Time

I've said before that nothing brings you down like family.  At least nothing brings me down like my family.

For years upon years now family problems here or there always seemed to place everything in panic-mode.  Shit was going down and it was going down soon.  And when I say, "Shit," I don't mean a vulgar word for, "Stuff," I mean a vulgar word for, "Really, really bad stuff."  Which meant that any solution needed to have an immediacy that seemed impossible, ruling our reasonable long term solutions and forcing me to turn my attention and my efforts toward unreasonable immediate solutions.  None of which ever came to anything.

And that's to say nothing of my own problems because for this entire time I was dealing with depression that had never responded to treatment (in those times when treatment was even attempted) and other bad things as well.

Through it all it seemed like things could go in a way that didn't involve disaster if I just had some time.  That was all I really needed, just some bloody fucking time.

I never got it.

Or rather I never knew I got it until the chance to use it had passed.  There was a lot of looking back and saying in retrospect, "Wow, I did have a lot of time, much more than I had led to believe, if I had known that from the start maybe I could have..."

But all of that seemed to have calmed down, a new normal seemed to have set in on the family side that was in no way good but at least wasn't under constant threat of dumping doom on me any day now.  And the depression was finally responding to treatment (that uncovered other problems but at least we were getting somewhere.)

It might be behind in all my classes at University, but at least I seemed to have time.  For once.  Finally.

Starting yesterday and greatly amplified this morning, the family side kicked into full-blown, "Shit is going down NOW!" panic mode.  The evidence seems to be fairly clear that this isn't a false alarm.  Bad things are really coming and they're coming as fast as they bloody well can.

The bad things wouldn't be such a problem, if I just had some time.  But time is the one thing I never seem to have any of.

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On another note, the going theory is that Evil-Aunt might have lied to her husband about one of the most important decisions she ever made in her life (the decision to have the police evict their daughter so she[daughter] would be forced onto the street at freeze to death time) in order to cast blame in the direction of others, namely us, and that's why Evil-Aunt's husband hates us so much.

I'm not sure that I buy that theory because the two of them seem to be a pretty good pair for each other (which speaks highly of neither) and I tend to think of them as a team.  If she's going to tell the truth to anyone it's going to be the other half of her team.  That's my thinking.

But if it is true... well the larger evidence for it being time to go into panic mode is also absolute proof that Evil-Aunt is lying to her daughters, so if she's lying to her husband as well then it's hard to imagine that there's anyone Evil-Aunt is honest with.

That would seem a very lonely existence to me.

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Anyway, the information I'm getting from all sources says this:
Everything stands on the edge of a knife, or possibly (worse still) the point.  Collapse is imminent.  There is no time.