Sunday, April 20, 2014

Snarky Twilight: Vampire Pool

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[Inspired by the comment "Vampire baseball isn't really about a tighter focus on nuance or skill, but is rather really more about super-sizing the existing game," from the main post.]

Edward: Come on, I want to show you how we play pool.
Bella: The table is the size of a public swimming pool, you use bowling balls, the cues are masts of small ships, and the balls move very fast when you hit them.
Edward: How could you know that?
Bella: Good guess.
Edward: But...
Bella: Look, you're not the sort to invent a new game that involves balls of several different sizes, some as small as marbles, made out of various materials --some magnetic, some ferromagnetic, some non magnetic-- which, combined with the electromagnets in the table --hooked up to a random number generator or a sensor suspended in a cup of really hot tea-- make for a changing game field impossible for any human to keep up with but on level with the difficulty necessary to interest a vampire.
Edward: You've been thinking about this?
Bella: Actually I just made it up as I said it, I'm sure someone who had a hundred years to think could come up with something better.

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Friday, April 18, 2014

More on reincarnation

In some theologies if one has passed through all the trials and tribulations necessary to become a human (their karma is that good) then they find themselves in a hallway full of couples having sex.  They choose one of these to be their parents.  At the end of the hall is a light and passing through that they become reincarnated.

Assume this is accurate.  (This must be done for the sake of argument because otherwise we have nothing to talk about.)

First, not all sex is good.  Not by a long shot.  Some souls must see horrifying things and of those some must decide, "That's who I want my parents to be."  Second, it means that rich people choose to be rich and poor people choose to be poor.

Now, think about that.  What kind of a person says, "I want to live in the lap of luxury being spoiled rotten and never having to work a day in my life," and what kind of person says, "See that poor woman who's obviously going end up as a single mother because look at what that bastard is doing to her?  I'll live in abject poverty with her in hopes that I can bring some joy to her life"?

When you think about it, doesn't it seem like those born rich must have been those who barely made the cut and were almost restricted to being baboons (these theologies tend to say that being a human is the best) while those who are born poor must be the most compassionate souls of the lot?

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Monthly "I have a donate button" Post

So, I haven't shared the good news because I haven't really digested it but: things will work out next month.  Woo!

And thanks.

Thank you.

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The point of having monthly posts is, basically, to have a sort of reminder so that I'm not only pointing out that donations would help when I'm in a panic due to onrushing financial catastrophe.  If someday I'm financially secure enough that I'm not just on the edge of everything falling apart, I'll be sure to tell you all.


Monday, April 14, 2014

Recruiting souls

No one chooses to be born, as other means of creating people come into being it will likely still be the case that no one chooses to be made.  One can choose to be cloned, but the clone has no choice in the matter.

But one wonders if such things could happen.

One imagines, in some future where we've found a way to avoid creating people without getting their consent, someone standing in a spiritual plane of existence with a clipboard in hand, sighing at how behind ze is.

"I've got a body on earth, a perfectly good healthy body, can I--"
Soul 1, "No."
"Ok, you, you there, can I interest you in a human body on earth?"
Soul 2, "Nope."
"Hey, souly soul-looking person near the back, want a body?  Good health, rich family--"
Soul 3, "No!"

"COME ON PEOPLE!  I've got access to a human body on earth and it's yours for the taking, doesn't anybody here want it."

Soul who is just passing by, "Earth, what a shithole."

"Damn it, I'm never going to meet my quota."

-

Or something like that.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Snarky Twilight: The Ride to Baseball

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.  Note that this will probably be superseded by a revised version (fewer "[...]"s for one thing) at some point in the undefined future.  Not that this version will ever be taken down.]

*Edward tries to strap Bella into the Jeep*
Bella: I am totally capable of putting a harness on myself thank you very much.
Edward: But the book says--
Bella: This is fiction, damn it. In fiction the people who do things by the book are always wrong. It's in real life when going by the book pays off.
Edward: This isn't a crime show.
Bella: Then why am I the badass daughter of the local sheriff who finds herself embroiled in a cobweb of lies and whatnot going back centuries and inextricably linked to *as melodramatically as she can* murder.
Edward: I think you took the wrong details away from the spark notes.
Bella: Next thing you'll be telling me that the Volturi aren't a centuries old cult that engages in human sacrifice.
Edward: That may be a technically accurate way to describe them but it's totally missing the point.
Bella: Says the person who still thinks that appealing to what the book says will have any effect upon me.
Edward: Whatever.
Bella: You know what the book says. The book says "This is a . . . um . . . big Jeep you have." which is totally not sexual innuendo at all.
Edward: It's not!
Bella: Why not?
Edward: It’s Emmett’s.
Bella: Makes sense. The book keeps on saying you have a body like a Greek God, and that means teeny-tiny penis so I guess Emmett gets the fully loaded 747 and you get the puddle jumper.
Edward: IT DOES NOT MEAN...
Bella: Go on. Say it.
*silence*
Bella: You know you want to. Prove you took anatomy class.
Edward: That's not what "Greek God" means.
Bella: If you're not a Satyr, which you're not, Greek God totally means small genitalia. It's supposed to be a physical symbol of the emotional control you totally lack in all non-symbolic capacities.
Edward: It can mean other things.
Bella: Do you have a beard?
Edward: No.
Bella: Wings like Eros?
Edward: No.
Bella: A bow with which you can shoot plague arrows?
Edward: No.
Bella: Then you're not exactly resembling a Greek God in any other way.
Edward: Can we get on with it?
Bella: By all means. My, what big eyes you have.
Edward: Wrong story.
Bella: It's still your line.
Edward: What? Right. Um... I didn’t think you’d want to run the whole way.
Bella: Which logically means I'll still be running part of the way.
Edward: You’re not going to run.
Bella: For the love of fuck, I’m going to be sick.
Edward: Keep your eyes closed, you’ll be fine.
Bella: So totally not why I'm going to be sick.


* * *


Edward: Sorry, Bella, we have to go on foot from here.
Bella: You know what? I’ll just wait here.
[...]
Edward Hmmm . . . It seems I’m going to have to tamper with your memory.
Bella: In several cultures that was outlawed before the death penalty. In others they just kill anyone who so much as suggests doing such a thing with stones.

[...]
Edward: It’s over, Bella.
Bella: Sweet! I've got so many other things to do. I can't believe this book is finally over. In my travels met a nice lesbian couple and when the redhead was my age she was a main character too but instead of being stuck in abstinence porn she was saving the world and had been for years.
Edward: I meant the running was over.
Bella: Oh!
[...]
Bella: Oh, you’re the only one who’s allowed to get mad?
Edward: I wasn’t mad at you.”
*Bella begins to turn away*
*Edward tries to hold onto her*
Bella: If you don't let go this book will abruptly end in Chapter 15.
*Edward releases her*
Bella: You were mad.
Edward: Yes.
Bella: But you just said —
Edward: That I wasn’t mad at you. Can’t you see that, Bella?
Bella: Not really. All signs really point to me as being the target of your irrational anger.
Edward: Seriously, that's not it.
Bella: Then why?
Edward: I infuriate myself,
Bella: And then take it out on me.
Edward: The way I can’t seem to keep from putting you in danger.
Bella: You could start by actually trying.
Edward: My very existence puts you at risk.
Bella: I think it's more your behavior than your existence.
Edward: Sometimes I truly hate myself.
Bella: With good reason.
Edward: I should be stronger,
Bella: No argument from me there.
Edward: I should be able to —
Bella: Yes, you should.
Edward: I love you
Bella: Could have fooled me.
Edward: It’s a poor excuse for what I’m doing
Bella: It's not an excuse for anything.
Edward: but it’s still true.
Bella: Love is what you do, so I call bullshit.
[...]
Edward: Now, please try to behave yourself
Bella: I think you're forgetting which of us has the problem here.

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Saturday, April 12, 2014

January 2013

As a reminder, the point of these, in addition to just recapping past work, is to create a way to navigate quicker than going through the blog's old posts manually, but more informative than just looking at the post titles on the "Blog Archive" at the side of the page.

Movies and Games
Massive spoilers for the Hobbit and the new Star Trek movies, and probably anything else that comes into my head - The Goblin king was fun. Why did those swords not glow?  What do these people have against railings?  What's it like being a map maker when the mountains can get up and have a fight?  Who got the five rings?  Someone had to do it.  Was it Inigo?  Who?  What kind of a soulless bastard has floating cars and paved roads AT THE SAME TIME?  You don't get to lecture people about the prime directive while violating it in the most showy way possible.  Nu-Trek could probably work, mostly as it exists, if it were presented as Airplane (absurd comedy) but on a space ship.  Old-Kirk compared to Nu-Kirk.  AND MORE!

And another thing - I do not understand the orc and goblin economies.

Difficulty settings, Dark Forces, Deus Ex, TNM, and Mirrors Edge - Some musing on difficulty settings.

Fractured Mirror: idea for a hypothetical game based on Mirror's Edge - One of the nice things about writing about games rather than actually making them is that you don't have to worry about things like practicality or budget constraints.
Fractured Mirror: Post II - More thoughts on the hypothetical game.

General Stories/Ideas for Stories:
Very Beginning of a tentacly story - Three paragraphs, from years back.  The main character has a moment of introspection forced on by the thought of impending death.

Band Story - The band story, first mentioned here, is something that's been in my head in fragments for quite a while and I at one point took to calling something along the lines of, "Twilight if you replace 'abusive' with 'supportive' and 'vampires' with '(female) band members'."
Band Story Start -The beginning
Intentionally Lost in Translation - The exact same post as above, but translated by automated software into and out of Japanese 11 times.  You've just got to read it to understand the point, basically.  Doing so out loud might add to the humor.
Band Story, early middle I think - Main character is asked by members of the band what instrument she'd like to learn.
Band Story, very late middle - Insecurities, consent, and such.
A Job To Do - Once upon a time there was going to be a ghost story anthology, this story (one of the few that's actually complete) was written for it.  Follow our heroes as they don't let the fact that they died stop them from completing the mission.

The beginning of Something - When I was in high school I started writing a novel, I burned out after around 90,000 words.  The novel was simply called "Something'.
Some more of the beginning of Something - Because I thought the above excerpt might be a bit small.

Summary of beginning of story with evil monsters - When evil monsters invade the world one person assumes ze is going insane and, not liking the potential results of that, pretends not to notice them except when absolutely necessary.  This actually makes said person relatively safe for the time being because the monsters themselves don't think someone who ignores them is high on the threat list.

Christmas Truce inspired story idea - I want a story where an unofficial truce on the front lines can't be broken by those in charge and instead spreads until it engulfs the whole of every military involved and the war is forced to end.

Zombie Survival Guide: Translator's introduction - A survival guide for Zombies, by Zombies.  This is the introduction of the person who translated it into English.  The idea was to have So you've just been turned into a Zombie become part of a larger work in which zombie strategies were communicated to newly turned zombies.  Never got around to writing more than those two pieces though.

The space thing story maybe in medias res beginning maybe - I didn't even remember that I wrote this.  I'm not sure how I feel about it on rereading.  Any feedback is welcome.  Of course feedback is welcome on all posts always, so ... yeah.

Interesting ways of making word salad (Post 1) - Was supposed to be the beginning of an attempt to make, hopefully funny, gibberish by starting with Left Behind.

Greek Mythology:
A quick summing up of the Odyssey - "Quick" is relative here.  The thing is an epic, after all.

General Twilight/Vampire Stuff:
The height of weapons technology - *Movie trailer voice* In a world where vampire teeth are the most deadly thing around...

Random Bits of Twilight (circa yesterday) - Edward dazzling people, Edward as an angel?  Edward as a butterfly?!

Edith and Ben:
And so it begins - The very start of the story.

Snarky Twilight:
Bella and The Doctor have a short conversation on Weeping Angels - Why can't you kill a stone?

Anything that begins has to have a beginning - The Snarky Twilight version of the beginning of the book.

Skewed Slightly to the Left:
Why you will fly this plane - The Antichrist ought to be able to make threats that are actually scary.  So he does.

From my slow trek through .hack//Sign:
.hack//Sign: Boggled Minds - The Silver Knight and Subaru discuss Tsukasa and it is revealed that even the system administration, who should be akin to gods as far as the game goes, are at a complete loss when it comes to understanding the situation.

Depression stuff:
Don't minimize other people's problems. - Mostly just me venting.  But the title is generally good advice.

Check who the exhaust might hit before venting - I speak as someone who people vent at when I'm ill prepared to deal with it all the fucking time.

Me Stuff:
To any readers with ADHD - I asked how they coped.  Now they think I don't have ADHD, just some undetermined thing that shares certain symptoms.  Oh joy.

Regarding stamps - So I've got this silly and wasteful childhood dream, all I need for it is a metric fuckton of stamps.  What is it, it's not a secret, it's a surprise.  No, I am not a James Bond villain.

Back to school, but crunch time over (for now) - An update on my life, academically speaking, at the time.

In which I again prove I know nothing about programming - Some things that I wanted to do.  If I can figure out where I put them I have programs that do those things now.

On ASL - My experience of starting taking ASL

On hypocrisy - Person who was bullying me in ways typically reserved for middle school said that the only thing she didn't like about me was that I did this one thing.  The same thing she does constantly.

Apparently I won for most creative attempt to map the tripartite soul onto the Trinity. - I didn't even know there was a contest.

Caffeine, and scams I wish were real. - Some scams are inexplicable because the alleged business model would actually work just find AND not get you arrested.

The world at large stuff:
Not mean; but be. - Originally posted at the Slacktiverse (here), this is my thoughts on what to do when you, as an artist, find your intended meaning conflicting with the already existing parts of the work.

Is there software for parsing text into bare grammar? - I think I ended up using Senna.  It's been a while since I worked on any of the projects that require that, but not for lack of interest.  Point being, if you know of any such software that's good, please do tell.

Those tips for saving money - For example, the one that I see most often is, "Don't buy a latte every day," to which I respond, "If I were rich enough to buy a latte every day I wouldn't be in money trouble, now would I?"

Ok, so, Bureaucracy - The government is too small.  Anyone who has ever been forced to wait and wait at a government office knows this.  There just aren't enough customer facing employees to handle the load and hence the long wait times.  In this post I speculate that it might have another problem.  If your staff is already too small, maybe it's harder to get rid of the people who do shitty jobs.

On the utility of paperclips - People really underestimate them, in my opinion.

What are the best free books? - A lot of stuff is no longer bound by copyright.  What's the best?  Also, what's the worst?

Given that today is Martin Luther King, Jr Day - I recommend reading the Letter from Birmingham Jail.  This post has some of why I make that recommendation.

Ah... bureaucracy. - Ongoing tribulations.

We're all thinking it, I'm just going to come out and say it - Look at a picture of Hillary Clinton from this period in time.  Don't those glasses look a little familiar? *cough*TimeLord*cough*

My sister and I have differing ideas of the question of evil - The systems in which people find themselves can cause them to do horrible things without even consciously realizing it, but when people are suddenly face to face with the evil they have done, what determines their response?  I think they do.  Good people try to fix things, bad people try to do whatever is best for them.  My sister thinks it's more about how they're approached.  Are they put on the defensive or do they feel the person letting them know that they've done horrible things is being nice and understanding.  The post is a lot longer and more in depth.

Blog stuff:
August 2012 - Just like this, but for a different month.

I'm thinking of doing a sort of theme month maybe (Beginnings) - Was a thought for January.  (To do the starts of stories.)  Also contains a list of beginnings that had been posted on the blog at that time.

Ping - I tried to get readers to sound off.

September 2012 - Just like this, but for a different month.  I was probably trying to get caught up.

Blogger is messing up my footnotes - So if you should see borked footnotes, tell me.

[Insert post title here.] - A usual post if you remove all the content.

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[December][Navigation]

Friday, April 11, 2014

Narnia, if the heroes did their jobs: Beginning to eat at Aslan's table

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]

“Travelers who have come from far to Aslan’s table, welcome,” said the young woman. “My name is Sophie NicRéalta.  Why do you not eat and drink?”
“Madam,” said Caspian, “we feared the food because we thought it had cast our friends into an enchanted sleep.”
"It was not the food that did so," Sophie said.
"Then what was it?" Eustace asked.  "And how do we awaken them?"
[for some reason the business of waking the lords can only be done after the feast is eaten]
Throughout the explanation Edmund had grown more and more uncomfortable. The dagger itself reminded him of another time he had eaten enchanted food. The fact that when he looked upon her he trusted her for no apparent reason made him suspect magic, but more than for himself he feared for his friends and his family.
He had eaten the wrong food one time and the cost had been a life. A life that was returned soon after, but even if Aslan had only been dead for a day he still felt the guilt of causing that death. He didn't want anyone he cared about to get hurt, and he didn't want anyone he cared about to feel the pain of carrying that kind of guilt with him.
He tried to speak delicately, "I do not wish to be rude, but things are not always what they seem. Just because you seem trustworthy, and you do, doesn't mean that you are. How can we know that you are really a friend?"
“You can not know,” said the girl. “You can only believe—or not.”
"I've believed the wrong people in the past," Edmund said.
"What kind of an answer is that?" Lucy asked, consciously holding herself back from snapping at the young woman.
"The only kind I can give," Sophie said. "I have no proof to offer you.  I have only my word."
"If she speaks truly then the food must be eaten and the drink must be drunk," Reepicheep said, "We cannot abandon our comrades to endless slumber."
"That's true, but--" Edmund started.
"Majesty, apologies for interrupting, but I was not finished speaking."
"Sorry, Reep," Edmund said and gestured for the Mouse to continue.
"If she is not speaking truly, then the food is a trap, but there is no reason that we all must risk ourselves. I volunteer to test it."
"Reep!" Euctace said in shock.
Caspian, who had remained silent, looked at the young woman in hopes of some kind of reassurance.
"I am not offended if one of you eats first and the rest wait to see what happens," Sophie said. "Given that you are all armed, and I am not, perhaps that will set your minds at ease."
Reepicheep had already started eating food.

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