From the Archives: On Passing

Something made me think about this little section of a larger post and I had to search Stealing Commas because I couldn't remember what the larger post was about, and didn't really care.

So here's what I wrote:

- - -

Not having passing be an option [in a fictional setting] is a useful device because the fact of the matter is that a world where passing is necessary, or even a thing at all, is one where things are still fucked up.

People can and should have their own ideas on how they want to look and there's nothing wrong with a trans man wanting to look like certain cis men do or a trans woman wanting to look like certain cis women do.  But that's not what passing is.

Passing is when the only way for a trans man to be accepted as a man is when he's mistaken for a cis man and when a trans woman can only be accepted as a woman when she's mistaken for a cis woman and that's fucking bullshit.  Trans men shouldn't have to pass as men because they are men, trans women shouldn't have to pass as women because they are women.

And, moreover, passing eliminates everyone who isn't binary to begin with.

In a setting where passing as cis is impossible people are forced to either accept people or be bigots, because there's no way to have the real world bullshit standard of, "It's ok to be trans so long as I don't know you are."

Trans used without the "*" because here I'm only talking about people who are firmly in the gender binary.  Like I said, the idea of passing erases everyone else entirely.

- - -

Like I said, it's just a little section of a larger post, but it popped into my head and when it did I wanted to reiterate the central point: the entire concept of passing is proof that the world is extremely fucked up.

Passing is about being forced to pretend you're something you're not (cis) in order to be accepted as something you are (male or female.)  And, as noted, non-binary people need not apply for full humanity in a world where passing matters.

It's a complete and utter mess and a damning bit of evidence that we live in a world where we even have a concept of passing for anything other than actors playing roles.  ("He totally passed as a racoon, I never looked at Rocket and thought, "That's really a human actor hiding behind CGI.")

So that's one dredged up from the archives.

For anyone who is interested, it's part of a larger rambling post about how visible unmistakable sexual dichotomy in speculative fiction could be used to explore the diversity of gender and sexuality in a world where passing is impossible, and I was inspired to write it when I noticed that inklings, from the Nintendo game Splatoon, had visible unmistakable sexual dichotomy (but didn't use it to explore such issues.)

The Role of Ratatoskr in that story that I might someday get around to writing.

[Originally posted at Slacktivist.]

If I ever get around to my "Midgardians avert Ragnarok because we live in one of the nine realms and would thus be adversely affected by the realms all ending" story, Ratatoskr is going to play a prominent role.

In order to recruit Freyja the humans involved decide to find Óðr for him and they figure that since Ratatoskr traverses Yggdrasil regularly he's probably seen a lot and might have some clues. Ratatoskr is surprised that for the first time in history someone actually wanted to talk to him about something, rather than to use him as a go between to trade insults with someone else*, and when the human shows an interest in him beyond the information being sought but in him as a person, decides to help the humans find Óðr personally.

Mind you this means switching humans because the first human has to go and free Fenrir (but only after securing an oath from Fenrir to not, you know, end the world) since the binding of Fenrir was pretty bullshit and the humans involved care about justice as well as self preservation.

But the human Ratatoskr ends up working with is vouched for by the first human (it's her sister) and Ratatoskr and she end up becoming fast friends.

---

One of many things I have to get around to writing someday.

---

*Which might have made sense way back when, but at this point the dragon and the eagle really need to get cell phones and flyte directly. It's not that he minds carrying the messages, it's his purpose and all, it's just that it would be nice if every once in a while people would talk to him instead of through him. You know, "Hi. How are you? You're a stain on existence," the usual stuff.

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[Original Work Index]

How Aravis deals with theives

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[Context: to get through Tashbaan they're doing their best to look like the dregs of society to avoid notice which means the equines look like easy picking for any thieves.]

The thieves spread around us, and there was little we could do to stop them. They had broken no laws as yet. I had to hope that they would parley, a good thief knew better to risk injuries when threats might be enough.

The leader was cleaner than the rest, he stood out here in the poor quarter, like a noble mixing with the dregs. Doubtless he had picked rich pockets in his time, and his air of respectability would have helped him get close to such marks.

He looked at the five of us, and approached me.

"If you give us the horses, young one," he said, "we'll have no need to harm you."

"Many have thought as you do," I said to him. "They looked at us and thought that one reduced to rags could not defend her remaining property. Yet for all who sought to take what's mine, here I stand with my horse still beside me."

"You can't beat us all," the thief said.

"Perhaps not," I admitted, a key part of lying was knowing when not to. "But you shouldn't underestimate a horse trained for battle, even when she holds no rider, and regardless I can kill you before I fall.

"What is it to you if your underlings steal the horse if you're not alive to benefit? When you stand before Tash it will hardly matter what became of me or my property, you'll be just as dead."

"Brave words," he said, "for a child."

"Yes," I said. "Sometimes it does require courage to speak the truth."

I looked at one of the other thieves, "Which of you gets to keep the horses when he dies?"

"As amusing as watching you try to turn my men against each other might be," the lead thief said, "no one gets the horses whether I'm alive or dead. We sell what we take and divide the money evenly. There's nothing for them to fight over.

"I can tell you won't see reason," he said, and nodded to one of his men.

It was difficult to tell if the man was coming for me, for Hwin, or for Hwin's lead. It didn't matter. I dropped the lead and Hwin reared up, knocking the man on his back. When she dropped back down, one of her hooves landed a hand-width away from the man's head.

"She doesn't have to miss," I said to the lead thief. I retrieved Hwin's lead then shouted loudly so all in the area would hear, "And don't spook my horse! Someone could get hurt because of your childish pranks."

Hwin's display and my own outburst had all eyes trained on us. The thief took notice. These people might not care about a theft, but a fight, especially one involving two horses, held the potential to injure them. People would care about that.

"Well played, girl," thief said. "Obviously I can't take your horses now. But I can still do damage. What's the boy worth to you?"

"Almost as much as this horse," I said patting Hwin's neck.

"And the donkey?"

"Stays with the boy."

"We'll rob you later," the thief said. Then he motioned for his men to come with him, and walked away.

-

[Narnia Index]

Late fundraising post, general update on life, school and healthcare, and so forth

So, on the fifteenth I usually remind you that I have a donate button and without donations I will come to ruin and such.  Kind of late on that post.

Plus, I've just noticed something that makes me thing maybe I've been going about this all wrong.  At least for people who have Paypal accounts.  Maybe.

Apparently if you send money to me through Paypal using my email address [cpw (at) maine (dot) rr (dot) com] instead of using the donate button, Paypal doesn't take a cut of the money.  If you actually use the donate button Paypal takes a cut that seems to hover near three percent.  Sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit less.  Damn, I wish I'd known that earlier.

When my boiler broke (almost a year ago now) and I got donations so I could have it replaced and thus not freeze/be forced to abandon my home, the price tag on the replacement was $6,000, which is why I assumed that I'd never be able to play it, be forced from my home (I never considered freezing to death as a viable options because it would have involved freezing to death) and end up in a setting not conducive to blogging.  I announced, in a post I wrote through tears, that I'd be shutting this place down.

Then, as noted, someone stepped up and sent me the money (thanks again, you're all awesome) but if Paypal took 3% of $6,000 dollars then that's $180 and I really could have used that fucking money.  On the other hand, maybe the "send money for no fee to email address" thing has some sort of cap where they're all, "On that much money we're totally pocketing some no matter how you send it."

-

So, um, please give me money if you want to and it will not cause you financial distress, but if you're willing to do more work than hitting the donate button, it looks like it would be better for me if you logged into Paypal, clicked the "send & request" thing, and used my email address "cpw (at) maine (dot) rr (dot) com" (with the " (at) " replaced with "@" and the " (dot) "s replaced with "." of course.)

- - -

That lengthy and unplanned aside finished, this is where things stand with respect to finances:

• Oil -- Filled.  Not looming over me anymore unless the full tank can't last the winter.
• Income -- still at $200 dollars lower than I'm used to without any magical money saving things falling from the sky.*
• Tuition -- I need to be in school this semester (≈ $1,000), and have indeed signed up for one class so that I technically count as being there, because the plan was always to give my psychiatrist and psychologist (both paid by the school) one full school year to figure out the best way to hand me off to other people in there field who would simultaneously be good for me and take my insurance, and this school year was that year.  (If I'd known that they were going to cut all of the interesting classes at the start of last school year, I'd have started them seriously looking back then and have graduated last spring.)
• Non-monthly bills -- that $200 gap in monthy income won't really start to fuck things up until the insurance or taxes come due (I think that next up is taxes, which is ≈ $650) because what the gap really took away was the savings that was supposed to be built up for the irregular expenses.
• Internet -- I only figured out that when the bill came due was tied to the school semesters (I'm on a college student plan) last semester, but that at least means I should see it coming this time.  Based on passed experience, it should be due near the end of this month, or the beginning of the next one, and cost about $194.75 this isn't figured into any of my calculations of how to afford anything because I was completely confused by the billing cycle until a few months ago. (It's nine months with no bill and then the next bill is due in three months.  I didn't catch the pattern for the longest time.)
• Cat -- currently on my shoulder, her head against my own.  I've actually managed to largely avoid paying cat related expenses.  She's the family cat.  Sure, everyone but the cat, the gecko, and me moved out, but she's still the family cat and family members often pay for cat food.  This is interesting because I've never once asked them to pay.  I've just asked them to be involved in getting it because they have access to cars, all the pet stores are a ways away, and that shit is heavy.
• Washing Machine -- still doesn't work.  I need to go over it top to bottom again looking for any possible problem because we've moved passed the stage of replacing things that would eventually have to be replaced anyway and into the point where a single wrong guess as to which part is causing the problem will mean that it would have been cheaper to just buy a new one even if the very next guess is spot on and fixes it with no trouble.  The problem with the whole "I need to look at every part again and see if I missed something all of the times before" thing is that it's a lot of fucking work.  Hell, the very first step is moving the ginormous thing so that I can access the right parts to get a decent look inside and that's hard as hell.

- - -

Random other note: the whole staying in school for healthcare thing.  For the psychatrist the hard part is finding someone (within walking distance no less) in his practice who takes my insurance.  Even he doesn't take my insurance.  My insurance is great for paying for meds, but a lot of practitioners just won't accept it because there's a lot of paperwork involved.

For the psychologist the issue is more finding someone who is a good fit for me.  As you may have noticed from reading this site, my brain isn't exactly the most normal brain out there.  It might even be Abby Normal.  Of course the person who is a good fit still needs to take my insurance (and be in walking distance.)

- - -

First day of school note: The wind was out in force today.  The cold wouldn't have been a problem without the wind.  Good fucking god was it bad.  I need to find my gloves.  I need to find a winter hat.  I need to find a scarf or neck-warmer.  Depending on what kind of hat I find I might also be in need of damned ear muffs.

My hands were in my pockets the entire two hour walk to school, even so the left one felt like it was going to fall off from the cold.  What is the world coming to when keeping your hands in your pockets doesn't keep them warm.  Next time I'm going back to the hoodie that has sleeves long enough to hide my hands in.  Sleeves of proper length may be great when you need to use your hands, but they're a liability when trying to keep your hands.

- - -

* Technically if I could pay off ... wait, never mind.  Well you can mind, but it wouldn't work.  For some reason I was figuring for a $100 dollar gap instead of the actual $200 gap.

Anyway, what I was thinking about was credit.  Donations have saved me many times, for which I am forever grateful, but they haven't saved me every time.  Those other times I survived by kicking the problem down the road a bit via getting the money on credit.  That the interest rates are horrible goes without saying, but the other problem is that minimum monthly payments add up.  Where possible I try to pay more than the minimum, but often I can't.

At this point even if I did have more credit sources to pay things with, the additional monthly payments would spell doom.

So, back to my mistake, when I was figuring for a $100 dollar monthly gap in spite of knowing it was $200 and having it typed out right in front of me, it occurred to me that since several of the monthly payments are $25, paying off four debts would cover it.

The reason I started the sentences with "Technically," is because that would cost, I think (the figures are fuzzy), $1878.58.  It is, at best, extremely unlikely I would get that much money.  Also, if I had that much money it would be enough to close the imagined $100 dollar gap for eighteen months or the actual $200 gap for nine and in either case the gap wouldn't be such an immediate concern.

The truth is, though, that I wouldn't use it to close the gap.  I'd pay off the four cards here and now, thus saving a bunch of money in the long term (since there'd be no interest) and hope and pray that I'd find a way to fill the remaining $100 dollars of said monthly gap.  I hate carrying debt, hate being charged ridiculous interest rates, and very much want to get rid of the debt I have.

Susan, on outgrowing Narnia and on lipstick, nylons, and invitations

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

We open with a Bible quote (ish):

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, I played in Narnia like a child. When I became a woman, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

- Susan paraphrasing the Apostle Paul, NIV

Or, for the "King James Only" crowd:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, I played in Narnia as a child, but when I became a woman I put away childish things.

-Susan Paraphrasing the same passage, King James Version.

Note that when she uses this paraphrase she giggles at "spake" because she remembers how silly the four of them sounded at the end of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

And now, the discussion of lipstick, nylons, and invitations:

Jill: Don't you think you have more important things to think about than nylons and lipstick and invitations.

Susan: Of course I do, but the planet Varillion has very specific ideas on how women should act. Obviously I want to help change things so that how one appears is a matter of choice rather than societal pressure, but right now if I don't leverage my physical appearance into an invitation to the royal court I'll never be able to secure aid shipments to the talking ponies on Equestria. It's not like Narnia is the only magical realm with talking equines that we should care about.

Jill: ...

Susan: Plus, I prefer to look good --my own standards of what that means, which, yes, includes lipstick and nylons-- while I go around doing good.

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[Narnia Index]

Snarky Narnia: Approaching Tashbaan

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[Underlined portions are directly from the canonical text.]

Shasta: This geography makes no sense to me.

Aravis: Why? We started at the sea, went in the direction of the capital that none of us wanted to go to but all roads lead through Rome and Yada Yada Yada, climbed an immense plateau without any of us bothering to make note of it, "at every halt [we] argued and argued" and this was accompanied by me being slightly more nice to you because "one usually gets on better with people when one is arguing and arguing making plans than--"

Shasta: How did you just do a strikethrough in spoken word?

Aravis: Racist genetic talent, for in my land story-telling is a big deal.

Shasta: I live in your land and no one taught me.

Aravis: Storytelling: big deal. Consistency: not so much.

Shasta: So... bad storytelling.

Aravis: When the author is C.S. Lewis, yes.

Shasta: OK, but still, geography.

Aravis: As I was saying, By the time Hwin came up with her plan we'd reached The Great Valley--

Bella: Hey, Littlefoot.

Littlefoot: Hi, time traveler.

Aravis: Do you mind?

Bella, Littlefoot: Sorry.

Aravis: The great valley splitting the plateau, which can only be crossed at the road through Tashbaan. That is why we are now looking down on the city through the valley mists. Once we pass through Tashbaan we'll climb the other side of the valley and be on the seemingly endless desert end of the plateau. Understand the geography now?

Shasta: Um... sure.

Bree: Get on, Shasta

Shasta: Now about this architecture.

Aravis: Pinnacles and spires and a great precious metal plated dome, what's not to Islam?

Shasta: Well you are polytheists.

Bree: Get on, Shasta.

Aravis: That's not architecture my preternaturally white, yet sun soaked, non-friend.

Shasta: Well, on the architecture, why do the walls extend to the edge of the island and thus into the water, wouldn't that expose them to unnecessary erosion, erosion that could easily be avoided by setting them inland just a bit.

Bree: Get on, Shasta.

Aravis: You keep saying that phrase, I do not think it produces the result you think it produces.

Bree: You two have been worse than ever since that girl in the Chevy showed up.

Bella: All that I said was that a war Elephant is ten times cooler than a war Horse.

Shata: And that a war Tyrannosaur is a hundred times cooler than a war Elephant.

Aravis: And that all of these things pale in comparison to a war Mosasaur.

Bella: Right, but you need to pack a breathing apparatus if you want to ride a Mosasaur.

Bree: Get on, Shasta.

Bella: *has far away look in her eyes* Unless you outfitted the Mosasaur with pixie dust so it could fly through the air. *attention returns to reality* Have you guys ever been to Neverland?

Aravis and Shasta: Where?

Bella: Magical kingdom of danger and adventure ruled over by the fierce but fair pirate Wendy Darling. Second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Shasta: We could have been to a magical kingdom in one night!?

Aravis: Why are we going to Narnia!?

Bree: A pirate can't lead a kingdom properly.

Bella: And four British kids who are so stoned that they don't even remember they're British can?

Bree: They're not stoned they're just...

Hwin: Mind whammied. I've been staying out of this mess, but if you're going to defend Narnia's governance system then that's where I put my hoof down. Aslan abandons us for a hundred years and then when he finally shows up he hands power to a bunch of foreigners who don't know the first thing about running a country? It's not right.

Bree: Now madam--

Hwin: At least pirate captains you can vote out of office if you don't like them. What can we do if we arrive in Narnia to find that those foreigners have run it into the ground?

Bree: Divine right--

Hwin: Is no substitute for good governance.

Bree: A pirate is a criminal!

Bella: And what's an insurgent campaign of people opposed the government that's been in power for the last century composed of if not criminals?

Bree: Freedom fighters, why--

Bella: Unless there's a law saying, “Treason isn't treason anymore when you're fighting for freedom,” which I very much doubt the witch would write, freedom fighting is a criminal enterprise.

Bree: This isn't even your story!

Shasta, to Aravis: So, is this valley that we've come upon in spite of starting out at sea level and never making note of going uphill... is it a lush forest valley in spite of apparently having endless desert on the other end?

Aravis: Oh, no. Those are terraced gardens and orchards.

Bella: I thought it looked like Machu Picchu.

Hwin: Wait, is this some kind of Babylon reference?

Aravis: Well, Babylon was part of Arabia, but I think it's just ordinary hanging gardens instead of symbolic ones.

Shasta: I say, this is a wonderful place.

Bree: I daresay.

Hwin: Well of course you dare to say it, otherwise you wouldn't have said it.

Bree: But I wish we were safely through through it and out at the other side. Narnia and the North!

Aravis: Please remember, dear readers at home, that it is not the journey that counts but instead the destination.

Shasta: And you should never stop to smell the roses or enjoy the sights.

Hwin: And certainly never mingle with people from other cultures, because they are strange and dangerous beings, unless God personally delivered them into your company.

Shasta: But even then they're either snotty or silent. *to Hwin and Aravis* No offence.

Aravis: I know how I'm written and the twisted moral I am to provide, and I feel no shame in it because it is the author's doing, thus the author's fault. It hardly reflects upon my character.

Hwin: Indeed if we couldn't speak about how the author misuses our characters, what would we ever speak about

Aravis: Well I don't think you'd be allowed to say much of anything, my friend.

At that moment a low, throbbing noise began which gradually swelled louder and louder till the whole valley seemed to be swaying with it. It was a musical noise, but so strong and solemn as to be a little frightening.

Bree: That’s the horns blowing for the city gates to be open.

Shasta: I don't understand.

Bree: Of course you don't.

Shasta: Is the horn blowing to tell the gatekeepers to open the gates, so that all gates can be opened at once for some reason, or is the horn blowing to let people know that the gates are already open? I guess I'm just having trouble parsing “gates to be open.”

Aravis: The phrasing is somewhat interesting, perhaps it means “for the purpose of the gates becoming open”

Hwin: Or it could be that the “for” is an explanation, The horn is blowing, for the noun verb adjective.

Aravis: But, in that case, I don't think you'd use an infinitive. You'd say, “That’s the horns blowing, for the city gates are open.”

Hwin: Well if it were a purpose clause then would it not be, “That’s the horns blowing for the city gates to be opened”?

Shasta: Don't look at me, I'm the foreign-born slave of a despicable fisherman, no one ever taught me the nuances of grammar.

Bree: Or how to ride.

Shasta: I wish the donkey were here instead of you.

Bree: He's a dumb beast!

Shasta: She has love in her heart. I never should have left her behind.

Bella: If I'm allowed to ride the Horse back to my truck I could get you your donkey.

Bree: Why are you even still here? I won't let you ride me.

Bella: I meant the fast Horse.

Hwin: I don't mind taking you there, but I don't like separating our party. For how long would I be gone?

Bella: We'll I'd have to get to the truck, take the truck to a time and setting where there were horse trailers, get a horse trailer, attach it to the truck, take the truck to pick up the donkey just after Shasta left in chapter one, come back for you, and then bring you and the donkey to the city gate the others will be using because that's the most logical place to meet.

*Bella thinks a moment*

Bella: I can have you at the city gate to rejoin the others five minutes before they arrive.

Bree: But we're almost at the gate.

Bella: Exactly.

*Hwin lets Bella on her and takes off*

Bree: We shall be there in a minute. Does that strange girl think she can have Hwin at the gates four minutes ago? Aravis, do droop your shoulders a bit and step heavier and try to look less like a princess. Try to imagine you've been kicked and cuffed and called names all your life.

Shasta: I'm the actual human former-slave in the party. Shouldn't I be giving the “How to look like a slave advice”?

Bree: I've seen more of the world.

Aravis: And I've lived around human slaves my whole life. I think I can manage based on my own observations. *to Bree* What about you drooping your head a bit more and arching your neck a bit less and trying to look less like a war horse?

Bree: Hush.

Aravis: No.

Bree: But, here we are.

Aravis: Then our horse shouldn't be talking.

*in the city*

Shasta: Is anything wrong?

Aravis: Everything that I've lost hit me all at once. I'll recover, but it just suddenly made everything more real to see people where my station says I should be --riding on liters with soldiers before them and slaves behind-- while I'm here with nothing.

Shasta: Makes sense. I'm used to having nothing, but I can see how it would be harder when you had so much and now you have nothing.

Bella: Well not nothing, you've got a friend.

*Bella hands Hwin's lead to Aravis*

*Bella hands the donkey's lead to Shasta*

Shasta: *to donkey* I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry I left you.

*Shasta hugs the donkey*

Shasta: *to Bella* Thank you.

Bella: No problem. What's her name, by the way?

Shasta: She doesn't have a name, she's just the donkey.

Bella: Very Breakfast at Tiffany's*. I'll see you around Hwin, Aravis, Shasta, donkey.

-

* In point of fact my cat is named cat and my gecko named gecko and it has nothing to do with Breakfast at Tiffany's. Still, Bella knows pop culture references provided they aren't to the pop culture of her own generation.

* * *

It was asked who Bella was and I explained:

Snarky Bella, owner/friend of the Tardis Truck, fond of telling Edward how insignificant he is, and she's been to Narnia once before, or perhaps after since it was The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

* * *

[How Bella ended up showing up was also originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

I wasn't trying to derail this thread into Bella-land, I was just figuring that any where you could be looking down on an island mountain from the valley side would be be kind of big, so I wrote "the great valley" and then I remembered that that was where Littlefoot et al. were trying to get to in The Land Before Time, and who better to say hello to the dinosaur walking by than someone with a time machine for her truck?

She can't always be toppling dictatorships or fighting zombies, sometimes she needs to go around and stretch her legs.

Plus it's been too long since I wrote her. I just looked it up and it's been twenty and two thirds months since I last had her appear. It's not surprising she found a way into other fic given that she hasn't had much of her own.

At some point I need to write up how post-vampirification she accidentally causes Éponine to become the first president of a stable Second French Republic. She was just going out for coffee, honestly, but you'd be amazed how quickly things can spiral out of control beyond the barricade.

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[Narnia Index]
[Snarky Twilight Index]

KP EbE - Please direct all apologies to me, even if you were actually mean to someone else (Bueno Nacho, part 2)

First off, there was some confusion when I did the first post, so let me just get this out of the way: this is not a two part episode.  I split the post into two parts because so much happened in the first half it was running more than long enough to be a post in its own right.  Also I needed a break.  Mind you that break was supposed to last days instead of six months, but so it goes.

An episode runs about 22 minutes, and I ended up breaking almost exactly half way through.  So figure 11 minutes for the previous post (link above) and 11 minutes for this one.

I keep on trying to do a quick recap, but there is too much.

Let me sum up:

Kim started working at Bueno Nacho, a fast food place, so she could afford a green leather jacket.  She knew she wouldn't like the job, but thought it would be less bad if she had a friend suffering with her, so she manipulated Ron into taking a job there too even though he emphatically didn't want one.

Kim discovered she was horrible at food preparation and hated it even more than she expected.  She also disliked that Ron discovered that he really liked working there and had a natural aptitude for food preparation.

The first bump was when Ron thought they should focus on their jobs during on-the-clock time instead of saving the world.  Everything went horribly wrong when, after Ron got promoted to be her boss and Kim pretty much immediately ordered Ron to drop everything to leave work and be her sidekick.

Thus we ended the last installment when Kim quit Bueno Nacho and Ron quit being Kim's sidekick.

I said at the time:

This moment will mark the end of Ron the reasonable assistant manager.  Kim insulting him, shoving the mop in his face, and quitting on him will push him into "pissed off and venting at whoever is nearest" mode.

Before this point his problem was a lack of perspective (saving the world outranks getting people their orders as quickly as possible) after this he'll be an asshole.

That was where we ended then, that's where we begin now.

The person standing next to Ron is Ned.  Ned is just as big of a Bueno Nacho fan as Ron, he lives the standard operating procedures, and right now he is in kind of a funk because in order to promote Ron to assistant manager, corporate demoted Ned.  Given how important Bueno Nacho is to him, it was a powerful emotional blow.

He has done absolutely nothing to incur the wrath of Ron, but at the moment it doesn't matter.  Ron is angry and hurting, the person to set off those emotions isn't there, and Ned is.

Thus we get Ron yelling:

What are you looking at?  I want this floor to sparkle!

and shoving the mop at Ned in a rage.  Mind you, unlike Kim, Ron didn't shove the mop in the other person's face, so Ned can at least take some tiny measure of solace in the fact that he's not the one who has mop water on his face.

As always, our heroes are incredibly classy and extremely considerate of the feelings of others.

* * *

Kim has gone to her room to look through her clothes for no reason whatsoever because she always wears the same mission clothes.

She always wears the same mission clothes to the point that there's an episode in Season 4 (the season after the series had been unnecessarily canceled and then revived via fan mobilization) where ripping a single set of pants forces her to completely reinvent her look (it was the only pair... in the world) which is the plot of an entire episode because ... um, yeah.

While there would be nothing wrong with saving the world in this shirt, Kim will not do so.

We actually get a nice pan which shows us that Kim has a lava lamp and a teddy bear, also while she's going through the detritus on her closet floor she throws two baseballs which, combined with the basketball on the right of the shot above lets you know that Kim is totes sporty.  (Cheerleading is the only team she's on, but she obviously partakes in other things.)

Anyway, while she's looking through stuff she talks to her mom on the phone:

Kim: Mom, reassure me. I just had a fight with Ron. He was all high-horse 'cause I bailed on work ... and I really need to stop Drakken, but Ron thinks I quit because I can't take him being good at something, which would be way pathetic.
Anne: I need a suture here.
Kim: Mom, do you have me on speaker?
Anne: Sorry honey, I've got both hands in a 52-year-old male's temporal lobe.
Kim: Mom!
Anne: Gotta go, honey. See you at dinner. Dad's picking up nacos.

Ron's invention of the naco is so successful that the parents Possible have learned about in spite of both being at work, and have further decided that they'll have nacos for dinner.

So, while Kim utterly despising Ron's success is completely uncalled for and extremely petty, the universe does seem to be trying to rub this thing she does not want in her face.

Anyway, after that ... exchange?  It's not a talk.  Kim's mom, when she's allowed to appear at all (the series had to end twice for her to get a name), is usually pretty responsive, but this time not so much.  Other than Anne saying that they'd be having nacos for dinner she didn't contribute at all.  Kim might as well have been talking to herself.

Regardless, Kim catches a plane to Wisconsin.

* * *

Kim: I can't tell you how much I appreciate this, Mr. Parker.
Parker: After the way you saved my crop-dusting business, I'm only too happy to help.
Kim: No big! Going organic was a total no-brainer.

Kim parachutes down to the cheese wheel:

Kim pulls a bit of cheese off of the roof of the building.

Kim: Funky! A cheese-covered building.
Monorail Guide: Many people assume that this is a cheese-covered building.  In fact, this marvel of dairy-product architecture is a hundred percent pure Wisconsin Swiss.

Why Wisconsin Swiss?  Why not?  This episode gets a lot of flack for the strangest reasons.  There's a giant wheel of cheese with a villain's lair hiding inside and a Disney World style monorail circling around outside while someone who brought Sarah Palin's accent to the masses before it was uncool points out it's not a cheese covered building and makes bad cheese jokes, and people are annoyed that it isn't Wisconsin cheddar.

I'm not making that up.  That's the problem people have with this episode.  That the giant cheese wheel isn't cheddar.

True, based on Google results Wisconsin cheddar is 3.43 times more commonly heard about than than Wisconsin Swiss, but the fact is that Wisconsin didn't become the cheese state based on one type of cheese alone.  In 1910 they took the spot of top cheese producer in the US (formerly New York) and it wasn't because they exclusively produced cheddar.

Hell, Colby is a type of cheese named after the village in Wisconsin where it was created (technically the village near which it was created.)  Wisconsin produces 600 cheese varieties and this is how they represent themselves:

They also make Swiss cheese looking *deep breath* baseball hats, cowboy hats, fedoras, sombreros, crowns, tiaras, party hats, fezes, police hats, fire hats, graduation caps, neckties, bowties, lapel pins, earings, bras, purses, daggers, baseball mitts, footballs, frisbees, bricks, cribbage boards, dice cups, coasters, special Wisconsin-shaped coasters, various of the above in decorative magnet form, antenna toppers, key chains, Christmas tree stars, belts, and rear-view mirror ornaments.

The point is, Wisconsin == cheese with holes.  Why?  Because if it doesn't have holes it just looks like a random garish yellow block of shaped foam (which it is.)

Between this post and the last post I will surely give you all kinds of reasons not to like this episode, but the creators choosing to say it's "Wisconsin Swiss" so that the giant cheese wheel could have holes for Kim to crawl through is not one of them.  Based on Wisconsin merchandising, if they ever did make a massive cheese building it likely would be of a cheese that has holes in it, and that tends to be Swiss-type cheeses.  (Though some Dutch cheese does as well.)

Anyway, back to the cheese wheel:

Kim makes use of one of of the holes to get inside and take a look at Drakken's cheese wheel lair.

Kim: OK, points for bizarre hiding place! Wade, get this! I'm inside the cheese wheel!
Wade: Which surprisingly is not a cheese-covered building. It's 100% Wisconsin Swiss.
Kim: So I've heard. Drakken's got the whole mad-scientist lair thing here. They love the high ceilings.

Kim receives her most iconic item here: her hair dryer shaped grappling hook launcher.  The exact capabilities of it are never given in a Q style briefing, but its standard hook head has reversible hooks so that it can dig in rather than hook on at the user's discretion, and at least sometimes it's outfitted with a harpoon instead of a hook.

In the cheese wheel there's not a lot for it to hook onto, so instead the reversible hook feature is used and it becomes embedded in the cheese, giving Kim a solid grip from which to climb down to the cheese wheel floor.

Not a particularly impressive entrance for the most iconic gadget, but part of why it is the iconic gadget is that instead of being flashy it does work that can pop up in pretty much any episode.  The grappling gun is versatile in a way that a dress that can be used as a parachute (yes, that will eventually pop up) is not.

Random note: Kim's not a hair dryer person, preferring instead to towel off.

Other random note, one that I forgot when I first posted this.  Kim gets the gear the same way she usually does: Wade somehow snuck it into her back pack without her knowledge.  Now then, back to the action.

After she gets to ground level, Kim tries to sneak in but is almost immediately spotted by Shego.  Shego is now wearing a the green leather version of the coat/jacket/[is there a meaningful distinction]/thing.  In fact, it was stealing this coat (the only thing that was stolen from the cheese wheel mall) that made Kim sure Drakken and Shego were here.

Shego: Welcome, Kimmy. May I take your coat?
Kim: You already did! Don't worry, it'll look better on me.

For those keeping track, this is the third time Kim has failed stealthy infiltration of a Drakken lair in two attempts.  This feat was pulled off because Drakken, like most (but not all) Kim Possible villains is the kind of traditionalist who leaves the hero alone to die.

She can't fail twice here because there's no deathtrap in the cheese wheel so she can't get noticed, get caught, be left to die, escape, and get noticed again in the course of a single attempt.  The first time she failed stealth it was because automated security noticed her, which makes this only the second time Shego has foiled Kim's attempts at stealth.

We don't see a lot of what happens, I think because there was worry (based on some details of an early script that were released) that if they showed too many punches or kicks connecting on screen they'd run afoul of moral guardians.

Regardless, Kim briefly looks like she might accomplish something, but she finds herself completely surrounded having, apparently, done exactly what Shego expected, and then we get the first time Shego uses a pet name for Kim:

Shego: Face it, Pumpkin, fashion isn't the only thing in which I'm a step ahead.

And then in the next shot Kim is being hauled away, having been captured, while still struggling.  The fact that she's still struggling implies that she didn't give up without a fight, but we didn't see the fight.

Back to the pet names thing.

Tick Tick Tick was the first episode.  The most obvious sign of that was that Tick Tick Tick was the episode where Kim first met Drakken and Shego, and in episodes like this one she already knows them.  However, they worked on multiple episodes at once and this one actually got finished before Tick Tick Tick.  As a result of that and the way they number episodes (order finished) this is episode one.

Technically it's episode 101.  The leading digit is the season number (1) and the following two are the number in the season (01).

I bring up this largely meaningless artifact of numberclature because it means that the roots of this now-seminal Kigo work by the famous semi-deified Four Eyed Cat Lady in a Pink Hat were there from episode number one.  Granted, at this point any anyone-anyone shippers were pretty much making something out of nothing (except Kim's Mom-Kim's Dad) but Kim/Shego (Kigo) has roots that go way back.

Also there's evidence of time passed if you want it.  In Tick Tick Tick Shego called Kim, "Kim Possible," while here Kim is "Kimmy" "Pumpkin" and "Princess."

Anyway.

*Drakken enters dramatically, via an elevator that comes through a hatch in the floor*
Drakken: Well, well; Kim Possible. How nice to see you again.  Especially now that you're helpless to stop me! *evil laugh*  Shall I tell you my plan? It's quite impressive.
Kim: You're using the world's most powerful laser drill to tap into the molten magma deep beneath the earth's crust.

*Pause*
Drakken: Ah! That's phase one. In phase two, which you did not guess, my magmachine will melt the entire state of Wisconsin. Which I will then rebuild and rename... Drakkenville!
[snip]
Drakken: Any second now I will strike swiftly and without mercy!
Shego: Actually, make it more like half hour.
Drakken: Fine! Whatever. In roughly 30 minutes Wisconsin will surrender to me and the kingdom of Drakkenville will be born!

Um... I question the wisdom of this plan.  He's going to melt Wisconsin, which would naturally melt the people in Wisconsin, which would leave who, exactly, to surrender to him?  And why would he want to rebuild the melted state?  Isn't that, you know, a lot of work?

And if he's up for the work, why not build up from scratch somewhere that's not in use instead of reducing Wisconsin to scratch and then doing the same thing afterward?

I'm not convinced he thought this through.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:

Ron is angry with Ned, who seems to be  afraid of him, because, and I quote:

Step it up, Ned. These customers have been waiting for over 30 seconds. *pulls out stop watch* 33. 34. Andale!

Ned isn't taking this particularly well.  Fortunately for him, Wade can apparently hack into those headsets.

Wade: Ron!
Ron: Welcome to Bueno Nacho. May I take your order?
Wade: Ron! It's Wade!
*Ron looks out the window*
*Ron looks around*
Ron: Wade, where are you?
Wade: Not important.

It's a running thing that they never meet Wade in person.  When it finally does happen for the first time midway through season two the timeline in which they meet him collapses under its own paradoxical weight and the meeting is erased from history, the only remnant of the timeline being Ron Stoppable's sudden irrational dislike of Norway.

They finally have a non-erased meeting in Season 3 by which point Ron has become so convinced that it'll never happen that he mistakes Wade for a hologram.  In season four, after the original creators had moved on because the series had been canceled, Wade gets out more.

Anyway, Wade called for a reason:

Wade: Kim's in trouble. She found Drakken inside a giant cheese wheel but I lost contact. She needs help. Your help.

I am, at best, unconvinced of the veracity of these words.  Wade is tapped into everything everywhere and surely he could find some law enforcement agency or mercenary group that could manage.

Someone once wrote a fiction based on the idea that Kim was intentionally sabotaging Ron's successes so he'd be trapped in the role of sidekick because he couldn't pull off anything else.  It's disturbingly easy to get to that place from canon, but unless Kim intentionally tossed the off-screen fight to force Ron to choose her instead of his career at Bueno Nacho, it's Wade's reasoning or motives I question.

I definitely don't question both.  Either he's not thinking this through and instead falling back on past experience and weak assumptions (Kim and Ron win, Kim lost, thus need to return to Kim and Ron to fix things) or he has an ulterior motive.  Not a sinister ulterior motive, mind you.  True, Wade started this episode by revealing that he'd hacked into Kim's bank account and electronic diary apparently just because he could, but I'm not suggesting that he's being a jerk now.

It could be that he wants to get the team back together, save Kim, and save Wisconsin, and correctly sees this as an opportunity to do all three in one go by reaching out to Ron.  Manipulative, yes; evil, not really.

Regardless, Wade hacked into those headsets, and Ned's wearing one too:

Ned: Well, well, well. Looks like you've got a choice to make, Stoppable!
*western duel music starts*
Ned: What's more important? Your sacred duty as assistant manager or your pathetic role as goofy sidekick?
*music grows louder*
*tense eye contact*
*the two circle each other, hands poised to draw the guns that they very much do not have*

Ron: Well, that's no choice at all. I guess it's time to say buenos noches, Bueno Nacho.

Ron hops the counter and runs out the door.

* * *

Kim is still restrained, the drill is still going, but apparently 30 minutes has passed because Drakken doesn't think he should be waiting.  Observe:

Drakken. Shego! I'm still waiting!
Shego: So read a magazine. I'm working!
Drakken: Excuse me. I have to make a scene.

Drakken is not, in fact, going to make a scene with Shego.  He's usually smarter than that, but in this case I know because I know that when he gets there he's not going to be yelling at Shego, but one of the two other people in the drill control room.

I do not know this because it is in any way indicated in the show itself at this point in time because, honestly, there's nothing to indicate that.  It looks like he's stalking off for a confrontation with Shego.  The sequence is badly handled.

Anyway, cut to outside of the cheese wheel:

Ron: Question, is this some kind of cheese-covered building?
Monorail Guide: You know you would be surprising how many people think that.

So glad we cleared that up, because I was wondering.

Back inside Drakken reaches the drill control room where Shego no longer is because she's proactive in dealing with problems other people don't even see coming, yelling at a hapless hench:

Drakken: Can't you drill any faster? I've built an entire army of evil robots in the time it's taken you to penetrate the earth's crust!

Back at Kim, Ron shows up:

Ron: Everything's OK, Kim. I'm here to save the day!
Shego: Hi. Is that tie clip-on?

Like I said, Shego's dealing with problems before other people see them coming.  Especially since she's apparently had time to gather a couple of henches to back her up even though that's entirely unnecessary given the relative abilities of herself and Ron.

The clip-on question is a callback to something Ron asked Ned in the first half.  (It is clip on, so it can be quickly removed in case of grease fire.)

It kind of goes without saying that Ron ends up secured to the wall by his hands and feet just like Kim.

Ron: That wasn't much of a plan.
Kim: Not as great as your Bueno Nacho bathroom-break chart.
Ron: I gooned on assistant manager power. You were right.

No.  No, she wasn't.  Well, yes she was, but not at the time.  She wasn't right at the time but since that time the situation changed in such a way that she would have been right had she said it later than she did.

In all real ways she was not right.

She knew he was an assistant manager for less than a minute --all on screen so no space for off camera jerkishness-- before quitting with the mop to his face.

He did have extremely screwed up priorities because saving the world (they didn't know it was just Wisconsin) takes precedence over "no electronics on duty" rules, but that started before he was promoted and after his promotion he didn't have time to misuse his power in her presence.

She was ordering him around, telling him to break the rules and not even using the reasonable approach she took with Ned (trying to swap shifts) but instead telling him to outright ditch and using force to actually try to physically pull him where she wanted him to go.

The only thing he did to her as assistant manager was move her from an unnecessary agonizingly-pointless job that she was only put on because Ned couldn't figure out anything else Kim wouldn't screw up to a job that actually involved doing something that needed doing.

Ron was a horrible assistant manager and does need to apologize to Ned.

He didn't do anything wrong to Kim as assistant manager, Kim didn't see him do anything wrong as assistant manager.  He didn't start doing things wrong until Kim ran off in an acrimonious parting of the ways.

Also, how does Kim know about the Bueno Nacho bathroom-break chart?  Seriously.  It's not in the show and every interaction Kim has with Ron at Bueno Nacho is covered.  The simple explanation is that the writers didn't give a fuck about continuity, and that's probably what we want to go with because the alternative is that Kim was spying on Ron (presumably with Wade's help) after she quit.

Kim: I did resent your superior burrito technique. You're entitled to excel. Forgive me?
Ron: Duh! Forgive me?

And this is where the title of the post comes from.  Ron needs to apologize and ask for forgiveness, but not to and from Kim.  Kim wasn't the one he mistreated.

Spoiler for the rest of the episode: He never apologizes to Ned.  Well, he might, but definitely not on screen.

Anyway, the good news is that Kim accepts the apology that shouldn't have been necessary:

Kim: Totally.
Drakken: Aw! That's so sweet. Friends again just in time to be fried in magma!
Ron: Remind me again why I rushed over.

At this point the drill hits magma chamber.  The magma is under zero pressure and the chamber is half full of air.

Time for Drakken's magmachine.  The magmachine is an incredibly impressive bit of technology because first it vacuums up the magma, then it stores it, and eventually it's supposed to fire it, all without itself melting.

Ron has this to say:

That would be so cool if it wasn't gonna hurt us.

WEREN'T!  "That would be so cool if it weren't gonna hurt us."  This is not that difficult.  You're already in a subjunctive state of mind because if you were doing indicative you'd say, "isn't" but you know that's not right so you're almost to correct and all that you need to do is use the word "were" instead of "was" and this is not that difficult!

For fuck's sake, people.

Wait, I'm supposed to be talking about the show?

Ron's going to repeat variations on that phrase a fair amount.  He can appreciate the beauty of things, even ones that are trying to hurt or kill him.  He just doesn't think that things that are about to hurt and/or kill him are cool.

Anyway, at this point the true savior of the Kim Possible verse wakes up.

Rufus sets them free (since he can't reach the button with his hand, he just throws his whole body at it), and we see a combination of good strategy:

Kim: Ron, get to the laser drill. I'll take care of Shego.
Ron: Great plan! What exactly is the plan again?
Kim: Ron, you're the genius who invented the naco! You've got a building made of cheese here. Get creative.
Ron: It'll be my masterpiece.
Kim, Ron: Be careful.
Kim: Jinx. You owe me soda.

And bad strategy:

Drakken: They've escaped!
Shego: *full saracasm* No! Really?
Drakken: The buffoon is nothing. Find Kim Possible.

Kim and Shego fight.
Magma enters the magmachine.
Kim and Shego fight.

Ron: Rufus, this is a precision instrument. Incredibly complex. Better mess with everything.

Ron starts firing the laser in random directions.

Soon, though, the magmachine is full and thus presumably ready to fire.

Drakken: Ah-hah! It's magma, Milwaukee!
*hits button*
*magmachine is clogged with cheese*
Drakken: Why isn't Milwaukee eating magma?

Because you made a machine that was capable of sucking up, storing, and firing magma, with all of the ability to deal with the temperature, mass (it shoots fucking rock), and so forth associated with such that still required and open air barrel to fire.

It's not quite as bad as when you will have made the earthquake machine lair non-earthquake proof, but it's an interesting short-sight no less.

As the cheese flows down from above, Drakken is well and truly beaten.  The end.

Wait, we can't be done yet, not when we have no idea whether this is a building made of cheese or a cheese covered building.  Please, enlighten us on this thing that we have wondered about so much and so deeply.

Drakken: Please do not tell me that this place is actually made of cheese! I thought it was a cheese-covered building!
Monorail Guide: Oh golly, no! You'd be surprised blugh....

Thank you, but I'm still not completely sure I understand.

As the upper parts of cheese wheel collapse in to fill the lair Ron is forced to the roof of the drill control chamber, the laser blasts a crate that Kim and Shego are both standing on putting an end to Shego largely dominating the fight.

Both go flying but since Shego doesn't have a hair dryer grappling hook she lands in the cheese while Kim swings safely over it, grabbing Ron on the way to an exit hole.

Drakken: This... is not... over,... Kim Possible! *sinks into the cheese*
[snip]
Kim: Drakken's plan is so foiled.
Ron: Oh, it's over. I call it bad-guy con queso!

* * *

All roads lead back to Bueno Nacho.

Ron: What's wrong, KP? You won.
Kim: *completely flat voice* I'm very happy, really.
Ron: You don't sound happy.
Kim: OK, I know this is beyond shallow but I saved the world and I'm no closer to owning that Club Banana jacket!

It's not shallow to want something, or feel bad that your efforts don't leave you any closer to having the thing that you want.  It's totally fine for Kim to feel this way.  She did, in fact, make a choice to save Wisconsin (or was it just Milwaukee?) rather than continue to pursue the jacket, but just because you make a choice (the right choice in this case) doesn't mean that you can't feel bad about what you've given up.

So it's totally ok for her to feel that way and it's not actually shallow.

No, the shallow part is coming up in a moment.

You see Ron got a naco bonus that gave him the money to buy her the jacket.

Kim: You are too sweet! I love it! Thanks!

Kim: Ned?!
Ron: Dude, what are you wearing?!
Ned: Somebody left this picture over the cheese machine. And I just had to have it. Viva me!
Ron: Exchange it?
Kim: Oh, yeah!

That's beyond shallow.  One person that they consider too ... uh, Ned-like I guess, gets something and now suddenly, in spite of it being your heart's desire, you can't be seen in the same fashion?

But the real question is what we aren't shown.  Did Ron ever apologize to Ned for being such an asshole to him?  He apologized to Kim in spite of not actually doing anything bad to her.  Is Ned worthy of basic human respect, or is Kim the only one worthy of getting apologies?

Ned is someone who actually cares about and takes seriously the "drudge work" Kim despises, he wears glasses, his voice is a bit nasal, and he's a friend of Kim's dreaded nerd cousin Larry.  He's such an anathema to the very idea of cool that him owning a style marks all clothing in that style as a class of thing that the likes Kim should dispose of posthaste rather than actually wear.

So... does Ned get an apology?

He certainly doesn't hold a grudge, but that could be a reflection on his character instead of Ron's actions.

Oh, and the picture on the cheese machine was something Kim taped there to keep herself motivated in the first half.

-

End of episode summation:

Day saved by:
Kim - 0
Ron - 1
Rufus - 1

Kim's Ride Reason:
Saved Akut from iceberg
Saved crop dusting business

Real Friends:
Hack your bank account
Read your diary
Sign you up for jobs you don't want
Envy your success
Rescue you from evil schemes
Buy you a Jacket

Insights into Parents:
Dads don't get fashion while Moms get it at a glance

Times we learned the building wasn't cheese-covered but actually made of cheese:
Four

Gear:
Hair Dryer Grappling Hook Launcher
Clip On Tie

-

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