Princess Story, Part 1

[So I realized/remembered that some people come here through things that show only the most recent post, which happened to be an extremely short thing trying to use creepy to solve plot holes in the third Left Behind book.  That's not the best thing to have out front, so I wrote this as perhaps something better.]

Once upon a time in a palace by the sea, there lived a princess. The palace, and all the city's residences, lay on a hill, beyond the reach of the worst the sea could offer, but close enough that the same walls that protected the palace also protected the port and so the kingdom thought itself immune from siege. If an army came they could close their gates an count on the sea to sustain them. If a navy came it would surely lose, for the kingdom had the greatest navy in the known world.

Thus the princess grew up with a sense of safety in a time of peace. She learned the arts of diplomacy and negotiation. She learned to negotiate for grain without revealing how badly it was needed, thus preventing the other side from gaining leverage, and she learned how to tell when revealing one's need might result in a lower price. She learned these things though they were never likely to be necessary, because they are what a princess must know.

She learned to take the pulse of public opinion and public health, she learned to move the people with speeches and shift conversations. She learned that her birth had placed the needs of the kingdom above her own and that whatever power or luxury she enjoyed was either to allow her to serve the people or to compensate her for that service. A service she had never been asked if she was willing to preform, but would none the less.

She learned the arts of self defense. Close quarters combat should an assassin sneak into her room. The difficult art of defending oneself while surrounded by panicked innocents she must endeavor to protect, should an assassin attack her in a crowd. The way to turn her knowledge of the land and architecture to her advantage, should a fight range.

She learned philosophy, for it was expected of royalty. She learned theology of many shades, for it was expected that she not only know of the kingdom's gods, but also of those of potential allies, enemies, and trading partners. She learned law, because it would be hers to uphold. She learned mathematics because without it she could not be sure of being equitable. She learned to host a dinner and multiple styles of dance.

She learned and grew in peace and stability until she had become an intelligent and beautiful woman. At which point she learned to say no to many, many suitors. Sometimes politely, sometimes without even words, sometimes harshly, sometimes loudly, sometimes with armed guards.

And then something changed in her life that no one had expected.

It started small, some minor disagreements between members of her kingdom by the sea and a neighboring landlocked kingdom. But the minor disagreements multiplied and escalated. Bloodshed followed.

It became clear that the situation was rapidly moving toward war. A war which the Royalty of neither side wanted. The land kingdom had an army that was second to none, her sea kingdom had a navy of similar distinction. A war would be without foreseeable end. The capitols would be safe, and instead war would take its toll on smaller colonies. Farms and towns. Anywhere too small to have a great wall, or too isolated to survive a siege.

A war would be without winners, but full of losers.

Unfortunately the local lords, barons and dukes and other such leaders, did not see it that way. They saw war as a way to expand their holdings and settle past grudges. On both sides a segment of the nobility was working toward war, and clamoring for it. Power was distributed enough that, even against the royalty's objection, they could have it.

The laws of both kingdoms were hodgepodges collected over a thousand years of whatever seemed best at the time. After frantic searching, double checking, and hasty comparisons, it was clear that there was only one thing that the nobility on both sides would be forced to recognize. Only one thing that could avert the war: Alliance by royal marriage.

The princess was an only child, and one of the children of the landlocked kingdom's king and queen was a son.

Triple and quadruple checking confirmed that it was the only way the law would force the lords into peace. So while the bellicose lords gathered armies in preparation for the coming war, the royalty of the two kingdoms hastily prepared for a wedding.

-

[Princess Story Index][Next]
[Original Work]

NRA - If you would excuse us

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (page 4).]
[To address a plot hole in Left Behind, via creepy.]

“Mrs. Steele, if you would excuse us –?” Nicolai asked politely.

Amanda's eyes rolled back until only the whites were showing.  She stopped all movement except the beating of her heart and the expansion and contraction of her lungs.  One of the Ambassadors stood, approached, more closely examined her current condition, and then silently sat back down unsettled.

At this point Amanda said, “Certainly.”

-

[Left Behind Index]

NRA - The Wages of Peace

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (page 4).]
[Based on the idea of a global broadcast of the Antichrist's plan to commit nuclear mass murder being sent out as suggested in the main post, and yet that not hindering the Antichrist's domination of the world in the least.]

The entire world had stopped.  After eighteen months spent connecting even the most remote populations to the global communications network and teaching them a common language it seemed this was the moment everything had been building toward, a single revelation.  The knowledge that their benevolent leader wasn't really benevolent.

Both sides had stopped the fighting in the war torn streets of Washington, though no order had been given.  They stood peacefully listening to the recently installed emergency loudspeaker network.

In the remote Amazon a tribe that first came into contact with the outside word a mere seven months ago listened to the signal in their new language, confident that this was why they learned the word "Megaton".

In the freshly constructed buildings of New Babylon rebellion began to form in the minds of the population as they came to understand that what they had been building was not peace.

Then, the voice changed.  Everyone on earth knew that he was now addressing them, not some unseen interlocutor:

"Do you think that I did not know you were listening?  I wanted you to hear and I thank those who sent the signal out.  They were working for me, even if they did not know it.  Why else would I have given them the ability to bring you this message?"

What had moments ago seemed clear was now replaced by confusion.  The entire population of the world collectively held its breath, waiting to hear what would come next.

"My colleague was correct, the USGB did need to be taught a lesson.  So too does the rest of the world.  We knew when we started this journey that peace would not be easy.  From prehistory war has been a part of the human condition, change is hard.  Sometimes it takes tough love.

"As your leader I love all of you, even the ones in rebellion, and it pains me to see even a single human life be lost.

"But those who would destroy our peace must be taught a lesson, as much as it pains me.  The world must be taught a lesson.  If humanity is to become a species of peace this lesson must be learned.

"And, unfortunately, lessons of this nature are the hardest sort.  Punishment only works if it is swift, severe, and unexpected.

"So our response has been immediate, London was the beginning and, though it pains me to teach this lesson, by the end of the day 99 other cities will suffer the same fate.  Ten cities from each of the ten regions of the world.

"Is this severe?  Yes.  Unfortunately.  As it must be.  It is also, by necessity, unexpected.  Even those who planned to shatter our peace while the rest of us were content to live in it could not have anticipated a response such as this.

"But, though it weighs on my heart like lead, this punishment is necessary.  It is why 10 percent of the world's weapons were not destroyed.  So that the peace might be kept.

"Today will be remembered by history as a dark day, perhaps the darkest day of all, but rest easy knowing that the destruction serves a higher purpose.  After today, who would dare make war?

"Those cities we lose today are, of course, tragic in their ending, but it is simply the wages of peace.  And peace is something we can all believe in.

"I have taken enough of your time.  Please excuse my interruption and go about your day."

The broadcast ended.  Most of the world returned to normal, content that the darkness of the day was necessary for a brighter tomorrow.

Those on the streets of Washington remained standing as they had while they listened.  The fighting did not resume.  They lingered where they were, waiting for the higher purpose they had been promised.  Their imminent demise did not bother them.  It was simply one of the wages of peace.

The few not under Nicolae's spell fled, as fast as they could, save for the ones that remained to beg their comrades to flee.  The begging had no effect.

The wages of peace would be paid.

-

[Left Behind Index]

Skewed Slightly to the Left - What you do when you know where the nukes will fall.

[Originally posted at Slacktivist (page 2).]
[Rayford has just learned Nicolae's ten North American targets.  Cities that are to be wiped out, as London was]

Cameron was mostly concentrating on not vomiting as Verna used the land rover Alice had stolen from an abandoned dealership to plow through obstacles almost constantly.  He knew, intellectually, that the streets hadn't exactly been cleared and Verna's ability to find ways through the mess that didn't leave the SUV a steaming wreck was impressive to the point of near miracle.  The problem was that he felt, gastronomically, that this was a very bad idea.

And then his phone rang.

Rayford's voice was hushed and he was speaking in code, Cameron's mind wasn't really ready for it, and he had to ask Ray to repeat himself a few times.  Though part of that was probably the shock.

His hand shook as he jotted down the results of the translation, and multiple attempts were needed to make it legible.

Finally he said, "Yeah, Ray, I'll do what I can but I just wish you'd called earlier.'  The obvious response was that Rayford hadn't known earlier.  "I understand, it's just... just..." Cameron found he wasn't up for putting things into code, "The office was already closed down for the day, I don't know what I can do at this point."

He hung up the phone and the others waited for him to speak, but he couldn't find the words.

"What is it?" Alice asked.

He still couldn't speak so he handed her his notes.

"What the hell is this?  Wait.  Is this left handed Greg?" she asked, gradually recognizing the shorthand.

"Anniversary," Cameron answered while nodding, voice flat.

Alice started to read.

"Oh my god."

She read more.

"Oh my fucking God."

Verna asked, "What is it?"

Cameron said, "Stop the car."

That, "It's not a car," wasn't said and a playful debate was not held was a sign the War had taken its toll on everyone's sense of humor.

Before the SUV was fully stopped Cameron was out the door and vomiting on the street.  A process he repeated multiple times.

When he returned to the SUV he caught the end of Alice filling Verna in,"...if they really are 100 megaton bombs then the point is just to be able to say '100 megaton bombs' it's much easier and more efficient to use multiple smaller warheads.  Use five 20 megatons, less effort, more destruction, and you still get to say '100 megatons.'

"Nicolae would have had to have these bombs, and their delivery system, whatever it is, custom made."

Alice done speaking, Verna turned to Cameron, "Feel better?"

"Somewhat."  After a pause he asked, "You're looking into what assets are still capable of getting the word out?"

"Of course," Verna said.

"You and Alice work on that, I'm going to try a different angle," Cameron said before digging out the phone the president had used to contact him.

"Cameron," Alice said.

"Yeah?"

"You said you friend's name over the phone last time.  You shouldn't do that.  Signals can be intercepted."

"Thanks," he said, then stepped outside of the SUV returned the only call the phone had ever received. When the call was answered he said, "Please tell me you still have an air force or something."

"Who is this?" Said a voice Cameron didn't recognize.  Hopefully a member of Fizhugh's staff, possibly a GC agent.

"That's not important, I couldn't prove it anyway.  I have some high priority information level ... uh ..." it took him a moment to remember, but when he did Cameron quickly rattled off a sequence of numbers, letters, and colors that he hoped were correct.

"What do you have?"

"I have the GC's north American hit list.  Ten cities that are all slated to become the next London."

Cameron gave the voice on the other end the names of the cites, then got back in the SUV, and suggested a new destination: New Hope.

"We're almost to the first place you told us to go," Verna said.

"I know, and I wish we could go there," he truly did, it wasn't just the closest shelter, it was Chloe's shelter.  While he was glad to be with friends, the person he wanted to be with more than anyone was his wife, "but we might be able to access alternate means of getting the word out from New Hope."

Bruce had traveled the country, then the world, making contacts and creating the cells from which new organizations could be built. Loretta was the one in charge of keeping those contacts in contact and helping those cells multiply.  She doubtless had contacts in the nine other cities, people who could start getting the word out.

"I vote episode four," Alice said.

"New Hope it is, then," Verna said.  She handed Cameron her phone, "These are the numbers I haven't called yet.  Call them."

"I will."

Verna started the SUV up, and the bumpy grinding journey toward New Hope began.

--

Several people blocked her path.  Most were armed, but all wore civilian clothes.  Verna stopped the car.  When one approached she cautiously rolled down her window.

"There are snipers at the next intersection," the person said.

Verna sighed.  "Of course there are."  After a moment she said, "Thanks for the information.  We may have some of our own.  If it isn't stopped, the next bombing raid is to be nuclear, way beyond anything we've seen so far."

"Do you have shelter?"  Cameron asked.

"No."

Cameron gave directions to Chloe's shelter, still the closest and a painful reminder how much further they had to go to reach New Hope.  "It should be open to everyone, but if there are any problems tell them Cameron sent you.  And if you see Chloe Steele-Williams tell her there's nothing I want more than to be with her, but there's information I need to get to Loretta."

-

[Skewed Slightly to the Left Index]

.hack//Sign It's all ice cream and lollipops... and dead people

.hack recap: Tsukasa, has been out and about, which has been generating rumors.

(I recommend actually buying .hack//Sign since my words don't really do it justice.  One can get either the DVD this episode is on, or the full series as a set.)

.hack//Sign, Episode 4: Wanted, 4:01-6:00

Tsukasa is back in the land of the floating sleeping girl (Aura), floating teadybear (name unknown so we'll say Pooky), and so forth (stuff). He's sitting on the edge of the bed she floats above and when I get my normal computer back I'll see if I can get a screenshot. Until then, I guess words will have to do. The leaves have mostly fallen from the trees, the sky is gray, the weather looks depressing.

Tsukasa: Hey.

*shot of Aura*

Tsukasa: What happens if I dye her?

I'll pause for a moment to say that the dub (recall that when I quote I quote from subtitles) seems very much to say, “What happens if I die here,” which is a legitimate question which we'll get to in due time, but makes no sense in context.

Recall that Tsukasa reached out toward the girl before, which triggered a flashback to an unpleasant experience in his childhood involving a kitten and his father, and was then told “Go ahead,” when he asked for clarification he got it: “Imbue the girl with your own color.”

He has been told to dye her. He's looking straight at her. He's about to reach out toward her which seemed to be involved in the whole imbuing her with his color thing mentioned before.

As such, “What happens if I dye her?” makes perfect sense in context while, “What happens if I die here?” seems a non sequitur. Which is part of why I favor the subtitles over the dub.

Anyway, he does begin to reach out toward her, but then seems to decide against it, putting his hand back down.

A wind picks up and Tsukasa looks up as leaves, one in particular, blow over his head. Then DVL speaks. As she does some of the trees, bushes, and even grass take on a colorful hazy glow.

DVL: Tuskasa...

Tsukasa: Yeah?

DVL: Something wonderful awaits you.

Tsukasa: Like what?

Is it cake?  Because I heard that it was a lie. Actually, I want to take the question seriously here. No doubt lots of people have done things that they thought were good or even wonderful for Tsukasa and sometimes they were wrong, and sometimes they've doubtless hurt him severely.

When someone says something good for you is on the way it's good to find out if their idea of good for you and your idea of good for you are actually close to each other.

What if the wonderful thing that awaits you is being honored by being the main course at the insect overlord's big dinner party? As you try to fight your way out of that one you'll be wishing you said, “Like what?” well ahead of time.

This is a lesson that can be applied to politics as well. If someone tells you that they have a wonderful plan to make things better, you should, “Like what?” them and if they can't respond with a plan that could plausibly make things better, you should strongly consider that they might not be the best choice when you reach the voting booth.

Anyway, DVL does have an answer, though like a bad politician she has no plausible way to achieve that answer, that she's willing to share with the person she's talking to:

You, I , and that child... the three of us will never be threatened by anyone. We will be able to live peacefully and happily in a place where pain and worry do not exist.

Vote for me and things will be great, not bad. Your fears will disappear and all will be good.

All that Tsukasa wants is to get away from those who might hurt him. Since the category “those who might hurt him” includes everyone, he just wants to be left alone by everyone and everything. He's said so.

As such, DVL just offered him basically everything he ever wanted. His response:

You're lying, there's no such world.

And then he hangs his head.

If there is a message to be had from .hack//Sign that may well be it. The idea that you can set out to completely avoid any chance of pain or worry and end up living happily doesn't add up. As the soundrack says (not the part playing in this scene) you've got to “open your heart to tears and rejection,” because without risk there can be no reward.

The only way you can't have the possibility of loss is if you have nothing to lose (thus the song goes: freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose) and that is not a recipe for living peacefully and happily. (Even in the song, the singer had a much easier time feeling good before letting Bobby slip away.)

DVL retorts:

Tsukasa... How can you say something so sad?

I don't know, maybe because it's true? Or, failing that, maybe because Tsukasa is a depressed individual. Or maybe he's used to broken promises.

She continues:

Do you not believe me?

That's good, pile on the guilt. “Here I am trying to help you and you don't even trust me. Think about how hurt you've just made me.” Always a nice touch.

But Tsukasa has his reasons for doubt. Part of which is that Disembodied Voice Lady is, well, a disembodied voice. A disembodied voice whose name he does not even know:

Tsukasa: Well who are you? You never show yourself to me. I just hear your voice. How can I believe you?

On the one hand, I question whether he would really be that much more inclined to believe in the world without pain and worry but with happiness and a peacefully life never threatened by anyone or anything if he could see the person claiming it existed.

I also recognize that there are potential downsides to arguing with a disembodied voice.

Anyway, DVL goes low:

DVL: You should know who I am...

*Tsukasa looks up surprised*

DVL: ...and the reason I do not appear before you.

Now before we get to the flashback that shows exactly the level of emotional manipulation that she's inflicting on Tsukasa, let me start off by pausing to not how much I hate, “You should know...” things.

If there is a Gaslighting 101 handbook I bet that “You should know” is in there prominently featured because it hits on so many levels. First off, there's should itself. If you should do something, but you don't, that's a failure on your part. If you should be something but you are not, that's a deficiency on your part. When someone says, “You should know,” something you don't already know they're beginning from a position of saying that there's something wrong with you.

There's no way around that. It's not, “You should be able to figure this out,” which allows for the possibility that you will eventually figure it out and thus not have the should imply wrongness. No, it's present tense. You should right now, you don't, thus something is wrong with you.

About the future "should" can be about aspiration and hope and rightness, but when used regarding the present and the past any time what “should be” doesn't match what is, the should becomes a statement of wrongness.

Sometimes this is a good thing, “Your doctors should be treating you better,” isn't an attack on the person who is being spoken to, it is acknowledging that there is something wrong while placing it outside of the person being spoken to. Something is wrong here, and it's the doctors not the patient. Thus it isn't always an attack on the one being spoken to.

But here that doesn't apply. Tsukasa clearly doesn't know, but he's been told that he should. He's been told that his ignorance is his fault. That the thing wrong is not her lack of explanation but his lack of understanding in the absence of explanation. Thus he's already being told that his thinking here is wrong.

Now the flashback that's about to come does provide an answer, but since I'm tangenting on “You should know” I'm going to follow this line of reasoning a bit further before we return to the curve of the main topic of the post.

A lot of times “You should know,” isn't followed by an explanation, and the victim is left guessing at what they should know. When they learned it, why they forgot it, what it could be, why it is important, why the person who told them they should know didn't just tell them what it is, so on.

In effect, the, “You should know,” statement is a way to cause the victim to second guess themselves on various levels, memory, priority, reliability, and so forth not to mention second guess their understanding of the relationship they have with the “You should know,” person. Clearly they've failed in a way that that person finds unacceptable to the point of refusing to even help them recover. What other relationships might they be on the verge of likewise fucking up?

Depending on how long it takes the victim to figure out what it is that they should know, a significant amount of time may have been spent distracted. Time during which their perceptions might not be the most reliable (because they weren't focused) and they may have failed to pick up on other things they should know. The gaslighting opportunities are positioned to multiply.

This is not to say that every time someone asks you a question you think they should already know the answer to you're obligated to answer. But even, “That you don't know is not my problem,” is worlds better than, “You should know,” followed by no explanation. “You should know, so I'm not going to tell you,” is the asshole way out, only do it when the situation calls for you being an asshole. (Sometimes it does.)

Anyway, back to the show.

Tsukasa is thrown into flashback. A memorial to his mother when he was a child, tears dropping to his knees, where they pool some before flowing to the ground.

In present day Tsukasa's eyes open wide.

He stands.

He speaks:

Mother?

No. Because I spoil everything, no. Not his mother. An evil AI who decided to pretend to be the ghost of his mother so she'd have emotional leverage over him.

Tsukasa cries.

-

[Previous][Index][Next]

If you could see how I feel and depression metaphors from the nondepressed

Yesterday was my first day back at university.  School is good for me, I get structure, and human contact, I can actually have my sense of humor active, and people laugh, and generally speaking things go well.  And then the responsibilities of actually getting the work done come to bear and that sometimes ends in abject failure, but aside from that school tends to be good for me.

Anyway, in one of my classes it started with someone talking about how way her skin looked totally failed to reflect the pain she was in.  Depression often seems to be like that, it's invisible (like all mental illnesses) so it doesn't get the respect of something visible.

It makes me think of when I sprained my ankle badly and needed crutches.  There was no cast to weigh me down, and the crutches did their job admirably, and the end result was that I wasn't disabled at all.  With the exception of very specific things that I never needed to do anyway (e.g. hop up and down on my right foot, carry heavy things for great distances in my hands instead of my backback) there was nothing I couldn't do with one good leg and crutches that I could do with two good legs.  And yet, the crutches, a visible symbol of injury, made it so that everyone was ready and willing to make accommodations for me and wasn't about to dismiss my medical problem as not mattering.

Yet depression, something much more debilitating than a badly sprained ankle, and something that's been going on for more than ten years as opposed to the quickly healed ankle, does not get recognition as a serious problem, does not get respect or accommodation from most people, and does get dismissed all the time.

There is a certain desire that mental problems could be somehow visible, that people could see how I feel and thus know how seriously they're underestimating it.  And not just mental problems, all invisible problems.  Traumatic experiences, for example.  Ana Mardoll has discussed this desire a few times, most recently here:

there are times -- sometimes very long stretches of time -- where you feel that your closest friends and family genuinely do not and cannot understand what you've been through. And then you feel guilty for being hurt and angry about that, because really, do you want your friends and family to understand? Wouldn't that traumatize them, too? Yes, it would. But no, that doesn't make you bad for wanting them to understand regardless. It makes you a person.

It is possible that people without will never truly understand what people with have been through/are going through, but there is a vast gulf between totally ignorant and understand to the point of being traumatized, and so attempts are made to give some level of understanding.

And discussions like this often come from the direction of what people with the problem might say to give people without it some inkling.  I don't know how well those attempts work, though I would like to highlight Lonespark's "Invisible Staircase" metaphor as an important thing anyone depressed or non depressed should read.  If you're not depressed it'll bring you closer to understanding.  If you are depressed it may well give you the words to describe something you've previously been unable to communicate.

Also the thing from Shakesville about turning the key but not having the ignition start is good, in my opinion.

-

But the other thing that makes coming back to school a good thing is that it reconnects me with a teacher/friend who seems to be better able to respond to what I've been going through than people who have known me my whole life.  Probably the only offline non-professional I know who seems to understand, and she also seems able to help, though I'm not sure if she's aware of that.

When I approached her at the end of one semester, down and ashamed because I had to request an incomplete on the grounds that my brain wasn't working, I'd fail any test and there was no way I could write a paper, she understood, she granted the incomplete (which gave me a full extra semester to get it together) and managed to make me leave the conversation feeling energized, positive, and hopeful.  There are not words to describe how impressive that is.


As far as I know she's never suffered from depression, so where does her, in my experience, uncommon understanding of and respect for the very real problem that it can be come from?  Well, I was operating under the assumption that's just the way she was, but yesterday she told me how she got that way and it took effort on her part.

She recognizes that mental health problems tend to be underestimated in a way physical health problems aren't.  At some point she recognized that she was not immune to this.  So now she makes a conscious effort to think of mental health problems like physical health problems.  Would one be dismissive of a chronic physical illness (unfortunately, for some people, yes; but for her: no) so one shouldn't be dismissive of a chronic mental illness.

I believe she said, "You wouldn't tell someone with cancer to just get over it."

And for her, that works.  It works incredibly well.

Does she understand what it's like to be depressed?  Probably not.  Does she respond to depression in others in a way that is respectful and helpful?  Yes.

-

That's a direction I hadn't really thought about before.  When trying to explain depression it makes sense to think of it as how depressed people explain what they're going through to non depressed people.  I have never really put much thought into how non-depressed people explain to themselves how to think about depression.

My teacher and friend provided one example.

So to non-depressed people in my audience (do I even have any?) what has worked for you to get a better grip on how to respond to depression in others?  Are there specific metaphors you use to make sense of it in your own mind?

.hack//Sign: Rumor, Truth, and Digital Ducks

[meta bit that you might want to skip begins]

So, the plan was to be doing at least one .hack post a week, sometimes even more than one. It hasn't exactly worked out that way. Even if we count the index, and the times I had multiple posts in the same day, it doesn't even averaged out that way. Hell, the plan for this week was to have this done on Friday but Friday was spent on the Deus Ex post that was supposed to be done on Thursday Wednesday, and then Saturday was spent on a roller-coaster of hope and the opposite having nothing to do with the blog. (I think that, given the existence of the compound miter-saw and the wood I found, things can be made to work out if I can acquire 1/8^th of an inch thick clear plastic, 2 inch long wire nails, clear epoxy, and possibly wood-stain.)

Anyway, I did want to get something done this week, even though the week I've been calling this week ended yesterday, and we've been three weeks without a .hack post which is clearly too long.

So bear with me as I try to get back into the swing of things, and as always if you have anything you're even considering sharing, for the love of God/gods/nonexistent-thing comment.

[/meta bit]

.hack recap: Tsukasa, believing he has tamed the Guardian, has been told to do whatever he wants. Bear has asked Subaru to look at the access log.

(I recommend actually buying .hack//Sign since my words don't really do it justice.  One can get either the DVD this episode is on, or the full series as a set.)

.hack//Sign, Episode 4: Wanted, Beginning-4:01

First off, some of these episode titles seem to be on a very, “Give away the end,” kind of wavelength. Which is a legitimate storytelling choice, I guess, sometimes the question isn't Will it/they/whatever or won't it/they/whatever but, “It/they/whatever will, but how?”

Anyway, the episode name isn't about how it starts, but how it ends, and god only knows when we'll get to that point, so lets talk about how it starts for now.

Mimiru logs on and within seconds overhears a conversation about Tsukasa:

A new skill?

Yeah, Tomato said he saw one. The guy was toting around a monster and letting it kill off the enemies to gain experience.

I haven't heard that. What kind of guy is he?

A small wavemaster.

Don't you mean the guy the Crimson Knights are looking for?

What? Is that for real?

The dubbing is somewhat different, but the basic idea is that people are talking about Tsukasa to the point you can't be logged in for more than a few seconds without hearing some rumor or other.

Also, until I saw it in writing I didn't know the guy's name was Tomato because the emphasis is different enough to mean that it just didn't register.

The reason for Tuskasa generating all these rumors is that he's been told he could do anything he wanted to do, he could go anywhere he wanted to go, and for a kid with nothing... Yes, I'm quoting Tangled, it's a good movie.

The rumor here is wrong, it isn't a new skill and as far as I know Tsukasa doesn't gain experience when the Guardian defeats someone/something. He remains one of the weaker characters. What has happened is that Tsukasa has gone from someone who is afraid and is boxed in by authority figures and the limitations of the game to someone who seems to have been shown a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries... and now I'm quoting The Matrix, perhaps getting back into this, without turning into Quotefest 2012, will be more difficult than anticipated.

Tsukasa started the series afraid of everyone and everything, now he has a seemingly invincible (and, unlike in episode 2, seemingly tame) guardian which means that instead of having to react with fear every time someone shows up he can go wherever he wants to without the need to run or hide. If he wants to go into the hardest dungeon there is, he can. The Guardian will take care of the monsters, he can just stroll through. What does he care if someone sees him?

Thus: rumors.

-

We cut from Mimiru looking concerned about the rumors to a group of ducks in the canal at Mac Anu. Once upon a time I tried to find out what a group of ducks is called and at the end of my search found digital scans of a very old handwritten manuscript, probably at open library, I wanted to look that up again so I could say “a group of ducks is called [whatever manuscript said]” and link to the manuscript. Mostly because I thought it would be fun to provide such a link, it's interesting to see how handwriting and spelling have changed. There is a charm to old manuscripts, I think.

Anyway, I couldn't find said manuscript again, so I'll go with the easy to find answers. A group of ducks in water is called a paddling or a raft, since these ones aren't moving I'm guessing a raft. They, combined with the camera tilting up to show one of the bridges over the canal, provide an establishing shot of Mac Anu before we get into the meeting of Bear and Subaru, Silver Knight is there too.

The ship from which Subaru is usually seen directing the knights is docked, Silver Knight stands on the land near its bow, Subaru some distance in front of him, Bear even further out front, leaning back on what I think is a lamp post.

Not a word is spoken. Subaru walks passed Bear to something she herself can lean against (she leans forward) while she looks out at the canal. One of the ducks flies over. Finally, Subaru speaks:

Subaru: I have taken a look at the log files.

*Bear makes noise of acknowledgment/questioning/something*

Subaru: If I am to believe the logs, he's been here continuously for the past ten days.

So, quick note to any who don't know about the difference between continuous and continual. If Tuskasa had been there continually for the past ten days it probably wouldn't concern anyone. Something that continually happens happens again and again. Something that continuously happens never stops happening for the duration.

Now we don't know exactly what the log files contain, but we do know that it shows he hasn't logged out to eat, drink, or sleep in ten days. This is why people like Bear and Mimiru are so concerned with the not-very-likable Tsukasa. His life appears to be in danger, and in that case personal likability isn't high on the list of necessary attributes to justify involvement.

If your response to the ethics 101 thing about the drowning man is asking, “Well, is he a jerk?” then your ethics could use some tweaking. The appropriate response is to do what you can (be it calling for help or using lifeguard training) to keep the guy from dying.

It will be demonstrated later on that it is possible to leave one's terminal for a short time without logging out (which leaves one's character immobile and non-responsive) that no one is suggesting that Tsukasa is doing this indicates that that couldn't explain the data he's produced. Either the log files indicate such things (periods logged in but with inactivity are listed in the files) or being inactive long enough to take care of necessities would kick you from the game, or something like that.

Regardless, Tsukasa has been in the game, without pause, for ten days according to the log files.

Bear: No wonder you can't believe it.

Subaru: I don't want to believe it.

That is, I think, understandable. Not only is it impossible, not only is she probably considering the stuff above about time without water, food, or sleep, but it's also simply an indication of wrongness. Things like this should never happen. Things like this shouldn't be able to happen.

*Subaru turns to Bear*

Bear: Is there a possibility that the logs have been altered?

*Subaru leans forward*

Subaru: What need is there to do so? Who did it, and for what purpose?

*Subaru goes back to standing straight*

Subaru: I have no reason to doubt what the log files indicate.

She goes on to point out that someone altering the files likely wouldn't leave such a big unmissable sign that something isn't as it should be. On the one hand, this is used as an argument in favor of hoaxes not being hoaxes (any inconsistency is pointed out and said, “If it really were a hoax, wouldn't the hoaxter have made this consistent?”) on the other hand, there is something to be said for asking the question: if this were a hoax, why the hell would they do that?

The main point of this is that, while Subaru doesn't want to believe it, she does in fact believe it.

Subaru: The fact that he continues to stay here... he stays no matter what condition he is in... why does he have to continue to stay here?

*pause*

*Subaru makes sound of frustration and looks away*

Bear: As I said, maybe there's a reason to find that out. What is he doing, staying logged in for all this time?

*Bear turns to Silver Knight and gives a “Hmm?”*

*Silver Knight goes “Hmm” in return*

*Bear turns back to Subaru*

Bear: Maybe he doesn't know what's going on at all, either.

*Subaru reacts with surprise*

Bear: I have a feeling you won't find the answer just chasing after a character on the 'net'.

And with that, the scene ends.

So, there's a fair amount to unpack here. Subaru is showing an interest in Tsukasa as a person, though she's never met him, and concern for his situation. Before now we really don't know what she thought about him. He only came onto the knights radar on account of his having been seen with the floating cat in the pointy hat (Maha) and then was at the center of an unforeseen catastrophe, with him being the only one present when her top knight was beaten in such a way to leave the player controlling him unconscious and with (temporary) memory loss regarding the incident.

She posted guards in an attempt to intercept Tsukasa when he tried to log out (or at least approved of such postings) and that seemed the limit of her thought on the matter. And as it probably should be, she didn't know any of the details of his situation. Now she does, and when a … no.  I'm not going to quote Firefly. Now she does, and her response is one of concern. Now she wants to know what's driving him, or forcing him, to do what he does.

Bear is of the opinion that Tsukasa might have no more idea what's going on than the rest of them, and that it's worthwhile to find out what's going on, and that it won't be done on the internet alone. The reason he called in the Crimson Knights in the first place was that he was hoping they could give him the information necessary to locate Tsukasa's player in the real world. That hope was crushed under the CC Corporation's respect for player confidentiality and the fact that, while the Crimson Knights might be on good terms with System Administration they are in fact just players.

Where he's getting the idea that Tuskasa might have no more idea what's going on than he does is probably Mimiru, Mimiru was the one Tsukasa asked if she was able to log out indicating that when it first happened he was unaware it was something specific to him. Since then Bear has seen that the floating cat in the pointy hat seems more in control than Tsukasa, and seen that Tsukasa was completely unaware of the extent of what the Guardian did to the Silver Knight.

And as for the Silver Knight, he seems content to sit out this conversation. He utters not a word, and the only time he makes a sound is when prompted, he doesn't move. He really, really seems disinterested in discussions of the well-being of Tsukasa.

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