tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post8982413781699157701..comments2024-02-24T03:34:18.060-05:00Comments on Stealing Commas: chris the cynic's Guide to making Bad Movies for the Sci-Fi Channelchris the cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06872875475212333027noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post-57182178925424883422013-03-13T22:44:25.491-04:002013-03-13T22:44:25.491-04:00I, obviously, responded to this by thinking about ...I, obviously, responded to this by thinking about the long neglected weresloth. But then, just now, the idea of a <b>pride</b> of werelions popped into my head.<br /><br />Would it be possible to have The Seven Deadly Were-s?<br /><br />I doubt it, because what are the odds that you can have an Envy of X or whatnot, but it would be cool if you could do it.chris the cynichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06872875475212333027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post-16665372110417470312013-03-13T00:36:58.580-04:002013-03-13T00:36:58.580-04:00I hope Sci-Fi someday asks me to make a bad movie ...I hope Sci-Fi someday asks me to make a bad movie for them. I have a whole list of titles I want to use already. "Panda-monium: Curse of the Werepanda" is possibly my favorite.mistressofmuseshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09684568046520953007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post-23142947265208497882013-03-11T14:30:24.916-04:002013-03-11T14:30:24.916-04:00Broadly I agree with you. Not sure Marion wouldn&#...Broadly I agree with you. Not sure Marion wouldn't have survived the bar fight without Indy there to help, but it's certainly arguable.Firedrakenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post-66050993270102822762013-03-11T13:45:14.029-04:002013-03-11T13:45:14.029-04:00In Raiders of the Lost Ark Indy accomplished one t...In <i>Raiders of the Lost Ark</i> Indy accomplished one thing and one thing only. He saved Marion Ravenwood. Had he stayed at home she would have died.<br /><br />Well, technically, I suppose he accomplished two things He saved Marion and he made it so the ark wasn't abandoned on whatever out of the way Belloq would have convinced the Nazi commander to test the ark at in the absence of Indy's interference (probably wouldn't have been an island, but it still would have been before Hitler and the higher ups were in range) but instead abandoned in a government warehouse. In all honesty, I don't think it matters much where the ark was abandoned.<br /><br />Thus it comes down to an entire movie about whether Marion lives or dies, and I'm actually fine with that. Marion might not have been able to defeat Nazi hordes single handedly but she was an awesome and badass character who was showing the efficacy of frying pans long before anyone thought up <i>Tangled</i> and I think her continued survival is an important enough concern to hang an entire movie on.<br /><br />Similarly, what did Indy really accomplish in <i>The Last Crusade</i>? He saved his father. That's about it. God had the whole grail thing well in hand.<br /><br />Since I don't count the fourth film and would like to erase it from my memory, that only leaves one movie: <i>The Temple of Doom</i>. In that movie, the worst of the canonical three and one which introduces some continuity problems as well, he accomplishes a lot. (Frees the slaves, returns the stone, whatnot.)<br /><br />Indy movies seem to be better when they're about saving a single person from Nazis with a biblical artifact as the backdrop, than when they're about accomplishing great deeds.chris the cynichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06872875475212333027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post-80204635070305155772013-03-11T11:39:03.611-04:002013-03-11T11:39:03.611-04:00Yeah, I guess a "creature" film should a...Yeah, I guess a "creature" film should at least leave a Final Couple alive, and if we're really unlucky the Comic Relief too.<br /><br />Of course, nobody ever writes a scientist who's sensibly sceptical of way-out claims until there really is some good evidence... it's almost always "my theory is right, yours is wrong" rather than "my position has lots of evidence behind it, yours doesn't".<br /><br />Using actual night for night used to be a lot harder to do than it is now, what with chemical film stock and all - you needed lots of expensive lights and someone who knew how to use them.<br /><br />The classic day/night sequence for me is probably the one in <i>Plan Nine from Outer Space</i>.<br /><br />While I still very much enjoy <i>Raiders of the Lost Ark</i>, I still can't help thinking that if Indy had stayed at home the end result would have been much the same. (Have I said this here recently?)Firedrakenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post-88446612261535965712013-03-11T10:51:07.593-04:002013-03-11T10:51:07.593-04:00Regarding the glossary (thanks for pointing me to ...Regarding the glossary (thanks for pointing me to it), just last night I watched a western that did day for night but did a bad job keeping it consistent with camera angles. Good guy was kneeling, not-quite-bad asshole was laying down. The downward shots of not-quite-bad asshole looked like night, or at least twilight. The more level shots of kneeling good guy looked like day. The conversation between them looked like it must have taken place across some kind of time vortex.<br /><br />Krull (1983) shot night for night which worked out fine, I don't see why they don't do that more often.<br /><br />-<br /><br />I actually think that <i>The Beast</i> does work, in large part because the entire reason the giant squid is terrorizing the community is because of the illegal trap fishing Graves knew about with enough proof to blackmail someone into almost certain death but never lifted a finger to stop and then, when it was discovered that all that had to be done to make the squid leave them in peace was stop the trap fishing he closed the waters for all boats save one: that of the person <i>doing the trap fishing</i>. That makes Graves more than the designated villain, that makes him personally responsible for every death in the film/miniseries/whatever it was. This is before we even consider his... <i>questionable</i> actions during the show itself.<br /><br />Generally speaking if, "We do nothing and the problem will solve itself without anyone needing to risk so much as a stubbed toe," is a completely viable solution I support that solution over, "Let us send people to almost certain death and then withhold valuable information that could save lives."<br /><br />So Whip's do nothing plan, while it would make for a boring movie, makes him The Doctor in <i>Midnight</i> while those who refuse the plan represent everyone else who eventually made it so that the only solution to <i>Midnight</i> was murder-suicide.<br /><br />-<br /><br /><i>Ken’s Rule of Guns (n):</i><br /><br />As stated in Leverage:<br /><i>Eliot: You seeing this, Hardison?<br />Hardison: The situation has my attention. Yes.<br />Eliot: You see that's why I don't like guns. They have a specific range of efficacy. See, most guys make one mistake. They get too close.<br />*Eliot takes the gun and beats up the guy who was pointing it at him*</i><br /><br />-<br /><br /><i>Monster Death Trap Proviso (n)</i><br /><br />Yeah, definitely a problem.<br /><br />-<br /><br /><i>The Stealth Monster Rule (n):</i><br /><br />Definitely a problem, as noted above.<br /><br />Oddly I don't think any of the suspense of the end of Jurassic Park would have been harmed by adding (in post because originally the T-Rex wasn't supposed to be there) periodic thump-thumps of the approaching T-Rex. Hell it could have caused some people to rewatch:<br />Moviegoer 1: How come you couldn't hear the T-Rex coming at the end?<br />Moviegoer 2: You could. You were probably just too distracted by the raptors to notice.<br />Moviegoer 1: No, you couldn't.<br />Moviegoer 2: Yes, you could.<br />Moviegoer 1: There's only one way to solve this.<br />Moviegoer 2: We're watching it again.<br /><br />As is, the only way to solve it is to assume that the T-Rex was taking a nap there, got woken up by the climax, and was pissed off at the raptors for waking her up. Why the humans didn't notice a napping T-Rex... no idea.<br /><br />But it still doesn't reach "You fail at life" levels because it only happens once. It's not a major plot point that monster with ground shaking mass has been sneaking around unnoticed for almost the entire movie.chris the cynichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06872875475212333027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post-31499868521731646952013-03-11T10:42:01.634-04:002013-03-11T10:42:01.634-04:00I tend to see final girl as a slasher film thing w...I tend to see final girl as a slasher film thing which I regard as distinct from creature movies, though Seefee has been attempting to convince me to believe otherwise for years now.<br /><br />I note that the change from Sci-Fi to SeeFee was stated as a way to justify more fantasy and such but seems to have just resulted in increases in wrestling and horror.<br /><br />-<br /><br />Regarding the spoiler for Skyfall, I don't think that's quite what happened, but damn close, because ur qvqa'g yvir gb frr vg, rira vs ur bayl zvffrq vg ol n zvahgr be gjb. Ur jnagrq ure gb qvr ng gur fnzr gvzr be rneyvre, abg nsgre uvz.<br /><br />-<br /><br /><i>Something I see a lot of films do these days is assume that I will cheer for the hero because he's The Hero, and not bother to make him actually likeable or anything.</i><br /><br />Something that I left out because I thought I was risking going too far in the pet peeves direction is don't make a movie in which the most rational explanation is that solipsism is true and the asshole main character is the one real thing.<br /><br />But yeah, a lot of things (I think especially wish fulfillment things where the writer expects you to identify with the main character because he does) seem to expect you to be on the hero's side in spite of the "hero" not being likeable or heroic. Leaving you to go, "You're an asshole with more than a little blatant misogyny showing, I was rooting for the [demon bugs of doom] over you and liked the [extras without any lines] more than you."<br /><br />And, yeah, comedies probably do this more often than seefee movies.<br /><br />-<br /><br /><i>If you're following the genre, the Successful Establishment Scientist is wrong, while the Poor Plucky Independent Scientist is right.</i><br /><br />This is definitely true, and needs to be because [insert monster/disaster here] is usually impossible. I think movies are better served by Successful Establishment Scientist being convinced by evidence rather than Successful Establishment Scientist being an asshole who won't admit he or she is wrong. Even asshole who eventually admits being wrong and then contributes (see movie with moon falling apart with Dirk Benedict as the asshole) is a step up from "Successful Establishment Scientist will never admit wrongness and thus karma must kill him/her."<br /><br />[Split for character limits]chris the cynichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06872875475212333027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3889388775673754833.post-72602779140895328952013-03-11T05:49:02.788-04:002013-03-11T05:49:02.788-04:00"Syfy" is, I'm told, the Polish slan..."Syfy" is, I'm told, the Polish slang for a sexually-transmitted disease.<br /><br />Sometimes in the Isolated Group there's just one survivor - the Final Girl (qv). It's not <i>required</i> that the characters die in descending order of moral turpitude, but if you don't do this you run the risk of being regarded as an Original Voice.<br /><br />Sometimes people go to a James Bond film [spoiler for Skyfall] va beqre gb frr gur ivyynva npuvrir rirelguvat ur jnf frggvat bhg gb qb. And they don't even notice.<br /><br />Something I see a lot of films do these days is assume that I will cheer for the hero because he's The Hero, and not bother to make him actually likeable or anything. (Comedies are especially prone to this.)<br /><br />There used to be an endless discussion about realism in role-playing games (real ones, not computer). "How can things be realistic when you have wizards who can throw fireballs?" "Everything <i>else</i> can be realistic, and the fireball can behave like other fire."<br /><br />If you're following the genre, the Successful Establishment Scientist is wrong, while the Poor Plucky Independent Scientist is right.<br /><br />Also, next time you feel a need for a time sink: jabootu.com and .net, particularly http://www.jabootu.com/glossary.htmFiredrakenoreply@blogger.com