I've been distracted and stressed the fuck out and tired and just . . . out of it. I don't even know when the last time was I actually wrote something. I mean, easy to check when I moved something over here, but that doesn't tell the real story. What I posted yesterday was actually written a month ago.
I'm not making content. Whatever brought you here, I'm not providing it.
Sometimes I just want to give up on everything.
I'm likely going to go a bit dark at least through the coming weekend, and even after the reason for that passes I have no idea when, if ever, I'll be content-making again.
I'm sorry.
I want to share stories that are fun, or funny, or heartwarming, or scathing critiques of the meeting of bad writing and bad theology, or nice, or good, or . . . existing.
I want to write things you'll want to read. And I'm not. And I'm sorry.
Part of me wants to turn this post on its ear and beg for money again, and I'm sorry about that too.
Lately I've had more posts about not having money than I have about anything I actually fucking want to have posts about. And I know that most everyone here is broke too. And I feel like a sleazy asshole. Yet I do it anyway.
I'm sorry about that too.
I'm sorry about everything.
I'm not making content. Whatever brought you here, I'm not providing it.
Sometimes I just want to give up on everything.
I'm likely going to go a bit dark at least through the coming weekend, and even after the reason for that passes I have no idea when, if ever, I'll be content-making again.
I'm sorry.
I want to share stories that are fun, or funny, or heartwarming, or scathing critiques of the meeting of bad writing and bad theology, or nice, or good, or . . . existing.
I want to write things you'll want to read. And I'm not. And I'm sorry.
Part of me wants to turn this post on its ear and beg for money again, and I'm sorry about that too.
Lately I've had more posts about not having money than I have about anything I actually fucking want to have posts about. And I know that most everyone here is broke too. And I feel like a sleazy asshole. Yet I do it anyway.
I'm sorry about that too.
I'm sorry about everything.
I've not commented here before, or at least not much, but speaking as one of your Patreon patrons (not much, but what I am able to at this time)... I wish you didn't feel so bad about currently having a hard time.
ReplyDeleteI don't view supporting someone on Patreon as a customer-seller relationship. For me, it's not that I put a few dollars in and expect their worth back. I support you because of the things you already have done, the things you've written that have made me think, or smile, or that have otherwise touched me. I support you because you are having a hard time and you need help and I am able to give at least a little money. I support you because others have supported me, and I am paying it forward. I support you because I think it's the right thing to do. Not because of what I expect from you at this moment.
I hope life will be better for you, and soon.
You're not a "sleazy asshole", you're in a desperate situation. I expect your constant readers to understand it. And you don't owe anyone any content, obviously.
ReplyDelete(Which is a thing I need to remind to myself, because "would you mind if one day I make a specific sort of fanart for your fic?" isn't the same as "I promise you to do this thing (that you didn't actually asked me to do), and I'll finish it before the year ends, I swear!")
---Redcrow
Seed of Bismuth said...
DeleteI second this person's statement completely.
*hugs*
ReplyDelete