Thursday, March 3, 2016


I figured out how to get into my computer so I could get important stuff off of it the same night as I got locked out.  I haven't started.

I have school work that needs to be done.  That needs to have already been done.  I haven't started.

I'm medicated, I'm eating, and I'm generally not horribly dehydrated.  I'm sleeping too.

It doesn't matter.  I'm stuck.  I'm just not doing ... anything.

I need to send a letter to the SSA along with some documents I got from my bank in hopes that they'll take their heads out of their asses and realize that I'm not as rich as they think and I need more money to get by.  I'm worried about money.  I decided to use the money I had to help pay down some of my debts, which means that I'm back to the hole since they punished me for not being a con artist.

I came to a disturbing realization.  You know why I've been having such a hard time since they cut back my benefit even though for almost a year someone helped me fill the $200 a month hole I thought resulted?

My benefit was cut and that applied retroactively and they are deducting part of my monthly payment to pay them back.

I knew that but for some reason I left it out of my calculations.  I'm not getting $200 less.  I'm getting $260 less.  No wonder it doesn't take an unexpected problem to drive me to the edge of catastrophe anymore.  Every month I was getting $60 further behind but I was still trying to pay down my debts like everything was the same thanks to the person filling in that $200 (thanks again for that).  No wonder things have been getting so much worse so quickly since the person no longer could.  My bad calcuation left me only seeing 75% of the problem.

Without primary computer in working order I feel incomplete.  Even before it broke down I was stuck.  Finances make me nervous and occasionally terrified, and I feel like things fall apart, the center cannot hold.

Not exactly an uplifting post, but I've got this school computer for a little bit and I wanted to try to write something.

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