Showing posts with label Kim Possible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kim Possible. Show all posts

Sunday, April 1, 2018

KP EBE -- Models can't be role models. (series bible -- cover and summary pages)

There are various interviews about conception and creation of Kim Possible,  but the earliest primary source available is the pitch-era partial Kim Possible series bible released by Bob Schooley (one of the co-creators) on twitter on the 18th and 19th of April, 2016.

Series bibles can come in various forms depending on what the person or people making them are prioritizing and what role they're intended to serve.  The thing that links them all is that they record salient details of the series.  Sometimes it's so that these details are kept straight throughout the run of the show, sometimes it's so that the details can be communicated to the people deciding whether or not to make the show in the first place.  As you might have figured out from "pitch-era", this is the second.

The show didn't exist, and wouldn't for another year and eight months, so there weren't any canon details to keep straight yet.  Additionally, I'm reasonably sure that they never bothered with keeping details straight while the show was in production anyway.

This is all about what Bob Schooley and Mark McCorkle wanted the show to be and what they were marketing it as (internally) to the executives who would decide whether or not this was something Disney wanted to make.

- - -

I'm not going to dwell on this too much, but it's worth pointing out that Kim Possible was incredibly significant in terms of the history of Disney animation, particularly television animation, because it was the first in-house Disney Channel original animated series.  (If Nickelodeon hadn't passed on The Proud Family, it would have been the first Disney Channel original animated series, of any kind, ever.)

The Disney Channel and Disney Television Animation had both been around for almost, but not quite, 20 years at this point but they'd never produced something together and Kim Possible was the first foray in making a episodic cartoon for Disney by Disney on Disney.  As such the decision wasn't just "Do we want to make this?" but also "Do we want this to be our flagship property in this area?"

The answer was, "Yes."

With those paragraphs over, I'm done dwelling on that.  Let us dwell on something else.

- - -

First, have a picture:

KIM POSSIBLE
SHE CAN DO ANYTHING!
It's a cover page; there's not a lot to take apart or glean.  To me the most significant part is the date: October 2, 2000.  The first episode (Crush) aired on June 7th, 2002.  While it is certainly possible that at some point an earlier thing will be made public, it's probable that this is as far into proto-show as primary sources will ever take us.

The biggest other thing to note is that while the picture certainly evokes the idea of Kim, that's very much not the Kim we eventually got.  Most notably the hair, clothes, and grappling hook launcher which are all Kim-esque without actually being Kim.  That's a very appropriate note start to this with.

I will touch on the title before we go inside.  The words "Kim Possible: she can do anything" were, as recounted in various interviews, the beginning of the idea of the show, and they very much stick around throughout.

- - -


This is something that we can look through piece by piece.  So, starting with the first line and going one step at a time:
[...] a billionaire Japanese electronics mogul [...]
Looking at a list of Japanese billionaires has taught me that Cyberdyne, the corporation responsible for the Terminators(TM) who will exterminate most of humanity by order of Skynet, has now been founded in the real world.  Thankfully, they don't make killing machines.

The point in the looking up, though, is that this doesn't feel right to me.  The Japanese electronics industry is quite large and has historically been the source of significant innovation, but the sentence reads to me more like something coming out of blatant stereotyping than any kind of understanding of Japanese electronics.

Thus the looking up of Japanese billionaires.

I'm seeing construction, retail, holding companies, real estate, alcohol, eCommerce (not the same as electronics any more than air shipping is the same as airplane design and construction) and more or less the standard slate of stuff you'd expect (which, yes, does include electronics.)

This . . . isn't just me picking on an errant sentence.

Tick Tick Tick has Kim getting a (plane) ride from Gustavo of the Amazon in thanks for saving his village from a piranha infested flood.  In Bueno Nacho she gets a dog sled ride from an indeterminate First Nations individual whom she had saved from an iceberg.  In Monkey Fist Strikes she loots a Cambodian idol that was prized by ninja (Japan =/= Cambodia) who practiced Kung Fu (China =/= Japan or Cambodia) because it granted magical oriental martial arts powers (because . . . fuck.)

Kim Possible runs on many things (it's a hybrid) and one of them is blatant stereotyping.

The more it does it, the more you pick up on it, which in turn leads to giving it less benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, context:
The son of a billionaire Japanese electronics mogul is kidnapped.
The eventual show never dealt with anything like this.  People got kidnapped, sure, but Kim never stooped to rescuing people lesser than the billionaires, scientists, and Ron Stoppables themselves.  She will (very) occasionally deal with the children of important people, but if she's rescuing someone it'll be Mr McGuffin, not his second cousin.

That . . . might be an intentional choice to have Kim Possible and the show of the same name only deal with "important" people, rather than wasting time on lesser beings.  Quotes around "important" because in actuality everyone's important.

Next:
A nuclear arsenal in a breakaway Soviet republic goes missing.
This is sort of mission was, I think, tossed for an entirely different reason.  The threats Kim deals with in the actual show are very Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated-esque.  Certainly no one in Las Vegas particularly wants a black hole the size of Nevada to suddenly appear in their hotel, but death rays, freeze rays, hypnotic disco balls, spinning tops of doom, monkey ninjas in space, and the potentially-Nevada-destroying Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer all have different connotations than, you know, the threat of a nuclear holocaust.

When the show went to dark places it seemed to be because the people making it utterly failed to notice that those places were dark, and when it was self aware things stayed in much lighter territory.  Territory which is harder to be in when the people around you are stocking up on potassium iodide, Prussian blue, and diethylenetriamine pentaacetic acid.
World weather patterns mysteriously reverse overnight.
This is the kind of thing that will survive to the final form of the show.  Not a big part of it, but it's the only thing in this introduction that will actually show up.

Anyway, that's all set up for this:
Fear not.  Kim Possible is ready for action.

Yes, Kim Possible -- High School sophomore, Junior Varsity cheerleader, and the world's last hope.
This all makes it into the show's title sequence.  It makes it there with such force that Kim continues to be listed as a high school sophomore throughout her junior year.

We previously discussed, in May of 2015, the inclusion of these things in the title sequence.  It makes more sense now that we have it in an actual context.

I'm of two minds on this.  On the one hand "High school sophomore [...] and the world's last hope," really captures what the show aspired to but never really delivered on.  Ordinary person forced into extraordinary role and all of the things that come with that.

This, apparently, was actually what aspiration was before there was anything else.  I'm focusing on the series bible, so just the one quote here, but before Schooley and McCorkle learned there was a desire for a new show, Disney had already decided that they were "looking for a show that showed ordinary kids in extraordinary circumstances".

So that's the one thing.  Ordinary kid in extraordinary circumstances is full of potential, though it's also full of potential for failure (which is probably why it usually gets screwed up.)

The other thing is this:
Junior Varsity cheerleader
At this point they had yet to cut Kim's characterization back to just "cheerleader" (she's still leader of the debate team during this stage of development) and yet only one part of her high school career makes it into this description.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a cheerleader, but it's notable that they specifically picked out the single most traditionally femininely coded extracurricular.

Shots of Kim's room will show that she has baseball and basketball equipment but it's important that she got her world saving athleticism via a stereotypically-feminine values-voter-approved 1950s-wholesome route.

This isn't an "I'm saying it's important" thing.  The show makes it important.  Kim credits cheerleading.  Time is taken to give Drakken a "Why did she have to be a cheerleader?" lament where it's made clear that he too thinks that Kim came to be superhero-capable only via cheerleading.  Those two are on opposite sides of the board, so that mutual agreement makes it across the board already and I'm only two examples in.

But that's for later.  What about now?

Well,  here we are: at the beginning, a year and eight months before the first episode hits the airwaves, the show is but a pitch.  What's important about Kim in this one page summary of everything you need to know?  Cheerleader.  A bit later: babysitter.

And that's the push pull for me.

Ordinary kid somehow in a unique position to save the world (repeatedly) and thus having that become their life is definitely interesting and full of potential.  It will never come up with Kim because she isn't ordinary (and it coming up with Ron is watered down severely by how quickly he got a magical upgrade.)

Also, there's definitely nothing wrong with the hero getting their athletic conditioning from their time on the cheer squad.

Yet, at the same time, it definitely seems to be the case that cheerleader was chosen for a very specific reason.  In a show that leans so heavily on stereotypes they picked the most feminine of the go-to high school stereotypes to build their character around.

You, female audience member between the ages of nine and fourteen (inclusive), can be a hero too.  (Yay!)  Provided that you make sure that it's all built upon a sufficiently girly foundation.  Wear a skirt, bare your midriff, wave some pom-poms, and never once consider that maybe you'd be more comfortable, for example, on the track team.  (Not-yay.)

It could have easily been that Kim is a kid who happens to be a cheerleader, instead it's more the case that she'a a cheerleader who happens to be a kid.  It goes from accidental (she is this but could have been anything else instead) to essential (this is who and what she is.)

That seems painfully limiting to me.  What if you're not the kind of girl who wants to be a cheerleader, or you are but you don't want it to the point that it would become the central aspect of your identity?  Does that disqualify you from being a hero?

- - -
It started innocently enough with Kim's webpage ad, "She can do anything."  She meant stuff like babysitting and watering neighbors plants.  But a weird thing happened.  The website got hits from around the world.  From people in trouble.  Take-over-the-world super-villain kind of trouble.
I quibble with the placement of "But a weird thing happened".

My dad was once the web designer/manager/person of a small restaurant chain.  He wasn't hired for this job (he was the head chef) he was just the only one who knew anything about computers or the internet.

The chain had all of three locations, which were in Maine and New Hampshire.  As the web manager he was getting emails from people in Europe asking if the chain could cater a local (to them) event.

That's just how it works.

You put something out there and it will get hits from around the world, even more so when this was written in 2000 as, back then, there was significantly less competition for those hits.

Quibble is over now.

- - -

So the set up is Kim had a Trixie-esque ad (The Great and Powerful Kim Possible can do anything!) and people with super-villain problems started asking for help.

We're back into the territory of things I like.  She didn't set out to be a hero, she stumbled into it by failing to specify what she was actually advertising for and now she's being introduced into a world that she might not have even known existed.  Faced with the (unstated) choice of helping the people or turning away, she chose to help.

Most kids would be in over their heads, and I'm actually interested in those stories a great deal.

It's been ages since I've read Sinfest, so I don't know where things stand now, but I loved Tange and Lily being in completely over their heads, never entirely sure what was going on, keeping each other positive, and always trying (and fighting) to do the right thing.

It was beautiful.

Realistically they had no chance whatsoever, but they didn't let it stop them and they muddled through somehow.  While they were very seldom (if ever) the heroes they did mange to be heroes.

That, however, isn't the direction they decided to take the show.
Tested by extremes, Kim found that she really could do anything.
She can't, that we know of, sprout wings and fly.  That said, for all that it's not literal, they're pretty big on the "anything" bit.

With the exception of ones the show seems to approve of, Kim almost never has a shortcoming that isn't solved by the end of the episode.  Certainly if there's ever something Kim encounters that she can't do, she will be able to do it soon.  (Or she'll decide it doesn't matter and isn't worth doing, but I can think of only one example of that.)

This, emphatically, not a function of the show being episodic.  Other characters have flaws that stick with them or difficulties that last (or at least linger.)  Kim is perfect.  If an imperfection is found it will be dealt with in 22 minutes or less.

- - -
Now Kim is a normal fifteen year-old
No.  No, no, no.  No.

When these pages were first released I had a concussion and was supposed to stay away from screens.  So I just linked to them and left it at that.  This is from depizan in the comments to that post, with some formatting added by me:
They really hammer on the whole "typical teenage girl, except totally not" thing.  I can't decide how I feel about that.

On the one hand, I do like the idea of someone discovering they're capable of a whole hell of a lot if people just give them the chance.

On the other hand, she's NOT a typical teenage girl (martial arts, ability to travel the world at the drop of a hat, detective skills, etc, etc, including, apparently, being model-pretty), and claiming that she IS doesn't sit quite right with me.

The more they say she's typical, normal, whatever, the more they're kind of unintentionally insulting both Kim (by minimizing her achievements) and all teenage girls everywhere (who probably aren't capable of most of the things she does).
This is huge.  Kim isn't normal.  Most of the X-Men are closer to normal than she is.  If Kim is just your basic average girl then what does that say about all of the girls out there who can't so easily balance school, family, friends, sports, activism, and everything else?

Or, to fast forward and use an example from the show, if this is average:



then what does it say about all of the girls who couldn't do that in middle school?  What are they?  Obviously they don't measure up to "average".

That scene, from the time travel movie, takes place before Kim got her first hit on her website.  That's what she was like before becoming a super hero.  Years later, after she's needed to improve on those skills massively to survive her new hobby of saving the world, she's still merely average, normal, typical, and so forth.

When Kim's saying it we can reflect on what it means that she never gives herself credit, but right here, right now, this isn't Kim.  This is one of the documents that went into creating the show and it's not saying, "Kim thinks of herself as normal," it's saying she is.

And the thing is, this:
Now Kim is a normal fifteen year-old, who happens to save the world.  A lot.
could have been done.  Given the right opportunities, resources, and support structure you could have a thing where a normal kid saved the world from super-villains.  Kim Possible is very definitely not anything like that.

It isn't like that because Kim is never allowed to be normal.

- - -
Sure, she's got schoolwork and chores and the occasional babysitting gig,
It might have been nice if we saw some of this stuff.  We will see her in school a lot, and it's probably unavoidable that we therefore know of assignments she's had.  I don't, off the top of my head, know of any chores she's ever had to do.  Her being a babysitter will be mentioned.  Her babysitting will never be shown.

I suppose that lets them avoid the question of what Kim does when someone calls or beeps her but she can't leave little Timmy at home all alone.
but what about the missing team of climbers on Mount Everest?  Somebody has got to help them.
Calling in the proper authorities is never considered, of course.  That's a missed opportunity.  The show would have been vastly different if Kim were helping the people whom the authorities ignored.

As it is, Kim has jumped into action to save the Billionaires' Club but I'm not really remembering any times she helped poor people.  She's done things that help everyone in a given area (a village, Wisconsin, Europe, the world, so forth), which logically means she must have helped any impoverished people therein, but working directly to help someone on the margins?  I'm drawing a blank.

Most of the times she's called in (which is not nearly as often as you'd think given the premise) it's a rich individual, a corporation, or a part of a government doing the calling.
And that's just what Kim does.  She helps.  Doesn't matter where.  Doesn't matter when.  Doesn't matter how dangerous.  When Kim gets an instant message from someone in trouble, she has just got to help.
I do think that there's probably something to be said about the difference between choosing to help and being compelled by your nature to help, but I'm not sure what that something is so I'm going to leave this alone.

Kim has let other people's problems become a central part of her life because she's the sort of person who won't turn away any request for help.  In real life, with real people, that's a recipe for total burnout, and we'd need to talk about the need for self care and all of that.

But Kim isn't your basic average girl (as noted above), so she doesn't face such problems.  She's only overwhelmed if an episode's plot demands it, and she never risks burning out.  Kim is perfect and therefore can help everyone with all the things all the time.

- - -
Tenacious.  Strong.  Resourceful.  Kim could be anything she wants to be.
This is the most description we've gotten of the title character, generic though it is, in this summary.

Also note the continued dissonance of actual-Kim vs. "We swear she's totally normal" Kim.

A normal high school student cannot be anything they want to be.  Sometimes they fail.  Sometimes their abilities don't match the task.  Sometimes someone else is better than they are and therefore gets the last opening.

"You can be anything you want to be" is useful in certain circumstances, but it becomes damning when someone like Kim shows up for whom it is literally true.

Usually it's said to encourage people to reach for their dreams instead of giving up before they even start.  It's said because while you can't be anything you want to be, you don't know what you can and can't be until you try.  Thus something that encourages you to try is often good, because without it "I can't be X," isn't a statement of what is actually possible so much as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The dark side of the sentiment is that it sets things up so that when you come across something you truly can't be, it tells you it's because you're somehow failing and deficient.  Or, at the very least, you're not trying hard enough.  Since you can, it's not like something else is preventing you from being what you want.  Since you're not, and we've already ruled out "something else", the blame can only lie with you.

Why aren't you a perfect, pretty, and popular student who makes her parents proud?  Must be your fault.  Kim Possible, who is merely basic, average, normal, and typical has pulled off all of that and so much more.  You could too, if you actually cared.

So the message seems to be.

- - -
It's like that time she saved a remote Pacific island from volcanic disaster, a photographer doing a swimsuit shoot offered to catapult her to cover girl status, but in her words:

Gee, thanks.  But why be a supermodel when I can be a super role model.
Right, because those two things are mutually exclusive.

Kim can be anything she wants to be.  Even a supermodel.  Models, on the other hand, can't be role models.  Because fuck 'em, amirite?

(If you're going to look into this woman, be warned that what she was standing up against was horrific, as in: mutilation-horrific.  Warning out of the way:)

In 2000, when this is dated, Waris Dirie was at the midpoint of her time as a UN Special Ambassador.

But, hey, trying to make a difference in the world --trying to make it a better place-- that's not role model material, now is it?

Or, maybe, we should have a hero that doesn't judge people and professions based solely on superficial stereotypes.

Kim is supermodel pretty, because she has to be feminine, but not supermodel willing, because we all know that models are *slams head into keyboard . . . figuratively*

Of course, this is just the-less-than-one-page summary.  As such it's an inherently shallow look at everything.

We'll start looking at character bios next.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Kim Possible Episode by Episode Index -- The Redux

This is the new index for our restarted (well, soon to restart) trip through the cartoon Kim Possible.

(For the record, I know basically no html, so I have no idea if my attempt at a collapsible and expandable list will actually work.  If it doesn't, that's a lot of time scouring the internet wasted.)

Table of Contents

~ Meta Stuff ~
Current: From before:
~ Theme Posts ~
Current:
  • Nothing yet
From the previous attempt:
~ Before the Show ~

This will probably just be posts about the released pages of the pitch era continuity bible, but I like to leave options open, so if there's something else that fits in the pre-release timeframe, and I cover it, it'll go here.

⬤ Series Bible: How things might have been
Current: From before:
~ The show Kim Possible itself ~
(Things that are in every episode)
Current:
  • Nothing yet
From before:
(The First Season)
⬤ Tick Tick Tick: The rules aren't supposed to apply to me
Current:
  • Nothing yet
From before:
⬤ Bueno Nacho: I hate it when you're happy, and it's objectively bad too
Current:
  • Nothing yet
From before:
⬤ Monkey Fist Strikes: ?
Current:
  • Nothing yet
From before:
    This was the last episode I finished, and the size of the posts convinced me that a single episode has too much content for just two posts.
  • I find your suffering vexing -- Kim tries to conform to the role of "good girl" and "good daughter" not matter how much it requires her to lie about her own desires, Ron is triggered multiple times, Team Possible fails in what was set up as their main mission of the episode, and, oh yeah, Kim has an incredibly insulting anti-nerd/anti-geek/anti-gamer/anti-convention-goer/anti-cosplayer rant.  Good times.
  • Your irrational prejudice will be vindicated -- Kim is faced with enduring the living Hell that is spending time with her somewhat geeky cousin, Wade suggests using holographic technology to flake out on it, Ron is faced with that which he fears most, and the entire pacific coast of Asia is condensed into one squishy place where mystical martial arts come from.
⬤ Attack of the Killer Bebes: ?
Current:
  • Nothing yet
From before:
    This is where I stalled. The first installment of the "four posts per episode" format, which I really do believe would have worked well, and I stalled out after the first post. Have the first post:
  • Even though you're my best friend, I still think you're a freak -- Ron wants to join the pep squad, Kim thinks this is the end of her life, Kim's mom is more open minded, and Kim's dad actually has a life and history in a way her mother does not and never will.

(The Second Season, Part 1)
⬤ First
⬤ Second
⬤ Third

(A Sitch in Time)
⬤ Present
⬤ Past
⬤ Future

(The Second Season, Part 2)
⬤ First
⬤ Second
⬤ Third

(The Third Season)
⬤ First
⬤ Second
⬤ Third

(So The Drama)
⬤ Part One
⬤ Part Two
⬤ Part Three

(The Fourth Season)
⬤ Oh my God! Why would you ever do that‽
⬤ Second
⬤ Third

~ Other Media ~
(Episode Adaptations)

(Original (tie in) Stories)
⬤ Books
⬤ Comics
⬤ Video Games
(Other Things)

-

[The new and improved Kim Possible Index]
(which doesn't actually exist yet)
[The old Kim Possible Index]

Friday, September 1, 2017

Last Week to vote for me for this year's KP fannie awards

On the seventh of this month voting closes on the Annual Kim Possible Fannie Awards.

To vote you send an email or PM with your votes (you don't need to vote for each category, you do need to limit yourself to at most one vote per category) to [kimmunityfannies (at) yahoo (dot) com] or this account on fanfiction.net, respectively.

The full list of nominees can be found here.

This list was quickly thrown together and just has everything I've been nominated for, not everything I necessarily think I deserve.  (I'm not going to vote for me in category 1, for example.)

It also has the handful of things I have strong opinions on.  Note that I'm split (I haven't voted yet myself) on whether GerbilHunter or HopefulHuskey deserves to win Best Reviewer (24).  Since there can only be one vote per category, I'll have to break the tie in my head, and anyone following my advice will have to come up with their own decision.

If you think my work/me worthy, please vote for it/me
  1. Best KP Style Name
    • Leela P. Poossible – Being More than A Simulacrum – ChrisTheCynic
  2. Best KP OC
    • Leela P. Possible – Being More than A Simulacrum – ChrisTheCynic
  3. Best Minor Character
    • Joss Possible – Being More than A Simulacrum – ChrisTheCynic
  4. Best Villain
  5. Best Songfic
  6. Best AU
    • Life After – Chris the Cynic
  7. Best Cross-over
  8. Best Alternate Pairing
  9. Best KiGo
  10. Best Kim/Ron
  11. Best Comedy
  12. Best Romance
  13. Best Friendship
    • Place and Joss – Being More than A Simulacrum – ChrisTheCynic
  14. Best Action/Adventure
    • Being More than A Simulacrum – ChrisTheCynic
  15. Best Drama

  16. Best One-Shot
  17. Best Series Overall
    • Touch Series – AlyssC01
  18. Most Unlikely/Unique Story
    • Life After – ChrisTheCynic
  19. Best Novel-Sized Story
    • Being More Than A Simulacrum – ChrisTheCynic
  20. Best Short Story
  21. Best Young Author
  22. Best New Author
  23. Best Lines
    • (ChrisTheCynic – From Life After) – As it was he was staying alive mostly by means of having arms. The dogs were big, the dogs were scary, the dogs were fast, but they were incapable of changing direction as quickly as a human being who could reach out, grab onto something, and pivot around it as if they hated their shoulder with a fiery passion and were just begging it to become dislocated.
  24. Best Reviewer
    • GerbilHunter
    • HopefulHuskey
  25. CPNEb Kimmunity Award
    • SharperTheWriter
  26. Kimmunity Achievement Award
  27. Best Story
    • Forgotten Seeds – ChrisTheCynic
  28. Best Writer
    • ChrisTheCynic

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Hey, the time has (sort of) come for me to beg you to vote for me on those awards I begged you to nominate me for.

This year there were a lot of nominations.  On the one had, this is a good thing because it means that the KP community isn't dead some fifteen years after it first aired (and ten years after the show ended the final final time.)  On the other hand, it means that the field needs to be winnowed.

The goal is five nominees per category, and the process is simpler.  Since the first round nominees are known it is possible to set up online polls, which is what's been done.  Links to all of the polls can be found here.  This is emphatically not the final voting, and you can vote for up to five nominees per category: the five you think should be in the final consideration.

I rounded up every work or author that has been nominated, which covers all but three categories, in this thread.  Mind you that's not sorted the best for this kind of thing since it aims to make things easier to read by putting each work in only one place and then just listing what it's nominated for after it, rather than following categories.  Still, that's what the search function is for.  Search for the name of a work or author, you'll find a link to it or them.

Since the aim is to cut things down to a given number, some things aren't up for a vote right now.

Here are the things that specifically have to do with me or I'm promoting because I really, really think it deserves to get to the finals.  I'll even link directly to the polls to make things easier.

2) Best Original Character: Leela Place Possible - Being More Than a Simulacrum
3) Best Minor Character: Joss Possible - Being more than a Simulacrum
6) Best Alternate Universe: Life After
14) Best Action/Adventure: Being More than A Simulacrum
18) Best Unlikely/Unique Story: Life After
19) Best Novel-Sized Story: Being More Than Simulacrum
25) Best Reviewer: I strongly recommend GerbilHunter and HopefulHuskey, they're far from the only good ones, but they're the only ones that make me want to go out of my way to recommend them.
27) Kimmunity Achievement Award: chris the cynic
28) Best Story Overall: Forgotten Seeds by chris the cynic
29) Best Writer: chris the cynic

If best series were also being winnowed I'd have a recommendation for that too.  Those three are the only ones I feel strongly enough about to be promoting someone else.

To avoid a wall of blue I decided not to link to the stories above, but here are the ones in contention:

Monday, June 12, 2017

Still begging for you to nominate me for meaningless awards (since the deadline was extended)

Here's how it works:
  • I can't nominate myself or my works, but I can promote them, thus the begging. (Please, please, please.)
  • Nomination is done by sending, basically, a copy and pasted form into which you have inserted your nominations either:
    • via email to sharper1988 [at] aim [dot] com
    • or, if  you have a fanfiction.net account, via a PM to the exact same person.
  • You can nominate two things per category, but you don't have to nominate anything for a given category, I certainly never have nominees for every category.
  • If you want non-[chris the cynic] options, there is a self promotion thread you can look at.
What follows is a form you can copy and paste that already has my works filled into eligible categories and is otherwise blank.

If someone were to send just that I'd be rather pleased, but it could also serve as a base to which things can be added (see the self promotion thread) and from which things can be removed (for example, if you don't find Life After: Terminology funny.)

* * *

1) Best KP Style Name (include the story/series and author they're from):
          -

2) Best Original Character (include the story/series and author they're from):
          - Leela Place Possible (Place) from Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

3) Best Minor Character (include the story/series and author they're from):
          - Joss Possible from Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

4) Best Villain (include the story/series and author they're from):
          -

5) Best Songfic (include who the author is):
          -

6) Best AU Story (include the author they're from):
          - Life After by chris the cynic

7) Best Crossover/Fusion (include mention of what is getting crossed over or fused and who the author is):
          -

8) Best Alternate Pairing (include the story/series it shows in and the author):
          -

9) Best KiGo Story (include the author):
          -

10) Best Kim/Ron Story (include the author):
          -

11) Best Comedy Story (include the author):
          - Life After: Terminology by chris the cynic
          - Life After: Dancing by chris the cynic

12) Best Romance Story (include the author and it might be good to indicate who is focused on romantically to give context for voters later on):
          -

13) Best Friendship Story (include the author and it might be good to indicate the people involved to give context for voters later on):
          - Being more than a Simulacrum (Place and Joss) by chris the cynic

14) Best Action/Adventure Story (include the author):
          - Bent, not Broken by chris the cynic

15) Best Drama Story (include the author):
          -

16) Best Unlikely/Unique Story (include the author):
          - Life After by chris the cynic

17) Best One-Shot Overall (include the author):
          -

18) Best Novel-Sized Story (include the author):
          - Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

19) Best Short Story (include the author):
          -

20) Best Series Overall (include the author):
          -

21) Best Writing Team (clarify who the members are as well as providing their combined nickname):
          -

22) Best Young Author:
          -

23) Best New Author:
          -

24) Best Single Line (say what story it appears in and who the author is, and please provide some context on this line to help people understand why it's cool):
          - "The dogs were big, the dogs were scary, the dogs were fast, but they were incapable of changing direction as quickly as a human being who could reach out, grab onto something, and pivot around it as if they hated their shoulder with a fiery passion and were just begging it to become dislocated." from Life After (Part I, Chapter 3) by chris the cynic

25) Best Reviewer (and tell us why you like them, whether it's number of reviews, insightful reviews, funny reviews, or something else):
          -

26) CPNeb Kimmunity Award (who, and try to say why just in case people aren't familiar with them):
          -

27) Kimmunity Achievement Award (Who? Doesn't need to have necessarily published in 2016):
          -

28) Best Story Overall (say who the author is):
          - Forgotten Seeds by chris the cynic

29) Best Writer:
          - chris the cynic

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Back to School -OR- The Stupidest Time Travel Scheme Ever (Kim Possible)

[The beginning of something I've had in mind for a while, not sure if anything will come of it.  In large part I don't know if anything will come from it because all I have is the premise.]
[Picks up near the end of So the Drama.  If you want immediate canonical context, click here for the crappy low resolution video of said context that probably won't get me sued.  For more in depth context you'd need more of the plot of the movie.]

They were in the last van.  Shego wasn't entirely sure why they had saved Drakken for the last one, but she was still in pain from the reason she'd been placed with the final seven henchmen to be carted away: it had taken that long to dig her out from under the rubble of the control tower.

The EMTs had been positively amazed --to the point they wouldn't shut up about it-- by the fact Shego wasn't dead five times over --once from the kick that turned her into a projectile with enough force to shatter the tower, once from the impact that did shatter the tower, once from the electricity that coursed through her body when she hit, once from the multi-story fall after she separated from the tower, and once from the tower landing on top of her.  Their incessant ramblings about what she'd suffered did nothing to lighten Shego's mood.

The moment they gave the “Ok” to the police Shego had been loaded into the final van, only Drakken sat farther from the door than she did, in spite of her being the last one placed in the van.

“This is not over!” Drakken shouted in a particularly whiny voice. “Aw, this can't be over.”

Shego just glared.

“Deal with it, dude,” Stoppable said, slamming the door closed, “it's--”

The van sped away, but it wasn't hard to guess what Stoppable had been about to say.

They'd been traveling three hours, this was not a time when they'd be thrown in a local jail, when Shego finally deinged to speak to Drakken.

“We could have won if you had bothered to tell me the actual plan.”

“Shego?” Drakken's voice had nothing but confusion.

“Do you want a list?”

“Maybe?”  Now there was fear.

“I didn't know we had a mole in her inner circle until you had me go to Middleton and even then it wasn't you who told me, it was the synthodrone.  If I had known maybe he wouldn't have been so useless.”

“Synthodrone 901 served his purpose,” Drakken said defensively.

“He didn't keep her from learning about the plot, he didn't keep her from stopping it in Middleton, he didn't keep her from stopping it in general, and he didn't provide any useful intelligence.  We had a spy who accomplished nothing.”

“He wasn't a spy, he was a--”

“If he were a distraction then you shouldn't have had me bring him to our base of operations!” Shego snapped. “I could have taken him to the Caribbean lair, let a few clues slip, and she'd have thought that was our base of operations.  When the signal actually went out she'd be stuck on an island and wouldn't have been able to reach our command tower on a moped.”

“Well . . .” Drakken was back to fear.

“By the time a boat or plane got her passed the robots and back to the mainland we'd have been able to set up, at least, a secondary tower.  Maybe even a tertiary one.  Then she wouldn't be able to stop us just by taking out one tower.”

“Multiple overlapping global control systems . . .” And now Drakken was being thoughtful.

He wasn't supposed to be thoughtful, he'd royally screwed this up.

“The only thing the synthodrone did was keep her mildly distracted for a short time and then deliver an electric shock.  A shock that wouldn't have been necessary if you hadn't screwed up the planning stages.”

“I don't--” And he was back to being afraid with just a hint of defensiveness.  Good.

“It was never going to be enough to dangle a 'syntho-hottie' in front of her for an absurdly short period of time and think that that could keep her from listening to the buffoon when he found out you were using his favorite restaurant as a part of your scheme.

“You didn't need to have everything on an accelerated time-frame just so you could threaten her prom date.  If you were going to get someone close to her they should have been an agent who established a relationship with her over an extended period before the plan came to fruition.

“It didn't even need to be a date, we could have had an agent becoming her friend, made a few fake plots for her to foil while the the agent got close to her, worked on dividing loyalties and maybe sabotage that damned hair dryer grappling hook or something.

I could have done a better job than the synthodrone!”

Drakken's eyes seemed to light up.  This was not good.

“What did you say?” he asked.

“It was just an example,” Shego said, now she was worried.  “I don't do undercover and Kim hates me, which makes me a horrible choice for such a mission, but even with those two things against me I still could have done a better job than the drone did because he was just that bad.”

“No, you're right,” Drakken said.  Shego could tell from the way he said it that this wasn't the good kind of being right.  New schemes were developing inside of his mind and they were the worst type of scheme there could be: ones that used her.

Not included her, used her.

“You would be perfect.”

“Drakken,” Shego said in a voice that would make any normal person run for cover.

“You could become her friend, do girl things with her that the buffoon never would, since you're her equal in combat you could join her on missions as a partner rather than sidekick, rendering the buffoon and his rodent obsolete, you could become essential to every aspect of her life so that she came to depend on you without even realizing it, and then, at the critical moment, KABOOM!

“This is so much better than a made to order syntho-hottie.”

This was a disaster.

It was time to change tack.

“Do you want me to tell you why that won't work?” Shego asked in a civil voice.

“But it will work!” Drakken shouted in glee.

“You already tricked her into liking a new acquaintance.  She'll be suspicious.  She's known me since she took your nano-tick, so there'll be no convincing her I'm not her enemy.  I graduated from college with a two year degree in child development--”

“Why didn't you tell me you had a degree in that?” Drakken asked. “You could have helped with my research.”

“The slumber parties were not research,” Shego said, “and my point is that I can't pass as a high school student.”

“Oh but you can,” Drakken said in a way that truly disturbed Shego.  “And you'll soon see that all of your concerns are easily dealt with.”

“The electricity confounded my powers,” Shego said, completely serious now; “if I try to use them I could very well vaporize the entire van along with us inside of it.”

“I fail to see-”

“If you don't abandon this line of reasoning,” Shego said, “I'll risk it in the hopes that I can beat you until you've been knocked into a different train of thought.”

“But Shego, this was the closest we've ever come to world domination and you're right that you'd do a much better j--”

Blinding green light filled the van.

* * *

“They got away!?” Possible asked.

“Isn't it traditional to actually go to prison before breaking out?” Stoppable asked.

“Shego!” Drakken called, pulling her attention away from the screen she was watching the intercepted conversation on.

“Shego, the time has come to tell you of my greatest scheme yet.”

“Are your burns even healed yet?” Shego asked.

“Enough of that,” Drakken said quickly.  “Walk with me.”

She sighed and followed him through their traditional fallback lair, the Caribbean lair.

“Shego, what do you know about time travel?” Drakken said.

“I hate time travel,” Shego said reflexively.

“But do you know why?” Drakken asked in a very smug way.

Of course she knew why, she hated time travel because . . .  because . . .

“Last year, in late summer, there were ripples through space-time that I have determined were a result of a failed attempt to change the world via time travel--”

“Is this going somewhere?”

“Whatever happened was so paradoxical that it effectively wrote itself out of the space time continuum but echos of the experience lingered with a select few individuals,” Drakken said.  “Strong feelings that seemed to come from nowhere.  You yourself ended up disliking time travel, while I developed an irrational fear of control collars--”

“What?”

“They don't exist yet,” Drakken said with a wave his hand.  Then he added, “And I hope they never will,” with a shudder.

“Ok . . .” Shego said.

“Because of your sudden distaste for time travel I shelved the work I'd done on the space-time ripples--”

Shego didn't believe that, so she asked, “Like you gave up on cloning after I told you, 'No cloning'?”

“Fine,” Drakken said as if he'd just been forced to make some major concession.  “I couldn't find a way to use time travel to our advantage without inevitably causing a paradoxical collapse, especially since I was only able to locate half of the item that served as a locus for the temporal distortions.

“I can only safely send one person through time and even with minimal equipment that person would have to weigh one hundred and fifteen pounds or less.  That rather limits any grand schemes.”

Shego knew she didn't want to know, but curiosity compelled her to ask anyway, “So why are you bringing this up now?”

“Your idea of a long term sleeper agent has made me reconsider the possibilities that are available to us.”

Shego recognized this as very not good, believed that Drakken's burns from the van incident must not have been severe enough, and was very eager for her powers to stop being on the fritz so she could properly dissuade him from this line of reasoning.

“It is true that Kim Possible would wary of new friends now, it's true that she's been able to recognize us since first meeting us, and it's true that you're too old to be a high school student.”

And it was true that Shego had an immense sinking feeling.

“Before she met us, however, she had no reason to be suspicious, she wouldn't recognize us, and once I've used my juvinator to make you the appropriate age . . . well, more than half of all 15 year old girls weigh less than 115 pounds.”

“You're planning to send me to high school for two years?” Shego asked.  Drakken took a step back.  He seemed to finally be getting a sense of her mood.  She could always beat him with her bare fists.  She didn't need powers to beat him up.

“Now, Shego . . .” Drakken said while speeding his backward motion.

* * *

In the end, Shego was convinced, but not by Drakken.  Part of the equipment that could be sent back with her was a small handheld computer with positively amazing storage capacity, and she'd carefully decided what to load onto it.  The in depth history of every stock market on the planet, digital copies of every single book that was made after her arrival and every patent that had been granted or applied for, winning lottery numbers, archaeological finds, so on, so forth.  She didn't need a a computer to record the locations of a plethora of priceless objects that were being protected by security that was, to her, a bit over two years out-dated.

Everything would be thrown off track fast, the only winning numbers she could count on were the first ones, releasing a runaway bestseller before the real author even wrote it would shake up the literary world, it would be difficult to tell how long she could play stocks before the market completely changed, archaeological finds wouldn't be a problem, though getting permits might.

Drakken's limited time travel would only allow her to go back to early December 2001 --Shego considered this a very good thing as it meant she'd only have to endure half of freshman year-- and by that Christmas she'd be so rich she wouldn't know what to do with the money.

Drakken thought she wanted the schematics for his holo-technology to create fictitious parents for her cover.  In fact she needed it so that when she won every lottery on the planet the people who sold her the tickets, and the people who gave her the jackpots, would see adults instead of a 15 year old girl.  Different adults because if the same adult won everything people would be suspicious.  Same reasoning for books and inventions.

She'd convinced Drakken that she'd need to able to be inside of the of the holograms sometimes because people would expect the “parents” to be able to touch things, and he'd come through for her on that point.  So no worries about physically picking up the tickets, shaking hands, or anything like that.

Shego was a thief, and she was about to steal a lot of people's futures . . . pasts . . . whatever; she really did hate time travel.  Still, it would be the greatest job she ever pulled.  The only problem was that Drakken would be able to stay in contact with her, and yank her back if he felt she was betraying him, so she'd need to also go through the motions of his stupid plan.

Well, that wasn't the only problem.  Even if she could cut herself off from Drakken, the juvinator couldn't go back with her, meaning she'd be stuck as a teenager.  Still, the past would be her playground, and Drakken had rigged up something to let her know how much change was too much, so she didn't have to worry about the universe getting fed up with her changes and spitting her out.

So it was that before summer's end in 2004, Shego was sent back to early December of 2001.

-
- - -
-

Time travel, the "echoes", and the "juvinator" are from the movie a Sitch in Time.  Most of what Shego says to Drakken is picking out holes in his So the Drama scheme.  Given the nature of the plan and the hope to avoid a catastrophic paradoxical collapse, Shego would be in deep cover and never actively working against Kim until she caught up to the time when she left which covers three seasons (the entire original run) of Kim Possible.  Surely there's nothing that could possibly go wrong with such a plan.

Again, Shego was not convinced by Drakken's actual plan, it's just something she'll endure in order to use time travel to get absurdly rich with minimal effort.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

The time has come again for me to beg you to nominate you for meaningless awards related to Kim Possible fan fiction

One must remember that everything went to shit in August at which point I was already in the midst of a creative dry spell, while that didn't occupy all of my time until the final weeks, it did stress me the fuck out from the start, which didn't help with the whole creativity thing I try to do.

However, at some point last year I did get some shit done.  Including some Kim Possible stuff.

Specifically I got this done:
Any story that was updated in 2016 is eligible for awards.  How much of it is eligible depends on common sense.

If a category is about the whole story, then decisions should take the whole story, even parts written before 2016, into account.

If a category is about only part of a story (one character, one relationship, one line, so forth, so on) then a) that part of the story had better have appeared in the written-in-2016 section(s) of the work and b) only that part of the story should be taken into account (but still do include any pre-2016 portions of that part of the story.)

Also, I'm not eligible for these categories as there's a rule to prevent the same author from winning the same category two years in a row:

  • 1) Best KP Style Name
  • 15) Best Drama Story

That's my general non-specific pick-your-own-favorites version of my self promotion.  I'll be more "Here's what I think should be nominated" in the moment, but first let me get to the actual mechanics of the nomination process.

The way you nominate, and I can't nominate myself which is why I do this begging of you, is basically to copy the category list (can be found at bottom of this post, under the really big break) into something that can edit text, put in zero, one, or two nominations per category, and then emailing the resulting filled out list to:
sharper1988 [at] aim [dot] com.


For those looking for other authors to nominate, meet the self promotion thread at fanfiction.net.

What follows are:

  • After the first break: my own recommendations of my work to nominate, though some might be stretches (looking at you best comedy)
  • After the second break: those recommendations put into a complete but otherwise blank form
  • After the third break (the big one): a completely blank form

Obviously I'd like you to send an email with any of those nominations you think worthy to the address listed above.

* * *

2) Best Original Character (include the story/series and author they're from):
          - Leela Place Possible (Place) from Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

3) Best Minor Character (include the story/series and author they're from):
          - Joss Possible from Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

6) Best AU Story (include the author they're from):
          - Life After by chris the cynic

11) Best Comedy Story (include the author):
          - Life After: Terminology by chris the cynic
          - Life After: Dancing by chris the cynic

13) Best Friendship Story (include the author and it might be good to indicate the people involved to give context for voters later on):
          - Being more than a Simulacrum (Place and Joss) by chris the cynic

14) Best Action/Adventure Story (include the author):
          - Bent, not Broken by chris the cynic

16) Best Unlikely/Unique Story (include the author):
          - Life After by chris the cynic

18) Best Novel-Sized Story (include the author):
          - Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

24) Best Single Line (say what story it appears in and who the author is, and please provide some context on this line to help people understand why it's cool):
          - "The dogs were big, the dogs were scary, the dogs were fast, but they were incapable of changing direction as quickly as a human being who could reach out, grab onto something, and pivot around it as if they hated their shoulder with a fiery passion and were just begging it to become dislocated." from Life After (Part I, Chapter 3) by chris the cynic

28) Best Story Overall (say who the author is):
          - Forgotten Seeds by chris the cynic

29) Best Writer:
          - chris the cynic

* * *

1) Best KP Style Name (include the story/series and author they're from):
          -

2) Best Original Character (include the story/series and author they're from):
          - Leela Place Possible (Place) from Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

3) Best Minor Character (include the story/series and author they're from):
          - Joss Possible from Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

4) Best Villain (include the story/series and author they're from):
          -

5) Best Songfic (include who the author is):
          -

6) Best AU Story (include the author they're from):
          - Life After by chris the cynic

7) Best Crossover/Fusion (include mention of what is getting crossed over or fused and who the author is):
          -

8) Best Alternate Pairing (include the story/series it shows in and the author):
          -

9) Best KiGo Story (include the author):
          -

10) Best Kim/Ron Story (include the author):
          -

11) Best Comedy Story (include the author):
          - Life After: Terminology by chris the cynic
          - Life After: Dancing by chris the cynic

12) Best Romance Story (include the author and it might be good to indicate who is focused on romantically to give context for voters later on):
          -

13) Best Friendship Story (include the author and it might be good to indicate the people involved to give context for voters later on):
          - Being more than a Simulacrum (Place and Joss) by chris the cynic

14) Best Action/Adventure Story (include the author):
          - Bent, not Broken by chris the cynic

15) Best Drama Story (include the author):
          -

16) Best Unlikely/Unique Story (include the author):
          - Life After by chris the cynic

17) Best One-Shot Overall (include the author):
          -

18) Best Novel-Sized Story (include the author):
          - Being more than a Simulacrum by chris the cynic

19) Best Short Story (include the author):
          -

20) Best Series Overall (include the author):
          -

21) Best Writing Team (clarify who the members are as well as providing their combined nickname):
          -

22) Best Young Author:
          -

23) Best New Author:
          -

24) Best Single Line (say what story it appears in and who the author is, and please provide some context on this line to help people understand why it's cool):
          - "The dogs were big, the dogs were scary, the dogs were fast, but they were incapable of changing direction as quickly as a human being who could reach out, grab onto something, and pivot around it as if they hated their shoulder with a fiery passion and were just begging it to become dislocated." from Life After (Part I, Chapter 3) by chris the cynic

25) Best Reviewer (and tell us why you like them, whether it's number of reviews, insightful reviews, funny reviews, or something else):
          -

26) CPNeb Kimmunity Award (who, and try to say why just in case people aren't familiar with them):
          -

27) Kimmunity Achievement Award (Who? Doesn't need to have necessarily published in 2016):
          -

28) Best Story Overall (say who the author is):
          - Forgotten Seeds by chris the cynic

29) Best Writer:
          - chris the cynic

*
* *
* * *
* *
*

1) Best KP Style Name (include the story/series and author they're from):
          -

2) Best Original Character (include the story/series and author they're from):
          -

3) Best Minor Character (include the story/series and author they're from):
          -

4) Best Villain (include the story/series and author they're from):
          -

5) Best Songfic (include who the author is):
          -

6) Best AU Story (include the author they're from):
          -

7) Best Crossover/Fusion (include mention of what is getting crossed over or fused and who the author is):
          -

8) Best Alternate Pairing (include the story/series it shows in and the author):
          -

9) Best KiGo Story (include the author):
          -

10) Best Kim/Ron Story (include the author):
          -

11) Best Comedy Story (include the author):
          -

12) Best Romance Story (include the author and it might be good to indicate who is focused on romantically to give context for voters later on):
          -

13) Best Friendship Story (include the author and it might be good to indicate the people involved to give context for voters later on):
          -

14) Best Action/Adventure Story (include the author):
          -

15) Best Drama Story (include the author):
          -

16) Best Unlikely/Unique Story (include the author):
          -

17) Best One-Shot Overall (include the author):
          -

18) Best Novel-Sized Story (include the author):
          -

19) Best Short Story (include the author):
          -

20) Best Series Overall (include the author):
          -

21) Best Writing Team (clarify who the members are as well as providing their combined nickname):
          -

22) Best Young Author:
          -

23) Best New Author:
          -

24) Best Single Line (say what story it appears in and who the author is, and please provide some context on this line to help people understand why it's cool):
          -

25) Best Reviewer (and tell us why you like them, whether it's number of reviews, insightful reviews, funny reviews, or something else):
          -

26) CPNeb Kimmunity Award (who, and try to say why just in case people aren't familiar with them):
          -

27) Kimmunity Achievement Award (Who? Doesn't need to have necessarily published in 2016):
          -

28) Best Story Overall (say who the author is):
          -

29) Best Writer:
          -

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

HHII: "I couldn't tell you this when I was evil..." -or- Massive Anticlimax

Ok, trying to get a decent post about what happened with my ankle (which I indicated I'd give four days ago) will have to wait another day because I still haven't gotten a picture of the porch.  Why a picture of the porch?  You ask.  You said you broke it inside.  Yup.

After the pain lessened to the point I could move I crawled to the matress to wait for the pain to lessen more.  It didn't.  I crawled upstairs to the phone and called my dad to give me a ride to somewhere medical, didn't much care where.

He suggested maybe we should call an ambulance, I said not to.  His car wasn't quite within spitting distance, but definitely within a distance of two solid spits.  I thought I could make it.  It wasn't the ice.  I didn't slip.  I failed to keep my left foot from touching anything.  It was only the lightest graze but the pain was so great it overpowered everything else including but not limited to my sense of balance and control over my body.  I fell backward and broke the porch.  My dad said something like, "This is what I mean about an ambulance" or "I rest my case" or some such.

Thus I need a picture of the porch.  Until then, have random Kim Possible:

-

I was trying to get this on fanfiction dot net, but they like more meat on their dialog.  I seriously can't ever post Snarky Twilight there without breaking the rules because it's in script form.

So here's the context, in season 4 (the one after the show ended and a fan movement got it revived) there was an episode that was made to kind of throw a bone to the Kigo shippers in the audience.  Within the constraints they had (Kim/Ron is the OTP even if the chemistry isn't there, Disney doesn't acknowledge the existence of non-straight people, so on, so forth.)

So they had Shego zapped good and end up hanging out with Kim where they're instant best friends and . . . so forth.  Shortly before the episode ended they invoked the rule that Schrodinger's secret is more cool than any given state the waveform can collapse into and had this:
Kim: It was good to be on the same side.
Shego: Yeah.  Kimmie, I couldn’t tell you this while I was evil, but—
*Shego is zapped back to evil (which is her normal)*
A lot of people have made way too much of this line, though the comic that invoked Sailor Moon censorship and had it be "I want to be cousins," was admittedly hilarious.

Here's my stab at it, taking place well after the show is over.

It may be useful to know that the Wego twins have the power of multiplying themselves.  Or not.  You probably could figure that out from context.


As Kim looked contentedly up at the ceiling a thought took root in her mind: finally, at long last, she could get an answer.

"Hey," she said.

The response was somewhere between a groan and an "Mmmmph?"

"Hey," she said again, this time accompanying it with a gentle shoulder shake.

"Let me sleep, Princess," Shego said.

"I have a question," Kim said.

"I have a desire to sleep."

"There's something I've been wondering for ages."

"I don't care; give me sleep."

Kim propped herself up on an elbow so she could look directly at Shego.

"Come on, I've seriously wanted to know for years," Kim said.

Shego made a show of rolling so she was facing away from Kim.

"Just one question."

"Let. Me. Sleep."

"It'll only take a moment to answer."

"I liked you more when we were on opposite sides," Shego said. "Let's go back in time, prevent Dr. D from rapping, thus stopping the Lorwardians from ever coming here, and making it so you aren't keeping me from sleeping now."

Kim laughed.

"That kind of effort doesn't sound very much like you," Kim said while trying not to crack up again.

"Leave me alone."

"No."

"I could kill you."

"If you haven't killed your brothers yet-"

"We don't talk about Theego," Shego said, though she failed at pretending to be serious, "that doesn't mean it didn't happen."

"I think I'm safe," Kim said.

"Go away."

"I've been wondering about this for years," Kim said, "and now I'm finally in a position to-"

"Away."

"No."

This was the longest silence there had been so far, just before Kim took action to make sure Shego hadn't managed to go back to sleep without her permission, Shego spoke:

"Coffee."

"That, I will do," Kim said.


Shego finally acknowledged that Kim existed and was sitting across the table from her half way though her second cup. Two thirds of the way through the second cup she asked, "So what's more important than letting me sleep?"

"Remember the whole Reverse-Polarizer sitch?" Kim asked.

"As a rule I try not to remember times I was mind-controlled," Shego said.

"Right before Ron zapped you back-"

"As I recall," Shego said, "you and the buffoon thought me being freed was a bad thing-"

"That is manifestly unfair," Kim said, "we were caught up in the moment and-"

"Would have zapped me back into a mind-controlled state had I not been saved by the timely intervention of a streetlight-hoverpod collision," Shego said.

"I don't deny that," Kim said, "but we came to our senses and turned Electronique back to her real self less than 12 hours later and we would have done the same for you."

"Sure you would've."

Kim wasn't sure if Shego really believed Kim would have left her under the influence of the Reverse-Polarizer or was doing it to get a rise out of her.  If it was the first it was a horrible accusation, if it was the second it had worked.  She tried to think of how best to explain, then decided to just plow forward and hope she said the right thing.

"People were swapping from good to evil and back again so much that it just sort of lost . . ." Kim fumbled and couldn't find the words.

"Lost what?"

"It didn't seem like a big deal anymore," Kim said. "It just took Ron and I a little while to go from fifteen people swa-"

"You don't get to count every Wego instance," Shego said.

"That many people swapping from good to evil in less than two seconds made it seem jejune," Kim said.

"Have you been using a word a day calendar?"

"Don't smirk," Kim said. "You're right that switching Electronique and not wanting to make you you again was wrong; you deserve an explanation."

"I deserve more coffee," Shego said.

While Kim was getting Shego another cup, she said, "It just took us a while to go from the mindset we had during the fight to the reality that rewiring someone is horrific to the point that our language lacks appropriate words to describe it."

"It's got them," Shego said; "you just don't use them because you worry about setting a bad example."

Kim handed Shego her coffee.

"I can think of no profanity that conveys the wrongness of mind-control," Kim said as she sat down.

Shego took a sip of her coffee.

"So what is so important that you'll go through all this trouble just to ask?"

"When you were zapped you were midway through a sentence," Kim said.

"That was a while ago," Shego said. "And my brain was being rewired."

"You said that there was something you couldn't tell me when you were evil, but . . . something," Kim said. "That's when you were cut off. Right before you reached the actual point."

Shego thought for a moment, then she burst into laughter.

"Um . . ." Kim offered.

Shego just kept laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"You've been wondering about that for years?" Shego asked.

"Well, yeah," Kim said. "It's not often that your arch foe gets cut off just before making a dramatic confession."

"Not very dramatic," Shego said. "You're going to be let down."

"I've been wondering forever."

"It's not forever, Kimmie," Shego said; "but it might be better for you if it becomes forever. Less disappointment."

"I have to know," Kim said.

"Well, on the topic of forever," Shego said, "I was going to say, 'I've always . . .'"

Shego looked Kim over.

"Ok," Shego said, "you're looking at me like you're a small child and I'm the present that's going to make this the best Christmas ever."  She paused a moment and mulled over the sound of her own words. "It sounds kind of flattering when I put it that way, but the truth is it's actually rather disturbing."

Kim hadn't realized she'd been leaning forward, or how she'd been looking at Shego, but now that she noticed she tried to sit back in her chair and have a more neutral expression.  At least she succeeded on the first count.

She offered, "It's been bugging me since I was a senior in high school," by way of explanation.

"You really shouldn't have let one little sentence get to you like that," Shego said. "Even if it were something truly profound, it would be bound to fall short of your expectations after so much build up."

"You're switching into child development mode," Kim said.

"Am I?" Shego asked.

"You know you are."

"I guess it means I've had enough coffee."

"Then tell me already."

"I'm telling you," Shego said, "it won't live up to the hype. Just make up something interesting and believe that."

"I already did," Kim said.

For once Shego was the one at a disadvantage, if her, "Wha?" was anything to go by.

"Very articulate," Kim said.

"You're the one who said not to smirk."

This time Kim succeeded in returning her expression more neutral, but still quipped, "Couldn't help myself."

"What did you make up?"

Kim looked away. She blushed slightly.

"Well, it was after we met again when I was in college," Kim said, "I was thinking maybe-"

"Whoa!" Shego said. "Stop right there. No-no-no, no, no. No."

"Well shatter my hopes and dreams, why don't you?" Kim said playfully.

"I said, 'always', Princess," Shego said. "I said that I'd always, and our 'always' started when you were fifteen. You were just some kid."

"So it really is something you've been keeping from me since we first met," Kim said.

"Again with the blowing out of proportion, I still can't believe you've been waiting all this time on that one sentence," Shego said.

"So get it over with, already."

"Ok," Shego said. "Talk about an anti-climax. I was going to say that I've always liked you. Actual 'liked', not a euphemism for something more."

"You always liked me?" Kim asked.

"Ever since you 'for lunch'ed Dr. D while he had you over his shark enclosure," Shego said.

"Oh God," Kim said. "I'd forgotten about that. 'My pets are famished,'" she said doing a Drakken impression, "'perhaps you two could . . .'"

"I even liked Stoppable a bit when he got in on the action," Shego said.

"You're right," Kim said. "Massive anticlimax."

"Told you."

"Don't start."


⁂ ⁂

The members of Team Go, the team formed by Shego and her brothers after they were origin-storied into having super powers all have names of the form [English pronoun ending in "e"]go.  With "He", "She", "Me", and "We" already taken they'd really have very few options for additional names "Theego" is the only one I can think of.

The scene referenced, which is indeed the first time Kim and Shego meet, goes like this:
[Kim and Ron are on a small platform in the middle of a shark pool, Drakken and Shego are standing off to the side of the pool, Drakken has the thingy that can drop them in the tank in his hands]

Drakken: Enough chitchat! My pets are famished.  Perhaps you two could stay...
Kim: For lunch?
Drakken: I wasn't going to say that.
Ron: Oh dude, you were so 'for lunch'.
Drakken: Argh, yes! Then, stay for lunch!
*Drakken pushes the button that dumps them into a shark tank*