Friday, July 12, 2013

Sharknado (Open Thread)

I recorded Sharknado last night but have not watched it yet.

Before it came on I was discussing with Lonespark how it seems like a sharkicane (storm surge) or a sharknami would make more sense.  A tornado doesn't flood the streets so wouldn't the sharks just be projectiles, not even as bad as shark sized hail because like most living things they're squishy rather than ice hard.

It almost seems like there were two dart boards: Sea life and disasters.

Dart 1
Dart 2
"Whirlpool Hmmm... Piranha Whirlpool doesn't have the right ring.

Dart 3
Dart 4
"Inundation.  Uhhh... 'Squid Flood'?  Try again."

Dart 5
Dart 4
"Tornado.  You know, I think we can work with this.  Shark Tornado.  Sharkornado.  Sharknado.  THAT'S IT!  Sharknado.  We've got a winner.

(Damn it, I was holding out for Octopus Thunder.)

Open thread.  Talk amoungst yourselves.  Come up with names better than Sharknado.  Or worse.  Come up with plots.  Say things entirely unrelated.  Whatever.  (Be aware that Frankenfish, Flu Bird Horror, and Two-headed Shark Attack are already taken.)


  1. There was a Cyanide and Happiness cartoon about sharks on segways, so I googled "sharks on segways," and that returned a surprising number of results.

  2. Gotta have a nautilus on the "sea creatures" list. And an oarfish, cuz they're cool, though they'd probably call it something more terrifying...(King of the Herrings?)

    Oh, and a Giant Clam. Clearly. But it would be mutated, right, so it would be like, a Colossal Death Clam?

  3. And sardines, because why not.


    Surely something has already been achieved regarding catfish? And stingrays?

  4. (Be aware that Frankenfish, Flu Bird Horror, and Two-headed Shark Attack are already taken.)

    I haven't heard of the first two, but I did see some of Two-Headed Shark Attack a while back. Pretty good movie, if you define "good" as "amusing". It was completely unaffected by one of its heads getting chopped off.

    I saw most of Sharknado last night. (Took a bit of a break in the middle.) While it was obvious that Nova's scarring was from a shark bite, the shape made me hope that she was actually a mutant with gills on her legs and her breathing-underwater powers would come into play. (Alas, they went with the obvious.)

    I wish I were as physically resilient as a bad-horror-movie shark. Major limb got cut off? Swept up into a vortex? Immersed in a substance they can't breathe for hours on end? Perfectly fine!

  5. After looking at my RSS reader, I now want to watch Attack of the Killer Vending Machines. (If anyone can think of a sillier name, please say so.)

    I can see the beginning now:
    Man walks up to vending machine, orders soda.
    Reaches into dispenser to retrieve soda.
    "AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Man stumbles around clutching wrist stump.

    At first, people are safe as long as they stay away. (Not as easy as it sounds: it's a holiday weekend, and many stores that would otherwise sell food and drink are closed. Plus, there seem to be an awful lot of vending machines around. When did they install that one? I swear it wasn't there last week.) Inevitably, the vending machines learn to move under their own power, and to fire aluminum-and-sugar-water missiles when they have trouble getting close enough to bite.

  6. I note that there was a sharkicane and the sharknadoes (3 of them) were just so that the main characters could look heroic.

    I see no logical reason to assume that the separated couple getting back together will end in anything but utter failure fairly fast (unless they're held together by the common cause of constantly needing to save their children in bad movie after bad movie) and the woman in love with mainest of main characters instantly having her affections transferred to his son made no sense.

    It seems like it would have been more reasonable for her to say, "You said that we couldn't be together because you were my boss, which is a very good reason because power dynamics and shit, but now that the business has been destroyed by an act of the shark god you're not my boss so maybe we could try something now."

    Instead her reasoning seemed to be, "Well I can't get him, but he has a son I can imprint on. Woot!"

  7. John Scalzi's blog riffed on this. He felt that if they are willing to do Sharknado, the SyFy Channel should pay him to write Snailquake. His commenters jumped on the theme with their choice of bad animal/disaster movie titles and provided some entertaining mockups for ads. I really enjoyed volecano and Tunami. My contribution was Armadillogeddon.


  8. Volecano, OMG. I love it.

    Of course Volcano was hilarious enough itself... "The toast!"

  9. Also now I want Pornado, which could involve porcupines, but would make us all think dirty thoughts.

    (I guess Porcupines aren't aquatic? But Scalzi's stuff isn't...)

  10. OOhh, I love pornado. Scalzi didn't specify aquatic so people went for any animal.

  11. As I recall, they've already done Arachoquake.

  12. Brin, have you seen Maximum Overdrive? (Evidence that when Stephen King complains about how film directors Just Don't Get Him that he should not be listened to.) The whole thing seems to be on youtube; the vending machine scene is quite near the beginning.

    Magmabite: trilobites have been preserved for millions of years in lava cysts, and now they're hungry.


  13. I think the Tommyknockers film/miniseries/WhateverItIS had a killer vending machine.

  14. Magmabite: trilobites have been preserved for millions of years in lava cysts, and now they're hungry.

    OH HELL YES. Firedrake, you are a genius. Opening this up to paleobiota makes takes the awesome up a level.

    Belemnites impaling unsuspecting...divers? Oil rig workers?

    Ammonites taking out submarines?

    ...something something pre-Devonian jawless fish, just because...