But . . . It's not an Easter Story ("Jesus Christ Superstar" Live in Concert)

It's probably the case that no one else cares about this.

And honestly, while I do care about this, I'm probably more concerned that the Monday after Easter passed without me buying any discounted Caddburry Creme Eggs meaning that I haven't had any at all since I ran out of the ones someone sent me last year (thanks for that) because that had been a year without Caddburry Creme Eggs too, and someone took it upon themselves to help change that by mailing me some.  (Really, loads of thanks.)

Yet, I do care.  It bugs me.  It's been bugging me since Easter Fool's Day.  (April Fool's Easter? April Easter's Day?)

There are doubtless reasons for it being played on Sunday.  It's possible that other musicals are played on Sunday and that's just when it's scheduled, for example.  But ... but Jesus Christ Superstar is not a Sunday story.  It's not an Easter story.  It's a Friday story.

Like Godspell, created at about the same time, it ends with the crucifixion, not the resurrection.  Unlike Godspell it's got a narrower focus.  Godspell adapts the entire Gospel of Mathew along with bits of Luke and John (no love for Mark I guess), while Jesus Christ Superstar has a very specific focus on the events leading up to (and including) the crucifixion.

Jesus Christ Superstar is thus a Friday story.  It's about the events that led directly to what happened on Friday (not earlier, indirect, influences) and it ends in the culmination of those events on Friday.  This is not a story for Easter Sunday.  This isn't even a story for Holy Saturday.  It's composed of solid unapologetic Friday.

It's part of why I like "Could We Start Again Please" (something I didn't know was controversial, by the way.)  Probably not a coincidence that thus far, "Could We Start Again Please" is the only song from the musical I've used in a released work (unless I forgot something.)*

Anyway, "Could We Start Again Please" is about people, true believers who were invested heart and soul in the cause, recoiling at the fact that it seems to all be crashing down.  With the exception of a cryptic statement or two, Jesus never really warned anyone that the plan called for everything to end in blood and pain.

They're part of this powerful and growing movement that's all about love to the point that there are times where Jesus takes a stance of "Fuck Lawful, I'm Neutral Good!" in order to help (sometimes even save) people, and now what's happening is nothing like that.  They didn't see it coming and they want a do-over.

This is version that I've always known (and the only non-"Live in Concert" video I'll link to here):

(Not an important note, but for me this has always been Mary's song.  Peter's solo could have been sung by Mary losing nothing and quite possibly to the betterment of the song.)

This song doesn't work as an Easter thing.  On Easter, Jesus is back, Hell may or may not have been Harrowed, and, while the plan is still completely inscrutable, at least the whole "You're gonna get yourself killed" thing is no longer hanging over them all.

Things are no longer a matter of faith.  Jesus died.  He came back.  Things are happening on a cosmic level.  The song is very much on a human level.  It's not addressed to ascended God-mode Jesus.  It's addressed to [guy from Nazareth, with whom we've been hanging out] Jesus.

The song only works on or before Friday.  On Saturday things are a matter of religious faith and religious doubt.  (And ordinary grief.)  On Sunday things are a matter of, "Wait, has Ishtar knocked down the gates of the underworld‽" *pause* "Are you going to eat me?"

It's only on Friday that it's about friendship (and loyalty I suppose) and non-religious interpersonal connection.  It's only on Friday that Jesus is a person you're  Sorry.  Bad wording.  Gods are people too.  It's only on Friday that Jesus is a human being you're worried about because you care about him as a human being.

On Saturday it's a bit late for that.  He's dead.  No, we can't start again (please or no please.)

On Sunday everything is different.  He's been there and back again and is no longer the same hobbit you once knew.

This is not just about my favorite song in the musical though, nothing in the story is about Easter.  When Caiaphas and his underlings donned their (awesome) hooded sci-fi black-coats and sang a conversation live on NBC it was all about Friday and yet it played on Sunday:

And it's bothersome to me.

In part it's bothersome to me because we don't live in Easter.  Friday and Saturday are more relatable, just as Advent is way more applicable to one's ordinary life than Christmas.

Friday is when Donald Trump was elected President of the United States.

Saturday is when the people in charge are openly discussing how many poor people should have to die so the rich could get even richer (remember the whole "Let us cut Medicaid to pay for tax cuts for people who are already paying way less than their fair share in taxes" thing?)  Or when . . . just turn on CNN, you'll see plenty of fucking Saturday.

Sunday never seems to come.

And it's not that I particularly want a bunch of depressing shit dumped on us all**, but if you're going to make a "Things seemed to be going good and then the leader of a (mostly) peaceful movement was executed by torture" production . . . why put it on the wrong day of the week?

"From now on we shall only show Friday the 13 movies, Freaky Friday, and other things with 'Friday' in the name on Sundays!" would get you some weird looks, I think.

- - -

And, going back to the whole "Friday is more relatable" thing, Jesus himself is really at his most vulnerable in the garden when he's begging God not to have him die, or at least give him a better understanding of why he has to die.  (Not an invention of the musical to humanize Jesus, remember.  It really is in the Bible.)

On Sunday he's back and presumably has a decent understanding of the grand plan.

Not that Gandalf the White is a horrible or uninteresting character, but Gandalf the Grey is . . . I don't know, more there.  (And I wasn't planning this many Tolkien references.)

- - -

So, yeah, there's my "You played it on the wrong fucking day" rant.

Why this long after Easter?  Kim Possible.  Today (or was it last night?) I was thinking of a scene that'll be for Part III of Life After (presently only the three chapters of Part I exist) and the thing is, music is a huge part of who Jacob is, and Shin's gotten good a picking up when he's saying something he's lifted from a song (even when it's a totally innocuous or commonplace phrase), so thus this happened:

Jacob: How did you ever beat me?

Shin: Anything's possible for a--

Jacob: Then sprout wings and fly, grow a second head, levitate, summon a stir-fry, (♫) change my water into wine (♫), or--

Shin: What are you quoting this time?

Jacob: (♫) I only ask what I'd ask of any superstar:
What is it that you have got that puts you where you are? (♫)

*Ghost of Nanna Possible joins in with Jacob*

Both: (♫) Oh I am waiting, yes I'm a captive fan.
I'm dying to be shown that you are not just any man. (♫)

*Shin has face-palmed by now*

Shin: Don't encourage him.

⁂



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* I used "Could We Start Again Please" in one of the very few scenes from the Band Story that I've actually written.  The scene is simply entitled, "_very_ late middle" and definitely contains spoilers for the story, but spoilers are only a problem if you actually expect me to write the whole story (I'd certainly like to, perhaps even love to, but I don't give it high odds) and are willing to wait until that actually happens.  If it happens.

** Lonespark will doubtless remind me to write up the post about why this is emphatically not the time for dark and gritty reboots but instead a time that calls for the light and fluffy utopianism of things like the original Star Trek.  (Which hasn't aged well, because they were sexist racist schmucks, but we're flawed so whatever we make won't age well either.  This, though, isn't about posterity, it's about what we need now.)

The short version is that while art does reflect life and can certainly be employed to great affect to draw attention to bad things the powerful/comfortable don't notice or refuse to notice, mainstream art also serves as a counterbalance.

When times are good, things get dark and gritty.  When times are bad, things get light and fluffy.  Fiction serves to provide you with what life does not.  If your real life is dystopian, then the time has come for a Utopia with no dark underbelly.  If your real life is utopian then crank up the tragedy.

So it has been for thousands of years.  (At least two and a half thousand.)  Thus we don't need asshole entitled man-child Kirk and Vulcan getting blown the fuck up.  We need, "Things are bad, but somehow, someday, we will make it to a better place.  A world without racism, or sexism, or homophobia, or transphobia, or any kind of institutional oppression.  A world without poverty or want.  It looks terrible, but let me show you a vision of the good things to come."

And sweet fuck I just described the meta commentary of the original Star Trek as an Advent narrative which was never part of this line of reasoning before.

And, yes, this has been the short version.  There's a reason that It's been months upon months and I've yet to write up the full version.

The short short version just hit me.  Pop-fiction, artistic styles, and so forth exist (in part) to say: "This, too, shall pass.  Here's what it will/could/might look like when it does:"

The nine realms (structure of the universe)

[I still think about the question of what the nine realms are.  A lot.]

In the wonders of Judeo-Christian theology we know that there are ten commandments, but there are closer to twenty commands.  Debate, therefore, is over how to group them together to reduce the number to ten.

The nine realms of Norse cosmology have the opposite problem.  We know for really fucking sure that there are nine of them, a complete list exists nowhere.  Moreover, the closest we get to an indirect list only mentions six things.

The indirect list comes from someone asking what the word for wind is in each realm and the answer taking the form of the word for wind from each species.  The realms are described as homeworlds.

We get what Humans, Aesir, Vanir, Jotuns, Elves, and those in Hel call it.

Jotuns and Elves each live in two different places, so we can expand this to eight and produce:
Midgard - Humans
Asgard - Asir (the gods)
Vanaheim - Those other gods.
Jotunheim - Regular (frost) Jotuns
[where the fire Jotun live] - Guess
Lojosalfheim - Light Elves
Svartálfaheimr -  Dark Elves/Dwaves
Hel(heim) - Dead people of all races

[where the fire Jotuns live] is usually left out of this list, and Dark Elves/Dwarfs are only included because people were all, "What the fuck?  Where are the Dwarfs!?"

This still doesn't get us to nine so people throw in the two primordial realms based on the belief that mist and muspel (no one knows what the fuck that means, by the way) don't have words and the fact that they're well attested as realms.

This gets us to ten, which is too many.

I mentioned that [where the fire Jotun live] tends to be omitted, so that leaves 9 and is responsible for the most common reconstruction.

It's even what I used for my Norse origin story in my Four Realms setting.

There's a problem, though.

If we can collapse [where the fire Jotun live] into Muspelheim then we should also collapse Hel(heim) into Niflheim.  Which puts us back to eight.

I really, emphatically, do not buy that Hel(heim) is a separate one of the nine than Niflheim.  I can believe that it's a separate realm in general.  Lonespark convinced me that when Hel was sent to Niflheim and set up her domain she totally could have spawned off a new realm instead of having Helheim forever remain a location within Niflheim.

There's just . . . problems with it being one of the nine.  When Hel was sent to Niflheim to become queen of the dead, she was given authority of all nine of the realms so that she would take the dead from all of them.  The nine existed when Hel was in Niflheim, meaning the nine existed before she would have had a chance to split off Helheim into a new realm.

Someone traveled the nine realms before going to Helheim, which works perfectly fine if Helheim is a merely a location within the realm of Niflheim (or a realm unto itself that's too minor to be listed with the nine) but doesn't work if Helheim is one of the nine that they traveled because they can't have visited something before they've ever gone there.

I'm not going to look this up right now, but if memory serves a comparison of locations in Helheim to ones in Niflheim will reveal that some of those locations are very definitely in both, which only works if the two places overlap.  Having Helheim be within Niflheim makes the overlap complete and thus makes the whole thing make sense.

And, we have the fact that Hel is never given the story of creating a realm, but she is definitely sent to Niflheim to set up her kingdom there.

That mini-rant over, let me mention something important.

⁂

You'll notice that most realms are [something]-heim.  Heim just means "home".  It does not denote a realm/world/thing.  There are many, many heims.  A thing being a [something]-heim doesn't make it a realm.  If it did then every home, including the one I'm in right now, would be a realm.

⁂

Those who don't separate Helheim from Niflheim usually get to nine by treating the Dwarfs and Dark/Black Elves as separate groups.  This is unsatisfying because they're demonstrably the same group.  They have the same members, they do the same things, they're just different names.

And from there, there's not a lot to go on.

That list of races: Humans, Aesir, Vanir, Jotuns, Elves, dead people, is presented as an exhaustive list of the the speaking populations of the various realms.  That's got to be the strongest thing we have to go on.

What we add to reach nine has to either not be home to speaking things, or be an additional home to one of those things.

No matter how much I think about it, the absolute best I can come up with is what I said before: the fire Jotuns have a realm of their own that is not Muspelheim.

Literally no one believes this.  Well . . . that I know of.  But the point is, if no Norse Pagans are known to believe it, and it's the only answer I have, I'm probably flunking mythology.

Doesn't change the fact that it's the best I can come up.

Here's the problem with this view:

The fire giants are the children of Muspel and Surt, who very much seems to be their apparent leader, is stationed at the frontier of Muspelheim to protect its interior.

That's not a lot (there isn't a lot about fire giants) but's it's sure as fuck enough to make it seem like the fire giants live in Muspelheim.

Granted it doesn't actually make sense because there's no reason to protect the interior of Muspelheim.  Only those who live in Muspelheim can survive inside of it; it's invasion and infiltration proof.  It therefore follows that any threats it needs to be protected from would come from within, not from the frontier.  (Unless they're afraid of an army of expats coming back and attacking them.)  But even if it doesn't make sense, it's there.  It's one of the few concrete things that's said about the fire giants beyond their eventual role in Ragnarok.

Surt lives at the frontier of Muspelheim so he can protect the interior.

⁂

Now I can rationalize this and the "Sons of Muspel" language into a form that doesn't mean the fire giants live in Muspelheim.  But that's me arguing against the most obvious interpretation of the myth on the grounds that I have aesthetic objections to it.

Children of Muspel don't have to live there.  The stars are actually from Muspelheim but they sure as fuck aren't there now.  Most of what was created by Muspelheim ended up outside of Muspelheim.  The entire universe save Muspelheim and Niflheim was created by those two realms and none of the things so created ended up in those realms.  Later creations of the younger realms did.  Notably Hel and the dead people she rules, but this makes me even more adamant that Muspelheim shouldn't have a native population.

Niflheim, Muspelheims counterpart, is entirely populated by dead things.*  Life doesn't live there.  Muspelheim is every bit as extreme as Niflheim, so life shouldn't exactly be abundant there either.  And it can't have dead people because Niflheim has got that covered.  The dead from all nine realms go to Hel's domain which resides there (unless snatched away to an Asgardian mead hall (or, possibly, captured by Ran's net.))

As for Surt, maybe the reason he's on the frontier is because his people don't live in Muspelheim and he doesn't want to be too far from them. And maybe the reason he's guarding it with a flaming sword isn't because of threats to beings that live there, but because of threats to the heat and light that originates there.  Muspelheim is the original source of all heat and all light and it's possible that something very bad would happen to the universe if it cooled down.

Maybe he's there to whack any cold things trying to enter (snowballs, comets, whatever) with a flaming sword that'll melt the everloving fuck out of them.

Like I said, I can totally rationalize why the evidence doesn't necessarily mean the fire giants live in Muspelheim.  Like I also said, it's arguing against the most obvious interpretation.

Still, this is in the service of the best explanation for the nine realms that I, personally, can come up with.  The fire giants have their own realm which is not Muspelheim.

Eldjotanhheim is a thing even though I totally made the name up.

⁂

That gives us our nine realms home-worlds that only need six races between them:

Following the order from the list of races we get:

1 Homeworld of the Humans (and possibly certain dead people if Ran lives in the oceans there)
2 Homeworld of the Aesir (and certain dead people)
3 Homeworld of the Vanir
4 Homeworld of Jotuns of the frosty kind (and possibly certain dead people if Ran is there)
5 Homeworld of Jotuns of the fiery kind
6 Homeworld of Elves of the light kind
7 Homeworld of Elves of the dark kind
8 Homeworld of Mist (and the dead people not taken by previous parentheticals)
9 Homewolrd of Muspel (whatever that is)

Muspel, whatever it is, doesn't speak, thus doesn't have a word for "wind" thus isn't listed with the races.  The Homeworld of Mist (which doesn't speak) is mentioned by way of telling what the dead people who reside in Hel(heim), which is a location within said homeworld, call wind.

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* Part of me wants to say that as Niflheim is where a being ends, Muspelheim is where one begins, with hugir originating in Muspelheim, eventually traveling to the seven realms of the living to be embodied, and ending up in Niflheim after the body dies.

I don't even know if hugr (thought/mind) is supposed to be warm or bright or otherwise spark-like, and there is absolutely NOTHING to support this view beyond a desire for some kind of parallel between the two primordial realms.

Chatlog -or- Not that kind of necromancy

[Random thought about a text message conversation between parallel worlds that briefly grazes the topic of how you might want to be cautious when you don't know the lay of the theological land as well as you did back home.]

24601: Hey.

Abelian Cue: Hey

Abelian Cue: Whatever you're typing, break it up into smaller chunks.

Abelian Cue: You seriously don't have to compose a novel before hitting submit.

24601: Do you know any kind of necromancy --not stupid fiction "I raise a zombie army" scare-quotes "necromancy", actual-definition learning secrets from the dead necromancy-- that isn't evil "sell your soul and fray your morals" magic which I would be able to learn without blowing myself up?

Abelian Cue: Why?

24601: I need to talk to the native-to-this-universe version of me, but she died about a decade before I arrived.

Abelian Cue: That would explain why you never had to deal with a double.

Abelian Cue: Wait, _she_!?

24601: Don't get hung up on the gender.

24601: It's seriously the least important concern right now.

Abelian Cue: Why do you need to talk to her?

24601: Complicated emotional shit.

24601: Can you help?

Abelian Cue: Necromancy just has a bad name because idiots don't know what "-mancy" means.

Abelian Cue: Very few forms of divination are inherently evil.

24601: So you can help?

Abelian Cue: Maybe.

24601: Thanks.

Abelian Cue: Also maybe not.

24601: That's what "maybe" means.

24601: Could have gone without saying.

Abelian Cue: Just because the living world there keeps to a close parallel doesn't mean the afterlife there is anyone like the one back here.

Abelian Cue: *anything

24601: I am aware that things might not work.

24601: I have reason to try.

Abelian Cue: You'll explain it.

24601: Of course.

Abelian Cue: I'll dig up the right books.

Abelian Cue: See if I can get a decent ritual prepped.

24601: That's all I ask.

Abelian Cue: I'm still going to want an explanation when I cross over.

24601: I said I'd give one.

Abelian Cue: If I'm not satisfied with your reason . . .

24601: Yeah, yeah.

Abelian Cue: . . . I will head back to this world without giving you a thing.

24601: Of course.

Abelian Cue: You don't poke gods who are strange to you without good reason.

24601: It's a good reason.

Abelian Cue: We'll see.

The classic tale of a demon who came to buy a soul and ended up helping the person (for free) long term because prep-work -- Story Idea

[Originally posted on Facebook and came to me after I was directed to the entirely unrelated tale of Todd the demon.]

I find myself imagining a completely different situation. Someone calls on a demon to sell their soul for something or other. Trouble is that to sell a soul you need informed consent and while the person is informed their mental state is too fucked up to meaningfully consent.

Deep, deep apathy-style depression, too deep to do the basic drink-eat-sleep stuff. So the demon's all, "Ok, first we have to get you hydrated, then a good meal, around then you'll probably pass out all things considered, after that you definitely need a shower, maybe I'll clean the place up a bit, then we get you to a therapist, and hopefully at that point I can buy your soul."

This starts out with having to physically move the person around their house and bring them the water and cook them the food because the human is just too out of it to move.

But getting out of the bad mental state is a very long process and somewhere along the line the demon completely forgets (well, stops caring) that the original point of all this was to buy a soul, and instead is just hanging out with a friend who is trying to recover from debilitating depression.

Another working day

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings.]
[As I said there, I've had the idea since 2AM on the 9th, when all hope of a Clinton miraculous save crushed.  Also said there, I'm not really satisfied with how it turned out.]
[Title from American Tune.]

"Good, you're not dead," Angela said in her usual way. "Get up, there's work to do."

Beth looked up at her with tear stained eyes.  "What work? The world ended."

"Then what are we standing on?" Angela asked.  She pushed on the ground with her feet, coming just short of jumping.  "Feels like a world to me."

"You know what I mean!"

The switch from despondent to angry shook Angela for a moment, but when she recovered she said, "So the water turned to blood. Big deal. Blood's mostly water . . . I think.  We'll just filter it.  If we even have to.  I've never heard of anything bad coming out of drinking clean blood and it's not like it's coagulating."  She paused and was briefly in her own world. "Neat trick, that, by the way."

"It's not just the water," Beth said.

"And a lot of people are dead, and Angels roam, killing off anyone who isn't a straight cis gender conforming full fledged Lahayvian, and Jerusalem had a Borg cube dropped on it."

"And solar output dropped by two thirds," Beth said.  "You got a plan for how we'll cope with what that will do to the climate?"

"Actually, yes," Angela said.  "Remember how the earth opened up and swallowed a bunch of our friends so that they could burn for all eternity?"

Beth cried at this.

"Well if the plan is to have them burn for all eternity then the flames can't very well consume, can they?" Beth didn't answer. "So once we dig down to them and set them free they should be fine."

Beth just looked at Angela. It wasn't a nice look.

"Ok, ok; they'll need lots of therapy," Angela said, "which is part of the work we have to do. But you asked about solar output so back to that. So long as we have a hole connecting the soon to be frigid surface of the earth and magic Hell-fire that never goes out and never gets less hot, why not use it?"

"Sterling engines," Beth said.

"And you said I'd never make a perpetual motion machine," Angela said.

There was a silence. Beth looked somewhat better.

"Now there's a famine on, there's a need to dig to Hell, there's all sort's of stuff to do, and I'd really like your help," Angela said.

"Hydroponics?" Beth asked.

"If I put the plants in the water turned to blood," Angela said, "would that mean that I don't need fertilizer?"

"You have no idea how to do anything, do you?" Beth asked.

"Which is why I need you," Angela said. "Come on, it's just the apocalypse, or Armageddon, or both, not the end of the world. We have a lot of work to do." Angela offered Beth a hand.

Beth took it, and pulled herself to her feet. "Same as always."

"Same as always," Angela agreed.

-

[Original Index]

Four Realms: Luke and Ella

There are not many things that the upper echelons Heaven and Hell agree on, and those areas where they do agree tend to involve the distant past (such as certain details about the creation of the universe.)  In fact, it's difficult to get the upper echelon to agree with itself in either Heaven or Hell.

But amoung the most powerful of the powers that be, it is universally agreed that the Luke and Ella theory, the Ella and Luke theory, the Ella or Luke theory, and all possible permutations of such theories are not merely false but outright blasphemy.

In fact, there is less stigma attached to the "God is dead" theory in Heaven than to the Ella theory, and there is less stigma attached to the "Lucifer bit the dust" theory in Hell than there is to the Luke theory.

Yet in spite of this the theories persist, and are indeed pervasive.

Some of this can be attributed to the fractured nature of the rulerships of Heaven and Hell because while the top echelon may denounce the theory, there are members of lower echelons with no clear oversight and some of them are indifferent about the theory or even supportive of it.  However, the prevalence of the theory cannot be solely, or indeed mostly, attributed to these safe harbors.  Within every organization of a certain size in Heaven or Hell it is all but certain that at least someone believes the theory.

The hostility toward the theory is not just that it involves assuming the leader of Heaven, Hell, or both left the entire population thereof out of the loop.  In fact, many of the theories to explain the absence of God, Lucifer, or both that see instituional support take this as a given.

Nor is it merely because the idea that the most powerful beings in the universe (God and Lucifer being those beings is another of the few things that Heaven and Hell agree on) decided to leave their jobs and live as humans, the youngest and arguably least impressive of the eight races, is considered absurd.

Likewise it cannot be attributed to the fact both Luke and Ella have been confirmed to be completely mundane humans in the few remotely credible sightings where attempts were made to test their nature.

It must be acknowledged that the largest part of the resistance to the Luke and Ella theory is ideological.

Many might accept that God, Lucifer, or both determined that the fate of the universe would be decided not from the top down, but from the bottom up.  From there it is possible to make the leap that says they would do this by taking on the forms and limitations of the lowliest and most ephemeral of the eight races.

Where the theory breaks down and gets denounced is in the characters of Luke and Ella.

If Luke really is Lucifer, then serious questions must be asked about why he acts the way he does.  Luke does not attempt to drive souls from the Heavenward path.  Luke does not attempt to corrupt humanity.  Luke does not appear to dislike humanity.  Luke cannot be said to be evil.

Instead Luke spends his time helping people and, if he can be said to be opposed to anything, it is institutional power, not God.

If Ella really is God, then why doesn't she care about religion?  Why are her actions secular?  Why is she willing to break bread with Satanists?  Why does she ignore the dictates of religion?  (Whichever religion the angel in question holds true.)  Why does she cavort with atheists, antitheists, and maltheists?

Why would she, like Luke, simply wander the earth helping people regardless of religion.  Instead of teaching people rules to live by, as God obviously would, she seems instead to have a flexible situation dependent understanding of ethics that makes it difficult to divine any set of fixed rules her actions exemplify.

She seems to favor helping those who are victims of individuals or small groups, such as bullies or gangs.  She does this even on the Sabbath day and regardless of what commandments, strictures, pillars, or other rules the victims may have broken.

The fact that she is reported to have said that, "Don't be an asshole," is a sufficient rule to live by incenses many.  This would be anarchy, they argue.  The few who dare to argue against them point out that actually living by that rule requires extensive study and constant work, which is the sort of thing that a religion could be used to speed up and direct.  This argument has not been met with approval.

Another problem is that there are rumors that Luke and Ella have worked together at least once.  If Luke and Ella are simply wandering humans then this is easy to believe.  Both would rush to help the victims of bullies with institutional power.  If Luke and Ella are Lucifer and God this is more difficult to accept.  The two meeting ought to be apocalyptic, it is argued, and they would not set that aside to meddle in the minor affairs of humans.

The theory also suffers because there is no definitive proof that either Luke or Ella actually exists.  Certainly there are many individuals with those names, but that the ones described by the theory exist is much more difficult to determine.  The fact that the characters of the two are consistent across reports lends some credence to the idea they exist, but it could be that those making such reports only did so because the character of the individual they met was consistent with reports already made.

It should be noted that outside of Heaven and Hell the theory meets little resistance.  In addition to it being entertained, variations often crop up.  Amoung the Norse there are those who believe Loki, in one of his excursions as a human, is Ella, Luke, or both.  Others point to Odin as a likely candidate.

The theory is harmless, and it would be prudent to stop suppressing it.  The arguments against it would likely be given greater weight if they were supported not by the fear of punishment but instead their own soundness.

The current situation has led to the theory flourishing in darkness and private spaces.  It has also made it difficult to debunk the claim that where Luke and Ella go there are often miracles of an unknown sort using magic undetectable by ordinary means.  This is because such stories are generally told in such a way as to obscure the source, and thus protect each story's originator from any official sanctions.

The greatest mystery surrounding Luke and Ella sightings is what caused them to be identified with Lucifer and God, respectively, in the first place.  Neither Luke nor Ella has been reported to have claimed to be more than human.

What Ragnarok means

So . . . I've written a lot about this in the past 24 hours and hopefully some of that will eventually be fit for public consumption, especially the bit where I was basically doing a play by play of Ragnarok in Snarky Twilight form.

But the core of all of this disorganized tangent-following writing has been about what Ragnarok actually is.  It is not the old Norse term for "the end of the world/universe", it isn't another religion's version of "apocalypse", it's not quite "Judgment Day", and it only meets one of the definitions of eschatology.

To understand how different Ragnarok is from, say, the Christian end times popularized by Hollywood, hucksters, and (occasionally) theologians, consider that it starts thus:

Freedom Rings Throughout The Lands

Then the gods say, "Oh shit!"

You see, the gods have been around a very long time.  In fact, if they stay away from deadly things and have an apple a day they're effectively immortal.  Some of them predate the creation of the universe having instead showed up in the pre-universe state and then made it into a universe through the cunning use of dead guy parts.

Since they're flawed beings, they've been around long enough for those flaws to accumulate.  A lot.  Also, one wonders a bit if them being way more powerful than humans and having way longer lifespans than humans might be part of a package deal where the flaws are also larger than human.

Then again, maybe it's a question of leadership.  Some gods are, after all, good exemplars.  We might ponder if perhaps strange women lying in ponds distributing swords hanging from a tree for nine days is no basis for a system of government.

Doesn't matter.  Ragnarok is about the rulers of the universe.  The powers that be.  The people in charge.  As in, the word that's the "Ragna" part of Ragnarok is a word that can also mean ruler instead of the other options for saying "god" (there were at least two others that could have been used.)

And here's why this all matters:

There's basically no check on Odin et alia.  There was no check on Loki until the gods broke even more of their oaths, Odin's in particular, to . . . let's just say bind and torture Loki for centuries and skip over the brutal murder and violation of bodily autonomy and free will of two innocents that was used to do it.

When we get to that point Loki and his brood have been punished, even the ones who were blameless, the matters between the Aesir and the Vanir have been long since settled, and the only group of wrongdoers who have eternally escaped the consequences of their actions are the Aesir themselves.

Now it's very important we're clear here.  Ragnarok is not justice.  It's consequences.

There is no blameless completely just individual or group with the power to hold the gods to account and mete out justice.  There are only consequences.

The rulers of the Aesir have escaped consequences for the entire history of the universe and Ragnarok is when that stops.

"Rok" isn't twilight, that's "rokr" which results in some confusion and some poeticism.  Rok is destiny and/or fate.  Rok is when all of the things that they'e done come back at them, often with a vengeance, and they finally have to reap the strange harvest they've sown.

A lot of these people are pissed off, some of them have been tortured.  They're generally after vengeance, not justice, and the resulting clash is apocalyptic in nature and it does end the world and the gods do experience their twilight, dusk, darkest night, and a select few even make it to the dawning of a new age.

But all of that is collateral damage.  What Ragnarok is is when it comes to pass that EVERYONE even the most powerful, even the Ragna, have to face the consequences of their actions.

You ordered the loyal puppy (who apparently bore no grudge about the fact you'd kidnapped him) tied up in magic rope and left to die?  Congratulations: you're going to get eaten by a giant wolf.  And guess what, the "left to die" thing didn't work (not that you were expecting it to) because of the kindness of strangers protecting him from starvation and dehydration and natural hardiness protecting him from death by exposure, meaning that the wolf that eats you?  Totally the puppy you mistreated.

What's that you say?  You're the All Father?  Don't give a shit.  Into the wolf's maw with you.  Maybe you should have pet the dog instead of kicked it.  Oh well, too late now, time for you to die great All Father.

And so forth.

Wanna know why Baldr lives?

He totally could have been in the grudge match battle because the dead (of which he was one) were freed in the pre-battle "Olly olly oxen free" and some of them even followed Loki into the battle, so he wasn't protected because he was dead at the time.  No, he lives because he doesn't have anyone he wants vengeance on and no one wants vengeance on him.  That's the destiny he's set up for himself.

Ragnarok is when all of the stuff (notably the bad shit) the gods did wraps back around on them and they finally have to deal with the consequences of what they've done.  Even they can't escape destiny because actions have consequences.  For everyone.  No matter how powerful.

-

And this is of interest beyond just the Norse case because we can look at other religions (real and fictitious) and be like, "Someone needs to pull a Ragnarok."  Consider God as portrayed in the best selling yet completely horrible novels Left Behind; someone needs to Ragnarok his ass.

Not apocalypse --he's doing that himself.  Not end of the world.  Not any of a thousand other end times things.  Ragnarok.  Because Ragnarok is the fate/destiny/thing of the rulers of the universe and the rulers of that universe have set up a truly damning fate for themselves and yet they never have to face it.

That's not fair and it's no fun.  You know what would be fun?  If Hell's Pride Battalion stormed Heaven looking fabulous and being fierce while unicorns farted rainbows at Turbo-Jesus.  A lot of people are unjustly damned in Left Behind so let freedom ring, grab some popcorn, make sure it's filmed in color, and have a Ragnarok.

Where Antichrists come from Index

Just noticed I didn't have one of these so:

The fiction fragment that started it all - After the Rapture, which Nick recognizes as such, people begin to listen to him about what has happened and what will happen.  Lucifer has an offer for him.

I'm taking the day off - Sometimes it gets to be too much

Demon Resources - Nick's staff isn't entirely composed of humans after all.

After the War - What does one do in the wake of World War III?

Trying to understand the Nine Realms

[First note that I am not a Norse pagan.  This isn't an attempt to find religious truth.  It's just the sort of problem solving I do when presented with a mystery.]

There are nine realms, sometimes called nine homeworlds, but there isn't a single surviving list of what they are.  Instead it's left up to us to sort them out.

There is a list of six groups each of which have a homeworld (Humans, Aesir, Vanir, Jotuns, Elves, Corpses) to this we can add the Black Elves, also known as Dwarves, and get seven.  Add in the two primordial realms and we get nine.

And that is the traditional listing, using the order from above we get

• Midgard - Home to humans
• Asgard - Home to the Aesir gods
• Vanaheim - Home to the Vanir gods
• Jotunheim - Home to (many of) the Jotuns
• Álfheim - Home to the (Light) Elves
• Helheim - Home to dead people, the ones not in Valhalla.
• Svartálfaheim - Home to the Black Elves also known as Dwarves.
• Niflheim - Primordial realm of ice and snow and mist and stuff
• Muspellsheim - Primordial realm of fire and lava and such.

The major problem here is that Hel, who created Helheim, wasn't sent into the mists of "never been a realm here" when Odin killed banished her to the land of the dead never to return to the realms of the living again until the day of Resurrection of the dead.

She was sent somewhere that already existed and set up shop there.  Now it's possible that she created a world that broke off from the previous one and became a realm unto itself (where do you think most of the nine came from?) but it doesn't just say she was cast into an existing realm, Niflheim, it says that here kingdom is there.  Implying that Helheim is not a ream unto itself but just a location within greater Niflheim.

So there's one problem, our list of nine might actually only be a list of eight.  Another problem is the question of how they relate to each other.

* * *

There's not a lot of information to sort them out.

Niflheim and Múspellsheim are opposite each other.  That helps.  All we need to do is locate one of them and we automatically know where the other one is.

Midgard is in the middle.  That's useful.

The home of the Dwarves/Black Elves is below Midgard.

The (Light) Elves are up.  They're also south of Asgard but that doesn't really help because I don't think we have north/south east/west directions on Asgard itself.

The world tree has three roots and ... oh my gods do they not make sense.

One goes to a well in Jotunheim.  At least that much is clear.  Before it touches down and meets the well, it goes over Jotunheim.  Makes sense.

Helheim is under another of the roots.  Midgard under the last.  Would be nice if the roots had names.

We also know that the roots each go to a well.  Already covered the well in Jotunheim.  The other two are in Niflheim and Asgard.

Given the placement of Helheim inside of Niflheim we can probably assume that one over Helheim goes to the well in Niflheim.

So, then, the one that goes over Midgard would be, process of elimination, the one that goes to the well in Asgard which we are to interpret . . . how?

Roots often go down, so we could interpret the fact that Asgard is at the end as meaning that it is below Midgard.  On the other hand, if it is a more horizontal root then it being ground level in Asgard but above Midgard, then Asgard would be higher.

And then there's this.  While Gylfaginning clearly places the well the root taps as residing among the gods, they have to cross the Bifrost (rainbow bridge) daily to reach it.  The Bifrost is the bridge connecting Midgard and Asgard.  So, if the gods live in Asgard, and the well is with them, why do they have to cross the bridge?

Maybe the bridge has multiple stops?

And then there's a question of what it means to go "up" a rainbow.  Rainbows go in circles.  Go up for long enough and you'll be going level, longer still and you'll be going down.  The fact that Asgard is up the rainbow bridge from Midgard doesn't mean it's above Midgard.  In fact it sort of makes more sense for it to be below.

You can, after all, see the full arc of a rainbow under the right conditions, but earthbound humans can never see the full circle.  If going up one side is how you get to asgard, and you can't see asgard from here, then you must have to go over the arch or the rainbow, down the other side, and below the horizon.

The whole thing is a mess to interpret.

Let this be a call to action.  What do you believe?  Whatever it is, write it down in great detail, make many copies, seal most of them against the elements, and bury the sealed ones in deserts and/or peat bogs, and try to circulate the rest widely.  Future historians and mythographers will be grateful.

* * *

Recap of what we know: Midgard is in the middle.  Helheim is in Niflheim.

At the roots are Asgard, Jotunheim, and Helheim/Niflheim

Svartálfaheim is down, Álfheim is up.

Muspellsheim is opposite Niflheim.

* * *

Trying to synthesis and also making shit up:

The simple directions of the two Elf homworlds suggests to me that Svartálfaheim--Midgard--Álfheim  represents an axis along the trunk.

Svartálfaheim is underground, it can't be too far underground because tree roots tend to stay close to the surface, additionally Yggdrasil's main roots are not some extension of a young taproot that was somehow encouraged to continue as a straight down trunk extension.  Still, we're talking Yggdrasil here; not too far underground for Yggdrasil is probably enough space to fit a really nice realm or two.

So I'm saying that Svartálfaheim is under Yggdrasil's trunk,

Midgard is at "ground" level of the trunk.  That's pretty much accepted.  Mind you what "Ground means for a tree connecting worlds is ... unclear at best.

Álfheim is straight up the trunk.

Three along the trunk and three in the roots leaves us with three left to determine.

Muspellsheim is easy.  It's opposite Midgard from Niflheim, which is in the roots, so it would be in the branches on the side non-Niflheim side of the tree.  (How can the realm of lava be elevated?  I don't think it's a problem for Yggdrasil.  Yggdrasil can probably have a realm of endless empty space at the bottom most portion of its deepest root.)

We're left to determine the location of Vanaheim and ????.  Putting together Helheim and Niflheim has left us a realm short.  At this point I abandon all pretense of logical reasoning (and openly so, unlike before when I didn't point it out) and draw on aesthetics and analogy.

The fire giants live somewhere.  But Muspelleheim doesn't seem like a place to live.  The frost giants don't live in Niflheim.  Primordial realms are not good places to live.  Note that the inhabitants of Helheim, located within Niflheim, are all dead.

If the frost giants don't dwell in the realm of primordial realm of frost but instead somewhere off a different root over to the side somewhere, then by analogy the fire giants shouldn't dwell in the primordial realm of fire but instead in a different realm off a different branch off to the side somewhere.

So I posit their world as the ninth realm they are the Eldjötnar, so their world would be Eldjotenheim.  I place it opposite Jotunheim.  (Note that there is president for [something]heim and prefix[something]heim both existing, see Álfheim and Svartálfaheim.)

The only realm not yet placed is Vanaheim, and the only asthetically pleasing place to put it is in the branches opposite Asgard.

This leaves us with three realms in the branches (Muspelleheim,  Eldjotenheim, and Vanaheim), three along the trunk (Svartálfaheim, Midgard, and Álfheim) and three at the roots (Asgard, Jotunheim, and Niflheim which contains Helheim.)

It also leaves us with the following oppositions:
Álfheim is opposite Svartálfaheim
Jotunheim is opposite Eldjotunheim
Asgard is opposite Vanaheim
Niflheim is opposite Muspelleheim
Midgard is in the middle.

And that's the model of the Nine Realms I come up with.  Given that I had to make up a name "Eldjotunheim" to get there, I'm, pretty sure no one actually follows or believes in this model.  But it makes sense to me.

Skewed Slightly to the Left: Theories Chloe has heard

[Originally posted at Slacktivist.]

"Dad," Chloe said to her father, sleeping on the couch because he couldn't face his empty bedroom. "Dad!"

"Let me sleep, Irene," he mumbled.

That hit like a knife to the heart, but Chloe pushed the feeling aside. She'd had to learn to deal with the physical rather than feelings to make it here. It wasn't a lesson she'd soon forget. You could mourn, sob, freeze up, or wish for death when there was downtime, but first you had to deal with the problem at hand.

She shook her father's shoulder.

"Wha?"

"Dad, it's passed noon," Chloe said. When she was sure he was awake, she added, "time for food."

"You don't need to wait on me, Chlo," her father said. "Just have something for yourself."

"You know what happens when you don't eat?" Chloe asked, "You're tired all the time, a headache sets in that never ends, you start to get weak, even something like walking a short distance exhausts you, and with all that going on, you don't even think to eat."

Her father sat up at that, "Has that happened to you Chlo?"

"Two thousand miles is a long way," Chloe said. He didn't need to know what she'd been through, it wouldn't help. "I can see the signs, you need food."

"Alright," her father said, "alright."

- - -

Rayford looked at Chloe as they ate a meal composed of, basically, what was grab. He wanted to tell her that he believed that they'd been through the rapture and the only hope they had of seeing Irene or Raymie again was to convert to their religion. But it wouldn't be right to just force that on her.

If he was going to tell her what he believed, then he first should listen to what she believed. It was only fair. "What do you think happened, Chloe?"

"A lot of people back at the university thought that it had to be aliens," Chloe said, "Who else could have technology that targeted human beings but didn't touch any other mammals? A militia that claimed some of the territory I went through as their own were convinced it was the government. Something about chemtrail exposure and children being most susceptible. They didn't have an explanation for why it only hit people, but when I brought that up one pointed out that animals don't leave clothes behind, so we might not notice them as much.

"There's a cult in Wyoming that thinks it was a first strike by the devil, and the apocalypse is coming. On the other hand a Nebraska cult I bumped into thinks that it's God, those who were worthy were taken, everyone else is damned. The gates of heaven barred.

"A helo pilot I got a lift from is convinced that the world we see isn't real, this is all some kind of computer program and the servers handling children and certain adults went down. He was remarkably unperturbed by the idea. I think because he believes that tech support will get the servers back up and then everyone we lost will be returned.

"A street preacher in Des Moines claims its proof that we're all actually living in the first century. The theory is, basically, that we're all living Acts 29 and Jesus is about to return but, in order to draw us away from belief the devil invented all of human history since then as a delusion so we won't be ready when the second coming comes. Under this theory it's been about 13 years since the delusion set in so none of the children really existed in the first place, and the people who disappeared didn't either.

"Obviously that theory has even more holes in it than the idea that the universe had a hiccup and dumped a lot of people in the next dimension over.

"There are so many theories out there, and the truth is that none of them make any more sense than, 'It just happened by random chance,' because what happened is impossible.

"I'm waiting on more evidence," Chloe said.

Rayford nodded, but then he said, "I think that your mother was right. She said this would happen right down to people disappearing but their clothes being left behind."

"I can see how you'd believe that," Chloe said, "but that makes God a monster who was responsible for all of the death that followed the event. Surely an all powerful being could wait until someone had parked their car to take them."

"I don't have an answer for that," Rayford said. "But I think that the only way to see the others again is to join their religion."

"It would also make God a kidnapper," Chloe said. "Every child was taken, not just the ones who believed in that particular strain of Christianity. They were taken from their families without being given a choice."

"I know that too," Rayford said. "I don't have any moral answers, but I do think your mother was right."

"How are we supposed to feel about them being with a mass murdering kidnapper if it's true?" Chloe asked.

"Maybe there are things that we don't know about that somehow made it necessary," Rayford offered weakly.

"The lesser of extreme evils?" Chloe asked.

"I don't know," Rayford said.

-

[Skewed Slightly to the Left Index]

Left Behind: Something is wrong here

[I'll fix any formatting problems later, I'm in a hurry]
[Any formatting problems should be fixed, tell me if they're not]
[Originally posted at Right Behind, I guess.  Thursday, January 21, 2010 it says.]

"Rayford," Jesus said.

"Yes, Lord," Rayford responded.

"When you see My throne, join those on My left, your right."

Rayford didn't notice he had stopped in his tracks. He didn't notice that others were moving passed him. All he noticed was that something was wrong. He had been waiting for this moment for seven years. He had studied it for just as long. He was supposed to be on Jesus' right. He was sure of it. But he was just as sure of what Jesus had said.

Something was wrong.

Perhaps it was a test of faith. If it was Rayford would pass. He would do whatever Jesus commanded of him. "Yes, Lord," Rayford said. He made his way rightwards.

-

Big Sky-Man told him to move left, so Jacob moved to his left. He considered disobeying for the sake of disobeying, but didn't see the point. Big Sky-Man could simply teleport Jacob there if he didn't move, and over there didn't look any worse than where he was standing. He felt like stretching his legs anyway and didn't see any gain in pissing of Big Sky-Man. Jacob moved to his left, Big Sky-Man's right.

Jacob had never studied theology and never set foot in a church, he had no idea the significance of being on the right or the left. In fact the only thing this right-left thing brought to mind was an episode of the original series of Star Trek. It was a heavy handed commentary on race with a memorable scene in which one black on one side white on the other side alien shouted that he was superior to another similarly colored alien because the other one was, "white on the right side. All of his people are white on the right side!"

Jacob smiled at his faded memory of the scene as he made his leftwards through the crowd.

-

Below them the vast heavenly hosts were assembled. A great raised platform stood under the assorted saints and angels. On the platform Jesus sat on a throne and five angels stood. The three angels of mercy were behind Jesus, Michael and Gabriel stood to either side.

-

One of the angels stepped forward and made a speech. Jacob thought its wings were pretty.

"Jacob, " Big Sky-Man said, "come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me. "

"I've never seen you before," Jacob said.

"Assuredly, I say to you, Jacob," Big Sky-Man said, "inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren," Jacob's mind was flooded with memories. Volunteering at a soup kitchen, all the times he gave up his water ration because others needed it more, strangers who would one day be friends camped out in sleeping bags in his living room after an earthquake had toppled so many other houses.

He remembered on the night of the vanishings meeting a teenaged girl who had lost everything -literally everything- standing in the street staring at her burning house wearing nothing but a blanket, the only thing he'd had to give was the clothing he'd been wearing. It wasn't complete charity though, she'd given him the blanket in trade. There were also instances of donating clothing to charities, but they were much less notable.

Most of all he remembered the hospital. The damned hospital. He hated it. The smell, the knowledge that so many of those he was visiting would die, the horror of seeing a child, always under seven years old, being wheeled through the halls with bits of them missing. Everything about it, he had hated. But his friend had been right, there was a need. By the time there were children in need of a children's hospital all of the children's hospitals had been abandoned or repurposed. He couldn't build, he had no medical training, he had no money. He watched as others worked to make it operational, but couldn't help with that. Once it was he watched as others did the work of healing, but couldn't help with that. All he could do was go from room to room and talk to the children. So he that was what he did.

Jacob didn't actually have any memories of coming to anyone in prison.

"you did it to Me." Big Sky-Man finished.

Jacob said, "Oh."

-

With anger and yet sadness, Jesus said, "Rayford, depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me."

The words didn't really parse properly in Rayford's brain. When he said, "What! When?" it was more of a reflex than an actual question.

Jesus said, "Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these,” Ray's mind filled with images, a woman on the ground next to an empty stroller that he drove passed on his way home, homeless people he had ignored on his way to various places, every person who's suffering he had left unattended because he was too busy spying on Nicolae. The images were too many to number. "you did not do it to Me. You will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life," Jesus finished.

This wasn't right. Rayford wasn't a goat. He was a sheep. He knew it. Bruce and Tsion had both told him so. Something was wrong here. "No. No! NO!"

Somewhere, to his right, Rayford heard someone yell, "But I said the prayer!"

-

A woman near Jacob asked, "Is this a trick?"

Jacob didn't understand how she could even think that if her experience had been anything like his own. He knew, somehow, exactly what this was. He silently asked Big Sky-Man if he could tell her. Big Sky-Man said he could. He approached her, looked her in the eyes and said, "No. It's not a trick. This what we've earned. At long last our suffering is at an end."

"But I took the mark. I have the mark of the beast."

Jacob looked at her empty forehead. He had to lean slightly to see her hand. "Not anymore. I don't think marks matter anyway. It's what you do that matters."

Jacob looked passed her, the earth cracked under the people on Big Sky-Man's left. The crack expanded, lengthening and widening until it it swallowed all of them, then it shut itself. "And kerplunk. He doesn't screw around." Jacob thought for a moment, "I hope He doesn't just leave them there. I can't believe that they're all irredeemable."

-

- -

-

Notes:

I originally misread "Rayford knew instinctively that every living person on earth was gathered in that valley." as "Rayford knew instinctively that every living thing on earth was gathered in that valley."

As such it made sense to include:

The onlookers instinctively knew that every living thing on earth was present. Rayford tried to determine how many human beings had survived this long. Jacob wondered where his dog and cat were. And his spider plant.

-

It took most of the morning for everyone to get where they were supposed to be. Jacob had located his pets and his plant, but the cat had gotten bored and moved on.

Unfortunately that doesn't make much sense when looking at what the text really says.

Also, Krystall, Nicolae's secretary, was originally supposed to be the one Jacob talks to, but apparently she died before the series reached it's conclusion. As a result I had to drop the original last line:

"I don't know," Krystall said, and she told him of a man who'd once tormented her when she was immersed in total darkness.

-

[Left Behind Index] 

Family relationships amoung gods

I was thinking... I don't know.  Quite possibly something Loki related because, let's honest, what isn't?

Anyway, this popped into my head:

-

Mortal: You two are related how?

God One: His mother is my father.

*Mortal has look of total incomprehension*

God One: (to God Two:) What did I say?

God Two: Some mortals have difficulty comprehending the ways of the gods.

*God One has look of confusion, then*

God One: Ohhhh.   (To mortal:) What I meant to say was--

God Two: Don't even try; it's too late now.

-

Note that if this were Loki's kids it would probably have to be two of Loki's sons (the horse and the snake) and it would need to be switched to "His father is my mother" because the serpent has to be god two on account of spending a lot of time in Midgard (check the name) and thus being wise to the ways of mortals while the horse lives amoungst the gods and thus doesn't see why it would be confusing that one person's father could be another person's mother.

And honestly, now that I've written that, I'm not sure that it wasn't, "His father is my mother," to begin with (with the current state being a result of jumbling in the time between thought and text.)

Regardless, I think the exchange works best with gods that can pass as human, which (as far as I know) the horse and the snake can not.  (Though other-Loki did make the serpent pass as a cat once.)

Grendel

The horrible throbbing pain was unspeakable.

It pounded.

As if the rivets of a longship were being hammered into his skull.

All he wanted was silence, but all he heard was noise.

He considered bashing his head into a rock until everything stopped, but it wasn't an option because he was nigh indestructible.

He trudged to Heorot --each step toward that accursed place causing the pain to multiply-- to beg Hrothgar and his people to please, for the love of god, be fucking quiet.

Instead they mocked his pain.  When he arrived to beseech them to be silent, the shouted and screamed.  The pain was too much.  The breaking point had been passed.

Heorot had to go.

God's Home Town: The Divine Feminine

So, in the post here where I talked about the setting, I completely forgot about this idea.

I'm not sure why but I like the idea of God, who is Christian God because Jesus is his/her/its son, having at least two different aspects represented in different ways.

Male aspect, with which most people in town are most familiar, is a booming voice from the sky.  Any Fire and Brimstone(TM) comes from him, though mostly he's the generic nice God of pop culture, though he is concerned with sin and is judgmental.  Probably less forgiving than Jesus.

If I have stuff like the burning bush, that would be the genderless aspect of God and I don't really have a personality worked out for that yet.

Feminine aspect represents herself as a human being who generally limits herself to doing things human beings can do, and (as a result) some people don't even realize that she isn't human.

I think she probably wears low cost, highly worn clothes and resemble stereotypical wardrobe department poor-person/street person.  (Which makes a kind of sense because she doesn't maintain a residence.)

Also, she does stuff she's not, strictly speaking, supposed to do:

*Person heads into Hell to lead a trapped group of soul freeers out through an entrance only Person knows about*

Person: You jerks getting trapped ended my family's long tradi-*
Person: *shocked* God?
*the Divine Feminine is one of the soul freers with a group of semi-rescued souls*
Divine Feminine: *waves* Hi.
Person: If you wanted souls to get out of Hell, couldn't you just, you know, will it?
*Divine Feminine gives Person a look*
Person: *groan of understanding tone* Ineffable.

Person: Why do you need my help to get out?
Divine Feminine: I don't; they do. *pointing to others*
Person: You're God, couldn't you-
Divine Feminine: Oh yeah, use my powers and let all of Hell know that I've violated our treaty.  That'll go over great.
Person: Sarcasm.
Divine Feminine: Quite
Person: Blasphemy at you and a pox on your house.

*Person begins leading the group out of Hell*

-

* Generations long tradition of never taking sides or in any way getting involved in divine politics.  The family has a long tradition of apolitical existence in which the town's oddities are exploited for personal gain and only personal gain.  Breaking people out of Hell is a strict no-no.

God's home town - Setting idea

In many ways the idea is for a comic, which would never work because I cannot draw.

The idea is this: generic small town, probably American because I'm American and it would likely use a lot of peculiar-to-America ideas.  Except... Jesus lives there.  God lives there.  The devil has a house there.  Buddha is in attendance.  There are gates to Hell and random stuff like that.

Think Sinfest but with a lot more focus on what it's like to live in a place with direct evidence of the divine and infernal, and a lot more playing with the idea.

-

Person: "Do you know a good lawyer?"
Long Time Native: (baffled) "Why?"
P: The bank foreclosed on my house even though I never missed a payment.
LTN: You've got a lot to learn; let me show you how we deal with that shit here.
LTN: Jesus!
*Jesus shows up*
LTN: The bank foreclosed on [p]'s house without cause.  Have a whip.

*Exterior shot of bank, bankers fleeing*
Jesus: (voice only) MONEYCHANGERS!

-

Person A: You made a deal with the devil!
Person B: It was strictly real estate!
*pause*
Person B: Hellfire is the best when it comes to glass blowing and I save a bundle by not having to run my own furnace

-

People running the underground railroad to get souls out of Hell.

Defecting demons or angels seeking asylum in other pantheons.

"I mean, Christ On A Bike!"
*both interlocutors look as Jesus rides by*
*pause*
"I forgot what I was saying."

-

Human, "Ok, I've got the cup of Christ," lays a souvenir cup on the counter.

Demon, "SeaWorld?"

Human, "Check the park names: It's from there was still a SeaWorld Ohio, you can't get those anymore and Jesus only had the one anyway."

Demon, "What else?"

Human lays a Nalgene bottle on the counter, full of black liquid, "The black waters of the river Styx."

Demon, "Decent, but hardly spectacular."

Human, "The bell of the Buddha," lays a doorbell on the counter.

Demon, "Does Buddha know you stole this."

Human, "I didn't steal this one, I asked for it."

Demon, "You asked for something?"

Human, "He wasn't using it, so I asked."

Demon, "Still not enough."

Human, "Thoth's book," lays down a nature book focused on ibises, "seed from a lotus tree," drops several seeds, mostly tangerine, on the counter and then picks up all the mundane ones, "one of Ithun's apples--"

Demon, "That's an iPad."

Human, "It was this or the netbook."

Demon *sighs* "Go on."

Human, "Gabriel's horn," puts a party horn on the table.

Demon, "You're sure this belongs to Gabriel?"

*Human hands the Demon a slip of paper*

Human, "I even stole the receipt."

Demon, "This is enough, but remember: the order is only to drop current hostilities.  If you cross [name of another demon] again, she's free to come after you."

Human, "Till then, I guess."

Demon, "If you live."

-

People sneaking through hell to steal gold to pay for a friend's medical expenses

LTN: This would be so much easier if God hadn't taken Jesus out of town for "Father Son Time."
P: Why?
LTN: Because then we'd just break into Jesus's home.
P: I didn't think he had money.
LTN: He doesn't.

*Flashback*
*door is kicked in*
Jesus: Couldn't you knock?
LTN: My friend needs to be healed.
Friend: *looking at broken door and door-frame* Sorry.
Jesus *while healing Friend* It wasn't even locked.

-

"We're going on a high risk mission into Hell and you brought a toy crossbow with suction cup arrows?"

"Brightly colored suction cup arrows."

"That makes so much more sense."

"I dipped them in holy water."

-

Group of humans trying to help souls escape are surrounded in Hell by demons and forced to drop their weapons, yes: even the toy crossbows.

Human (not the one from above): "You don't have to do this, you know."
Head Demon: "I know.  I just like my job."
Human: "There are worlds beyond this one.  Hot worlds, cold worlds, temperate, lush forests, endless plains, wonders that my language lacks the words to describe.  You could go to any of them.  I could take you there."
Head Demon: "You're not going to talk your way out of this, I like my job and I will love seeing you in torment."
Other Human: "She wasn't talking to you."
Human: "You join our side, and you can be free.  You'll never have to take orders in this place again."
Head Demon: "Shut up or I'll have you gagged!"
Other Human: "Have you considered all the benefits polytheism has to offer?"
Human: "I can get you all out of here."

*underling demons switch sides, re-arm the humans*

*Later in another realm, at the throne of Hel, daughter of Loki*

Human: I know our standing agreement is just for human souls, but if you help me get them *points to the demons* each to a neutral pantheon of their choosing, I'll be in your debt and you know I pay my debts.

-

[Added:]

Completely forgot something that I'm giving it's own post: the Divine Feminine.

-

[Original Work Index]

Click-bait religion

[Originally this was going to be religious listicles and all I had worked out was Ten things... and Almost a hundred things...]

This one weird trick will let you be a decent human being
(the golden rule)

The six most important days in history
(Creation of the world, story one, from Judaism and derivatives)

Ten things God does NOT want you to do
(The Ten Commandments)

An boy and an angel go on a road trip, you won't believe what happened next
(The Book of Tobit)

Almost a hundred things wrong with the Catholic Church
(The 95 Theses)

Twelve people who get thrones on Olympus; You won't believe who has to sit on the floor
(Gods are people too, so I stand by the use of "people" above.  The 12+1 Olympian gods of Greek mythology)

Eight simple steps to escape suffering
(The eight-fold path)

Five tricks to living a righteously awesome life
(The pillars of Islam)

Eight worlds you didn't know existed (and one that you live on)
(The nine realms of Norse mythology)

-

I wanted to have more from a larger variety of faiths, but as you can see above, my creativity was already wearing pretty thin.  Share your own in the comments.

Skewed Slightly to the Left: The frightened doctor

[Originally posted at Slacktivist, though this post is the one that actually covers the relevant passage.]
[In canon the doctor is bored, in spite of the excessive need for him outside on the tarmac.  I thought he could use a different motivation for not helping those outside.]

Cameron felt a tap on the shoulder and turned to see a man in his twenties or so who looked shaken and nervous. "Your wound needs to be dressed. I'm a doctor."

"I'm ok," Cameron said. "A lot of people have it worse."

"I-- I know," the doctor said with shame in his voice. "I should be outside helping but when I saw," it looked to Cameron like he swallowed to keep from vomiting. "I can't be out there. I tried. I-- I tried to to do the right thing, but I ended up running away and hiding.

"I just can't face the scene out there. But dressing your head wound, that's something I can do," he sighed. "Please. Please let me do something to help someone."

Cameron looked at the man for a moment.

"It won't make up for not being out there where I'm most needed," the doctor said, looking at the ground, "But at least I won't be completely useless if I can keep you from getting an infection."

Cameron thought about it. "Ok," he said.

"I had my bag with me, but I gave it to someone who could face what was going on out there."

"Good thinking," Cameron said.

"So if you'll come with me to the drinking fountain, we can clean the wound, then we'll have to look for whiskey, grain alcohol, or honey to get it disinfected."

"Honey?" Cameron asked. He'd heard about alcohol of sufficiently high proof, but never honey.

"It works wonders, but it's a sticky mess," the doctor said. "Fountain's this way."

-

[Skewed Slightly to the Left Index]

It isn't Sunday yet

Originally a comment at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings, but then it occurred to me that I have no idea when I'll have a new post up, and while it might be informative for people to know that's because of money problems, a post about money problems is hardly the ideal thing to leave up for any length of time.  So, here is what I wrote about today, tomorrow, the difference between the two, preaching on the subway, the tomb of Genghis Khan, and that sort of stuff:

-

It's not Easter. It's Fred Clark's Saturday. It's an important day in holy week because it is a day to reflect on doubt, uncertainty, and the fear that maybe what you believe in is not, in fact, right.

Jesus lies dead, his followers have scattered. Only a select few remain and they are not the devout faithful few. They are the mourners.

By this time next year, will anyone remember the name of Jesus, the carpenter's son? What, really, was the point of all that?

The original Christians were not Christians yet on this day. They were, at best, proto-Christians. They had left their lives behind to follow a wandering rabbi that seemed a mass of contradictions and preached ideals they always seemed to fall short of. They'd seen impressive things done with fish and bread (and wine) but now their teacher was dead, the powers that be were triumphant, and all that remained was to prepare the corpse for burial.

That's today.

I'm not a Christian, but I'd think that this is an important day. We may talk about the the doubts of Thomas, but on this day they ALL had doubts. There was nothing but doubt, and nothing to suggest hope, save faith.

What had come before they had seen with their own eyes, but those same eyes saw their leader fall. For the first, and in many ways only, time the proto-Christians found themselves in the position of actual real live Christians alive today. No longer did they have a Jesus they could touch. No longer did they have miracles they could see. That was all over. They had a corpse most of them were afraid to visit for fear of the same punishment would fall on their heads.

The only thing they could cling to was unreasonable hope. Belief --in the absence of evidence, and indeed in defiance of evidence-- that maybe, just maybe, things would somehow work out.

And, for the most part, they didn't. There was a lot of giving up. (The women did a much better job on not abandoning him than the men did.)

That's a lot to pack into one day. A lot of stuff to think about once a year.

Nowhere in there is going out to the subway platform and telling people to repent or perish.

-

The signs didn't bother me. The people with the signs didn't bother me. The one guy giving a lecture to the people waiting for the next Red Line train to roll into Downtown Crossing in the direction of South Station bothered me.

-

"Does anyone know what Easter Sunday is about?"

We're in fucking Boston Massachusetts, I'm pretty sure you can't avoid learning that.* Boston, the place founded by people who left Europe because it wasn't fucking Christian enough for their tastes in spite of being really, really Christian and you have the nerve to ask if anyone on the entire god damned platform knows what Easter is about.

You know why God damned the platform? Because of you, random jerk who wanted to give us a Sunday sermon on Saturday. You have the nerve to give an Easter Sunday sermon on Holy Saturday. Being in a tunnel does not make it sundown, Easter is not here yet. Not in Boston.

But then he gets into talking about how people are dead. Muhammad, Buddha, Confucius, and so forth. They're dead, you can find their bones. There's only one person in history whose remains you can't find, meaning Jesus (not today, asshole, it's Saturday, Jesus' corpse is in the tomb, the resurrection is tomorrow and the ascension more than a month later), even though it is in fact the case that you can't find most people's remains.

But as he's going on and on about how there's this one person whose body you cannot find, I've had enough. I shout --a very quiet shout as shouts go, but definitely rising to the level of a shout-- "All hail Genghis Khan!" while raising my right hand, in a fist, into the air.

After all, no matter how hard we've looked, who has found the tomb of Temüjin?

I didn't actually look at the speaker as I said it. I was standing waiting for the train, staring at the empty space into which the train would, at some point, come.

I don't think anyone actually reacted to my outburst, which is for the best since the T is a place for guitar music, not theological debates over the importance of undiscovered remains. He was being an ass for pushing his beliefs onto others, my random veneration of Temüjin was hardly a better thing to force on the people who just wanted the damn train to arrive.

Someone who truly wished to engage with the annoying jerk, and had a good handle on scripture, would have cut him off before he could get to the whole, "No-corpse-man is Jesus," reveal and cut in agreeing that Enoch is really cool. After all, Jesus may have come back from the dead, but big deal; Enoch never died in the first place. He walked with God and was gone (Gen 5:24).

Try and beat that.

-

Anyway, I'm off the T and on the bus. Back to home I go.

-

- - -

-

* Also, for the record, it's about Cadbury eggs. That clucking bunny that lays those delicious things is either a saint or a god, I know not which and neither do I care.