An update, possible goodbye, possible hiatus, possible I don't know what the fuck

I said, "I may have to just give up."

The computer that died was able to be resurrected, it wasn't easy.  When unseen water + electricity created internal zapping it corrupted the very software needed for start up I couldn't even get far enough to attempt to fix things but it calmed down a bit, I was able to attempt to fix things, first try failed, second try succeeded.

So I have a computer with internet, sort of.

Here is the state of things right now:

1. I have no idea if the computer will stay resurrected, or how long it will stay that way for if it does.  (right now I don't even know if it will restart if I shut it down.)
2. It was never that stable to begin with, if the accident caused any additional problems then it may become useless.
3. The internet connection, which is why I use this soundless unstable computer as my primary seems to have gotten worse as a result of the accident.  Right now it's only turning itself off at random and can be turned back on, but pasted experience tells me that this can be a precursor to total connection to the internet failure.
4. After putting all spare money toward paying down the Discover Card because believe it or not the tiny percent cash back is something that's important to me since I do live at the margin of total collapse and any little bit helps, I got a letter telling me that I don't have a Discover Card.  Here's the new information: the letter was accurate and there's nothing anyone can do to change that.
5. That means that I have no money.  Well, almost no money.  I was planning on paying for everything needed during the month on credit.  The only money I do have is money that someone donated after I paid toward the card so to the person who said she had to wait to donate: Your donation represents my only money for the month.  Hopefully I can scrape by on that, but figuring out how will mean I probably won't have much energy to devote to blogging.
6. I'm probably going to be spending much of my time talking to Consumer Financial Protection Bureau because while some of what Discover did is completely legitimate (no one can blame them for canceling the card after the wire transfer fucked up) other parts are extremely suspect.
7. My credit history probably just went to shit because part of it is how long your lines of credit stay open for.  They closed it before my first payment was due.  That's pretty fucking short.
8. I need a new computer.

That last one needs some expanding on.  I've needed a new computer for ages.

Not a used computer that's working fine when given but then starts to break down fast and has nothing much I can do about it.  Though to both of the people who did that, those are my primary and secondary computers.  Without you I would have been forced to stop blogging a long time ago.

Not a refurbished computer that whoever refurbished it assures me is as good as new.

I need a new fucking computer.  Preferably with a warranty.  An extended warranty if possible.

And it has to be a laptop.  I can't blog from a desktop.  Where I blog, when I blog, when I hate the word blog because it sounds like an unpleasant bodily function and I think that if two letters were going to be taken out of weblog they should have been the og at the end not the we at the front IT IS ALL DONE FROM A PLACE OTHER THAN A DESKTOP.

That's annoying because desktops are cheaper.  A lot cheaper.  A new laptop would cost hundreds or thousands.  Presumably hundreds because the idea I could pay thousands is absurd.

The idea I could pay at all is absurd.

If I had more money I'd use it to survive the month.

More than that and I'd use it to pay down my debts somewhat.

More than that and I'd use it to pay down ALL THE DEBTS.

More than that and I'd use it for tuition and to finally get my schoolbooks.

More than that and maybe, maybe, I'd spend it on a computer.

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Lonespark suggests that people reading the blog might have somewhat different priorities and thus might be more concerned about getting me a computer that will allow me to keep on writing the blog than, say, paying down my debts.

Normally I might agree.

But this would be the fourth time I'd be begging for money in, I think, three months.  Definitely not more than four months.  So three or four months.

I am so grateful there are not words for every single donation in each of the last three financial crises I faced.  Three of them, unrelated unless I'm forgetting details, and you the readers came through every time and did it unbelievably.

But you're not an endless spring of money to be tapped whenever something goes wrong.  You're people with your own lives and your own problems and your own needs and I think you probably need your money for yourselves or your own causes.

I've already been given, no strings attached, more than I could possibly deserve.  I'm not asking again.  Not so soon.

Which means that I don't know what happens to the blog.  The internet connection on this computer is getting more unstable even as I type it.

The blog goes dark, I guess.  Whether it turns on again depends on whether I can get enough money together to return to blogging.

Like I said in the previous post.  I may have to just give up.

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Of course, there may be people who want to help even though I'm not asking for it this time, that's why the donate button was put there in the first place.  So people could, of their own accord, and without being asked, donate.

If you are such a person, first off I urge you to consider if you really should.  This is four problems in three or four months, that's got to be a sign of some kind.  It's not your job to be my lifeline, it's your job to live your life well.

If you still want to donate then this is my promise to you:

1. If you attach a note that says "To help you through the month" that is the only thing I'll use your donation for.
2. If you attach a note that says, "To buy a new computer," that is the only thing I'll use your donation for.
3. If you attach a note that says, "To buy a glass armonica," there is no way in fucking hell I'll ever be able to afford one.  I'll take it under advisement but probably use your money for something else.
4. If you just want to give me money to use as I see fit, if you attach a note I'll still read it and if you don't I'll still take it.

But that's it.  That's the situation.  That's my update.  This may be goodbye.

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Also I think that I've decided that this idea (see also) should be in Boston or a Boston-like place.