I don't really know how to respond to donations. I don't want to make people who can't give them feel inadequate for not giving them, I don't want people who give smaller ones feel less than for not giving bigger ones. I don't know if I should mention people who give them by name both because the process is theoretically private and, as I previously said, I don't want to leave those not mentioned feeling less than.
All of that said, I recently got a couple of donations and I wanted to say something. I wanted to say something because things are rather crap for me at the moment and any help... helps. That sounded redundant. I wanted to say something because I have a feeling that whenever I finish my phone tag with the state I'm going to find that they're still not going to help me with my medication which is about as expensive as a place to stay (free trials have ended) and so right at this moment money is more than money, money is the ability to get back the only medication that ever helped me with depression. Not just helped but dealt with the thing (or things; I'm blessed with two forms of the fucking disease) in one blow.
On it I'm still not able to work for other, still mental health related, reasons but mood-wise I become a normal person which is a damn good thing because being depressed sucks. Off it I have a quick decline as it filters out of my system and then I'm depressed again and life cranks up to the highest difficulty level that only masochists would use where simple things like standing up are achievements equivalent to summitting a particularly difficult mountain.
I would say that I need the medication but that's not quite true, I spent the majority of my life depressed and sometimes did a pretty good job of it. I still exist without it, it's just that everything is harder and everything sucks a whole lot more and joy is extremely elusive and very ephemeral.
So at this particular moment money is more than money, it's the possibility of being able to be happy. Whether or not I am happy depends on many things, but whether or not I'm able basically depends on the medication which in turn depends on money.
As a result, the two donations that I just got mean a hell of a lot. And so I want to say, "Thank you." Very publicly, very sincerely, very loudly.