Dear Spammer: I do have a donate button

The fact that spam making software doesn't actually tailor the spam to the page it's posted on or the site in general is obvious, but you'd think that someone somewhere in the spam scheme of things would insert a line of code that made it so the, "It's a pity you don't have a donate button! I'd certainly donate to this excellent blog!" (actual quote) spam didn't show up on a blog with a donate button.

Top of the page, right hand column.  With an image called, "btn_donate_LG.gif."  A simple check of the text of the page would reveal that it does, in fact, say donate.  It says it inside the name of an image, but if you're searching the page source that doesn't matter: run a search for donate and you get a hit.

It shouldn't be hard to make it so that the "I'd totally donate if you just had a button," (paraphrase) spam didn't show up on blogs with a donate button.  Just have a bit of code that makes it search the page's source for the word "donate" and if it gets a hit use some other flavor of spam on that particular page.  It's all still automated, it still requires no human oversight, but it makes it marginally more likely that someone won't be able to tell in one second or less that the message is definitely spam.

The prequels as they were described in the original Star Wars trilogy

It is worth remembering that the Star Wars movies never had a strong connection to the past and a result of that is that you can see the original trilogy already contradicting itself when it was produced, no need to look to the prequels to find a new Star Wars movie that ignores what was established in the old Star Wars movie(s).

That said, the purpose of this post is not to point out contradictions within the original trilogy.  It is instead to say what the original trilogy said about what came before it.  We have the prequels which flat out ignored what the original trilogy said, but what does the original trilogy actually say?  This post is to give an answer to that.

I'm using the theatrical versions of the original films here, as released on the no longer in print DVDs that had the theatrical cuts as bonus disks.  (Though out of print you can still get them, either as a set or individually: first, Empire, Jedi.)

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Yoda trained Obi-Wan.

Anakin, Beru, and Owen all knew each other.  Their relationship is never stated but if Beru and Owen are really Luke's aunt and uncle my best guess is that one of them is Anakin's sibling since they talk about Anakin but not [nameless mother].  They know Anakin well enough that they can talk to each other about his personality without ever describing it and have the conversation be perfectly sensible because each knows what the other means.

It is implied that they grew up on Tatooine (Obi-Wan says that Owen thought Anakin should have stayed here, "here" being Tatooine, and not gotten involved.  On the other hand: Jedi Truth.)

Regardless, the Clone Wars happened and that broke up the Anakin-Beru-Owen trifecta because Obi-Wan came by and Anakin followed Obi-Wan off to get involved.

At this point in time Anakin was already a great pilot and Obi-Wan was amazed at how strongly he was connected to the force.  Obi-Wan took it upon himself to train Anakin, thinking he could train Anakin as well as Yoda would have.  (This will mater later.)

Anyway, the "damned fool idealistic crusade" (Obi-Wan describing Owen's point of view) Anakin followed Obi Wan on was probably the Clone Wars since they both fought in them.  (Obi-Wan was a general who served under Leia's non-Vader father, Anakin's role isn't elaborated on much.)  Given that the dark times started with the Empire, and before the dark times peace and justice had to be guarded rather than perpetually restored, it's a fair bet that the almost undescribed Clone Wars represent the Empire's rise to power.

One thing we can say about them is that they were multiple.  It's not, "the Clone War," but instead, "the Clone Wars."

Another thing we can say is that at some point Anakin went from being a great pilot to the single greatest pilot.

Fighting against the growing power of the Empire, which is, again, probably synonymous with fighting during the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan knew that if Anakin had any children they would be a threat to the Emperor.  So when [nameless mother] gets pregnant she goes into hiding, Anakin doesn't know where.  This happens early enough in the pregnancy that neither Obi-Wan nor Anakin realize there are twins involved.

Anakin leaves his lightsaber to be given to his yet to be born kid(s).  (Presumably he makes a new lightsaber to replace the one he left.)  The fact that Leia ended up with someone Obi-Wan served under as her adopted father implies that [nameless mother] went into hiding on Alderaan with the help of Obi-Wan's friend and ally.

Anakin falls to the dark side and helps the Emperor to hunt down and exterminate the Jedi. (This is implied to be a process, not as simple as going into the temple and killing a bunch of kids.)

Obi blames himself for this. Specifically he blames thinking he could train Anakin as well as Yoda, with the strong implication that he'd never taken on a student before.  In his mind, if he'd had Yoda do the training of Anakin things would have turned out better.  This is presumably also when Luke's father starts to become two people in Obi-Wan's mind.  The good man is Anakin Skywalker, the bad one is Darth Vader.  (His "certain point of view" had to start somewhere.)

The good side loses. Obi-Wan and Yoda go into hiding as the last of the Jedi.  I place this event here because Obi-Wan says he hasn't used the name "Obi-Wan" since before Luke was born.  I figure giving up his first name was a part of going into hiding.

There is, it should be noted, no evidence that either Obi-Wan or Yoda knew the other had survived.  Obi-Wan doesn't demonstrate knowledge of Yoda's continued existence until after he is dead which, I gather, gives a Jedi a better understanding of things.  Yoda and the dead Obi-Wan are already in contact before Yoda appears on screen.

The twins are born to [nameless mother] they're separated for further safety.  Luke is brought to Owen and Beru, who knew his father.  Leia stays with her mother.  This is done without Obi-Wan realizing there were twins (Yoda has to explain it to him, which then leaves him to explain it to Luke.)

Regardless of whether or not Owen and Beru have blood ties to Luke, they definitely knew his father, rather well no less, so this divide seems to be giving the male baby to those who knew the father, keeping the female baby with the mother.

I definitely think bringing Luke to stay with people who were, at best, childhood friends of Anakin, and at worst a sibling of Anakin and sibling's spouse, would have worked better if two things were true:
1 Tatooine was not their original home
2 Anakin didn't know they were on Tatooine

The reason is that if Vader obviously knew who they were given how they're able to speak casually and knowledgeably about him pre-name change.  If he knew where they were it makes a certain amount of sense for him to check in on them at some point, especially if one of them is really his sibling.  The result of that looking in would be, "Hey, I have a son!  Totally taking custody."

Bonus points if Owen is so bitter about Anakin's decision to get involved because Beru and Owen were forced to relocate in hiding to Tatooine as a result of being sibling and inlaw of Anakin.

Unfortunately, that's not the story the original trilogy tells.  The only indication of where they're originally from is when Obi-Wan says "here" is the place Owen thought Anakin should have stayed.  He says it on Tatooine, thus the implication is Tatooine is where the three originated.

Anyway, Obi-Wan relocates with Luke to Tatooine, bringing Anakin's lightsaber with him.  He does this without realizing that there were two children.  Yoda, on the other hand, does know.  Minor speculation would be that Obi-Wan brought [nameless mother] to his colleague on Alderaan for hiding and also called in Yoda for extra help.  Yoda was there when it was realized the pregnancy was twins and advised that the twins be separated for further safety. Thus Obi-Wan was given Luke to bring to Beru and Owen without ever being told there was another child.

Putting things in order for the story of Leia is difficult, if not impossible.  Here's what we know:
1 [nameless mother] lived long enough for Leia to gain some memories of her but not many.
2 At some point Leia becomes a part of the royal family.
3 At some point Leia has another mother (Luke has to explain which mother he's talking about when he asks Leia about her mother.)

There are six orders you can put those three events in (and that assumes none happen concurrently) and none of them would contradict what is shown on screen.

So, for example:

1. [nameless mother] dies after living long enough to have memories of her stay with Leia, Leia is then adopted by Obi-Wan's colleague from the Clone Wars, who becomes her not-Vader father and imparts on her the title of princess.  If not-Vader father already has a wife this is when she gets the not-biological mother.  If not then at some point down the road he marries a woman.
2. [nameless mother] dies after living long enough to have memories of her stay with Leia, Leia is then adopted by not-biological mother.  Not-biological mother marries not-Vader father adopting Leia into the royal family as a result.
3. [nameless mother] either thinking Anakin dead, knowing he turned to the dark side, or just not being big on monogamy, starts dating the non-Vader father of Leia.  They marry, thus adopting Leia in the process.  [nameless  mother] dies.  Not-Vader father remarries, thus giving Leia not-biological mother.
4. [nameless mother] either thinking Anakin dead, knowing he turned to the dark side, or just not being big on monogamy, starts dating the non-Vader father of Leia.  They marry, thus adopting Leia in the process.  Either the king/prince already has another wife, or marries one while still married to [nameless mother] (why should Alderaan care about monogamy?)  Thus Leia gains not-biological mother.  Then [nameless mother dies.]
5. [nameless mother] for reasons mentioned above (was getting too wordy), starts dating again.  Specifically not-biological mother.  Thus Leia has to mommies.  Then Leia's mother dies.  Not-biological mother remarries into the royal family, thus adopting Leia into it in the process.
6. [nameless mother] for reasons mentioned above, starts dating and ends up with not-biological mother.  The two of them marry into a polyamorous relationship with Leia's not-Vader father.  [nameless mother] dies at some point after that.
7. There are also possibilities that involve [nameless mother] giving Leia up for adoption which would have the result that Leia no longer being in her custody, above assumed to be connected to her death, was something that happened before [nameless mother died].  It's even conceivable that [nameless mother] didn't die, but then there's a major question of where she ended up that she never contacted either of her children

I like the idea put forward in the other thread that [nameless mother] was a Jedi too.  Anakin's lightsaber was put in safekeeping so it could be given to Luke, [nameless mother's] was put in safe keeping so it could be given to Leia.  But by the time Leia was old enough the Jedi were basically exterminated and those who had kept the lightsaber didn't think it wise to give it to Leia for the same reason Corran Horn of the Expanded Universe was never told he could be a Jedi: If Leia had been told she would have been so proud she'd have difficulty keeping it a secret and a single wrong move could mean death.

There's absolutely nothing in the original Star Wars to contradict this, but there's also nothing to support it.  Absolutely nothing.

So, tangent over, one of the seven things listed above, or something like it, happened for Leia.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Obi-Wan clashes with Owen over how to deal with Luke.  Owen is afraid Luke will end up like his father (which whether you've heard the truth or the "certain point of view" is not a good way to end up) and tries to protect Luke from that.  Part of that involves telling Luke lies about his father, part of that involves keeping Obi-Wan away.  Part of it involves always finding one more thing for Luke to do around the farm before he can go away to make his own life.

At some point Obi-Wan, now Ben, determines that Luke is old enough to get his father's lightsaber.  Owen won't allow it.

Leia becomes a member of the Imperial Senate.

Rebel spaceships win their very first victory against the Galactic Empire during which rebel spies steal the death star plans.

Star Wars (the first movie) starts.

-

And that's the story told in the original trilogy.

Amazon Deal: The Borne Trilogy

The Borne Trilogy (movies, not books, and the two are only loosely related) is on sale for the week, so if you'd like the movies half off in DVD or Blu-ray, now is a good time to get them

Snarky Twilight: Edward makes the possibility of Bella's death (at his hands) all about him.

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[I've been thinking that I need to identify when lines are from the original, so I'm going to try making them bold and see if that isn't too annoying.]

Edward: Isabella.
Bella: *annoyed* Bella. I go by Bella. You know that. Jackass.
Edward: Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you.
Bella: I assume you mean physically because if if emotional harm were included you wouldn't be able to live with yourself now and you don't seem suicidal.
Edward: *ignoring her* You don't know how it's tortured me.
Bella: No, but I can put an upper bound on things. It hasn't tortured you enough to for you to stop being a complete and utter ass to me, for example.
Edward: Would you STOP That?!
Bella: OK, fine.  Carry on.
Edward: Thank You. *pause* I, um... now... where was I?
Bella: Australia?
Edward: Not funny.
Bella: It might be if you got the reference.
*Edward glares*
Bella: You were talking about how your persistent drive to kill me is way worse for you than it is for me.
Edward: Right. Thanks. *clears throat* The thought of you still cold and white-
Bella: Like a vampire?
Edward: Never to see you blush scarlet again-
Bella: Because me being alive is only important if you can see me being alive, if not for you observing it my survival is meaningless. Also, vampires can't blush. Again the traits you find nice in me are ones which are an artifact of my species, not my personality or actions or opinions. You do realize that the fact you can't hear my thoughts doesn't mean I never think, right?
Edward: to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through by pretenses.
Bella: It's not that hard. Flip a coin, did it land heads or tails rather than balanced on an edge? If yes then Edward is probably being pretentious. If it did land balanced on an edge reconsider your thoughts on life, including Edwards pretenses.
Edward: You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.
Bella: Except you.
Edward: What?
Bella: Even if I were to accept that I was really so important to you, which would seem massively out of character for you, I would still only be the most important thing to you other than yourself. You've got an ego big enough to rival Jupiter's magnetosphere in size. There's no way I could be competing with that...
        Plus all of the things you've said about my possible death are about how annoying and unwanted it would be for you. Nothing about the fact that being dead would be sort of inconvenient for me.
        Anyway, you know well how I feel. I'm only here to progress the narrative because when the narrative isn't progressed nothing happens, and when nothing happens things get very boring very fast.
        I'm here... which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than suffer soul crushing boredom. Not that I consider myself likely to die here.
*pause*
Edward *gesturing for Bella to continue* And?
Bella: And what?
Edward: You're supposed to say that you're an idiot.
Bella: Why would I do a thing like that?
*Edward facepalms and sighs*
Edward: You are an idiot.
*awkward pause that is not filled with laughing, instead Bella merely has an angry unblinking stare fixed on Edward*
Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Bella: That is wrong in so many ways. I don't even know where to start. I mean, you've butchered the allusion, you're using the wrong meaning of lie with, you're then jumping from sex to love as though the things that cause people to have sex are identical to the things that cause people to be in love.
         When I tend to think of cross species love I think of the crow and the black cat, but that was familial love and won't suit your purposes so you'd probably want to go with the donkey and the llama or the house cat and the bunny. On the one hand you're clearly an ass, on the other had saying that makes you the donkey is using the wrong definition of ass and an insult to all donkeys
Edward: Finished?
Bella: No.
Edward: Damn.
Bella: The most egregious thing about what you said is the claim that you're in love with me. I have yet to see even the slightest indication of that. You certainly don't respect me and it's hard to love someone you don't respect.

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[Snarky Twilight Index][Next]

Recommends: Read someone else talking about depression (Hyperbole and a Half)

So my tooth is no longer infected, but the first day the infection was really definitely in "Something Is Wrong" territory I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist and I haven't been able to make up that appointment yet.  As a result I've run out of all my medications and am quickly relearning what it's like to be depressed.  (Short version: more or less like I remember it, actually.)

But at the moment I think you should read someone else talking about depression, for a change.

I said earlier that Hyperbole and a Half was back but the backness was just to give people about the heads up about the coming post.  That post is no longer coming for it has arrived and is thus here.

It's all of the brilliance that one should expect from Hyperbole and a Half and a very good post on depression as well.  It is, of course, always worth noting that depression is a lot like evil snowflakes: every case of depression is different.  What Allie says at Hyperbole and a Half about depression should no more be taken to describe all cases of depression everywhere than what I say here.  That caveat stated, go: read this post.

I've a comment over there which I might try to take some of the ideas from and incorporate them in a post at some point.  I've been meaning to do a post called, "You feel like you're helping; I feel like you're hitting me with a stick," or something to that effect, for some time now anyway.  The hard part has always been doing the work of actually writing it.  If you're interested, the comment is here.  If you're not interested then, interestingly enough, the comment is still where I said it would be if you were interested.

As a result of checking to see if the comment actually posted I've read some of the comments on page 24 of the comments, I've also seen some of the ones on page one and, for some reason that I don't really understand, 21.  That's hardly a comprehensive look at the comments, but it is enough to have picked a favorite: "This post is my piece of corn. Thank you."  (It is here, if you want to see it in it's original setting, but I've quoted the entire thing so don't expect anything more.)  I'm with Melissa, whoever she may be, on that.  If you have no idea what it means, then you haven't read the post yet.

Seriously, read the post.

Hyperbole and a Half is back

For the first time in over a year there's a new post up at Hyperbole and a Half.

Hyperbole and a Half (or "HYPERBOLE and a Half" as it is written in the title image) is the blog that brought us the Alot.  A little over a year and a half ago there was a post on depression there.  And then, nothing.  The blog went dark.

Now it isn't anymore.  The new post is just announcing that sometime today there will be another post, which will be about depression and the long absence, so there's not a lot to read in it.  That said, if one wants to read a lot there are 1,666 comments so that's something for you.

An angry person with a mental shield giving a speech to the opposing army

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[I'm not entirely sure whether this is a very angry Ben or a very angry Bella, but this would be a version of the end of Breaking Dawn in which the whole mental power vs. physical power thing was taken to it's logical absurdity.]

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"You still don't understand, do you?"  Their silence showed that they didn't because if they did this would be the part where they tried to bluff their way out of things.

"Powers.  Most vampires have them, maybe all.  You know that, it's why you wanted the future seer," I gestured to my new in-law. "As a human mine was ill expressed.  It was still embryonic and not yet ready for full use.  Inconsistent, incoherent, inchoate.

"Tricolon, it's nice don't you think?"  I focused on the one who was always angry. "Rhetoric is such a nice thing and those Latin terms are just so much fun.  Much better than Greek."  The anger simmered, I was going to have to make it boil if I was going to have an effective demonstration.  "Of course I see you're wearing pants."  I let that hang a moment, then, "So you're neither."  Another pause to let the angry one think about what I was saying, "You're a barbarian."  It was just about at a rolling boil, primed and ready for later, so I backed off a bit and pivoted the conversation.  "Of course I don't judge you, look how I'm dressed," a gesture to my jeans, "I'm a barbarian too.

"But you're still missing the point," I said while shifting my attention to the lead.  "I can block mental powers.  You've either learned this or are in the process of putting it together.

"This means the obvious of course, mind readers don't work on me, illusionists don't work on me, so on, so forth.  But there's a more basic fact you seem to have overlooked: All powers are mental.  A fire starter can create physical fire, yes, but that starts with a thought.  Sever the connection between the thought and the intended fire and no fire will start.

"You've assembled a nice little army, for sure, but none of them can do anything."  And I turned my attention back to the Greek wearing pants, "You've got nothing.  No power, no leverage, no play.  You're helpless, hopeless-" the Greek charged, then collapsed to the ground.

I turned my attention back to the lead.  "You see it all starts with thoughts.  Neurons fire, signals get sent," one of their vampires was trying to approach us unseen while attention was focused on my speech.  It might have worked since everyone else was looking at me, but I was free to look everywhere.  I glanced at the vampire and he collapsed to the ground, "and things get done.

"It's not just about superpowers," I said looking at the member of the honor guard to the lead's left, he collapsed.  "It's about everything," I looked to the one on the right.  She collapsed.  "The muscles that hold you up, that keep you balanced, that maintain the distance between your face and the ground, these are all controlled by your brain."

Decimation is such a pretty word.  I ran my eyes across their battle line, one out of every ten of their soldiers lost the ability to stand.

"If I cut the connection between your thoughts and your body, if I make sure your mental powers can never reach your physical parts, you become..." I looked at the members of the honor guard still standing; they all met their colleagues on the ground, "like them," I finished.

"If you push me I'll remove your ability to push. If you threaten me I'll remove your ability to speak.  If you harm anyone under my protection, I will remove your ability to act.

"If you ever want to have control over anything outside of your own mind, and that includes your limbs, you will leave this place and never return.  You will abandon all pretensions of rulership.  And you will take to heart the fact that the entire human race is under my protection."  That wasn't quite inclusive enough.  "As well as shapeshifters and the more traditional werewolves.

"Feed on venison if you ever want to feed again."

I returned the ability to move to all those whom I had removed it from.  The Greek, as expected, charged me.  I shielded that one's legs from that one's mental powers.  The Greek faceplanted in front of the entire assembled army.

"So, do you still want to pretend to have power?  Because if you do I can rip that pretension away."  Pretension, pretty word.  It was a shame I wouldn't have a third opportunity to use it.

"Or," I said more casually, "You could take my advice and leave now."

The other side started to retreat faster than the order to retreat actually went out.

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[Twilight Index]