Monday, August 3, 2015

Another lap around the sun

It's my birthday.  As with many (all?) previous birthdays I don't really get the occasion.  I mean, when I was young it meant people would throw me a party and give me bunches of stuff, which is an occasion and indeed something to look forward to, but it's not as if they couldn't have done it on some other day.  They could have been all, "Here's a party, in memory of the first time you spoke," and then I'd know the first time I spoke.  I know it was on the late side but still within the range designated normal, I know it was in complete sentences, I have no idea what day it was on.

Could it have been a Thursday?  What if I can get the hang of Thursdays?

Or, you know, "You were looking kind of joyless, here's a party."  Point is, people could have done that stuff any day.  Never did see what the big thing about being born is.  I slept through the process (my father feared I was dead due to silence and limpness) so how big of a deal, for me, could it really have been?

Big deal for my mother, obviously.  She did all the work.


Three years ago had things go wrong enough that I actually wrote a post entitled "Fuck it, we're rescheduling my birthday," because the day itself was horrible.  Then later I made a post on possible alternate dates (some ones close to right now are the first Saturday in August, crap, already missed it this year, and two full moons and three days after summer solstice, which happens to be today this year.)

Two years ago I was facing multiple financial crises.  I don't particularly want to go back and look up what they were.

One year ago I saw Malificent, so it looks like they haven't all been bad of late.


Birthdays make me think of what I want, and lately it's all been stuff that's too expensive to ask for.  Actually, I think it's probably been like that for at least a decade, if not longer.

I'd like to be out of debt (Jubilee!) but the money it would cost to do that is enough to start a small business with some left over.  I very much doubt anyone has that laying around.

At the moment what I'd really, really like is to be able to attend university for one last year.  I want it for reasons that have to do with closure and psychological stuff like that.  I haven't needed it academically for ages.  (Hell, when I first started I was planning on one degree with one major and no minors.)

The semester's coming and it's looking like I can't afford it, but I haven't made plans to transition to a new psychiatrist and psychologist (they're tied to my school; no school, no them) because I was always planning on taking said one last year.  That's three or four thousand dollars, very much doubt that anyone has that lying round either.

Below that?  I don't know.  Someone to clean all my dirty dishes so I can have a fresh start on that maybe?  (Bring hazmat protection.)

It seems that I'm not good at wanting things that people can actually get.

I'd like an electronic copy of the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary.  Maybe those aren't too expensive.  *does search* $233.87 on Amazon.  Never mind.

Is there a similar resource that looks at grammar in that kind of depth?  The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language $251.74.  Never mind then.  Similar resource = similar price.

I end up going through this exercise as much to see if there's anything I can get myself as if there's anything I can ask for.  I generally come to a conclusion that's something like this: there's a reason that I'm hard to shop for, my aspersions fall into two categories:
  1. Too high
  2. Nonexistent

Lonespark would like me to have clothes without holes in them.  On the level of a single article of clothing that's probably doable.  But the fact is that my entire wardrobe is made of holes.


Anyway, another lap around the sun.  This makes thirty.  I'm told that that number is, for some reason, a big deal.


  1. Happy birthday! As happy as resonably possible in a less than ideal world, at least.

    --- Redcrow

  2. Well, thirty is a nice round number in decimal, so there's that.

    Happy birthday.

  3. Happy birthday!

    You are officially no longer trustworthy.

  4. Huh! My thirtieth birthday was July 1st. My feelings were similar.

    (Well, save for the stress of knowing it was also my sister's birthday, and I had no funds with which to buy her a present.)