'd like copies of (Primal Force [1999, Rob Perlman] never released on home video that I know of, Octopus [I think that's the one], The Beast, Deep Rising, many others whose names I have forgotten) the point is rather that asking for anything in particular will likely get me nothing and possibly get me several copies when I'd never need more than one.  (Though recordable DVDs and CD/DVD cases do seem to run in short supply a lot.)

Thus if someone does want to get me something (probably not) the best bet probably is to just use the donate button on the top right.  Also, I theoretically get a cut of purchases from Amazon made via this blog.  At least that's what the Amazon search box is for.

Or, you know, show up and meet me in person.  You could bring cookies or cake.  Or cookie cakes.  Or orange sherbert.  The possibilities are endless.

-

And, I just realized that I said "on the one hand" and never got to "on the other hand".  So, on the other hand, even though it makes sense it's a naked request for money on my birthday even though I never, ever, get any of you anything for your birthday.

So, yeah... do with it what you will.

8 comments:

  1. Or, you know, show up and meet me in person.

    I hope I can do that someday, but considering the last trip to Massachusetts was cancelled as quickly as it was created (it was because of my maternal grandmother suddenly dying) due to money issues, I doubt it'll be anytime soon.

    You could bring cookies or cake. Or cookie cakes. Or orange sherbert. The possibilities are endless.

    My favourite form of birthday cake is brownies topped with chocolate cream pie filling/mousse, with Thin Mints on top if available* (I hear they freeze well), with ice cream that should probably be vanilla to avoid passing out from chocolate overdose.

    even though I never, ever, get any of you anything for your birthday.

    Knowledge of the existence of tangerine lamps?
    (Yes, I'm stretching the definition of "birthday present", but only a little.)

    *My birthday is about a month after the Canadian mint cookie sale (they also sell Oreo-like ones in the spring), so it's relatively easy to find them. (Not as easy now that I've aged out.)
    (Mint Girl Guide cookies are exactly like Thin Mints, but with a small amount of Oreo-style cream near the top just under the chocolate coating. I don't like Oreo cream, but they're still nearly as good as Thin Mints.)

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    1. Brin! Where are you? Because one of these my nefarious plans could include a road trip there, if it's not too far.

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  2. I could be wrong, but I believe that the plan is that if you ever do have a Massachusetts trip we all converge on your location.

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  3. You promised me a birthday present, and I intend to collect. And I can, because I posess the superpower of seeing you in person.

    Very kind of you to continue along those lines after I gave you "present" at my birthday party of HORRIBLE GERMS.

    So this means I should get you a really good present. Or, someone else could get you a really good present on my behalf. Any rich lurkers out there ready to step up?

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  4. Lonespark: Brin! Where are you? Because one of these my nefarious plans could include a road trip there, if it's not too far.

    I live inside this picture! A wondrous land of countless rivers, streams, and ponds, equally countless patriotic coffeeshops*, fried apple slices, fountains that turn into skating rinks in the winter, and many other lovely things.

    *I recommend the tomato-cheese bagels (especially toasted and buttered) and/or, if it's hot out, raspberry lemonade slushies. (My local branch does not have an ice cream section, but I hear the ice cream's good too.)

    Chris: I could be wrong, but I believe that the plan is that if you ever do have a Massachusetts trip we all converge on your location.

    That is indeed the plan. There's always a museum or two in there somewhere.

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  5. Ahhh. Well, that's...closer than many places. I'll pencil that area in for a future conquest.

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  6. Darn, those Amazon links only seem to let me buy the things for myself, not for somebody else. Unless I'm missing something. Wishlist?

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    1. I don't know for sure but maybe if you ordered it with a different shipping and billing address that would let you buy things for others?

      I think I've been asked if I wanted things gift wrapped before so you'd think there must be a way.

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