Thursday, January 26, 2012

Random Discussion of Monsters

[Sometimes you just have to have this conversation, because if one supernatural thing turns out to be real, why not others?]

Asker: “Zombies?”

Experienced Person: “As far as I know they don't exist.”

A: “Well that's a let down. Any other dreams you'd like to shatter?”

EP: “Vampires have no problems with the sun. It doesn't incinerate them, it doesn't show their true sparkly form, it doesn't reduce their power. It doesn't even give them a headache. Which is just wrong because bright sunlight gives me a headache and why should they have it easier?

“Werewolves transform into fairly average sized wolves, perhaps a little on the big side and certainly dangerous since wolves are nothing to be trifled with but nothing like the monsters of movies.

“Uh, what else is there?”

A: “Mummies.”

EP: “Just an embalming technique.”

A: “Tentacled gods from the depths.”

EP: “Suck at chess, have bad breath, and are generally unpleasant to be around.”

A: “You've played chess with one?”

EP: “Technically he was only a quarter god, and definitely was on the mortal side of the divide, but he was still quite slimy.


“He brought his queen out early and under utilized his knights. Rookie mistakes all around really, which is odd because I think he was a hundred-a hundred and fifty years old. You'd think he'd have gotten better at it by then.”

A: “So you met a slimy betentacled demigod and played chess with him.”

EP: “There wasn't much else to do. The entrance to the cave had collapsed and we had to wait for someone to come by and dig us out.”

A: “There was a chess set in a cave?”

EP: “Yes. Why wouldn't there be?”

A: “Ok, we're getting side tracked. Frankenstein's monster?”

EP: “To my knowledge no one has ever successfully reanimated a corpse. It's not that hard to make one look like it's alive, but to actually bring one back to life? No.”

A: “Fungus that takes over your body and turns you into a slave?”

EP: “Yes.” *Pause* “Well, after a fashion.” *pause* "Sort of. And it's not that hard to cure if you know that's what you're dealing with.”

A: “Succubi?”

EP: “Human reproductive fluids are honestly not that important of a commodity in the demon economy. So, no.”

A: “Chupacabra.”

EP: “Well, there are things that suck goats. I suppose. If you want to look at it that way.”

A: “Bigfoot?”

EP: “Never met him.”

A: “Elves?”

EP: “I did meet a bunch of pale people with pointy ears and pan flutes in the woods that one time, but I'm still not convinced they weren't human.”

A: “Those things with the thing and the thing.”

EP: “Those are exactly like the stories say.”



  1. I want stories set in this universe. It sounds like a blast. :D

  2. That sounds like a great role-playing universe, actually. In addition, I'd love a full version of the chess-playing slimy demigod story.

  3. If I ever write my World of Darkness take on Twilight, the Bella expy's going to end up having a conversation like that at some point. Oddly enough, the Experienced Person will be one of the Quileutes, but not because Primitive People Have Legends. He's a Progenitor and he's been studying a lot of this stuff for decades. What he hasn't studied personally, his students have studied and he read their papers.