I am now a published author.

So today I got a book in the mail.  This came as a surprise because I didn't order a book.

Then I opened it.  And all made sense.

I wrote a short story for an anthology called Shifting Hearts for which I will be (when the check arrives) be paid $30 (that'll make me a professional author) and was given a complementary copy of the book, which now sits beside me.

Mine is one of seven stories, I haven't read the others.  Probably should at some point, now that I have the book and all.

Shifting Hearts is an anthology of real world based (no magic and such) otherkin romance stories.  My contribution, beginning on page 95 is called "Looking the Real You in the Eye".

Since I was paid a fixed price financially it doesn't matter to me whether the book sells seven billion copies or zero, but I'd like it to do well.  Also, if you buy from Amazon through my site (links coming) I should theoretically make pennies.

The Kindle version is here.

The Paperback version is here.

[Added] Link to Amazon UK page for the book. [/added]

That's all the versions there are.

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As part of the deal I retain copyright on my story but agree not to release anywhere else for a certain period of time.  Six months as I recall but I'd want to double check the contract before doing anything.  Point is: if you don't want to wait half a year or more to read my story, you kind of have to buy the book.

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Oh, about the 11th commandment.  The 11th commandment is, of course, "Don't get caught."  This can be used for good or ill.  But the thing is, the only reason it can ever be used for good is because we live in an imperfect world.  Very imperfect.

On the way to my psychiatrist's office I pass a historical marker about the underground railroad.  These were people who lived by the 11th commandment to the betterment of many.

Closeted people live by the 11th commandment.

And we come to levels of wrongness.  Using the 11th commandment isn't bad unless used for bad things.  There's nothing wrong about the 11th commandment when looked at on that level.  But the fact that the 11th commandment ever has to be used for good things is wrong.  If what you're doing is not wrong then there should be no reason that getting caught is a problem.  And so the need for the 11th commandment points to a wrongness in our world.

And so I believe in the abolition of the 11th commandment, but not by taking aim at it directly.  Instead by improving the world to the point that it is no longer needed.  A world where, "Don't get caught," is something that's absurd to say about good things because getting caught would produce a response of, "Why were you trying to hide that?  There's nothing wrong with that."

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The first rule, Rule 1 (which is so basic often times I forget it is Rule 1 and call it Rule Zero), is, "Try not to be an asshole."

Apparently the Sci-Fi Channel can't decide which theme to use with Sharknado: the shark or the nado

Sci-Fi Saturday used to be a day when you could be assured of seeing a bunch of bad Sci-Fi movies at least losely connected to one theme followed by a Sci-Fi original or actual good movie centered on that theme.

That is no longer the case.  They've moved movie day to Friday.  But Sharknado was such a sensation that the decided to do an entire day of theme movies today culminating in Sharknado, just like the old days (Though they didn't say that.)  But what theme?

They told my provider they'd be playing:
Storm War

Alien Tornado

Earth's Final Hours

Metal Tornado

Super Cyclone

Collision Earth

Sharknado

Meteor Storm

Impact (parts one and two)

A little bit scatter-shot, space weather in there and whatnot, but clearly a -nado theme.

This is what they are playing:
Malibu Shark Attack (The one with the Sharknami)

Dinoshark

Super Shark

Swamp Shark

2-headed Shark Attack

Sharktopus

Sharknado

Super Shark (Again)

Sand Sharks

Shark Zone

Definitely a shark theme.  Unless they change their mind again before the day is through.

If I close my eyes will the world go away?

It is probably the case that the best posts are not written from fetal position, not because fetal position is a bad position from which to type (though it is, which is why I'm now propped against a couch) but because the reasons conducive to being in fetal position are not the ones conducive to writing a good post.

I don't even fucking know.

Yesterday was good, except for the dogs, the day before was good.  Today

And I ran out of fucking words.  Was there a sentence there and I lost it, or did I just think something would follow if I started and then nothing did?

Don't know.

The more of me that's in contact with the floor the better things seem to be.  Not better as in feels good.  That would imply feeling where there is none.  Less uncomfortable perhaps.  More natural?

And the question remains: if i close my eyes will the world go away?

Be nice if it would.

But it doesn't.  My body persists and that bird outside won't shut up and some large vehicle (a train perhaps) made a "get out of the damn way" noise.

I think the time may have come to seriously consider that perhaps I have nothing to say.  Today will pass and nothing of value will be written or done.  Tomorrow will likely be the same.  Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps forth in this petty pace from day to day.  I don't even like Shakespeare.  Yesterday things had meaning.  Today all that has passed away and I lay here on the floor.

And my monitor is the wrong fucking color.  No red.

Darkness come and take me now.  For fuck's sake I've run out of everything.  Motivation, energy, emotions, spoons, words.

The world still won't go away, even if I lie face down on the floor with eyes closed for god knows how long.

May tomorrow be better.  Not a hope, I'm out of that stuff.  Just another request I expect will go unfulfilled.

For future reference

If I make a post about a movie and you take that as an invitation to ask 67 questions about the movie the vast majority of which could be answered by casually watching it and throw in some clearly untrue statements as well... I may very well, as I just did, try to politely answer your questions and correct your mistakes but there's a good chance that by the end of it I'm going to have a very low opinion of you and wonder why you didn't simply watch the fucking movie.

More about my Birthday

Someone suggested that I make an Amazon wishlist, and as I started to do that I noted a Blu-ray/DVD/CD/VHS player that I'd really like.  So I added it to the wish list because "wish" but here's the thing: Given the price tag on it if anyone were to actually get it for me (pretty sure no one would because aforementioned price tag) the only reasonable course of action would be to sell it and use the money for school.

Which means that... I don't know.  I feel like an ass saying, "Just give me money," but anything but the cheapest things I'd probably have to sell for money anyway.  From my birthday to when university starts is one month.  One month to figure out how to get thousands of dollars when everything is in disarray, stress is high, and I'm on the wrong fucking medication.  Though hopefully that last can be fixed.  I was put on current one because it might work but also because trying it would be needed to convince the insurance company to pay for the one that does work which is, unfortunately, more expensive.  By a lot.

I don't want to sell any gifts.  That feels bad and evil and wrong.

So I'm left with this, next year I'll have a wishlist up and if anyone wants to get me something by all means get me something.  This year, this year if you want to give me a present just donate.  If you want you can attach a message saying, "I'd like you to use this to buy [whatever]," and I'll see what I can do.  But for now, if you want to get me something, just donate.

And yes, that is exactly what I said makes me feel like an ass.

Though there is another possibility.  On my birthday, August 3rd, if you can make it to southern Maine, contact me and we could meet face to face.

Primary Computer Update

When my keyboard lost the ability to produce a comma, which also lost me the left angle bracket (<) I thought I'd be forced to abandon my computer and simply move the hard drive to a new computer of the same model.  (Which I'd gotten for parts to fix my computer.)

Turns out... no.  At first I thought the thing wouldn't start.  After opening it up I discovered that the problem was more... problematic.  Instead of being plugged in the monitor cable was shoved into a place in which it did not fit warping the metal housing around the circuit board and having to be pried free in ways that almost certainly did real damage to the computer.

In hindsight I should have just cut it and left it wedged in there.  I by the time I got the cable out it was visibly fucked.  Thankfully I had a brand new cable I'd gotten when I was hoping that my original cable was what caused the red to go away.

So I installed the screen from the new computer, and the keyboard (which isn't quite perfect, the end key is in the process of being reattached.  The good news: A working computer that needs only two screws that don't belong to it and doesn't have a cracked screen and such.  The bad news: Red still doesn't work.  It's not the monitor, it's not the cable, against all the odds it's something wrong with the computer itself.  In fact I think we can narrow it down to one part of the computer.  If I plug in an external monitor cable that will work, red and all.  So it has to be the socket thingy into which the LCD cable plugs or something leading to that that is responsible for the lack of red.

Also, certain letters on the keyboard stopped working while typing this, then started working again.  So... no fucking clue.  I may need a new primary computer.  I have a new secondary computer, thank you Ana, but it doesn't do DVDs and CDs.

[Added:] Ha, ha!  Mine is a triumphant laugh.  "End" key reattached, if a bit wiggly.

Four episodes for the series I suggested (and do you think we could make this work?)

First off: the original post.  Second, the concept in short: Imagine an action movie.  Car chases, shoot outs, explosions.  Now imagine a series that wasn't telling that story, but instead the story of everyone who those things had an effect upon.  One person per episode.

lonespark:

That's....wow. It should be its own post. And if you can actually write the stories, you could make a cool book. Or graphic novel, or comic series or whatever. 

I know that might be devilishly difficult... 

Alternately, you could put up the story skeleton for the episodes and maybe other people could flesh them out, if you wanted to give permission for that... whether as a fun pastime or the inaugural Stealing Commas ebook or something else...

So I am making it into it's own post and I'm putting out the question, do you think we could make this thing?  Stealing Commas first (presumably only) graphic novel.  The other people would need to be involved.  Plots from start to finish are things I'm singularly bad at doing, I can't draw for shit.  Very few people know less about the way to go about making a story to fit a comic book format than I do.

It would be an undertaking.  An undertaking that would depend not just on me but also on other people.  People to help at basically every stage of the process.  So I put out the question: does it seem possible?

Anyway, onto the four plots.

From the "action movie" perspective all that happens is a foot chase turns to a car chase outside a flower shop (via the stealing of cars) and two street vendors carts are destroyed by the ensuing car chase because car chases do that.

Now plots:

We've got the two people who have their cars stolen.  At first glance their stories seem nearly identical, they're two guys who are trying to pull of the perfect date with their respective girlfriends.  When looked at in detail, it becomes apparent that the stories are completely different.

One of them is in a healthy happy relationship that just seems to be plagued by minor mishaps and slip ups and what not and is trying for the perfect date because he wants, one time, for everything to go right and his reason for wanting it to be perfect is entirely his own impetus.  His girlfriend isn't pressuring him to get it right this time or putting her foot down or any such thing such thing.

He's running late and leaves his car idling and unlocked because he thinks he's just going to run in and run out, the heroes steal it.  Now without a car, pulling off the perfect date becomes even more difficult, but that's his story.  How he manages to pull it off.  That's one episode/issue/thing.

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The other is in a toxic relationship.  His girlfriend is controlling and he's trying to do everything perfectly because perfection is the constant unattainable demand.  The villain steals his car at gunpoint as he slows down to park.  He chases after the car (not very smart but people do not smart things all the time.)

Because he never made it into the flower shop he stops at the wreckage of a flower cart the the car chase destroyed, picks out his girlfriend's favorites, and then buys them from the very surprised vendor.

"How much?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. And in a serious hurry. I'll pay you double, triple, whatever." *beat* "Name your price."

He buys the flowers and runs off, completely oblivious to the fact that people behind him have started buying from flower cart woman at highly inflated prices, and preordering when her stock runs dry, thus giving her the capital necessary to get a new cart. Her cart isn't insured, you see.

He continues, like his counterpart, trying to pull off the perfect date, interactions/flashbacks/whatnots showing how toxic the relationship is and in the end his girlfriend blows up at him for things not being perfect which finally pushes him to admit he's in a toxic relationship and leave it.  He goes to the insurance office to make a claim on his car where he meets the owner of the other ruined street cart (Fruit Cart Woman) who is putting in a claim on her cart (unlike Flower Cart Woman hers was insured), talks to her while waiting (because the insurance office* is crowded post action movie), and asks her out on a date before they part company.

That's his story: Realizing a relationship is toxic, getting out of it, going out on a limb to start a new relationship.

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The other two stories also seem similar at first glance (street vendors resurrecting their run-over businesses) but are completely different because one was insured and the other was not.

Flower Cart Woman has the idea sparked by Car Stolen At Gunpoint Guy to crowd fund the restoration of her business.  It's not exactly selling slightly run over flowers at highly inflated prices, it's more like a pledge drive.  Something like:

"I'm not asking you to overpay for a flower, I'm asking you to remember all of the times I've helped you pick out good flowers and give me some money to get back on my feet and I'll give you a flower, free of charge, in thanks."

And that is her story, rebuilding a business by convincing members of the community to pitch in so she can buy a new cart.

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Finally we have Fruit Cart Woman.  The end of Car Stolen At Gunpoint Guy's story is the middle of hers, if not earlier, because her story doesn't end until her business is up and running again which requires navigating the difficult waters of post action movie insurance claims.

Compared to Flower Cart Woman's request for donation speech above she'd be saying things more like, "The policy clearly covers auto accidents, the explosions were two blocks away and have nothing to do with my claim."

Much of her difficulty would stem from the fact that she wasn't fortunate enough to get claims officer quoted in the footnote.

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These four stories, really two stories each told in two radically different ways, leave the male characters the ones running through an action-movieifed city, possibly doing some parkour in an attempt to do things in a hurry while the female characters are doing less actiony things because they're business owners trying to save their businesses.  They also have only heterosexual romance, though Flower Cart Woman's sexual preferences, if any, don't play into any of the plots.

But ideally there would be more stories, many more stories.  Stories of males doing less actiony things like the Street Vendor Women of the above stories and of females doing more actiony things, and of relationships of all sorts, and whatnot.

The guiding light of the stories would be that when it comes to realism vs the desire to tell upbeat stories with happy endings realism loses every time.

A car chase led to an accident that caused the biggest traffic jam in history when you need to get to your job interview fast how do you make that story have a happy ending?  That's the implicit promise to the reader/viewer: This is the story of how an ordinary person managed to pull off a happy ending after an action movie smashed through their life like a bulldozer.

A gun fight caused parent and child (or older sibling and younger sibling) to be separated with one on the subway car and the other off after which the subway was shut down leaving child completely lost, parent/sibling in a panic, and an adventure through a city suddenly subject to gunfights car chases and explosions to reunite the two.  You know going into the story that it's going to have a happy ending, what you don't know is how or what the stops along the way will be.

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* Random exchange at company between employees:

"The shareholders are NOT going to be happy." 

"Fuck the shareholders, I work for the customers."