The title of this post was originally going to be "FUCK!" or maybe "Fuck." The point is that capitalization and punctuation are unclear, but the letters were never in doubt.
I just got off the phone with the office of the eye doctor I was, years ago, used to. And then, as I was hanging up the phone, I found my right lens.
Now for two hours (probably a bit less, but I don't have exact times) before this I scoured the house and even followed the path I took walking the munchkin weasel to school, and the slightly different path I took back, looking for the damned lens. No luck.
Now, just to recap, when I first needed glasses I only needed them for my right eye, which caused everyone I talked to about them to suggest I should have gotten a monacle. My left eye is no longer a paragon of perfection, but it's still way better, and that will matter, but first:
For a very long time I had no insurance and just kept wearing the glasses I had instead of getting new ones even though my eyes are not ones to stay the same and so my prescription likely would have changed had I ever gotten one.
So I was already wearing outdated glasses at the start of the epic eye adventure. Then they fell down a toilet. I think they stayed in there for a year or more (two? I never was good at keeping track of time.) Thus I switched to emergency backup glasses which were a prescription out of date when the toilet glasses were up to date. Then the screws gave out (one at a time) and they started being held together by the twisty ties from bread bags.
I'd actually just recently re-wrapped the left side and should have done the same to the right but never got around to it. (I have now.)
I was doing something that made my glasses fog and risked sweat dropping on them so I took them off. A while later I put them on. Things were very not right, if anything I was seeing worse. Often means that the lenses need cleaning, and it was when I went to do that that I realized the right lens was gone.
The left lens might not have been a problem. My left eye is still pretty good. The right lens was catastrophic. Want to induce a headache in a hurry? Make one eye see for crap while the other sees at or near 20-20. With the exception of people with special training or innate talent, having your eyes not agree causes dissonance in the whole visual cortex brain-thing and the result is unpleasantness.
I was better off without my glasses, with my only limited salvation being that by the end to the day today I'll be in a position to pick up my emergency back up emergency back up glasses (never throw shit out, it can be very useful to have glasses that are three prescriptions old.)
And that was enough to get me to finally start the ball of eye exam and new glasses appointment rolling.
Immediately after which, I found the missing lens. I re-wrapped the right side so I should be good for a while, but they don't think they have anything until August (or later) and I'm betting that:
a) it won't be in time for my birthday on the 3rd.
b) no one will be willing to pay for any expenses not covered by MaineCare (the good frames have a habit of being ones insurance disapproves of) as a birthday present.