Snarky Twilight: Meetings and greetings (Part 1)

[Originally posted at Ana Mardoll's Ramblings and the Slacktiverse.]
[Part 1 because I had to cut it short on account of being low on time]

Bella: Hey, Carlisle.
Carlisle: Am I still trying to be as suspicious as possible?
Edward: NO! Pay attention the story.
Carlisle: Ok, because last time I was...
Bella: I remember. How are you?
Carlisle: Fine, and you look better than last time.
Bella: Probably because Edward hasn't tackled me recently, bounced my head off the pavement like a basket ball, lied to me, and tried to gaslight me in the recent past.
Carlisle: That would do it.
*pause*
Carlisle: This is my wife, Esme.
Bella: Why is it hard to focus on you or get a sense what you look like?
Esme: Because my description is sort of impossible. I'm straight and curved, you see.
Bella: That would do it.
*Pause*
Bella: And your clothing, both of your clothes, is impossible to focus on why?
Esme: Because it's impossible too.
Carlisle: The text says the colors match the room.
Esme: But the single most established fact about the room is that it's colorless.
Bella: Meaning no colors match the room.
Esme: Exactly.
*pause*
Alice: (bored) Hey, Edward.
Edward: You were supposed to come running down the stairs.
Alice: But I already came down to greet Bella.
Edward: You weren't supposed to.
Bella: So what's this I hear about you betting on murder?
Alice: Silly thing. I told them you wouldn't kill Edward.
Edward: (shock) You were betting on whether or not she would kill me?
*Alice nods*

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