Sunday, June 17, 2012

Snarky Twilight: The most important question

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

Edward: You haven't asked me the most important question yet.
Bella: While that is a complete sentence its function is almost on the level of an introductory clause, and yet you've followed it with nothing. In other words: get to the point.
Edward: Aren't you concerned about my diet?
Bella: You could starve for all I care. But, "about your diet," isn't a question I could really ask, so I'm thinking that's not "the most important question".
Edward: Don't you want to know if I drink blood?
Bella: You think that's the most important question?
Edward: Yes.
Bella: Seriously?
Edward: How is it not the most important question?
Bella: Isn't it more important to ask whether you kill for your meals? Do you get it from the source or from a blood bank? What flavor of blood do you drink? Have you ever had octopus blood? I've heard it's green. Where is your blood drawn from? Does it come from willing or unwilling hosts? Is the manner of sucking closer to that of a bat or a mosquito? What effects are visited upon the hosts when you lap directly from the source? Have you ever killed anyone?
Bella: Don't these all seem to be more important questions? Hell, I drink blood. What does that tell you about me? Nothing. As it so happens I only drink my own blood and then only when I've been wounded, and then only as a byproduct of tending wounds in the lack of proper first aid or when I'm simply trying not to make a mess. Which should go to show you that how and why one goes about drinking blood is more important than the fact that one drinks it.
Edward: I hate you.
Bella: *shrugs* Well, I hate you. (Somewhat cheerful:) Glad we're on the same page.


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