Tuesday, July 3, 2018

I might --possibly-- be back-ish . . . maybe.

Completely removing the pressure of trying to write has freed up some of my ability to write.

It's also removed the endless frustration and the feeling of failure that comes from not succeeding in writing when trying to write.  (For obvious reasons.)

All of that is good.  In addition to the ideas for video games involving trans-affirming eldritch sex cults, I've got:
  •  some superhero ideas
  • a game idea that was my response to a book (a real book by a real publisher coming soon to a shithole near you) that's taking aim at everyone who cares about safe spaces, trigger warnings, microagressions, and so forth by asking "What if . . . Outlaws with GUNS!?  What then you spoiled, coddled, ultra-lib special snowflakes?"  With my response being along the lines of "Then action, stealth, relationship building, base building, and social game in which 'only the strong survive' is denounced as Really Fucking Evil by genderqueer protagonist and co," instead of "A book about a generic asshole being so intolerant to people the right wing authors don't like that he can only be "redeemed" (I use the term loosely) by saving them from an implausible situation in action-movie style."
  • Two ponies in human form having a conversation in Latin while one tries to convince the other not to (attempt to) unleash magic on mean high school students.
  • Nevy Longbottom -- Idea for Harry Potter AU in which it wasn't Harry who broke Voldomort and Neville (the only alternative for the prophecy) turned out to be a trans girl.
So that's a pretty good haul especially considering recent standards.

Does this mean I'm back to form, my hiatus of unknown length lasted a mere three weeks, and all is good and right with the world?

Not even fucking close.

- ~ * ´ ⁂ ` * ~ -

I'm having real trouble with the whole "eat drink sleep" thing.

I have an eye problem that they basically never check for because I found out about another eye problem they basically never check for while researching for a story, for which I had all the symptoms.  In the process of checking for that (don't have it) we found what I do have, and while the solution is really simple (prescription reading and distance glasses, use them even though the usual tests say you don't need the reading glasses) it's not cheap to get two new pairs of glasses (especially since the styles that let me feel like me are so unpopular as to be mostly discontinued), which means that "I'm not financially screwed" became "I'm not even sure whether I'm financially screwed or not."

In addition I lost my food benefit and, while I might be able to get by without it, I don't think I was actually supposed to have lost my food benefit which means a massive game of bureaucracy I might not have the san points for, and that's hard enough when I am capable of the eat-drink-sleep trifecta, which, as noted, I am not.

And that's just a random smattering of distractions.

When it comes to writing:
 -- All of the writing I've done recently is new stuff, no continuation of existing things.
 -- ~ I cannot begin to describe how much I want to get back to old stories and continue them, so the above is really fucking annoying.
 -- Most of it is what I tag as "let me sum up": not actual fiction, just description of potential fiction
 -- ~ The one exception isn't very good and, more importantly, the process of writing it was more about looking up Latin words (my vocab has completely atrophied at this point) than actually crafting a scene/narrative/story/thing.
 -- Any attempt to write (instead of completely ignoring the very concept of writing until a creative spurt comes out) might render me incapable of writing again and, regardless of whether or not it does, will restart the whole "frustration, failure, feelings of despair" cycle.

And, you know, stuff.

- ~ * ´ ⁂ ` * ~ -

But I have written stuff, and I doesn't feel right to hold back just to keep people from getting their hopes up or some such, so I'll be posting that.

Still the idea that I'll be posting here even though I won't be trying to post here is kind of . . . strange.

Which, itself, is a sign of how far things have come from the beginning since this place was originally made solely to hold things that I'd written in the comments elsewhere.  (Mind you back then I wasn't actively avoiding trying to post here.)

I don't know, but we'll see what happens.

1 comment:

  1. I wish you all the luck with... everything.