Kim Possible -- Forgotten Seeds, Chapter 5: Downtime and what came before

[Parts One, Two, Three, and Four.]

Kim looked around the room. Most people seemed mentally exhausted. Also despondent.

Shego had muttered something about Horatio stealing her style shortly after he started focusing on his fingernails. Surge had collapsed against a wall.

Amy and Drakken were discussing the possibility that an infertility weapon could really wipe out the human race. From what Kim was overhearing, it seemed disturbingly likely. The fact that it was targeted at the “meta-human” population meant that it was designed to affect a wider biological range than seen in the entire rest of the species. That reduced the odds that some people might have a natural immunity.

Henry, Hawk, and Blok were just staring into space.

Letting things go on like this couldn't possibly be good. So Kim did her best to muster a confident commanding tone and said, "Everybody listen up. Getting into Doctor Director's account has given me access to more information so--"

"Your wonder car couldn't hack the system?" Shego asked, but it lacked her usual punch.

"The system is hard-line only, Shego. There was no wireless access to hack," Kim said. Shego merely shrugged. “I'll need to look over the new information to figure out the best way to get us home. The good news is that we have more than enough air for the moment, so we can afford to do this right.

"Until I've had a chance to look at the new intel, you all can do whatever you want. A lot of the compartments we have access to were exposed to vacuum before I rebooted the systems here, so that should have preserved anything. Horatio already found some fruit.

"Take a walk, scrounge a meal, have a nap. I don't care what you do, but do something."

The others slowly left the room. Shego didn't look like she wanted to, but Surge practically pulled her out of the room.

With the others gone Kim could get to the important work of trying to actually save them.

* * *

Shego looked annoyed at being called away, clearly she had some business she wanted to finish with Kim, but there was something that Surge needed to say to her and she'd already waited long enough. It was overdue really.

"I'm sorry," She told Shego.

"For what?" Shego said, apparently impatient and annoyed.

Surge was unsure: did Shego honestly not know, or did she just want to make her spell it out?

"You almost ran out of air," Surge said.

"Could have happened to anyone," Shego said.

"You ran out of air because you talked so much," Surge said. "You talked so much to keep me calm. If I hadn't been panicking you would never have been in danger."

"That's what you're worried about?" Shego asked.

Surge looked away, "You almost died and it was my fault."

Shego laughed. Now Surge was really confused.

"Kid, if you almost kill me, it won't be because you panicked a bit at being stranded on the moon, it won't involved an air supply, and I will be very impressed with you," Shego said.

Surge met Shego's eyes in hopes that they'd give some kind of indication of what she was thinking.

"Personally, I don't think you have it in you to take me out," Shego said, "and if you can come close then I've underestimated you."

Surge couldn't figure out what was going on in Shego's head, and finally decided to settle for one last question, "So you're not..."

"I'm not mad. I'm not angry. I'm not holding a grudge," Shego said. "If it means so much to you, you're forgiven." Shego paused for a moment, Surge tried to use the time to let Shego's words sink in, but they really didn't. "If you keep me from talking to Kimmie much longer, though, then I will be angry."

Surge knew the tone. It was a Shego-threat and Shego-threats were often followed by plasma.

"I-- I'm done."

"Good," Shego said, then she walked out of the room.

* * *

When the others had shambled out Kim thought they looked like zombies, just not as cheerful. Dead eyes, emotionally spent, hopeless.

They'd be worse if she'd told them what she was worried about.

She sped through the files she now had access to, only glancing at them, each time determining that it couldn't help and moving on.

The room's door opened and she didn't even look away. She knew the sound of those barely perceptible footsteps well. Shego had come.

* * *

"It was a nice try, Princess, but if things were as peachy as you made them out to be, you wouldn't need to look for new information," Shego said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kim said. The fact that she didn't even glance away from the computer's screen annoyed Shego more than the lie itself.

"If we take things slow so as not to rattle anything we'd accelerate at one g toward earth for an hour and forty-five minutes," Shego said. "Then we'd turn around and decelerate at one g for another hour and forty-five. That puts us in earth orbit.

"It'd take us around six minutes to sync with the earth's rotation. Then we just drop. At that point there's friction and drag involved, so let's average a mere 150 miles per hour to be extra safe. That means two hours to the surface.

"Five and a half hours, give or take, and the first group is safely on earth. Eleven hours and the incredible wonder car is back here for group two. Sixteen and a half and group two is down. That's probably all we need.

"If you're really worried about being able to pack enough air, we could do three groups of three and use the extra seats for air tanks. Twenty seven and a half hours to get us all back to earth using your car, and your car alone."

Kim mumbled something that might have been, "Whatever."

"So what aren't you telling the others, Kimmie?" Shego asked. "Why do you need to look for more information on that antiquated piece of crap?" she pointed to the computer terminal in disgust.

Kim didn't respond.

Shego spun Kim's chair so that she was looking directly in her eyes and half growled, half shouted, "Answer me!"

* * *

Shego's math could use some work, but she was mostly right. If they were truly safe here then all they'd need to do would be to take a few trips in Jade. If they were.

Kim looked away from Shego.

"Look at me damn it!" Shego shouted. The words hit her like a punch. Worse, really. Kim had been punched a fair amount in her time and it never hurt that much.

When she finally did look at Shego she could feel the first tears sliding down her cheeks. It took her a few tries to speak. When she finally was able to, though, the words flowed out just fine:

"If anyone stays behind they won't live long enough for Jade to get back. Unless I find something in this base to change things, some of us are definitely going to die."

* * *

Kim hadn't slept. Maybe that was it. She'd been through a lot of stressful things of late and maybe that was causing her to give up hope. That'd better be the reason.

Possible had better not be giving up hope simply because the situation was hopeless because, "I'm not going to die up here!"

"You... you don't have to," Kim said. "Jade is made to seat five. If we pack her like the orange line at rush hour we can definitely get one or two extra people in there.

"So all I need--"

"The orange line?" Shego asked.

"I got my doctorate in Boston," Kim said. She turned back to the computer. "If I can just find some more space--"

"The trunk?"

"Has rocket engines in it," Kim said.  "I just need to find a way to make Jade work for eight people. Then everything will be alright."

Kim definitely wasn't thinking straight. "There are nine of us," Shego pointed out.

"I'll stay behind," Kim said. "If I can save the others then maybe it'll make up for my part--"

"No!" Shego wasn't even sure why she was so angry at the idea of Kim staying behind. If someone had to, why not Kim? Kim had killed someone, even if it had been accidental. Kim had captured her. Kim had invented the technology that had kept them all helpless for centuries. And Kim was not allowed to die.

Shego wasn't really sure why, but she definitely wasn't going to let Kim die.

"We're not all going to make it out of this, Shego," Kim said. "And I should be--"

"No. No, you don't get to start with the assumption that someone has to sacrifice themselves just so you can justify your desire to martyr yourself to earn atonement points," Shego said as she walked to an empty chair.

"I don't want to die," Kim said.

Shego picked up the chair and started back to Kim, "You can keep saying that if you want, but you're not acting like it."

She put the chair next to Kim's sat in it, and gestured at the computer, "Show me what's going on."

* * *

Henry, Blok, and Hawk had found what appeared to pass as a kitchen. It had things that, according to the labels at least, were in fact edible. All three of them seemed to have their doubts on that point. Even under the best conditions, the standards to which Global Justice held its field rations were not what most people would consider standards worthy of the name "Food".

Henry was sitting on a counter, pressed back into a space where a cabinet might have been intended to go. He watched as Blok stood near the middle of the room --occasionally changing to his stone form to rip cans open-- and Hawk, now topless, modified his shirt with one of the kitchen knives.

For a long time no one spoke.

Finally Blok turned to Henry and asked, "How'd they get you?"

"I tried to make the world a better place," Henry said. Try to improve things and they slapped you down. He should have stuck to identity theft.

Hawk turned to look at Henry and smiled. "You too?"

"What did you do?" Henry asked him.

Blok had stopped messing with cans and had moved on to a bar of something that, if Henry interpreted the label correctly, claimed to be peach flavored. Block looked like he disagreed with that assessment of the flavor. Regardless, Henry's question to Hawk had obviously caught his attention, because he said, "You're kidding, right?" to Henry before Hawk had a chance to answer.

"I'm not kidding," Henry said.

"I'm interested in why you think I should be a household name," Hawk said. He paused to put on his shirt. "I was always small time." His deep blue wings burst into existence through the holes he had cut in the shirt.

"You were a folk hero," Blok said.

"I specialized in dealing with places where the security overlooked their vulnerability to aerial approaches and getaways," Hawk said while stretching his wings. "Hardly the stuff of legend."

"So you didn't get caught while leading GJ forces on a wild goose chase while a group of Saunders Act refugees under your protection escaped to freedom?"

"They got away?" Hawk asked. Henry could hear the genuine interest in his voice. He understood it. He'd feel a lot better about his own capture if it had done something good for someone.

"They all did," Blok said. "That's about the only thing all of the stories agree on: all of them, however many there were, made it to freedom."

Hawk smiled wide. Then he asked, "Where was freedom? Did they make it to Marcella's--"

"No, not the Free Zone," Blok said.  "Shortly after you were captured a new territory was created: Ashley's Protectorate. Your refugees weren't far from the border so they crossed into it."

Hawk looked, understandably, at a loss. Which meant that Henry would get to tell a story because this he knew about. "It's a great story," Henry said.

"After the Grass Famine of 2019 a lot of people were unhappy with their leadership, but you couldn't exactly opt out," Henry said.

"Any time someone tried to rebel against the federal government or their GJ allies, the rebellion was put down, hard," Blok said.

Hawk shivered. "I remember seeing the video from Charlotte."

Henry did too. That had been when he promised himself that from that moment on he would only ever use text-only news sources.

"So, a lot of people wanted to have someone else in charge, but couldn't risk choosing to change leadership," Henry said. "That's when a first time villain named Ashley came onto the scene. She didn't see the point in code names, didn't want all that much and didn't even have a death ray.

"She threatened Cleveland with a non-lethal ray that simply would have caused discomfort. Before she could say how much --or really how little-- she planned to extort, Cleveland surrendered to her rule."

"As did Akron, Elyria, Youngstown--" Blok said.

“Within fifteen minutes it was the entire I-71 corridor all the way to Louisville," Henry said. "She was still trying to explain that she just wanted money, not to be in charge of anything, when the surrenders spread outward. Pittsburgh to the east, in the west Indianapolis followed by Chicago some 20 minutes later. When Fort Wayne saw her territory on both sides the people figured they should surrender too.

"She ended up with Ohio, Indiana, eastern Illinois, Northern Kentucky, and western Pensylvania."

"And before the territory was even settled," Blok said, "she was getting treaties and trade agreements from various places. Detroit was first to recognize her holdings as a nation--"

"They were always a thorn in Global Justice's side," Henry said.

"Canada threw in their support for reasons that no one really understood," Blok said.

"Japan and Marcella's Free Zone both offered alliances that were quickly accepted," Henry said.

"I'm … confused," Hawk said. "The Midwest just handed over control to someone who didn't even want it?"

"They wanted new leadership, and the prospect of a complete unknown in charge appealed to them more than either the people in Washington or the Global Justice leaders in whatever secret bunker they operated out of," Henry said.

"And they figured that while they could be punished for rebelling, they could hardly be blamed for being conquered," Blok said.

"But wouldn't GJ or the feds just take the land back?" Hawk asked.

"Global Justice was never equipped to wage a full scale war," Henry said. "They were much better at targeted operations dealing with specific individuals. Even then, it was generally assumed that they'd have the cooperation of local authorities."

"Or at least not be arrested on sight for being Global Justice," Blok said.

"The cops were always contrite about it of course," Henry said. "'Sorry, I don't want to throw you in jail, but a supervillain took over the entire area and horrible things will be done to me if I don't.'"

"The videos were so much fun," Blok said.

"Videos?" Hawk asked.

"Ashley didn't have the manpower to defend her, suddenly very large, borders," Henry said. "Part of what she did was simply use the existing law enforcement, move all military assets in her territory to the border, and stuff like that. But right from the start she needed a lot more people.

"Apparently she was uneasy giving weapons, the best evil science could create, to complete strangers. So anyone who did any kind of enforcement or defense for her had to wear a camera while on duty, cameras were also attached to weapons and various other things." Henry paused. "Intentionally turning one of the cameras off was automatically assumed to be to hide a major crime. The result was that--"

"Every time those storm troopers in blue and black got picked up by the police and thrown in jail there was a video of it," Blok said. "Generally from multiple angles."

"From when the camera policy was first implemented to when the Protectorate finally fell, the film of GJ agents getting what they had coming to them was a non-stop internet sensation," Henry said.

"Ok," Hawk said, "but what about the US military? They wouldn't just sit by and do nothing while the heartland defected."

"Ashley was thrust into power without ever wanting it," Henry said, "but she was also really good at managing it. She declared people who were 'different' a protected class, just like any ethnic or religious minority, and as a result people with powers flocked into her borders. She never conscripted anyone, but she was an extremely persuasive speaker and by the time the campaign to retake her territory in the name of the United States really took off she had special forces units equipped with reality bending tech and populated by reality bending people."

"She also said that the Protectorate was a second chance state," Blok said. "She explained it as getting a fresh start the moment you entered, if you wanted it, in exchange for service. Whatever your crimes you had a second chance. Second chance, not third, so you could still blow it."

"Since getting the second chance meant service directly to her government," Henry said, "everyone who took up the offer had the cameras. It worked out surprisingly well, even with the few catastrophic failures.

"Regardless, she had a sizable defense force by the time the military was coming after her, and she also managed to enlist several weather machines in her air-force. The going theory was Canadian assistance."

"Ok, that's the second time you mentioned Canada," Hawk said. Henry nodded. "But they were a GJ country."

"They were, and if they ever pulled out of the alliance GJ would have used their leverage in the US government to invade," Henry said. "No one knows why they risked GJ's wrath, but there are some theories I find compelling."

"What theories?" Blok asked.

"I was gonna say that," Hawk said.

"Ok," Henry said. "They couldn't openly defy Global Justice because of a big long border with GJ's closest ally and charter nation that was the US. But they seemed to enjoy thumbing their nose at GJ whenever possible, it was in large part thanks to their support that Detroit was able to remain largely independent.

"In fact, they were always supporting border regions that resisted Global Justice provided that the regions were on the US side of the border and thus didn't directly look like them rising up against GJ.

"The border regions provided Canada with a buffer zone since any invasion force would first have to fight through unfriendly territory on the US side of the border. Fighting resistance in the US meant that Global Justice's North American resources were tied up and couldn't be used to effectively crack down in Canada. When Canada was unable to shelter it's own citizens targeted by GJ, they could send them to the border regions for relative safety.

"And, finally, whenever they were forced to explain why they were supporting rebellions in a country they were allied with, they seemed to take great joy in detailing human rights abuses GJ committed in the US as justification for supporting the rebellion in question."

"It probably also made them feel good to do the right thing," Blok said.

"Ok, enough Canada," Hawk said, "what happened to the Protectorate?"

"It was a beacon of acceptance, tolerance, and saying, 'Damn the Man!' to the powers that be for about two years," Henry said.

"Then US forces with support from GJ pulled out all the stops and destroyed it in about a week, with another week afterward for mopping up," Blok said.

"Ashley was able to stop the previous efforts because she was consistently underestimated and none of those attempts went all out.  The last one, though... the phrase I heard was that they were 'hit with everything short of nuclear weapons'," Henry said.

"That sucks," Hawk said, the depression in his voice was unmistakable.

"Consider where we are today," Henry said. "No story can have a happy ending. But the end of the Protectorate wasn't all bad. In the chaos that surrounded the fall, all of the Saunders' Refugees disappeared."

"Not Global Justice 'disappeared'," Block said. "They, somehow, got away clean."

"Ashley kept all of the attention focused on her,” Henry said. "It was only after she died in a 'last stand' that GJ realized that she'd been distracting them. By then the Saunders' civilians were gone."

"Well, at least something went well," Hawk said.

"Your people were probably some of them," Blok said, "given how your story spread."

"You know," Henry said, "you never did tell us how a 'small time' criminal ended up sacrificing himself for refugees."

* * *

"Ok," Shego said, "I'm with you on the fact that not leaving on the initial trip means certain death."

In fact, the facility was designed incredibly poorly. There weren't enough resources to make repairs, it wasn't set up so you could write off damaged zones to conserve resources, and the way it kept the atmosphere from escaping the damaged sections was force fields. Force fields. Arguably the stupidest things one could install in the face of a vacuum.

When you repaired something to keep your atmosphere from escaping you wanted the patches to last, not to require a constant expenditure of power.

The power would fail before Kim's car could make a round trip. If they didn't leave as one, people were going to die.

"Which is what I told you, ages ago," Kim said.

Testy, Princess? Shego thought. "But you're still going about this wrong," she said.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Kim said, and Shego decided that she needed to give Kim sarcasm lessons.

"Fitting more people into the car isn't the solution," Shego said. "We need to be looking for a vehicle to take the extra people in."

"And then what?" Kim asked. "Jade can tow whatever you find to earth, but once we get there it's not as easy getting it down. She doesn't have a tow cable that can fight the stresses of gravity and inertia and wind and whatever the hell else we might encounter."

"Did Miss Perfect just swear?" Shego asked, allowing herself to be a bit playful.

Kim simply blushed.

"There might be hope for you yet, Kimberly Ann Possible," Shego said.

"Middle name?" Kim asked. "I must have done something really bad."

"Worse than bad," Shego said, "you showed potential."

The conversation lapsed into silence.

Shego broke it by asking, "Are you ready to give my idea a chance?"

* * *

"Is the information you get specific or general?" Surge asked Horiatio. "You know, when you look at the past."

Horatio ignored her.

He was sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall, and staring off into space.

"I want to know about my girlfriend. Her name was Jana." Horatio closed his eyes.

"Did she live a good life? How did she die?"

Horatio sighed. "I'm spent. I'm useless now."

She wanted to be angry, but the way he said it almost made it seem like he'd actually said the word, "Sorry." She leaned on the wall next to him and slowly lowered herself to the floor at his side.

She had nothing to do. Nowhere to be. She had no one now. She wasn't even sure if she cared if she lived now.

* * *

Her hand touched his. Horatio held it. She was warm.

People overrated warmth. Cold blooded species were perfectly nice. Dinosaurs had merely been luke-warm blood. Still, warmth was something he could relate to. It made her more real. She had been warm when she'd helped him walk.

Not incessant chatter, just a simple feeling of warmth.

She'd helped him. She'd trusted him.

He tightened his grip on her hand and followed her back.

Wandering, Shego, the group meeting, it would take forever at this pace.

The trip to the base flew by, Surge was back in her cryobed. Nothing.

Nothing.

The cryobeds started to disappear from the room as the prison population dwindled. Horatio didn't look at them, he didn't want to know. Dead people he had no desire to see alive.

Movement. The world moved around him as Surge's cro-bed was transported. Into a lander, up to orbit, back to earth. All in a flurry.

He slowed down. A secret launch facility run out of Vandenberg. Various shipments to get her there without being tracked. A Global Justice facility. She was out of the cryobed, sedated though.

More movement, she was in a mall. She was standing.

“Damn,” Horatio said to himself. She hadn't been breaking any laws, she'd been shopping. The GJ goons had knocked her out with one of their damned electroshock watches without even noticing that she was one of the innocent victims of the situation they'd been sent in to stop. Then they just shipped her off to the moon without ever letting her regain consciousness to tell her side of the story.

He followed her back. A few hours earlier she was in a small apartment with another young woman.

Nothing to indicate a name though.

Further back.

A phone call. The other one on the phone, but at the beginning of the call, Surge handed the phone to her. Perfect. He let time play out at a usual pace.

"Jana, it's for you," Surge said. The other woman walked in from a different room, took the phone, and thanked Surge.

Bingo.

He zeroed in on the exact moment that the phone was handed over, when Surge was closest to Jana. Then he did what he knew he should never do without his equipment. He did something that was incredibly stupid. He switched anchors, and thus switched time-streams.

A jarring sensation, like if you caught your arm on something while running and it swung your whole body around.

Pain, but considering how these things went ...

Not bad. It was the trip back where things really hurt.

No one could see him. No one could hear him. Look, but no touching. Still he spoke: “Jana, show me how you lived.”

For a time everything was normal. Just a daily routine. Then a growing unease. “Where are you Sarah?” Sarah, that was Surge's name. Shego had used it while they were on their trek.

Pacing. Phone calls. All to voice mail. Restless sleep. Nothing the next day. Reporting the disappearance to the police. The lack of evidence that Surge-- Sarah had gone missing against her will caused there to be no case opened. Jana was told to come back later.

Jana started to ask around on her own. She found out that Sarah had been at the mall. She tracked down witnesses, finally people who remembered seeing Sarah. It took her weeks but she found people who had been in the same room as Sarah when GJ took her.

Now she knew what happened. She went to the police again. The person working the desk that day was sympathetic. A case was opened.

Nothing came of it. Eventually the officer came to Jana off duty and off the record and told her that Global Justice was stonewalling. There was nothing the local police could do, and pressure was being put on them to misfile all records of the case so that no one would connect them to the disappearance.

Internet chats. Human rights groups.

Talking to a member of The Mothers of the National Mall, a human rights advocacy group made up of mothers of people who had been disappeared. “She's an orphan,” Jana had said when asked where Sarah's parents were.

Freedom of Information Act requests.

A gathering of about ten people in Jana's home town.

The Grass Famine. Pain. Loneliness.

Jana turned her laughable human rights group into something to help people through the famine. And every chance she had, she told people about her beloved Sarah who had been obeying the law and trying to make a meager life for herself before she had been abducted without cause.

People who had no interest in the disappearances learned about the true love of the woman who gave them food.

When the famine was over Jana's group was three hundred people strong and in partnership with other like minded groups around the country and around the world.

Political hell broke lose. Riots.

Barely back to normal after the Grass Famine, the truth about Kim Possible threatened to tip the world into anarchy. During the famine, after the famine, right up until the news came out, people all over the world were remembering the days of heroes. They were remembering that Kim Possible had stopped the super grass and thinking that if she were still alive, maybe the recent catastrophe would have been averted. Then they learned that she was still alive, just held in a secret prison on the moon.

The fact that she had never been given a trial just added fuel to the fire.

For Jana the news meant something else, something more personal. She knew where Sarah was. She talked to the moon. She prayed at the moon. She said, "I love you," to the moon every day. Sarah was somewhere up there.

A giant march, maybe a million people. The streets of New York City, at least the ones near the UN building, were covered in people. Commuters had abandoned their cars. Protesters stood on top of the cars as they demanded that their friends, family, and loved ones be returned. "Habeas corpus!" was one of a thousand things chanted.

They were ordered to disperse. Police and GJ agents said the gathering was unlawful.

Protesters held their hands together, daring the other side to cuff them. A chant arose and soon the protesters, maybe million strong, chanted as one, "Fly me to the moon." again and again.

Tear gas. Shorts fired. Blood in the street.

Running in all directions. Dragging the wounded so they wouldn't stay in the line of fire.

Bodies in the streets. Running from hiding place to hiding place, looking for a way to get free.

A cross country trip to get back home.

Telling people there what had happened. Some members leaving because they were afraid of what might be done to them. Others vowing to fight for what was right even more fiercely.

Being worn down over years.

Hope. The Saunders' act was repealed.

Despair. The person who led the repeal and oversaw it happening wasn't the Vice President but an impostor.

Years passed.

War. War with everyone.

Leaving home. Setting out to find some place to live, her followers behind her.

Finding Marcella's Free Zone and being welcomed with open arms. People who gave all that they had in spite of not having enough for themselves.

Years passed.

Old age caught up to her. When she was sure she was dying, Jana demanded to sleep outside. Each time she went to sleep she found the moon in the sky, and said, "Sarah, I love you."

One day she didn't wake up.

A funeral. Well attended. People sharing things Horiatio had seen and not even paid attention to. Lives that Jana improved, all shared in her memory.

Horatio had seen enough. He started to go back whence he came.

The first leg of the journey was simple. He went to where Sarah gave Jana the phone in a flash.  Then the change over.  It felt like he was hit by a semi-trailer at that point. It always hurt more coming back. Now he was with Sarah again. It was easy to follow her back to the present.

* * *

Horatio seemed to suddenly crumple. It wasn't easy for him to have that appearance given that he'd already been sitting in a pretty compact shape.

Looking at him Surge could almost feel the pain that had suddenly come over him, apparently from nowhere.

"She never stopped loving you, Sarah," he said.

She couldn't remember how to make words, she just said, "Whu?"

"She never stopped loving you; she never stopped trying to get you back. The world was better for it. She lived to a ripe old age and died of kidney failure. She died surrounded by people she'd helped."

"I-- I thought you said you couldn't-- I don't-- Thank you." She was grateful, even if she didn't know how to feel about what he'd said.

"I shouldn't have," Horatio said.

"I-- I'm sorry," Surge said. "I put you through that and I don't even know how I feel about the answer."

"Everybody dies," Horatio said. "She lived well. Maybe that counts for something."

* * *

"We're not going to randomly find some magical way to get back to--" Kim stopped right there. She should have said this was pointless ages ago because apparently the universe wanted to prove her wrong. "This looks interesting."

"What?" Shego asked.

"When you say you can fly anything...?"

Shego leaned in toward the monitor. "Oh, I can work with this."

* * *

Sarah had left to find something to eat. Horatio stared at his left hand, he was trying to hold it steady.

Good so far. A twitch. A flinch.

A shudder. A spasm the length of his arm. Shudder, shudder, spasm, twitch, flinch, twitch, spasm.

This was not good.

"I'm guessing it's not supposed to do that," Possible said. He hadn't even noticed her entering the hall.

How do you respond to that? No, it's totally supposed to move when I tell it to be still.

If you'd used your battle suit so much that you came to rely on it, do you think maybe you'd be unprepared for working without it and end up doing things you shouldn't, overtax your body, and screw yourself over in your musculature?

It's just my cells becoming unstuck in time which will likely kill me if not treated.

"It's not supposed to do that," Horatio said.

"We have a plan," Possible said. "Come to the room we met in before in 15 minutes or so."

Horatio nodded.

-

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Skewed Slightly to the Left: The frightened doctor

[Originally posted at Slacktivist, though this post is the one that actually covers the relevant passage.]
[In canon the doctor is bored, in spite of the excessive need for him outside on the tarmac.  I thought he could use a different motivation for not helping those outside.]

Cameron felt a tap on the shoulder and turned to see a man in his twenties or so who looked shaken and nervous. "Your wound needs to be dressed. I'm a doctor."

"I'm ok," Cameron said. "A lot of people have it worse."

"I-- I know," the doctor said with shame in his voice. "I should be outside helping but when I saw," it looked to Cameron like he swallowed to keep from vomiting. "I can't be out there. I tried. I-- I tried to to do the right thing, but I ended up running away and hiding.

"I just can't face the scene out there. But dressing your head wound, that's something I can do," he sighed. "Please. Please let me do something to help someone."

Cameron looked at the man for a moment.

"It won't make up for not being out there where I'm most needed," the doctor said, looking at the ground, "But at least I won't be completely useless if I can keep you from getting an infection."

Cameron thought about it. "Ok," he said.

"I had my bag with me, but I gave it to someone who could face what was going on out there."

"Good thinking," Cameron said.

"So if you'll come with me to the drinking fountain, we can clean the wound, then we'll have to look for whiskey, grain alcohol, or honey to get it disinfected."

"Honey?" Cameron asked. He'd heard about alcohol of sufficiently high proof, but never honey.

"It works wonders, but it's a sticky mess," the doctor said. "Fountain's this way."

-

[Skewed Slightly to the Left Index]

KP EbE - You mean my social status doesn't exempt me from the rules? (Tick-Tick-Tick)

Ok, so first off I said that I'd explain why I deviated from production numbers when I did.  Generally production numbers are as close to a canonical order as we'll ever get.  Where it breaks down is that production numbers are apparently assigned on the basis of, "First completed, first served," and the production tended to take episodes two at a time, so sometimes the second of the pair being worked on would be finished first and thus get the lower number.

That happened here.  We only know it happened here because this is when Drakken and Shego are first introduced while the next episode has them already known and, indeed, Drakken has ascended to the level of arch foe.

That out of the way, welcome to Middleton High School:

Sometimes the board will have jokes, sometimes it has plot relevant stuff.  That term papers are due is vaguely important to the pre-credits sequence.

We meet Kim when she bursts through the doors already in a sprint:

Those papers thrown out everywhere were being held by the girl in maroon and are presumably that girl's term paper.  She had been talking to the girl in blue before Kim rushed between them.

Kim said, "Excuse me" after the fact, "In a hurry," to a boy whose book she knocked out of his hands, and, "Sorry," to someone who she appears to have grabbed onto for some form of steering or speed control leaving him spinning into an human tornado.

When we first meet Kim, in other words, she's being an inconsiderate jerk.  Yeah, she said, "Excuse me," and, "Sorry," but that doesn't mean much when you leave the person in your rear-view and move on to inconveniencing the next person.

I was thinking that maybe it was a good thing that they didn't air this as the first episode (the episode with that honor is episode 13, "Crush") but the one that they did show first didn't portray her in the most positive light at the start either.

Anyway, she's in a hurry to get to her locker which has a computer and printer in it so she can print out the term paper that is due.  Things don't go quite as she expects:

Dialog surrounding that shot:

Kim: Come on, come on.  Print for Kim.  Good, good.  *looks at page* What is this?
Ron: I downloaded cheat codes for Steel Toe Cyber Slam.  Today Ron Stoppable defeats the boss of level six.

Pause for a moment to appreciate that:

1. The "cheat codes" are geometric shapes.  I'm not making fun, I'm imagining a world in which that's how cheat codes actually are.
2. That's a reasonably original way to introduce a character's full name without sounding forced.
3. We've learned a bit about Ron's hobbies and personality.

Resuming:

Kim: Ron I have like thirty seconds to print my history paper.
*printer jams*
Ron: Uh, oh.  Paper jam.
Kim: Term Paper Jam, Ron!
Ron: Nothing a little naked mole rat service call can't fix.

We get Rufus's introduction, his name, his species, and the wonderful line, "Rufus can program a VCR, Kim, I think he can handle this," which future generations will never understand.

Rufus does fix it, Kim calls him "the hairless freak" which is just uncalled for, and we have now met the entire field crew of Team Possible.  We've also learned that Kim has a computer and printer in her locker, which is good to know because that's one of her primary points of contact with Wade (the not-in-the-field member of the team) and thus where she gets a lot of her missions.

With printing done Kim heads off to her class, but the bell rings before she makes it and then she smashes face first into Mr. Barkin.

I don't even know what Mr. Barkin does.  He's clearly an in house on call substitute teacher.  I'm not sure exactly what capacity he's acting in here.  He seems to be involved with at least some sports teams.  Out of universe he's generally a way for the animators to not have to come up with new teacher models by having him do everything we see at the school.  (There are some exceptions where someone else shows up for an episode.)

He hands out diplomas at graduation, but he's not the principle, so ... yeah.

Now then, she smashes into Barkin, her term paper goes everywhere (is it karmic justice for scattering Alex's?) and we learn that she's tardy for the third time in the month,

Barkin: Looks like I'll be seeing you after school.
Kim: At cheerleading practice?
Barkin: At detention Possible!
Kim: Detention!?

Cue Credits.  (Post on theme song, post on title sequence.)

But, actually, rewind a bit.  The name "Alex" came out of nowhere there, didn't it?  In fact, even if you know Kim Possible by heart, you may never have heard of Alex.  The creation of Alex is both a sign of the lack of inclusivity in the show, and a sign of how shit like that means people will grasp at straws and jump to unfounded conclusions just to find someone like them in their fiction.

The shot with Alex in the above isn't that good, so here's one of her from a different episode:

Visually she's an incidental character who appears around the school when they need non-plot-related students to be in a shot.  In all other ways Alex Saffic is a result of someone saying that given the proportion of the population that is LGBT, and the number of people shown on Kim Possible, someone on Kim Possible has to at least one of those letters, and finally resorting to, "Some of my friends who are lesbians have that haircut, so I choose you," as a way to get some damned representation.

Thus "Kid 14" was transformed from an incidental character to an important part of fandom.

Because judging people on their haircuts alone is seriously how far from reason you have to go if you want characters like you in your TV when you're not part of the approved demographic.

There's a decent chance I won't have a lot of opportunity to talk about gender and sexuality outside of the mind switching episode simply because it's hard to say much meaningful stuff about nothing.  Disney does not acknowledge that there might be kids who are not cis gender, binary conforming, heterosexual, monogamous people.  There is a complete exclusion of anyone who doesn't fit that.

Disney avoids inclusion the way mere mortals avoid the plague.  Which brings us to my point in bringing up Alex:

When the only way to find someone like you is to make inferences from haircuts, something, somewhere, has gone terribly wrong.

But that's about the series as a whole, and we're talking about the first episode.

-

So, here is where we are when we get back from the credits:

Meet the Possible house.  It's pretty awesome looking.

This is where minor tweaks could make a huge difference.  We started at the beginning of the school day, Barkin said that he'd see Kim in detention after school.  Now it is night.

Question: Has Kim been to detention yet?

The answer will make a huge difference on how we interpret what follows.  Kim is down during the meal; it is because of detention.  Is it because she has been to detention, or because she will be going to detention?  Her parents would be equally in the dark either way since the time spent in detention would instead have been spent in cheer practice.

Tell me when you figure it out:

*The possible twins launch peas at each other using spoons as catapults*

Dad: Jim, Tim, no airborne vegetables at the table.  Use the launchpad in the yard.

Mom: Kimmie, you haven't eaten a nibble, something wrong?

Kim: *Sigh* Mom, you're a brain surgeon.  Dad's a rocket scientist.  What am I?  Detention girl.

Mom: Detention?

Dad: A Possible has never had detention.  Except for your brothers, but they're little monkeys.

Brothers setting up an actual rocket-fuel propelled rocket in background

Mom: Do you want to tell us what happened Kimmie?

Kim: I was a little late to class.  It was no big, unless you're Mr. "Three Strikes" Barkin

Dad: Sounds like your Mr. Barkin is tough but fair.

Kim: Dad, I'm a cheerleader, we don't do detention.

Mom: Really?  Who does "do" detention?
Kim: I don't know.  Other kids.  The ones who break the rules.

Dad: Like you did.

Kim: Do I have the right to remain silent?

And you know what, I'm going to stop listing things off as they come because the truth is that there's nothing that indicates either way until the next day after school when she shows up to detention for the first time.  Before that you don't have any solid proof she wasn't in detention on this day.

The "I don't know" is probably the strongest indicator that she hasn't been there yet since she doesn't have experience from which to draw upon to answer the question of who is usually there.

Confusion could have been avoided with the addition of one word:

Barkin: Looks like I'll be seeing you after school tomorrow.

Boom.  With the addition of one word we've established that detention is not daily at Middleton High, that Kim will go home, have to deal with her family (and more), come back to school the next day, and only then go to detention.

But that's not what's there.

So, let's get back to some stuff I went over quickly.  Dad's a rocket scientist, mom's a brain surgeon.  Her little brothers set rockets off in the yard.  (If there were a shot with the mother Possible's face in it that had the rocket take off as well I'd grab that, but they all have the back of her head, just like the above.)

Kim is from a family that is consistently above average.

She is supremely privileged in a lot of ways, but quite annoyed that that privilege doesn't extend to being exempt from attendance rules.

I feel bad about not having a picture of Dr. Ann Possible's face yet, so here is from between "Really? Who does 'do' detention?" and "I don't know.  Other Kids."

And now, as with Alex, I'm going to go on a tangent.  It's the first episode, if I don't talk about systemic failures now, when will I?

The Doctors Possible fall strictly in line with expected gender roles, and there will be more to say about that later, but another problem is the vast difference in focus.

Kim is a Possible.  She is not an [Ann's maiden name].  I'm not talking about her last name.  I'm talking about her family.  This is Kim's family:

• Doctor James Possible (Father)
• Doctor Ann Possible (Mother)
• Jim Possible (Brother)
• Tim Possible (Brother)
• Nana Possible (Grandmother)
• Slim Possible (Uncle)
• Joss Possible (Cousin)
• Larry (Cousin)
• June (Aunt)

Larry and his mother June never interact with Ann while James takes a sizable interest in them meaning that it's probably the case they're of the Possible family not the [Ann's maiden name] family.

So you can just mentally amend a [of the Possible family] on to the end of those entries.  Look at the list with that in mind.  Notice a pattern?

Ann has no family.  She has no life outside of the Possible family.  Apparently when she got married she cut off all relationships with her birth family and integrated fully into the Possible dynasty.

She exists as Kim's mother, and thus Kim's siblings' mother, but she is not a sister or a daughter.  Her existence before she got married and took the name "Possible" is never alluded to.

Kim has a mother and a father, but outside of being a mother and a father, only the father matters.  Kim's mom is a good mom but we never hear about her life at college, or her colleagues, or her brother or sister or mother.  That's all reserved for Kim's dad.

Ann doesn't have a picture of her niece or her nephew hanging on the wall.  James has pictures of both of his.

Outside of her role as wife and mother, Ann really isn't there.  Which kind of sucks because she's a damned awesome character.

Once again, this is about a lack, so I'm not sure how much opportunity there would be to talk about it in the future seeing as all episodes lack Ann Possible backstory equally.

Ok, second tangent over.

-

"I'm a cheerleader; we don't do detention"

Um, what the fuck?

And let me add that Kim's not alone in this, here are some other people's thoughts from later in the episode:

Wade: Cheerleaders don't get detention.

Junior: Whoa! What's a cheerleader doing in detention!?

Bonnie (another cheerleader): Detention? Kim, maybe no-one's informed you, but we don't

get detention.

This does not follow.  There is no universe in which any of this makes sense.

Status does not imbue one with an ability to escape punishment outside of certain circumstances that are extremely evil and usually related to some form of classism or bigotry.  Cheerleaders are not inherently rich enough or [winning at kyriarchy] enough to escape the rules and laws that apply to the rest of us.  In fact, as part of becoming cheerleaders Kim and Bonnie both probably had to demonstrate an understanding that not only would they be punished like everyone else but they would in fact be punished more since a severe enough infraction would get them booted from the squad.

I get that the point is that we're supposed to think that Cheerleader → Top of the heap untouchable, and as a result we're supposed to be seeing this as a reality check for Kim, but it really makes no sense.

When Kim was saying that she was just a tiny bit late, that's an argument where she has some solid footing.  Maybe she shouldn't be punished for such a short time.  Maybe it can be argued that there should be some flex in there or that detention is overly severe for being a little bit late.  (She might have been under a minute late, detention is longer than a minute.)

She then leaves that solid ground and goes on to the indefensible ground that says she shouldn't get detention because she's a cheerleader.  "Screw the rules, I have status."

Not only is this a problem in simple terms of making an argument, it's also a problem because it's the asshole's defense.

"Rules are meant for other people --the little people-- not concentrated awesome like me."

Ok, Kim started out being inconsiderate to others in her (failed) rush to get in on time, but now she's gone into full blown snotty jerk mode.

We may have some more opportunity to explore this, I'm not sure.  For now lets get to some action.

*beep beep beep*

Mom: The hospital!

Dad: The lab!

Kim: It's the Kimmunicator.

Meet Wade.  A part of me wants to say, "Wade is Kim's black friend," and leave you to fill in the problematic blanks yourself.  Not going to do that, though.

Wade is a reclusive ten year old super genius who runs Kim's operation.  He monitors the website for jobs and keeps track of the favors network to see who can get her where.  He can hack almost anything and also makes her gadgets.  He's actually a pretty solid character, the problem is that until Monique arrives in the last few episodes of this season he's the only person of color in the regulars.

Even then, he's in Kim's mission life, Monique is in Kim's social life.  Thus divided it's more like one token per sphere (of which there are but two) than any kind of decent representation.

Anyway, with Wade we've now met the entirety of team possible.  Picking up where we left off:

Kim: What up, Wade?

Wade: Kim, Got a hit on your website from the Amazon.

Kim: The Amazon!?

Wade: I set you up with Gustavo for a ride.

Kim: Gustavo? From the flood. Oh, I remember him.

Wade: Pack your insect repellent.

Mom: South America!?

Dad: On a school night!?

Kim's "puppy dog pout" is like a form of mind control and is probably banned as an interrogation technique:

Pretty much no one can withstand it, so her parents give in, but her mother does insist that Kim finish her peas first.

We get to have a sense of how Kim's favors work on the flight:

Kim: Thanks for the lift, Gustavo.

Gustavo: After you rescued my village from the flood last year, Kim Possible, I only wish I could do more.

Kim: No big; it was just like swim practice.

Ron: Except the Middleton high pool doesn't have piranhas.

Kim is getting a ride because she saved [someone] from [something] which she considers not to have been a big deal.  If Ron comments, he'll add some much needed perspective.

That's the formula for pretty much all rides, though deviations do exist for comedic purposes.

They get to South America, Ron has a flashback to the worst summer of his life, spent at camp Wannaweep, and they determine that what was stolen was a disk with ... I'll just let the exposition explain:

Acari: On the disc was a digital blueprint for a cyber-genetic tick would be virtually identical to the real thing.

Kim: So you designed a robot tick?

Acari: Precisely.

Ron: Question: Why?

Acari: I have a lot of time on my hands.

The reason I'm doing an exterior shot of the lair instead of showing you Drakken and Shego is that they're first seen by firelight which was a horrible idea.  Shego has almost-white green skin.  Drakken has blue skin.  Under orange lighting ... they should have established the characters' skin colors before they had their fun doing cute things with the lighting.  As it is, it's difficult to tell if they correctly did the way the odd skin colors would change under colored lighting, or they just screwed up and forgot that the characters (Drakken in particular) didn't have normal human skin tones.

I'll wait until we have good shots to show them to you.

*Shego is walking*

*A trap door opens under her, surprising her, and she slides down a tube and lands in a chair*

Shego: Ever considered a normal door?~

Drakken: Did you get it?

Shego: I got it.  Don't know why you'd want it,~ but I got it.

Drakken: My plan will reveal itself in due course, Shego.

Drakken: *to himself* Who wants to build a robot tick. I do! I do!

Shego: Uh,... Doctor Drakken, you know you said that out loud, don't you?

Drakken: Blast!

Shego's very first line in the very first episode is snark.  That's so damned perfect for her character.  Unfortunately you have to take my word for it because tone of voice and cadence and whatnot don't translate to text.  I think that "?~" would be snarky question mark since ".~" is snarky full stop.  That said, I'm probably not going to try to mark the snark going forward, there is too much.

-

Middleton High School.  Sign Reads: "Detention Room 12"

Kim gets a message from Wade on the Kimmunicator:

Kim: Go, Wade. I don't have much time.

Wade: Oh, Cheerleading practice.

Kim: Detention.

Wade: Cheerleaders don't get detention.

Kim: *annoyed/angry* Can we just get back to the case?

Wade: OK. Look. I took that freeze-frame from the security camera. Her name's Shego. She's wanted in 11 countries.

*Picture of Shego's mug shot, she's holding "11734"*

Ron: Make that 12. Rrrr.

Rufus: Rrrr.

Kim: So not your type. Urgh!

Barkin: Possible! Snap to! It's 1500 hours!

Ron: She has to do 1,500 hours?! Let the time fit the crime, Mr. B.

Barkin: You want a piece of this, Stoppable?!

Ron: Pass. *hides behind a locker door* Remember, Kim, chocolate's as good as cash in there, and don't look anyone in the eyes.

We once again get the assumption that status is apparently expected to exempt someone from the rules, Shego's name is reinforced, though we never learn what she's wanted for in those countries.  Seems like it might be valuable intel to know what her crimes actually are.

If anyone cares, we also learn that school gets out at three.  You'd think that it would have to get out before three since Kim had time to get to her locker, where this all takes place, but it'll later be established that they get out at three on the hour.

"Detention is like prison" is reinforced by the sound effect of metal prison-ish doors being shut and locked.  In fact it's just another classroom though with the lights out.

The warden:

(Mr. Barkin)

The inmates:

(Big Mike, back; Junior, left; Kim Possible, middle; Vinny, Right)

Even though she isn't in her uniform or under an "I'm a cheerleader" neon sign, Vinny and Junior both immediately recognize her as a cheerleader.  I am... unconvinced of the status and fame cheerleaders enjoy in this setting.

This is essentially Kim having to mingle with the lower classes.  They're the bottom of the barrel, she's the tippity top.  Their characterization is limited to: Kids in detention.

Which ... why Vinny?  Middleton High is extremely white.  All of the incidental characters are white.  If you see someone in the background, they'll be white.  When Monique shows up she instantly becomes a major character meaning that even with a black woman roaming the halls, the non-major characters are still all white.  We'll have to wait for Ron's first crush to be introduced before we get to see a non-white non-major character in the school halls and I think, other than a non-speaking cameo in Graduation Part 2, she never shows up on screen outside of the two episodes where she is part of the plot.

So, why --in this sea of whiteness-- is the detention population 1/4 or 1/3 (depending on whether we count Kim) black?

Major fuck up points.

But that wasn't where I was going originally.  Kim is at the tippity top.  These people are at the bottom.  Why would they be able to recognize Kim as a cheerleader at a glance?

She's captain of the Junior Varsity Squad (or she will be captain by the first time hierarchy is expressed) but that doesn't mean that everyone in school knows who she is.

Why would the dregs of the high school bother to know who is on the cheer squad?

Anyway, we get:

Barkin: Possible, meet Vinny and Big Mike.

Vinny: What's up?

Big Mike: Hey.

*total lack of response from Kim*

[snip for Junior entering]

Junior: Whoa! What's a cheerleader doing in detention?!

Kim: Waiting for it to be over.

Two people greeted her with perfectly nice greetings.  She ignored them.  One person demonstrated that he had exactly the same false assumptions as Kim.  She responded in a rude, dismissive tone.

Stay classy, Kim.

One person criticizing the series noted that that for a globe trotting person saver, Kim has a real problem accepting people that fail to fit into her category of "acceptable" when at home.

Kim has been exposed to all kinds of people from all kinds of cultures and as such you'd think she'd be more tolerant of different people in her own culture.  But she isn't.

The important thing right now is that all the pieces are now in play.  It's almost time for a change of venue, but first we work in a cheap but nicely executed gag.

After Kim says that she's waiting for detention to be over, attention switches to the clock.  Time-passing-music plays as the hands race around the clock.

*smack*

Barkin: Stupid clock's busted again.

*Barkin resets the clock*

It's a cheap attempt for laughs, but it's well done.

Now then, Rufus to the rescue.

Barkin reads from the "Infiltration and Deception Manual" while Junior freaks Kim out by noting how smooth her skin is and then:

Barkin: What's that?! Vermin... mole... creepy.

Junior: Urgh! That ain't right.

Big Mike: Aaaaaaagh!

Ron signals from the doorway for Kim to escape and Kim plays along:

Kim: What could it be, Mr. Barkin?

Barkin: Probably busted out of the science lab. Genetic mutation. When will they stop? When!?

Kim: Maybe we better get out of here.

Barkin: Alright. Evacuate mutant-infested location.

Kim: Yes! *fist pump*

Barkin: Go! Go! Go!

This is Bueno Nacho.  It is Ron's favorite restaurant, a very common place for characters to hang out, and in many ways it's the series equivalent of McDonald's but changed enough so that the creators can't be sued.  ("It couldn't possibly McDonald's," the protest would go, "it's not a burger place.")

One notable difference is that it doesn't have kids' meals.  Kids still come, as evidenced by nameless people walking by sometimes, but the menu doesn't have things targeted to kids.

Anyway Ron, Rufus and Kim are in their usual booth (middle booth on the left side, if you're walking in the door.)

Kim: Thank you, Ron! Much needed bail-out.

Ron: Credit where credit is due. *gestures to Rufus*

Rufus: Hee-hee-he Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Kim: You don't know what it's like there. It's the meeting of lifetime losers' club.

Ron: Yeah. *pause* Hey, I've been in detention!

Kim: Oh.

She didn't get to know them, at all.  How would she know if they're losers?

Wade calls in with information that a mysterious aircraft went from the scene of the robo-tick blueprints theft to a private island in the Caribbean that's rumored to be haunted.

Kim: Haunted island? Keep out "meddling kids"? Please.~

Meddling kids earned air quotes.

Wade: Oh, I almost forgot. Check your backpack.

Ron: New toys?! [can't make the word out, some people think "Gravy!"]

*Ron rummages through Kim's backpack*

Kim: It's my backpack!

Ron: I need to familiarize myself with the equipment. Like this high-tech *pulls something out* lipstick?

Wade: Actually that's not ordinary lipstick.

Ron: Ooh.  Is it fruit-flavored?

Wade: Elastic-constricting agent.

*Ron tries to pull it off his face*

*he fails*

*it shrinks down to a spot of pink stuff at his nose*

*his finger is stuck to it and thus his nose*

*Rufus falls over laughing*

Kim: My compact! I've been looking for this.

Ron: (said with fear) What does that do?

Kim: It's small a mirror, that allows me to check my face. Come on, Ron. Let's jet!

Ok, so,  Wade puts stuff in Kim's backpack without her knowledge.  Fun.  Ron was totally taken with the possibility of fruit-flavored lipstick (which led to his downfall.)  We get the first show of the way Team Possible is equipped: "This may look like an ordinary tube of lipstick, 007, but when you push this..."

The screen shot there is one of the ones I used for talking about the credits sequence.  Since I already had one for this scene I figured why not use it.  I had forgotten, however, that it was a result of Ron being interested in fruit-flavored lipstick.  Clearly punishment for such un-manly interests.  (And, God I hope that's not true.)

-

At the lair.

*alarm starts blaring*
Shego: Intruder Alert.

Drakken: Can't hear you; intruder alert too loud.

Stealth may not be Kim, Ron, and Rufus' strong suit.  Sometimes they manage it, but here on their first on screen outing they seem to, kind of, suck.  Soon our heroes are captured and placed on a platform above an indoor lagoon with two very large sharks circling.

But who cares about that? I said I'd give you a picture of Drakken once he was in better lighting so you could see his actual skin color.  Here:

Drakken: I have heard of you. The world famous teen hero, Kim Possible.

Shego: And her... chum.

Ron: Did she have to say chum?

Drakken: And surely you know of my work.

Kim: (bored) Sorry.

Drakken: Think for a minute. It'll come to you. I'm a genius.

Kim: (bored) I really don't kn--

Drakken: Doctor... Doctor D... Doctor Dra... Doc... Doctor Drakken! Drakken!

Kim: (bored) Doctor Drakken.

Drakken: (triumphant) Ah-ha! Ah-ha-ha. I see my reputation precedes me!

And thus we meet Kim's arch foe.  I'm not sure what to say about this except that it really is a pretty decent introduction to him.  Just like before when he tried to be the cool enigmatic villain ("My plan will reveal itself in due course, Shego") but then failed ("Who wants to build a robot tick?  I do!  I do!") he comes on with a decent start, "Of course I know who you are, Mr. Bond" but then it all falls apart because he's ... well, Drakken.

His plans can sometimes be like that too.  This one certainly is.

Kim: You have something that doesn't belong to you, Doctor... uh...  What was it again?

Ron: Doctor, he said it was, uh, "Duh", something.

There is a theory that the reason that Drakken flat out refuses to ever remember Ron's name is because of that line.  I'm not sure that I buy the theory given that almost no one remembers Ron's name regardless, but it is worth thinking about because in the original series finale things will seriously come back around to Drakken and remembering Ron's name, so if it did start because Ron said he didn't remember Drakken's here, then it serves to bookend the series in its original, three season, form.

Drakken: Enough chitchat! My pets are famished. Perhaps you two could stay...

Kim: For lunch?

Drakken: I wasn't going to say that.

Ron: Oh dude, you were so "for lunch."

Drakken: Fine! Yes! Then, stay for lunch.

If the two sharks are circling, shouldn't the other shark be in the background on the righthand side to be opposite the foreground shark on the left hand side?

Ron: Why not otters?  I wouldn't mind dropping into a tank of otters.  They're fun!

Kim deals with the sharks by using the elastic constricting lipstick on their mouths.

Kim and Ron sneak in and retrieve the disk while Drakken and Shego bicker over the use of the term "nano" vs "mini" in terms of coolness vs. ease of laypeople understanding.

Short version, Drakken designed an explosive that will fit on the back of the robot tick, so once the tick attaches to the victim they'll "bow to [his] will or:"

Drakken says, "Kaboom" while his slideshow shows "Kaboom".

We haven't actually gotten to a decent picture of Shego yet.  Her skin is blue here, but she's actually green skinned.  While one could assume that it's just that they hadn't decided things for the first episode (this is one of only two episodes in which Barkin is a blonde) her skin is actually changing color from scene to scene in this episode.  A bit later on it'll be cyan.

I think the moral of the story here is that if you want to have a character with an unusual skin color you should have a nice well-lit establishing shot before you start playing with what that skin color looks like in orange lighting or blue lighting, or what-have-you lighting.

Regardless, when we get her in daylight we'll see her green skin, though exactly how green it is will always be in flux, not just this episode.

Back to the plan, Shego is on-board with the plan until Drakken reveals that he's planning to use this to get back at "the kids who used to tease me in gym."  Like I said, he starts strong and then finishes ... Drakken-like.

Kim: (whispering) OK, so we're definitely putting this guy in the mad-scientist category.

Ron: (whispering)"Mad" angry or "mad" crazy?

Shego: (jumps to a position behind them) What do you think?

Drakken: Look at this. Why do I even bother with the sharks? *pushes a button*

*large beam weapons drop down from holes in the ceiling*

Ron: Remote-controlled lasers. I'll handle this.

*Ron strides forward with purpose*

Ron: I got nothing.  Kim?

Kim uses her compact to redirect the "lasers" (I use quotes because the beams move at notably slower than the speed of light) causing a chain reaction that blows up the entire lair.  Shego saves Drakken by dragging him out in one direction.  Kim saves Ron by dragging him out in another.

We return at the end of another school day.  Kim and Ron have different experiences of saying, "Hi," to Big Mike.  Kim only said it because she bumped into him, Ron said it as a greeting.  Kim got a response, Ron got a sort of ... um.  I wouldn't call it a growl, but it's a noise that uses a similar part of the throat.  Dismissive rather than threatening.

Ron: I just can't connect with Big Mike the way you do.

Kim: I do not connect with him, or any of those detention guys!

Ron: Sure, you're an only short-timer but you're one of them now.

Kim: So not!

Ron: So so!

Kim: I am not one of them! I am a cheerleader. They mean nothing to me, I mean nothing to them. See. You. After. Practice.

Ron: Kim, it's a good thing! Nobody messes with them! You got street cred!

Ron: (To himself) Man, gotta get me some of that.

Kim never asks why Ron would think not being messed with is a good thing.  Kim never takes an interest in who is messed with.  Kim remains cheerfully ignorant of the problem of bullying at her school until such time as she finds herself trapped in Ron's body.  This ignorance isn't malicious, but neither is it entirely innocent.

Kim could take an interest in those of lower standing, she could talk to her best friend about why he so wants to be a part of the group that isn't messed with.  She could open her eyes to what goes on at Middleton High School.  She doesn't.

We once again get, "I am a cheerleader," meaning, "I'm not like detention kids."  We never find out why she wanted to become a cheerleader in the first place, but given how she seems to stand on it as a way to separate herself from the undesirables here, maybe it was purely about status.

She tries to head off to cheer practice but Barkin is there.  He now knows what a naked mole rat is, thinks it's cute, and realizes that Kim used the situation to skip detention when in reality she knew there was no danger (because Ron-pet.)  Thus Kim heads back to meet Junior, Vinny, and Big Mike again.

(The confrontation between her and Barkin was also the scene where Bonnie says cheerleaders don't get detention.)

Meanwhile in the Caribbean, Drakken is cursing the loss of his one and only nano-tick.  Combined with the destruction of his computers and the return of the disk to its rightful owner, he can't make a new one.  Shego tells him it's still intact but, oddly, seems to be at a high school.  Drakken, familiar with Kim, figures out that she's got it.

So it's about time for her to figure it out:

Kim: Junior, Vinnie, Big Mike,... what are you staring at?

Junior: Cheerleader, you got a zit.

Vinny: Cheerleaders don't get zits.

Junior: Oh. Well, then maybe it's a tiny explosive device.

Ok... seriously?  Not only do Cheerleaders not get detention, they also don't get zits?  Is there some clause that also makes them immune to the common cold and prevents them from ever suffering through a pop-quiz?

Kim pulls out her compact because it is a small mirror that allows her to check her face and discovers that there is indeed a tiny explosive device attached to her nose, as you might have guessed.

Barkin doesn't want her cutting detention again (and assumes it's another trick) so we get her escaping using athletic moves.  Ron pulls up on his scooter just as Kim reaches the door, and reports that Wade thinks Drakken can track the tick.  Sure enough, Drakken then shows up in a hover pod as Barkin shows up at the door.

Time for a three vehicle chase.

Ron's scooter starts slower than walking, but once it's up to speed it can match the student driving car Barkin gives chase in and Drakken's evil rocket propelled hover-pod.

Shego with green skin (finally) is driving the airborne pursuit.

Kim: Looks bad. He's got some ray-thingy.

Ron: What kind of ray-thingy?

Drakken: Gravatomic!

Barkin: The subject is northbound on scooter, being pursued by an aerial craft of unknown design and origin firing...

Junior: Who are you talking to?

Barkin: During a pursuit, never distract the driver!

Junior: Look out, dude! The flying guy's firing some kind of BEAM!

Barkin: Hang on!
*Barkin drives right into it*

Vinny: Oh, man! That's gravatomic!

Go Junior for pointing out how absurd  Barkin's describing the pursuit to no one in particular is.  Points to Vinny for being able to recognize a gravatomic ray.

Kim has Ron make a U-turn to save Barkin and the Detentionites, but insists that they are not "her boys".

Trying to pull the car back onto the ground was a failure that simply resulted in the licence plate coming off.  Throwing the licence plate at the ray thingy, on the other hand, works wonders.

The boys are returned to the road.

Junior: Oh, yeah, gravamatromic.[sic]

The ray is redirected at a fire hydrant shooting water upward and:

Shego: You! Yeah, you don't touch anything!

Kim and Ron make it through the doors of Bueno Nacho.

Kim: What makes you think we're safe in here?

Ron: I don't think we're safe anywhere, but chases make me hungry.  Chimerito?

Kim: No thanks. I'm trying to focus on the thing on my nose that's gonna blow me up!

Ron is right about not being safe anywhere, Shego uses the ray to rip the roof right off of the building, then jumps down (onto a table) and announces to the screaming masses:

Shego: Kim Possible has something that belongs to us!

It's dramatic and impressive and whatnot which is what makes her next line so funny.

Kim: Guess what? I don't want it!

Shego: It's on you? What, like... stuck?

There is no text on earth that can adequately express the change in tone of voice between Shego's two lines there.

Drakken orders that Shego take Kim's nose if need be and the fight is on.  Eventually Kim is able to throw Shego where she smashes into Barkin who had just burst in.

Junior: See, this is why I never come here, dude.

Drakken: Shego has failed! But she never fails! No!

*Drakken dramatically smacks his head on the console, hitting a big red button*

Machine: Detonation-sequence activated.

We get the Detentionites panicking:

Well, except for Junior.

Wade explains over the Kimmunicator that the bomb is simply too small for them to disarm so they need to find a way to make the robot tick let go and suggests that there must be some way burn the circuits.

Ron: This calls for the most dangerous chemical known to modern man. Diablo Sauce, stat!

Dramatic music as it's thrown through the air in slow motion, a build up as it is opened and the red Diablo Sauce comes slowly closer to the robot tick and then:

Shego: Drop the hot sauce and step away from the nose.

I somewhat wonder how many takes it took for the voice actor to say that with a completely serious tone.  The world of Kim Possible is one in which it makes perfect sense for it to be necessary to say something like that.

Shego is defeated immediately after.  This is the first time Shego is defeated.  She loses by being sat on.  In fact, sitting on Shego is the only strategy against her that works 100% of the time.  (Possibly because usually she isn't around people big enough to pull it off so only two people have really been able to implement that strategy.)

Big Mike was the one to sit on her.  We finally get to see his face.

Kim: Uh,... wow.

Big Mike: Nobody messes with us.  Right, Kim?

Kim: Uh,... yeah. Riiight, Big Mike.

Ron makes a big production of disabling the tick.

Ron's statements include "easy" and "yeah, that's right, squeal all you want, I got you" and stuff like that.  Kim, for her part, just takes it stoically.  As soon as the hot sauce touches the tick it lets go.

Drakken tries to escape but it turns out that he can't drive the hover-pod.  He manages to bounce it off the ground and such, but not actually move laterally at all.

Ron sucks the tick into a straw, but the bomb isn't disarmed and he doesn't know what to do.  Kim helpfully takes the straw and uses it to launch the tick at Drakken's hoverpod.  It explodes, Draken jumps free, ends up hanging from a giant taco sign, and delivers what will be a common refrain from him, "You think you're all that, but you're not," as law enforcement appears to arrest him.

Ron: Situation...
Kim: Resolved.
Barkin: Not quite. Say what you will about me but Steve Barkin is...
Kim: Tough but fair. I know.

The sound of a jail door shutting and locking.
Middleton High School, the sign reads: Detention: Still Room 12

Barkin: Detention is supposed to be a punishment! A time of quiet suffering!
Ron: You didn't count on the Kim-factor.
Big Mike: I like sparkles.

Junior and Vinny are arguing over who's next, Kim says that they have to take turns.

Barkin lowers his head to the desk in defeat.

-

So, what have we learned from all this?

Um... Anyone?

Kim only comes around to viewing the other kids in detention as worthy of interaction when one of them saves her life.  Even so you'll never see Kim interacting with Junior, Vinny or Big Mike again.  Big Mike does at least show up in the background in one episode, but not in a scene Kim is in.

Certainly her learning that kids in detention might be worthy of respect won't lead to her respecting other groups she has looked down on (say, geeks.)

Kim spends the whole episode until Big Mike saves her thinking that her status as a cheerleader automatically puts her in a class above the others and believing that they do not (and can not) share common ground.  She eventually does their nails but only because one of them saved her life.  It's a pretty high bar to meet for anyone else who might want to be accepted.

We will never see Vinny "I know what a gravatomic ray looks like" or Junior "then maybe it's a tiny explosive device" again.

Kim didn't so much accept them as learn to cope with being in the same room as them.

Ron finds the prospect of fruit flavored lipstick appealing.

The day is saved by Big Mike and then Ron, with Kim doing what amounts to hazardous waste removal after playing the damsel in distress twice over.

End of episode summation:

Day saved by:

Kim - 0

Ron - 1

Rufus - 0

male not-on-the-team - 1

Kim's Ride Reason:
Saved Village from Flood

Middleton High School Sign:
Term Papers Due Today

Detention: Room 12

WARNING: Mutant Vermin On Campus

Detention: Still Room 12

Ron doesn't fit in society's boxes:
He's into fruit flavored lipstick

Camp Wannaweep Phobia:

Bugs

Gear:

Elastic-Constricting Agent lipstick
Compact

-

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