[Originally posted on Fimfiction.net, with the entire story as a single chapter.]
[As the title suggests, the way this acts toward characterization is restricted to this chapter.]
[The story's index can be found here.]
"... and now there are three Celestias," Sunset said, even though what she really meant was, My life, I have grown to loathe it. She counted the Celestias off on her fingers, just in case anyone had lost the ability to count in the absence of convenient visual aids, "Pony Celestia, who is a princess, human Celestia, who is a principal, and principle Celestia, who is some sort of abstract concept."
"Ah understand it's difficult, sugarcube," Applejack said in a way that meant, Look at me, I'm a stereotype! which ‑‑Sunset felt‑‑ could have gone without saying, "but Ah'm jus' sayin' ya gotta roll with them figurative punches."
Sunset said, "And I'm just saying that I'm fed up," which everyone at the table would know meant, I'm trying to vent, you're getting your humble country advice all over my exhaust port, a direct hit could cause a chain reaction leading to my destruction, so please, kindly, shut up.
Rainbow Dash used the name, "Sunset," as her way of saying, My turn! which in turn meant that something related to athleticism (who could be bothered to remember that Rainbow had other traits?) was probably on the way, "some of it is kinda awesome, if you let yourself see it."
Sunset just glared. There were no worlds.
Wait, worlds? S̼ͯu̫ͨn̠̊s̜̒̋e͇͒t̰̑ ͚ͥ́b̻ͣr̬̟̾̍ȧ̤c͙̀e̼̥̓ͬd̟̠ͮ ̝́͆h̘̻ͣͬḛ̮̲̔̔ͦr̻ͩs͉̜̻̀̌ē͚̣̞l̘̜̍͗f͉̪̍;̲̅ͩ̃ ̹̹̑͊t̠̩̝̓̋ͩh̰̭̦̄̅ͣe̖̦̊̅̐ ̬̪͇͂̾̽u̟̹͌̍ͅn̖̝̈ͣͤi̲̖̖̘̒͗ͮv͎̗̤̆̏̊e̻͍͋̊͊͗r̟ͦ̒̑ͤś̹͍͖͎͌ė̦ ̜̋͑r͖͈̬̻ͩe̲͎͆͂c̮̫͚̿ô̺̠͉n͓ͬf͉͔̮̪ͥi͙͇̣ͮ͐̒ͩg̯̣̱͂̔ͅu̹͇̜͎̺͊́̄r̫͓̣̽̀̄ḛ̟͒d͚̦̔ ̖̜͕̮̃i̝̰̮̦̳ͫ͂ț͚͔̬̟̖̄̂s͔͚̮̮̖͛e̼̗̜̮͔̋̓͌̓͒l͈̣̰̤͊ͨ̃͆̓̒f̬̫̬̍͛ͩ ̮̱͇̪̖̱̓̑͂̂t͇̱̝̽ö̹̯̰̟̭̬̽̏̚ ̬͎̊m͕̜̼̝̎̈â̝̮̟ͧ̂̈͛̿k̭͉̞͙̯̰̍́ͣ̒ͩ̐ȅ̫ͮ͒̔̓ ͖̿̽ͧ̋ͨ̚t̗̘̼̼͇͙͆ͥh̟̦̆̈́̚e̜̺̤̰̙̹̖̒̅͊̾̔ͩ ̹̳͖̲̱͉̓͆̑͛ͅs͚͈̗̘͓̹̈́ͩ̐̃̋̌̔ṯ̭͕̯̥̅a̜͋t͉͉͍̔͆ͤ̌̚e͉̎̃̊̇ͪm̗̯̗̱̮̖̂̑̓͋e̝͋ͭͅn͙̗̫̙̖͛͆̃t̗͔̞͙̥ͫ ͍̝̣͍͕̗̿̓̈ͪ̓t̗̺͓̤̀̃̉ͯ̉̔̋ͅr̲̠̞̓͋̓̇ͩu̪͕̤̖̗̱̓ͭ̏ͦ̄̏͌ẹ̺̞̘͑͋̈́̔͋̅̇.͖̰͙̤̯̹͙͖̥ͭ͂̍
"See," Rainbow Dash said, "we're in space!"
"Uh huh," was Sunset's half-hearted reply. She appraised the star field in which they now found themselves and tested the non-existent ground beneath her feet to make sure she wouldn't fall through it. She had serious questions about why gravity was still operating, but this probably wasn't the time to ask them.
Fluttershy said, I want to remind everyone I'm meek and ignorable, but the words she used to do it were actually, "I think it's kind of scary," with the volume, particularly the lack thereof, doing most of the heavy lifting.
Rarity, on the other hand, remembered what had been going on back when there were worlds, which caused her to say, "Rainbow, darling, I believe our sudden relocation prevented you from finishing your original thought."
Rainbow said, "Uh," to express that she was being portrayed as slow on the uptake (because jokes can't be smart.)
Sunset silently cursed t̠͋̕h̓҉͖e͙͊̀ ̗̂͘e̡͙ͩr̻ͥ͜a̴̫̦͑s͂҉̦ů̢̗͟r̢̥͂ḙ͌͡ ͓ͩ̕o̸͉͖ͦf̼͊͟ ̵̳̋͜a̸͇͛͒l̷̩̎l͓̬͐̂͡ ͕ͮ͞͡n̡̖̖ͫo͑͋̀ͅṇ̡͋-̡͕͌l͙̆̔͝o̴̺͗w͗҉͉b̨̬̏ṙ̴̢̭o̴͇̼̒̕w̜̖͗̀ ͨ҉̜̹ḣ̢̻́ủ̴̵̼͛m̦̻͊́͟ŏ̄͏̨͍̬r̥̬̿̀, and wondered how things had ever reached this point.
While Sunset was thinking such thoughts, Rainbow Dash remembered that, as a jock, she must have been saying something that boiled down to, Physical activity is all I think or care about. With that in mind, she remembered her earlier point, "Right. You know how this morning the steps of the high school turned into steeps? Who doesn't love mountain climbing in the morning?"
Sci-Twi, the most sciencey Twi in the whole wide world (s̵͇͌u̴̮̍d͖ͭ͢d̢̜̐ẽ̸̻n̸̙̿l̊҉͎y̬͑͞ ̛͉͑t̵̲̔ḧ̪͡e̜ͬ̕r̛̙͐ȩ̦̈ ̴̩ͥw̞̑͝a̴̺̐ŝ̢̥ ̡͖̌à̧̩ ̨͚̑w̵͇̃o̹̎̀r̝̈́̕l̷̫̽d̙͗͝ ͇̑͠a̰̾͢g͇̀͡a̧͙̍i̛̖͂ņ̘̾), said, "I don't. Not really. When I finally got to the top I was so exhausted I thought I might die." Everyone around the table got the message, Nerds lack physical endurance, loud and clear.
Pinkie Pie said to Sunset, "You just need to put your super sharp rapier wit‑‑"
Sunset gave a prayer of thanks, because an error there could have caused the story to go Dark, and possibly Mature, in a hurry via the introduction of Non-con. Instead, things were fine. Pinkie Pie merely referenced the fact that Sunset was known for cutting and intelligent humor. N͍̍ö́ͅn̲͂̂-͓̽l̦͌o̱͒ẅ̦̾ḃ͉ͥr̥ͪo̻̺̒w̫͚ͤ ̦̉ḧ̹̯u̘̽ͪm̞̓o͇͒ͥṟ̣̈ ̟̳ͧ͛r̠̓è̥t̖͒u̥̓ṛ͒n̤ͩ̍ḛ̓d͈̔ ̲̿͛t͖̳̉ó̻͑ ̻̽ͯt͇̪̆̂h͔̐e̲͍͆ ͔̭̑w͙̿o̬̳ͬ̒r̯̲ͥl͎̮̀d͖̭ͮ̌.̬ͬ̓ Sunset was thankful for that too.
"You're welcome," Pinkie Pie said to Sunset. Sunset gave a nod of thanks.
No one remarked on the fact that Pinkie Pie had never finished her sentence, thus saving the author from having to actually figure out how the sentence was supposed to end.
Pinkie Pie said, "You're welcome too," to the author because Pinkie Pie wasn't a character so much as a literary device one could use to smash the fourth wall, throw the broken pieces into a crusher and/or trash compactor, and finally jump up and down on whatever pitifully broken bit emerged from the process.
As wonderful as that completely irrelevant exposition had been, Sunset still didn't feel any better. She felt tired. Worn. Thin, stretched, like butter spread over too much bread in a story where the author stole lines form The Fellowship of the Ring. Other things that stood in for the word "weary", too. [Thing punctuated as a sentence in spite of having no main verb].
"Look guys‑‑" Sunset said in that certain sort of way that meant, I think I'm going to end this conversation, and I'm definitely not planning on taking anything any of you have said to heart, before getting cut off by Rarity.
Rarity reminded everyone that she had yet to demonstrate how, in the hands of authors who didn't have the time or inclination to write well, her characterization could also be reduced to a simple stereotype. She did this with a single word. That word was, "Darling," and ‑‑with the reminder having been made‑‑ everyone waited with baited breath (m̪͂͝ọ̌͢s̮̋͞t̛͚̮͋l̲͛͟ÿ̵̴̝ ̷̯̮̅̽͢s̷͎̞̈͛h̲ͭ̅͘͞r͚̿̌͞í̵̵̬͐m̢̞̊p̶͖͇̙̃̆͂) for her to actually make that demonstration; Rarity did not disappoint, "if you'd simply allow me to give you a makeover, you'd feel perfectly fine."
Rainbow Dash said, "Doubt it," while Applejack said, "Nope," and Sunset said, "I'm gonna go with: no."
Rainbow Dash and Sunset high-fived. Applejack, reduced to being a background pony by the author, was not involved.
"Consarn it!" the formerly human and currently pony Applejack shouted. Basically no one noticed. Who pays attention to a background pony?
When she said, "So, as I was saying," Sunset was more than a little miffed, but well short of very miffed, "I don't think talking about this is helping me any, so I'm going to see if I can clear my head by taking a walk."
Using the words, "We're still on for that experiment this weekend, right?" Sci-Twi said, Wait, is my part in the story over? I've hardly said anything. I'm too young to become irrelevant!
Sunset said, "Yeah, sure," as she stood up, then headed for Sugarcube Corner's exit.
"Wait, we're in Sugarcube Corner‽" Pinkie shout-asked in a way that interrobanged the Hell out of every syllable.
"It's a punctuation mark you perverts," Pinkie said to the probably-not-perverted readership. "Anyway," she said to the other humans (and one pony) around the table, "now that we've dealt with that, and therefore kept the teen rating . . . I thought we were in the CHS cafeteria!" A moment later she asked, "Have we really been in Sugarcube Corner, which I think is supposed to be called 'The Sweet Shoppe' in this universe, the entire time we've been talking?"
"So it would appear," Rarity said at the same time Applejack said, "Seems ta be," and Rainbow Dash said, "I guess." Fluttershy also said something, but no one heard her. Even background pony Applejack got noticed more.
"That's so weird," Pinkie said.
It was not, in fact, weird.
Sunset, having reached the door in precisely the amount of time it took for all of that to be said, left the building.
I'll have full story notes at the index after everything is posted, so go to that for context. About the competition, its wordcount, when I decided to ignore both, and so forth. Also the origins of the idea of making an Equestria girls story about world changing typos.
I actually think I should have expanded on this more when I ditched the wordcount restriction. I feel like it gives the impression that the story is wholly going to be making fun of characterization, when the truth is that that's pretty much exclusive to this chapter. Each section of this story, you see, has it's own particular focus, even though it wasn't planned out that way.
Originally the story was intended to just be about world changing typos. I know exactly when it went sideways. It was Applejack's "in a way that meant". Sunset's was just a thing that I have a tendency to do. When I gave one to Applejack too, everything went sideways.
First, unlike making fun of characterization, having "X said, 'Y,' meaning Z," be the form the dialogue takes more often than not does persist throughout the whole story. Second, taking a shot at the way the characters are characterized in (bad) fanfic expanded the scope of the story. No longer was it a one note affair, now anything was game.
This is basically just stage setting, so there's not too much more to say about it. But there is more.
The most notable is that, because it's stage setting, and isn't being subtle about it, the typos are more prominent here than anywhere else. The second is that this is the only time there will be more than three characters in a conversation (or indeed present), and the times that do have three are very brief. This is very much a two person back-and-forth kind of story. Well, two people at a time.
The zalgo text sections, which can be damned hard to read, are as follows:
While there isn't much left to say, I assure you that I can draw it out forever.
• Sunset as the Death Star was the product of many drafts and revisions. At some point I thought about how if you don't vent you might explode (see: Bruce Banner) and then exhaust + explosion → Death Star trench run.
• I think the there being no worlds was the first actual error I decided to include. It changed the way I was thinking about presenting them. The original concept, from way, way back would have done something more like this:
No emphasis on the changey nature of the change at all, the narrative simply switching gears and treating it as though nothing had happened.
I hadn't really thought about whether or not to incorporate actual typos before that point.
• I'm not sure if "jokes" instead of "jocks" was an actual error, or if I, say, only got as far as typing "jok" before I corrected it, and then just thought, "hey, that had looked kind of like 'joke', I can work with that." I do know that it, too, was born of a mistake.
• "Dark", "Mature", and "Non-con" are Fimfiction tags. Non-con stands for "Non-consensual", understood to be referring to sexual things, because (as a warning) it wants to cast as wide a net as possible. (You wouldn't want someone to be triggered because rape was the only non-consensual sexual act they could use the warning tags to avoid.)
• I did not, in fact, come up with a way to end that sentence. I just wanted to restore non-lowbrow humor, and decided to go with "rapier wit", and then when I saw what that looked like I sort of . . . yup.
It occurs to me in retrospect that I probably should have clarified that the setting isn't one where the typos could result in actual rape. It's too light and fluffy for that. Well, not fluffy. But it is too light for it.
• Ok, this? This is me having a modicum of restraint:
• When I was describing how weary Sunset felt, Bilbo's line came into my head.
• This:
is simply how I roll, and I make no apologies.
• "baited breath" was an actual error.
• Applejack turned into a background pony, mostly, because I had seven people around a table, three of whom qualified for the high five, and I didn't want to deal with more than two. So I demoted her to background character.
Also in my head was that I had thought about how an errant "everypony" could turn everyone into ponies, but I wasn't planning on using that. So I made her a background pony instead of background human.
• I intially was going to leave "Interrobanged the Hell out of every syllable" at that, but then I realized that, maybe, "...banged the Hell out of" wasn't the best turn of phrase.
• The setting thing was kind of making fun of myself for using zero description. Originally they were in the cafeteria. I decided to change it to Sugarcube Corner/The Sweet Shoppe and didn't have to change a single word I had written. Not one.
I think I might be done, It only took me an hour or two to write these end notes.
[As the title suggests, the way this acts toward characterization is restricted to this chapter.]
[The story's index can be found here.]
"... and now there are three Celestias," Sunset said, even though what she really meant was, My life, I have grown to loathe it. She counted the Celestias off on her fingers, just in case anyone had lost the ability to count in the absence of convenient visual aids, "Pony Celestia, who is a princess, human Celestia, who is a principal, and principle Celestia, who is some sort of abstract concept."
"Ah understand it's difficult, sugarcube," Applejack said in a way that meant, Look at me, I'm a stereotype! which ‑‑Sunset felt‑‑ could have gone without saying, "but Ah'm jus' sayin' ya gotta roll with them figurative punches."
Sunset said, "And I'm just saying that I'm fed up," which everyone at the table would know meant, I'm trying to vent, you're getting your humble country advice all over my exhaust port, a direct hit could cause a chain reaction leading to my destruction, so please, kindly, shut up.
Rainbow Dash used the name, "Sunset," as her way of saying, My turn! which in turn meant that something related to athleticism (who could be bothered to remember that Rainbow had other traits?) was probably on the way, "some of it is kinda awesome, if you let yourself see it."
Sunset just glared. There were no worlds.
Wait, worlds? S̼ͯu̫ͨn̠̊s̜̒̋e͇͒t̰̑ ͚ͥ́b̻ͣr̬̟̾̍ȧ̤c͙̀e̼̥̓ͬd̟̠ͮ ̝́͆h̘̻ͣͬḛ̮̲̔̔ͦr̻ͩs͉̜̻̀̌ē͚̣̞l̘̜̍͗f͉̪̍;̲̅ͩ̃ ̹̹̑͊t̠̩̝̓̋ͩh̰̭̦̄̅ͣe̖̦̊̅̐ ̬̪͇͂̾̽u̟̹͌̍ͅn̖̝̈ͣͤi̲̖̖̘̒͗ͮv͎̗̤̆̏̊e̻͍͋̊͊͗r̟ͦ̒̑ͤś̹͍͖͎͌ė̦ ̜̋͑r͖͈̬̻ͩe̲͎͆͂c̮̫͚̿ô̺̠͉n͓ͬf͉͔̮̪ͥi͙͇̣ͮ͐̒ͩg̯̣̱͂̔ͅu̹͇̜͎̺͊́̄r̫͓̣̽̀̄ḛ̟͒d͚̦̔ ̖̜͕̮̃i̝̰̮̦̳ͫ͂ț͚͔̬̟̖̄̂s͔͚̮̮̖͛e̼̗̜̮͔̋̓͌̓͒l͈̣̰̤͊ͨ̃͆̓̒f̬̫̬̍͛ͩ ̮̱͇̪̖̱̓̑͂̂t͇̱̝̽ö̹̯̰̟̭̬̽̏̚ ̬͎̊m͕̜̼̝̎̈â̝̮̟ͧ̂̈͛̿k̭͉̞͙̯̰̍́ͣ̒ͩ̐ȅ̫ͮ͒̔̓ ͖̿̽ͧ̋ͨ̚t̗̘̼̼͇͙͆ͥh̟̦̆̈́̚e̜̺̤̰̙̹̖̒̅͊̾̔ͩ ̹̳͖̲̱͉̓͆̑͛ͅs͚͈̗̘͓̹̈́ͩ̐̃̋̌̔ṯ̭͕̯̥̅a̜͋t͉͉͍̔͆ͤ̌̚e͉̎̃̊̇ͪm̗̯̗̱̮̖̂̑̓͋e̝͋ͭͅn͙̗̫̙̖͛͆̃t̗͔̞͙̥ͫ ͍̝̣͍͕̗̿̓̈ͪ̓t̗̺͓̤̀̃̉ͯ̉̔̋ͅr̲̠̞̓͋̓̇ͩu̪͕̤̖̗̱̓ͭ̏ͦ̄̏͌ẹ̺̞̘͑͋̈́̔͋̅̇.͖̰͙̤̯̹͙͖̥ͭ͂̍
"See," Rainbow Dash said, "we're in space!"
"Uh huh," was Sunset's half-hearted reply. She appraised the star field in which they now found themselves and tested the non-existent ground beneath her feet to make sure she wouldn't fall through it. She had serious questions about why gravity was still operating, but this probably wasn't the time to ask them.
Fluttershy said, I want to remind everyone I'm meek and ignorable, but the words she used to do it were actually, "I think it's kind of scary," with the volume, particularly the lack thereof, doing most of the heavy lifting.
Rarity, on the other hand, remembered what had been going on back when there were worlds, which caused her to say, "Rainbow, darling, I believe our sudden relocation prevented you from finishing your original thought."
Rainbow said, "Uh," to express that she was being portrayed as slow on the uptake (because jokes can't be smart.)
Sunset silently cursed t̠͋̕h̓҉͖e͙͊̀ ̗̂͘e̡͙ͩr̻ͥ͜a̴̫̦͑s͂҉̦ů̢̗͟r̢̥͂ḙ͌͡ ͓ͩ̕o̸͉͖ͦf̼͊͟ ̵̳̋͜a̸͇͛͒l̷̩̎l͓̬͐̂͡ ͕ͮ͞͡n̡̖̖ͫo͑͋̀ͅṇ̡͋-̡͕͌l͙̆̔͝o̴̺͗w͗҉͉b̨̬̏ṙ̴̢̭o̴͇̼̒̕w̜̖͗̀ ͨ҉̜̹ḣ̢̻́ủ̴̵̼͛m̦̻͊́͟ŏ̄͏̨͍̬r̥̬̿̀, and wondered how things had ever reached this point.
While Sunset was thinking such thoughts, Rainbow Dash remembered that, as a jock, she must have been saying something that boiled down to, Physical activity is all I think or care about. With that in mind, she remembered her earlier point, "Right. You know how this morning the steps of the high school turned into steeps? Who doesn't love mountain climbing in the morning?"
Sci-Twi, the most sciencey Twi in the whole wide world (s̵͇͌u̴̮̍d͖ͭ͢d̢̜̐ẽ̸̻n̸̙̿l̊҉͎y̬͑͞ ̛͉͑t̵̲̔ḧ̪͡e̜ͬ̕r̛̙͐ȩ̦̈ ̴̩ͥw̞̑͝a̴̺̐ŝ̢̥ ̡͖̌à̧̩ ̨͚̑w̵͇̃o̹̎̀r̝̈́̕l̷̫̽d̙͗͝ ͇̑͠a̰̾͢g͇̀͡a̧͙̍i̛̖͂ņ̘̾), said, "I don't. Not really. When I finally got to the top I was so exhausted I thought I might die." Everyone around the table got the message, Nerds lack physical endurance, loud and clear.
Pinkie Pie said to Sunset, "You just need to put your super sharp rapier wit‑‑"
Sunset gave a prayer of thanks, because an error there could have caused the story to go Dark, and possibly Mature, in a hurry via the introduction of Non-con. Instead, things were fine. Pinkie Pie merely referenced the fact that Sunset was known for cutting and intelligent humor. N͍̍ö́ͅn̲͂̂-͓̽l̦͌o̱͒ẅ̦̾ḃ͉ͥr̥ͪo̻̺̒w̫͚ͤ ̦̉ḧ̹̯u̘̽ͪm̞̓o͇͒ͥṟ̣̈ ̟̳ͧ͛r̠̓è̥t̖͒u̥̓ṛ͒n̤ͩ̍ḛ̓d͈̔ ̲̿͛t͖̳̉ó̻͑ ̻̽ͯt͇̪̆̂h͔̐e̲͍͆ ͔̭̑w͙̿o̬̳ͬ̒r̯̲ͥl͎̮̀d͖̭ͮ̌.̬ͬ̓ Sunset was thankful for that too.
"You're welcome," Pinkie Pie said to Sunset. Sunset gave a nod of thanks.
No one remarked on the fact that Pinkie Pie had never finished her sentence, thus saving the author from having to actually figure out how the sentence was supposed to end.
Pinkie Pie said, "You're welcome too," to the author because Pinkie Pie wasn't a character so much as a literary device one could use to smash the fourth wall, throw the broken pieces into a crusher and/or trash compactor, and finally jump up and down on whatever pitifully broken bit emerged from the process.
As wonderful as that completely irrelevant exposition had been, Sunset still didn't feel any better. She felt tired. Worn. Thin, stretched, like butter spread over too much bread in a story where the author stole lines form The Fellowship of the Ring. Other things that stood in for the word "weary", too. [Thing punctuated as a sentence in spite of having no main verb].
"Look guys‑‑" Sunset said in that certain sort of way that meant, I think I'm going to end this conversation, and I'm definitely not planning on taking anything any of you have said to heart, before getting cut off by Rarity.
Rarity reminded everyone that she had yet to demonstrate how, in the hands of authors who didn't have the time or inclination to write well, her characterization could also be reduced to a simple stereotype. She did this with a single word. That word was, "Darling," and ‑‑with the reminder having been made‑‑ everyone waited with baited breath (m̪͂͝ọ̌͢s̮̋͞t̛͚̮͋l̲͛͟ÿ̵̴̝ ̷̯̮̅̽͢s̷͎̞̈͛h̲ͭ̅͘͞r͚̿̌͞í̵̵̬͐m̢̞̊p̶͖͇̙̃̆͂) for her to actually make that demonstration; Rarity did not disappoint, "if you'd simply allow me to give you a makeover, you'd feel perfectly fine."
Rainbow Dash said, "Doubt it," while Applejack said, "Nope," and Sunset said, "I'm gonna go with: no."
Rainbow Dash and Sunset high-fived. Applejack, reduced to being a background pony by the author, was not involved.
"Consarn it!" the formerly human and currently pony Applejack shouted. Basically no one noticed. Who pays attention to a background pony?
When she said, "So, as I was saying," Sunset was more than a little miffed, but well short of very miffed, "I don't think talking about this is helping me any, so I'm going to see if I can clear my head by taking a walk."
Using the words, "We're still on for that experiment this weekend, right?" Sci-Twi said, Wait, is my part in the story over? I've hardly said anything. I'm too young to become irrelevant!
Sunset said, "Yeah, sure," as she stood up, then headed for Sugarcube Corner's exit.
"Wait, we're in Sugarcube Corner‽" Pinkie shout-asked in a way that interrobanged the Hell out of every syllable.
"It's a punctuation mark you perverts," Pinkie said to the probably-not-perverted readership. "Anyway," she said to the other humans (and one pony) around the table, "now that we've dealt with that, and therefore kept the teen rating . . . I thought we were in the CHS cafeteria!" A moment later she asked, "Have we really been in Sugarcube Corner, which I think is supposed to be called 'The Sweet Shoppe' in this universe, the entire time we've been talking?"
"So it would appear," Rarity said at the same time Applejack said, "Seems ta be," and Rainbow Dash said, "I guess." Fluttershy also said something, but no one heard her. Even background pony Applejack got noticed more.
"That's so weird," Pinkie said.
It was not, in fact, weird.
Sunset, having reached the door in precisely the amount of time it took for all of that to be said, left the building.
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I'll have full story notes at the index after everything is posted, so go to that for context. About the competition, its wordcount, when I decided to ignore both, and so forth. Also the origins of the idea of making an Equestria girls story about world changing typos.
I actually think I should have expanded on this more when I ditched the wordcount restriction. I feel like it gives the impression that the story is wholly going to be making fun of characterization, when the truth is that that's pretty much exclusive to this chapter. Each section of this story, you see, has it's own particular focus, even though it wasn't planned out that way.
Originally the story was intended to just be about world changing typos. I know exactly when it went sideways. It was Applejack's "in a way that meant". Sunset's was just a thing that I have a tendency to do. When I gave one to Applejack too, everything went sideways.
First, unlike making fun of characterization, having "X said, 'Y,' meaning Z," be the form the dialogue takes more often than not does persist throughout the whole story. Second, taking a shot at the way the characters are characterized in (bad) fanfic expanded the scope of the story. No longer was it a one note affair, now anything was game.
This is basically just stage setting, so there's not too much more to say about it. But there is more.
The most notable is that, because it's stage setting, and isn't being subtle about it, the typos are more prominent here than anywhere else. The second is that this is the only time there will be more than three characters in a conversation (or indeed present), and the times that do have three are very brief. This is very much a two person back-and-forth kind of story. Well, two people at a time.
The zalgo text sections, which can be damned hard to read, are as follows:
Sunset braced herself; the universe reconfigured itself to make the statement true.I tried to make some of them easier to read by omitting in line zalgoification, and in retrospect I wish I hadn't. It makes things look inconsistent, I like the shapes I have for them, and I haven't found a tool to add in-line and in-line only stuff without fucking with what's already there.
the erasure of all non-lowbrow humor.
suddenly there was a world again
Non lowbrow humor returned to the world.
mostly shrimp
While there isn't much left to say, I assure you that I can draw it out forever.
Let's go point by point, shall we?
• Sunset as the Death Star was the product of many drafts and revisions. At some point I thought about how if you don't vent you might explode (see: Bruce Banner) and then exhaust + explosion → Death Star trench run.
• I think the there being no worlds was the first actual error I decided to include. It changed the way I was thinking about presenting them. The original concept, from way, way back would have done something more like this:
Sunset just glared. There were no worlds. Sunset groaned and looked down, beholding the infinite majesty of the universe through the empty space beneath her feet.or something.
No emphasis on the changey nature of the change at all, the narrative simply switching gears and treating it as though nothing had happened.
I hadn't really thought about whether or not to incorporate actual typos before that point.
• I'm not sure if "jokes" instead of "jocks" was an actual error, or if I, say, only got as far as typing "jok" before I corrected it, and then just thought, "hey, that had looked kind of like 'joke', I can work with that." I do know that it, too, was born of a mistake.
• "Dark", "Mature", and "Non-con" are Fimfiction tags. Non-con stands for "Non-consensual", understood to be referring to sexual things, because (as a warning) it wants to cast as wide a net as possible. (You wouldn't want someone to be triggered because rape was the only non-consensual sexual act they could use the warning tags to avoid.)
• I did not, in fact, come up with a way to end that sentence. I just wanted to restore non-lowbrow humor, and decided to go with "rapier wit", and then when I saw what that looked like I sort of . . . yup.
It occurs to me in retrospect that I probably should have clarified that the setting isn't one where the typos could result in actual rape. It's too light and fluffy for that. Well, not fluffy. But it is too light for it.
• Ok, this? This is me having a modicum of restraint:
As wonderful as that completely irrelevant exposition had beenI accidentally typed "explosion". I did not make use of that fact.
• When I was describing how weary Sunset felt, Bilbo's line came into my head.
• This:
Other things that stood in for the word "weary", too. [Thing punctuated as a sentence in spite of having no main verb].
is simply how I roll, and I make no apologies.
• "baited breath" was an actual error.
• Applejack turned into a background pony, mostly, because I had seven people around a table, three of whom qualified for the high five, and I didn't want to deal with more than two. So I demoted her to background character.
Also in my head was that I had thought about how an errant "everypony" could turn everyone into ponies, but I wasn't planning on using that. So I made her a background pony instead of background human.
• I intially was going to leave "Interrobanged the Hell out of every syllable" at that, but then I realized that, maybe, "...banged the Hell out of" wasn't the best turn of phrase.
• The setting thing was kind of making fun of myself for using zero description. Originally they were in the cafeteria. I decided to change it to Sugarcube Corner/The Sweet Shoppe and didn't have to change a single word I had written. Not one.
I think I might be done, It only took me an hour or two to write these end notes.
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