I'd like to do a quote (from the blog) of the day, please help

You know that sidebar with the donate button I'm always asking you to use?  I'd like to put a quote a day thing in there.

To do that I figure I need:
1 Quotes
2 A random number generator which will be used to choose a new quote at random once and only once per day.
3 To combine the above two things.

Do I know how to do either 2 or 3?  No.

But right now I want to talk about 1.

I'd like it if people could read through the blog and pick out quotes, and their associated posts, that they think are nice, for example:

You mean when I was all, "Woe is me, Forks is Hell on earth, I am in soul crushing agony," because I moved to a cloudy place of my own free will? Yeah, it was so much worse than I was letting on. Hell on earth doesn't even begin to describe how horrible it is to get a free truck, have random people appear out of no where to support me when I don't even bother to hear their names, and become the most popular kid in school. The tortures of Cocytus don't even begin to compare to Forks. Judas comforts himself from his position of being gnawed on by Satan by telling himself, "Well at least I don't have it as bad as Bella Swan."

That's on the longer side, but it's ok.

Sticking with twilight for examples, there's no reason there couldn't be more than one pulled per post, for example:

Your metaphor is a chimera.

and

Edward: It's ROMANTIC.
Bella: It's ILLEGAL.

or

And what if the cat doesn't just sit around in the box waiting for someone to let it out? What if it builds a blow torch and cuts its way out. A dead cat can't do that (forget about the zombie cat), a live cat absolutely would. (Have you ever seen a cat with blowtorch? They cannot be stopped.) What does it mean when the cat both does and does not cut a hole in the side of the box?

and

I don't know why exactly, but I think it might be that he realized I was the narrator and without me he would cease to exist.

And of course the random:

The border between fact and fiction has been abolished.

I got stuck in a white room inside a no-ship in a black hole for two weeks with nothing but a sonic screwdriver, a temporal delta stream calculator  a pile of electronic equipment, and a shipment of props from American TV shows from the 1960s to the 1990s intended for display in a museum in the Glaucon Quadrant.

nature abhors a non-euclidean tangle of non-temporal causality

We have to go forward to a future that is being killed off by nano-plague and zombie plague, has an active slave trade, is at the mercy of conspiracies, makes libertarians salivate, and has been invaded by the forces of an evil AI who somehow can screw with the real world to stop something or other from happening or else we'll never get home and everyone will die horrible deaths.

2000 miles, three football fields, one eighteen wheeler and three cans of Pringles to the left on my mark

-

And now I'm going to randomly grab example quotes.

Artemis likes you, Eros likes our relationship, and Eris wanted to screw up Apollo's plan.

“Yes, and I know that whenever I’m incinerated all it takes is someone saying they’re sorry and I drop the grudge immediately.”

Hera's solution is to keep that up but add some sex and legal entanglement?

For a moment the girl stops. She glares at him. It is a hard cold glare. A mixture of determination and utter contempt. Then she bends down, picks up a starfish, and throws it into the sea. She looks back at the old man. “I made a difference.” She pauses for a moment. “To. That. One.”

No. Just, no. The most evil thing to crawl out of the depths of nightmares in the whole of human history should not be allowed to quote Obi Wan Kenobi.

We have a cow. Sort of. It has an overall cowish shape, it apparently came out of a cow, it has udders. It also has what looks like an elk antler coming out of its right cheekbone.

When trees spontaneously explode they create splinters. Splinters hurt like hell.

It doesn't smell good and it's not how I want to die.

I said we wouldn't think less of him if he did, Chelsea said, “I would.”

There has to come a point where you say, “Fuck the mission,” and do the stupid thing.

Someone had violated the laws of thermal dynamics, and it gave me hope.

Except... except that once upon a time it would have been just as obvious, yet completely different.

The most terrifying thing in the world these days is having power over another human being.

People, pets, cars, statues, buildings; it ate them all.

What the interstates did not anticipate was that those fleeing the cities might be followed by things that wanted to eat them.

Things best kept in darkness have started coming into the light.

If I don't make it back, if I do in fact die. That means I won't be able to save my friend. You have to. I don't know who you are, I don't know what you think, but it doesn't matter. You have to save her. This is imperative, it is non negotiable.

To say that Death liked chess was an understatement.

[an angel, to death] “God requires that you ride out across the world with War and Famine so that the apocalypse might begin.”
The shade asked, “Why would she want to do that?”

It's not quite the Second Coming. It's not the final release at any rate. It's more of a closed beta of the Second Coming. Invitation only.

What? Evil? Unthinkable? Mass murder? Something you would be morally obligated to oppose tooth and nail?

The wheel resumed, “God doesn't want anyone to go to Hell-”
“Then why doesn't he stop sending them there?” the demon asked.

Death replied, “Oh I'm always there, but I only get on my horse for special occasions.”

After that it gets interesting. First demon locusts, then demon horsemen. After that there will be lightening earthquakes and hailstorms on earth, but at this point who cares? Don't get me wrong, they'll be painful and bad and tragic, but after demon locust horses they've lost some of their narrative punch.

And it's Jesus' Coming 2.0! He's back! He's pissed off! He kills an army with a word for he is the kwisatz haderach.

And all of this is in the bible?” the shade asked.

“Yes. Well... sort of. It's complicated.” Death said.

The sounds of a low speed car crash came from the street outside, but he didn't take his eyes off the empty space where the waitress had been. The the silence built for a few more moments, then he said, “It happened five seconds ago.”

The frightened and confused motorists all heard a voice, which spoke with such force it reverberated throughout the metal and glass of their cars, “Speed limits exist for a reason. Always leave enough space between yourself and the car in front of you to react if it does something unexpected. In the event that something goes wrong on the roadway calmly slow down and pull off the side of the road. It's Not Rocket Science People!”

He knelt down, put his arms around the woman, and told her everything would be alright. In doing so he realized he had more advice to give to his charge, he looked at her and, making sure the woman couldn't see, mouthed the word, “Lie.”

The laws of both kingdoms were hodgepodges collected over a thousand years of whatever seemed best at the time. After frantic searching, double checking, and hasty comparisons, it was clear that there was only one thing that the nobility on both sides would be forced to recognize. Only one thing that could avert the war: Alliance by royal marriage.

"And it's just mongers.  Only one "er" in it."
"It doesn't make any sense," she said, suddenly animated.
"The spelling?" her brother asked confused.
"No, the war."

"Getting married to someone I've never met in a kingdom I've never seen because a bunch of nobles decided to create no less than 76 casus belli and show no signs of stopping... It's just what I always wanted."

She, trying not to sound condescending, said, "It's the ocean."
"It can't be," the foreign prince said.  "The ocean is made of water."
"And water is clear," his sister added.
This time she couldn't stifle the small laugh that came.  She quickly explained, "Shallow water is clear."

Then she turned to me, made introductions, “Ben, gun. Gun, Ben,” and finally asked, “Ben, rules?”

The gun is our friend but it is an extremely dangerous and stupid friend. It will do whatever we tell it to do even if we don't really mean it.

based on Edith miming what seemed to be an introduction to how to use a standard shift and finally, in frustration, dropping her forehead to her wheel in defeat, I was guessing that someone somewhere stalled their car and was taking far too long to get it restarted.

I can stand next to you and growl at her if you think it'll help.

She can be herself a little too much at times.

This is not that difficult. You've got three beginnings, wh, th, and h. you've got three endings: ence, ere, and ither. Put them together and you get words. Words like there, and hence, and where. If you know Where, here, and there, then you know the beginnings already. So you just need to know that ence means motion from, ere doesn't imply motion, and ither means motion towards.

Well, as much as I love your truck, my car has a cd player and your truck predates the 8 track by more than ten years.

I'm constantly aware of it, actually. It's just that being intellectually aware of something isn't the same as having it resonate with you

Hello Jacqueline, if that is indeed your name

So the truth is at once simple and complex and there's some question as to the best way to explain such that you'll believe me and I've decided to just cut to the central point and work backward from there.

When one becomes a vampire it goes from being something that's within the margin of error to a full blown... whatever it happens to be.

Thanks, but no. That's too limiting. It's just this thing. Noises yes, but also images, ideas, the stuff dreams are made of, things without words, aches and pains, smells and tastes, feelings after a fashion--

Now that I know the secret I understand why you couldn't tell me right away.

"No." [pause] "Confute. You use the word confute. I rest my case."

Fitzhugh: “How the hell can it be so hard to create an international incident?”

Janice: “Well, we've never tried to cause one on purpose before.”

“Sex scandals take time. We don't have any time.”

“We are not firing laser beams from the moon.”

“We couldn't do it in time anyway.” Pause. “What?”

48 minutes until planned treaty signing

Conspiracy size: 28

President Fitzhugh swear to sentence ratio: 0.85

I kept her gaze while I struggled with what to say. 'When I was digging through the rubble and found it I thought of you'? That'd go over well, I'm sure. 'There's a very real chance one of us might die in the near future and should that come to pass I'd really rather it not be you'? 'I like you and wanted to get you something and that's pretty much all I have'?

My people didn't come to this world, take on the form of monkeys with degenerate fur distributions, and blend into the local population just so we could watch as someone else kidnapped or killed more than a third of that population and I imagine that when you crawled into that body-

The truth is that without electricity all important things can still get done, you just need some work and some imagination, if you need gasoline you're trying to go too far or move too much, and there is nothing wrong with paying for things in chickens. It's actually better in a lot of ways. Chickens breed; money doesn't. But if you're trying to fight the roving hordes of the undead with a bad cold life becomes very hard very fast.

she wasn't raised on stories of islands in the clouds, she was told stories of independent little princesses who ran away to have adventures with dragons. I suppose it is unsurprising that more often than not she can be found outside the walls. / But to truly understand her you need to realize that she didn't want to be the little princess, she wanted to the dragon. 

The ghost in the third body barely pushed itself free of it, and remained laying face up on the floor. “In case you geniuses haven't noticed yet, we're dead.”

Daniel said, “If Jeff catches us-”

Chloe interrupted, “Can we call him something else?”

“Why?” Daniel asked. “That's his name.”

“I just have trouble taking it seriously,” Chloe said.

Jane said, “Yeah, it doesn't sound evil enough.”

“Yay, it's all as you've foreseen Palaptine,” Chloe said. “But if you'd watched to end of the movie you'd have noticed that Vader throws you down a pit and you explode.”

“So,” Jane said, hand on an improvised lever, “we're sure this won't... won't... what's the already dead equivalent of, 'Kill us'?”

The noise it made, did not resemble 'Kaplooee.'

-

Ok, not the best quotes, reek of being quickly grabbed based on a non-comprehensive look that was done in a hurry.  And they tend to be on the longer side where I feel like there should be some good short ones.  But you get the idea.  I hope.

So, want to help?  If so, go, do this thing.  Look through the blog and any time that you think something is a cool/interesting/noteworthy quote grab it and the address of the post it is in and then share with me.