Saturday, October 22, 2011

Rome Is Burning

I don't pay a lot of attention to my senators anymore. They don't listen to me, and they're constant disappointments. It was not always so. I used to be proud of both of them, but in recent years Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe have under preformed every expectation and constantly seem to seek out new lows.

It's somewhat strange that they would be doing this now. When the Republican Party was much less extreme they both seemed to take pride in being free thinkers who were willing to break with orthodoxy and walk a middle path. It seems odd, then, that they would fall into lockstep with a party they always saw as too far to the right when the party swerved sharply rightward.

The simple explanation is that they've compromised all of their principles and are now primarily concerned with reelection. If that is the case I question the efficacy of this strategy, they were elected in the first place because they seemed to be primarily concerned with their principles, without that what do they have to offer? If they look only at the primary, what might that do to their chances in the general?

Perhaps that's just wishful thinking, at this point I don't want either of them to be reelected. My ideal solution would be giving one of their jobs to Chellie Pingree (my congress critter), but she isn't running.

Anyway, Rome. It's burning.

That information comes to us from Olympia Snowe, previously my favorite senator. Three days later she supported a filibuster against a bill that would have brought the water buckets. It isn't accurate to say that she voted against the jobs bill. She voted not to vote on the jobs bill. The distinction is important because it if the actual bill had come up for a vote it would have passed. In fact, if I understand correctly, she voted not to even discuss the jobs bill. She voted not to amend it, she voted not to say it is good or bad, she voted not to try to improve it. She voted that nothing happen.

She told us, "Rome is burning. And we're facing a decimation of our communities. And they want help," three days later she voted that we shouldn't even consider helping.

Rome burning is something I know a little bit about.

The great fire of Rome took place in the year 64, by our calendar. It happened under the reign of Nero. Our earliest account of the fire says that Nero was not, in fact, fiddling. The writer didn't like Nero, but gave him credit for swiftly acting to help the homeless and the hungry. Rome was burning and without action people would have been starving and without a place to stay. The story of him singing to the fire is presented as a rumor. Later writers would present the rumor as fact, but they could never seem to agree where he was or what he was singing.

For the record, if he had been singing his instrument would have been a lyre, not a fiddle.

So we have to ask, if Rome is burning, how does Olympia Snowe stack up to Nero?

What has she done to make sure that the homeless have a place to stay? What has she done to make sure that no one goes hungry?

Nero is a very low bar to meet. For the sake of argument though, lets set it lower. Let's embrace the thing that even one of his detractors says was a vicious untrue rumor as if it were truth.

Rome is burning. Say, for the sake of argument, that Nero did decide not to help and instead put on a performance of the fall of Ilium. He can even have the anachronistic fiddle. How does Olympia Snowe's response stack up against that?

Even those who say that Nero fiddled while Rome burned, even those who say he set the fire himself, even they don't claim he did anything to prevent the fire from being put out. Even they don't say he did anything to prevent the rest of the government from responding.

The rumor is that Nero fiddled while Rome burned. That he callously ignored the suffering of his people. The rumor is not that Nero filibustered while Rome burned. No one, no matter how much they hated Nero, claimed that he worked to make sure others couldn't help. No one, no matter how evil and heartless they wanted Nero to appear, said that Nero told those who might be able to help, "You're not allowed to so much as consider helping."

Not even Nero would do something that evil. Not even Nero, mass murderer who repeatedly tried to kill his own mother, would sink quite that low. Because Rome was burning and while we might be able to imagine that the most evil man in Roman history would stand aside and do nothing while that was going on, it is inconceivable that even he would prevent others from helping those in need in the face of a burning Rome. Simply inconceivable.

Not so for Olympia Snowe.

The same can be said of Susan Collins and many others. The desire to watch the world burn is actually bipartisan, though thankfully not a majority opinion, but Olympia Snowe stands out as the one who said that Rome is burning. Rome is burning, our communities are being decimated, people want help, and she'll stand in the way of anyone who tries to provide it.

-

In the aftermath of the fire Nero was still Nero. His charity and concern for others may have been brought out by the disaster, but it wasn't lasting change.

In some of the land cleared by the fire he built the Domus Aurea, literally "The Golden House." A palace complex with a scale and opulence Rome had never seen. It contained a lake. Not a pool. An artificial lake.

Rome was not a democracy, and they couldn't vote Nero out. Their method for dealing with leadership they didn't like was somewhat more base than that. Nero was murdered; Galba was in. Galba was murdered; Otho was in. Otho was defeated in battle and killed himself; Vitellius was in. Vitellius was captured and killed; Vespasian was in.

It was a busy year.

Vespasian built public buildings where Nero's golden house had been. The Colosseum* being the most famous. Vespasian also raised taxes. And he played up his common origin. He eventually died of natural causes.

*It is actually named the Flavian Amphitheater. The name we know probably comes from the fact that it was near the Colossus of Nero, a massive statue of Nero that later Romans recycled as a statue of the sun god by making a few alterations (the Romans were big on recycling in this way.)

Friday, October 21, 2011

The World Ends Today

Unless, you know, you're in New Zealand. Or Australia. Or parts of Russia. Or Japan. Or any number of other places. In that case the world ended yesterday. Also, if you're reading this after the fact, the world has already ended.

If I'm the first to break this news to you, I'm sorry, it's probably traumatic for you. But it's ok, it's not the... wrong platitude. Sorry.

The point is, end of the world. It's kind of a big deal. It would be shameful to allow it to pass unnoticed and unnoted.

Anyway, when I talk about the end of the world I tend to think of Exit Mundi which is a bunch of nicely sorted descriptions of how the world might end, and Alma Geddon which is a collection of predictions of when the world will end. For example, did you know that the world also ended on Friday, March 25, 970 CE? Well now you do.

-

For those who don't know what this is about, it was predicted that the Rapture would happen six months ago, which it totally did (I know, I wasn't expecting it to be invisible either, so it goes), and the end of the world six months later. That prediction still stands, according to the guy who made it.

So, here we are. The world ends today.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A Wedding Four Words Too Long

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (page 4).]
[Because I somehow managed to misread every single instance of the number 43 as 47.]

He climbed into the shelter, relieved to see Erica was already there. As was Jasmine. It wasn't well built, it probably wouldn't save them. Erica held his hand. He said, “Let's get married.”

“Good idea. Jasmine can do it. She's a pope.”

“You're married,” the Discordian said.

-

[Original Work Index]

Underground Bunkers for the Masses

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (page 4).]

He saw something out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to look at it it was gone. He carried on with his sermon. Then he saw it again, this time he got a better idea of where it was, and thought it might be a hand, but it was again gone before he could get a good look at it. The next time he was more prepared for it, it was definitely a hand, raised as if to ask a question, and then retreating from sight.

On the fourth time it went up he saw who it belonged to, and he asked, "Did you want to say something, Elise?"

At first she mumbled and he couldn't make out anything she said. He tried to be encouraging when he said, "You'll have to speak a little louder."

First she asked if she had a few points right, when he told her she did she asked, "So what do we do?"

"I'd like to say I'm glad you asked, but the truth is I wanted more time to think about it in private. I was especially hoping to run my ideas by a couple of people so that if there's an obvious flaw in them I won't look like a fool in front of the entire congregation.

"So what I've been thinking is this, at some point we'll have to go into hiding, we may have to scatter, we'll need secret places to stay to make it through those times. But to even make it that far we'll need to weather natural disasters and a World War. There is no way that we'll keep secret where we keep on going during these events.

"So my plan for the immediate future is this: we don't keep it a secret. We build the best shelter we can as big as we can. Big enough for every member to live in and bring a friend. Bigger if possible.

"I've been told that money won't be a problem by certain members of the congregation with ... interesting ... life experiences." A section of the pews erupted into maniacal laughter and assorted cackling. "Enough of that. Yours is no longer an evil laugh. You are committing identity theft for Jesus now." Some in the congregation didn't seem to know what to do with that so he elaborated, "The 'victims' are all in Heaven now, they won't mind.

"By the time we've finished it I hope to have accomplished two things. First I want us to have a safe place to stay for some of what's to come. Second, I want everyone in this church to have experience building an underground shelter. I want each of us to have some understanding of what goes into it, what the considerations need to be, I want us to know how.

"We'll hire construction experts if we can, but I want everyone who can have hands on experience to have hands on experience because there's going to come a time when we're going to need to do this again, under harsher conditions, and I want us to be ready.

"I also want everyone to think about where they would put a hidden shelter. At some point we're going to need a network of smaller shelters. We'll work out the how while building the public one together, but the where is something we can each think about on our own.

"So ... um ... that's what I've been thinking. I'm open to ideas." He was about to end the service, then he added, "Elise, that was a good question."
-

A Reenactment

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (page 4).]

Computer: The following thingy has become unresponsive. Do you wish to summarily execute it or wait to see if it recovers?
Me: Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much I've written? Wait. For the love of all that is holy wait. If it takes all day, wait. I was like three words away from posting, wait.
Computer: Ok, I'll wait, but watch this.
Me: What the Hell!?!?
Computer: That's not real punctuation.
Me: That's not the point! The point is that you just reloaded a bunch of pages for no reason whatsoever and in so doing deleted everything I wrote. What part of, "I don't want to lose that" did you not understand?
Computer: Oh, I understood.

Edith and Ben - Getting the Venom Out

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

"What happened?"

Edith turned her attention to me and quickly removed her fangs from the bag of blood she was holding, "Oh, hey," she tossed the blood bag on the windowsill and wiped blood off her face with her shirt, "You're awake."

"Where am I? What about ..." I was having some trouble finding words, "the thing? And the thing and the thing?"

"You're at a hospital, and... lets see. The thing is dead. And as for the thing, it's over. And in answer to your last question, you probably won't become a vampire but we're talking a wait and see approach."

That was a lot to take in, "How?"

"Well ... wait. Which one are you asking how about?"

"The last one."

"Well, I tried to suck the venom out."

"Does that work?"

"No idea, figured it was worth a try. We had to take the tourniquet off before we got you to the hospital because we were worried you'd lose the arm, then Jasmine did her thing and through a combination of urgency, fear and respect managed to get my mother cleared to do pretty much whatever she wanted. That's when we started up the transfusions and at this point most of the blood in your body comes from somewhere else.

"There's probably still some venom in you, but we're hoping it's not enough to do much of anything. So, that's the how."

I decided I'd asked the wrong question, "Why?"

-

[The answer depends on things that are still to be written. In particular I think that Ben and Edith, and possibly Caroline as well, have reached an agreement where Ben waits to become a vampire and tries solving his most pressing problem, a brutally painful clumsiness, through less extraordinary means. Also by this point they've talked about Edith's favorite foods and the fact vampires are utterly incapable of enjoying food.]

[I think I'd want her answer to be food based, "Because you haven't eaten X yet," where X is a food Edith tried and liked so much that, decades after she lost the ability to enjoy food, thinking about it still produces good feelings. And for some reason the food that comes to mind is one that I'm pretty sure I've never tried:]


"You can't become a vampire just yet."
"Why not?"
"Because you haven't tried pierogi yet."

[I think I just like the name. Pierogi.]

-

Mental and Physical powers

[Originally posed at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

"I've come to stop you."
"You? You can only stop mental powers. I control the Physical Elements!"
"And that's not mental?"
"Of course it isn't mental I-"
"Oh. Ok. Let's see you control fire with your hands." *pause* "I'm waiting."